2012 a Transgender Odyssey

As I look back on a very active and exciting year in my gender journey, I thought a time line may be appropriate to attempt to put the year in focus:

New Years Eve 2012...took my first Estrogen and Spiro. HRT begins.
February...Breast changes starting.
March...My private Doctor increased minimum Estro dosage and told me he was changing practices- not good as I was to find out. The VA would not pay for his services.
Skin going through amazing changes. Discovered the value of taking a bath in 10w-30 oil to take care of it.  Woman aren't just being girly with all their skin products they are a necessity!
May...VA told me there was no in house specialist to prescribe my meds but they would continue to fill them. That sounds better than it was because I had "hit the wall" with my changes and I wanted more. So, I scheduled another VA therapist appointment to pursue options..which she did and told me the magic word "Patient Advocate". At that point I decided if the system is supposed to take care of my needs, I would fight to get them..
June...I pleaded my case with a "patient advocate".. She was positive I would get the outside treatment! But...
July...estro and spiro running out. Still stuck in the VA bureaucracy. Found out my body had it's own new summertime furnace but experienced the true need (and fun) of short sleeved and sleeveless feminine fashion. Women just aren't showing off. They need all the cooling they can get.
August...New in house VA Endo Doc refused to see me. VA agreed to keep my Meds coming until I could get approved for an outside Doc. Problem was the meds were half what I was taking.
September...outside Doc finally approved.
October...BIG MONTH!
Saw the new Doc and he renewed my older Estro prescription to begin the serious changes again.
My Daughter gave me a birthday gift to get my hair colored and done at her hair salon. Quite possibly the biggest change to my girl self outside of starting HRT.
Last but not least, went on a mini 4 day trip with a girlfriend- all as a woman.
November...rediscovered the pleasure of doing drag again in a gay bar as a transgender woman. It was truly fun. Met two new friends whom I still chat with and see.
Went to benefit AIDS drag show with my daughter and 6 of her girlfriends...as a girl for the first time ever.
December..
Whew! I found out why women are always cold. My furnace broke down when I needed it!
The month came and went with me butching it up and having a great time at my family's get together knowing full well most of them know my "secret".
New Years Eve...heading out with my friend who started it all with me last year and planning a great evening.

Finally, 2012 was an incredible year. From my old friends to my new ones, I have much to be grateful for.
Perhaps a statement I heard many times from all my genetic girlfriends rings true: "Welcome to our world!"
I am!
Again, thanks so much for being along for this fantastic ride in Cyrsti's Condo. There is no way I could have ever imagined arriving here.
All the best to All of you in 2013!!!

Cyrsti

Diet? What Diet?

Tuesday I was invited back to one of my girlfriend's house to what's becoming a weekly "coffee" gossip get together.  Just an informal afternoon of chat. Girl talk if you will.
We were joined yesterday by another girlfriend, a very bored husband and tons of freshly baked Christmas cookies.
So much for my diet! I decided I better start walking a little extra with my dog immediately to stay slim enough for my New Years Eve outfit.
I also learned what it was like to spend nearly four hours with other genetic women, have the time fly by and wonder how I could participate as completely as I did.  Much the same as I wondered all those years what really went on in those female sessions.
As you can guess, quite a bit of the conversation went into family, friends, houses and making ends meet. Yes, there was a touch of real live gossip but really no more than many of my male socializing. Gossip from the female gender just comes from a different angle. Men have a tendency to be more performance driven. Sports and work successes are examples. "Joe Blow sucks at whatever." Women? "Did you hear what Jane Blow did and what about her kids or husband"?
No real earth shattering philosophy I know. The real meaning to me was how pleasurable the afternoon was and how quickly it went!
Thanks Mindy.

Cross Dressing Rocket Man

Over the past several months I have featured pictures and more here in Cyrsti's Condo from a Japanese site called Rocket News24. 

Recently they ran a long and detailed post called "16 Things I Learned from Dressing in Drag". Confessions of a one night crossdresser.

The post in itself just tells most of us transgender or even genetic women what we already know such as lesson #10:

 It’s more than just the clothes You might think that getting feminine airs is as easy as putting on a dress and a wig, but it turns out there’s a lot more to it. Even something as simple as the word “I” is different from males to females in Japanese, so I had to constantly think about how to refer to myself. Or sometimes, I would sit down in what I thought was a ladylike way, only to find my knees popping open. Or my walk would get very bowlegged if I wasn’t paying attention. There’s just so much to think about! Femininity is hard.

