Life Long Experience or Bad Ass Transgender

I have seen recently several profiles of new followers (thank you) who refer to themselves as "bad-ass" old ladies. At the time I felt Wow! it must be nice to think of yourself in those words. One thing is for sure, it takes the amount of life experience to make such a claim. 

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Jessie Hart
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Certainly, many cis-women have the multi layered experiences to make the "bad-ass" claim.  It has always been my thought that to become women, girls have to go through quite the process. Just one example would be the child birthing experience. Of course most girls have to deal with the fact they shoulder most of the burden when it comes to becoming pregnant. It's still too easy for an underaged boy to trot off into the sunset when there is an unwanted child to deal with. 

Then women through out their lives have to deal with being perceived as being second class citizens in the worlds of being paid less and overall treatment at the hands of men. It wasn't so long ago women finally earned the right to vote and much later to even apply for and receive their own credit card. Bad ass women remember all of that. So where does it leave transgender women? Our life long experience should lead us to a position where we deserve to be bad ass women also. I vividly remember the early days of my gender transition into a feminine world when I rudely was rejected by men. In any and all conversations. Through it all it was evident when I reached a certain level of the presentation I was seeking, I lost huge amounts of my former hard earned male privilege. Primarily I lost my intelligence as well as my personal safety. Ironically, I knew it was coming and didn't miss any of it. What I gained was worth it because it all felt so natural.

None of this of course happened over night. There were so many nights out with my friends engaging the public when I was able to learn what I would need to know later in life to survive. I needed to survive my basic battles just to use the women's restroom as one of my prime examples. Those alone should make huge contributions to my claim of being a "bad ass" old lady. Except I am not. Over the years remembering how testosterone made me feel as well as the new feelings of estrogen in my body mellowed me right out. When someone mis-genders these days, even though it hurts me deeply, I try to take the upper path and educate them to their gender mistake. 

Life long experiences as a transgender woman have made me a better person. Not so much more of a bad ass. Who else is able to cross the gender frontier and live to write about it. Plus, to be bitter at all would negate a life long experience of learning. I do respect those who describe themselves as "bad ass old ladies" and prefer to make them my friend rather than an enemy.  One never knows what is going to happen next. 

More Gender Travel

 This is an extension of yesterdays post concerning many of the moves I had to make during my college and military days. As it turned out, these moves were not the only ones I was destined to take. As the years went by after I became a civilian again I ended up back on the road several times. 

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Before I did, in my hometown I founded and owned a small bar/pizza parlor for several years with a couple of friends. Until I lost it due to various factors such as an economic depression and in house theft. I just didn't know what I was doing. Seemingly the only real advancements I was making were my crossdressing strides. Finally given the opportunity to pursue feminine opportunities drove me further into an alcoholic driven desire to do more to look like a woman. Somehow I managed to hold onto reality, have a daughter and pursue a career in the commercial food business in the cut throat world of fast food management when chains were going on mega expansion binges. 

Following losing my tavern, I fell in love with and eventually married my second wife whom I was destined to spend twenty five years of my life with until she passed away at the age of fifty. Somehow I managed to talk her into getting married and moving with me from our native small city Ohio to the major metropolitan area of NYC. (New York City) I received a handsome raise for taking the job, rented a moving truck and off to a new world we went. Of course I managed to pack and bring along my feminine wardrobe, wig, shoes and makeup with us. I always mention she knew about my cross dressing before we were married.  Plus I was looking forward to moving to a decidedly more liberal environment so I could possibly expand my feminine pursuits. Along the way in New York my plan did work as I had a couple of occasions to attend transvestite mixers as we were called in those days. One in particular was successful when I presented so well as a woman I had to show my male I.D. to be admitted. I managed to survive NYC for nearly two years before I got the moving urge again and we moved back to our native Ohio. In order to do it, I had to promise to restore our old two story brick tavern into a loft style house While I was doing the work, it was very difficult to dress as a woman at all. So somehow I had to control my urges. 

Once we moved back, I managed to stay at a couple jobs locally so moving was not an option. Plus another option cropped up which tried to curtail my progression towards becoming my feminine dream. At the time I joined a local service organization and rose through the ranks as president. It was all good until I realized the more recognizable I became in the community, the more pressure I felt not to be discovered as a cross dresser. What did I do then? Decided to try to talk my wife into moving again. This time to rural Southern Ohio along the Ohio River. Again I was driven by the obsession to succeed as a man and push my feminine desires to the background. Once we settled into our new house out in the woods, it didn't take long for the old gender desires to creep back in and before long I progressed to doing shopping trips to the grocery store and shopping center dressed as a woman. The problem was I was becoming successful doing it and everytime I was, I needed more. 

The answer again was another move. This time back to a more metropolitan area around Columbus, Ohio where I knew there was an active transgender or cross dressing community. By this time it was difficult to tell exactly what was driving my frenetic urge to change jobs more...my gender dysphoria or the desire to improve my employment and finances. I managed to do both until after my wife passed away and I lost nearly everything I had worked for as a man but gained a life as a full time transgender woman.

Hopefully, my final move was made when I moved in years ago with my wife Liz in Cincinnati, Ohio. I always had enjoyed my trips to Cincinnati in my past and felt the move would do me good and was my destiny in many ways. Perhaps my lifelong obsessions will lead to a positive senior life and I won't have to do any more gender travel.   

Class Reunion?

 Have you ever attended a class reunion as your authentic self? Facing the daunting experience of facing your former school peers who knew you in the past. I admit for several reasons I never have. I do believe Stana of the Femulate blog has attended one of her reunions but that is it as far as any other transgender women or men I know. 

As far as I am concerned, I haven't attended  any of my high school class reunions. Even my fifty year class reunion which happened several years ago. I did attend one AFTN Radio and Television network reunion in New Orleans also which occurred years ago. But I attended it as my old male self and just brought a set of feminine clothes I could change into and explore the city after our get together was over. Ironically, there was another transgender woman at the reunion. I didn't know her from our years in the military in Thailand and was sadly unable to even say much of anything to her. She appeared to be quite early into her transition and unfortunately very ill at ease. I tried to get her attention to talk to me but never made it happen.

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Jessie Hart

There are many reasons I did not attend any of my high school class reunions. The main one being I knew very few of the other students in the school to begin with since I