Or the final lesson #16:

Dressing as a woman was unexpectedly intoxicating, but I couldn’t stay like that forever. Going back to my usual self was kind of sad, though. I took off the makeup, removed the wig, traded my dress for my usual men’s clothes, and thought, “Well, that’s that.” It was rather dreary to look in the mirror and find the usual boring face reflected back at me. I almost wanted to cry. So if on the street one night you should happen to meet a man in drag, so long as he isn’t doing anything bad, please just let him be.

If you haven't been to the Rocket News 24 site it's worth the time to check it out!

Shopping with the Stars

First off, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.
Hopefully you have friends and family you can share thanks with. Please take it from me - never take it for granted. Of course there are the usual football games on Thanksgiving Day but the real competition begins the next day. Black Friday!
It's the biggest shopping day of the year and is primarily associated with the feminine part of the population. To many women, it's a rite of passage and a prime opportunity to bond with their "sisters" without male intervention.

While I haven't (yet) experienced the group estrogen shopping binge, I have explored the waters of Black Friday on my own. Like anything else in the transgender culture it wasn't easy.

I worked my way up to the super shopping day in my formative cross dressing years. Quickly, shopping became a wonderful combination of discovery and interaction for me with the world. I learned most sales clerks were mostly interested in selling me something, giving me tips and some were even intrigued by meeting "a person like me." As time passed I learned to "pass" to and couldn't wait to add Black Friday to my list of achievements. As luck would have it, my work schedule made that very difficult but finally the big day came.

"Reasonably" early, I put on my best jeans, softest sweater and flats to conquer the masses of the shopping world. With my 'toned down' makeup and hair I was fairly sure I wouldn't have many problems. What I didn't understand was not many other shoppers would have noticed anyhow! The malls and stores I went to were so full of women doing their version of competitive shopping, they probably wouldn't have cared if a Martian was shopping with them. As long the Martian woman didn't beat them to a deal.

Didn't buy much that day. Just walked, watched and enjoyed being a girl in the world.
Looking into the future, I'm not so sure I will ever experience (or desire) the estrogen shopping bond with any of my genetic women friends. They aren't really into the shopping binges and I really have an aversion to pushy crowds. But if you have never been to Black Friday as a girl, be sure to put it on your trans bucket list**!

**Bucket List is a list of things you want to do be you "kick the bucket" (die).

The Cult of Narcissus

For the record Narcissus was a product of Greek mythology
Essentially, here is how the story went:

He was exceptionally proud, in that he disdained those who loved him. Nemesis saw this and attracted Narcissus to a pool where he saw his own reflection in the water and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus died. Narcissus is the origin of the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself.

Certainly it's not a reach to tie Narcissus to many in the cross dressing community and even farther up the transgender ladder. I just felt I have reached a point where I should stop and examine my relationship with our buddy Narcissus. Or just why I don't go to great lengths here in Cyrsti's Condo describing in detail my style and make up regimens to name a few.


Well, at times I indeed have felt guilty about not going into detailed dissertations of my style, clothes fashion etc.
I have not done it for basically two reasons: Style is highly personal and I don't feel qualified to pass along hints. My friends know my style, expect it and it has simply become a part of me.  It's not that it's not hugely important and I don't give my style consideration-I just don't have the time anymore to live in the mirror, plus I simply am not much of a girly girl.

At one point of time I was. . But all of the sudden  I have reached the point genetic women told me I would get to eventually-day to day girl. (And who would she be?)
Well,  as early as six months ago I would have told you the end of my mirror worship and style obsession would come at the hands of the HRT.  But they didn't.  The head of hair I was genetically blessed with marked the end. E.-N.-D.

Example? Now before I go out, I still feel a huge part of my getting ready process is missing. Now I put on my makeup and try my best to brush out and comb my hair. I'm done and the final part of my getting ready regimen has been suddenly taken away. No more do I have a choice between a couple wigs.
Even more interesting is when I come home and I'm still trying to take a wig off.

Look, I know a great majority of us live in the closet, the mirror or even the camera. So the last thing I want to do is throw rocks at your mirror or put myself up on some Greek pedestal. I'm really good on trying to climb up on pedestals and falling off.

Very simply my goal is to write at least three posts reflection. Exactly how do I feel at this point of my life. New Years Eve will mark a very exciting and wonderful year and good Karma willing just the beginning.
Bringing up Narcissus seemed like a good place to start.

The True Meaning of Halloween

Yes, it is the official Halloween.
Time to look at the defacto top annual holiday of most trans and cross dressers  I have known-including me.
Unless you are one the transsexuals who knew from an early youth without a doubt who you were in the gender world, Halloween presented a rite of passage for most of the rest of us.
Parties of course provided the chance for us to open the door and check out the world from a gender perspective we had only dreamed of. Some of us were sly and even used the opportunity to have genetic women around us unknowingly "show them the ropes" leading to the night of their dreams.
Countless others of us learned how those sexy heels you just had to wear became very uncomfortable- as much so as explaining how long it took to shave your legs and who did your makeup.
But through it all, so many of us just knew this felt more than good- it felt right.
The true meaning of Halloween!

Pick the Trans Woman!

Actually she is Liu Shi Han and is in the middle of this group of genetic women.

Transgender Girls in the Dating World

Recently I came across a post called "Would you be seen with me?"
The stark simplicity of the question is certainly a subject most transgender women and men have thought of.

If you are out and about and date-it's an all encompassing question. Especially if you do- or are considering dating men-it's a bigger question.
Before I comment, here is an excerpt from the post written by Racheal McGonigal (right)

"So who is up for a date? It is not really the right question to be asking. It should probably be, who is prepared to be seen out on a date with me? It takes a very special man to date a transsexual and that is a shame. Believe me, men love transsexuals but being seen with them is a different story."
t is some eight years since I have been in a relationship and I miss the closeness and cuddles. Recently, I meet a really nice guy. Average to good looking, fit, can communicate, we get on. First date went well, we meet in a bar and I admit I have never felt like this before. He told me he felt the same and so he stayed the night, both of us saying it was never our intention. Next day we walked hand-in-hand around the viaduct, ate in cafes and drunk in bars. We played pool and he never batted an eye lid. The romance continued. He has come to my place and stayed the night several times but now I see a problem: he is scared of what his 18-year-old son, middle-aged beer drinking flat mate, former partner and workmates will say. He says he doesn't care, that he wants us to be friends and has similar feelings for me, but he won't introduce me to his circle. Peer pressure. Time will tell what will happen between us but he is a special man. It is a hard choice when it's the bigotry of friends that put this pressure on him."

I'm far from being an expert at dating a man.
Here's my record over the past four years: One was a prince, one moved away, one so-so and four just out and out stood me up. I'm certain I would have been twenty times more popular if I would have accepted the ever so popular "which hotel do you want to meet at?"
Obviously, I didn't have to be told I was not the kind of woman a man would bring home to his family nor did I ask. But I was also not the sexually easy stereotype we trans girls fight through.
Look, I'm sure in many ways we transgender women are experiencing the same dating trials and tribulations as genetic women. Also, my older lesbian friends tell me their dating scene is nearly impossible to be a success in (at least around here).

I've written so many times how wonderful it is to have my little circle of friends...all of whom are genetic females...if that tells you anything!

Summer Is Over

In my part of the world, fall has not quite arrived but the seasonal changes are close.
I love the seasonal changes. The trees change their colors, the fields are ready for harvest and the frost is on the pumpkin.
AND! I survived my personal late summer hormonal furnace!!! Perhaps I will have short respite from the knowing stares I get from my genetic women friends who know full well what I'm going through (even if they are not totally sure why I would.)
As I push towards the one year mark on HRT (at the end of the year), I wonder if the cold of winter will affect me more.
If those chilly blasts do make me shiver...then my women friends will once again look knowingly at me and smile. Little do they know, it's me getting the last laugh!

I Didn't Know it was a Contest

During my never ending surfing of Al Gore's web I find these little gems.
This one was called:

"Why transwomen will never be as exciting as women.


It is often said that transwomen can be more beautiful and feminine
than actual women. You hear transwomen say that women who do not
conform to femininity cannot measure up and are not real women, not as
real as them…

So I’ve been thinking about what men get out of being with actual
women. We know that they get services and free labor, such as: babies,
cleaning, emotional support, physical care, sex etc… If transwomen are
able to do some of that and “embrace” the lot of the oppressed then"
Read more here:


I was amused on several levels. The first was the assumption that women are oppressed-don't tell my daughter that.  The birth option is another. What does say about the genetic women who can't or don't want kids? Some say defining "real" women by the birth option is reducing them to a walking vagina.
Finally I thought it was interesting she raised men to the top of the gender food chain by assuming all women- trans or not- are in competition for a man.
Me thinks she protests too much!
I dropped some thoughts on her blog. I will let you know if anything interesting happens.
fine.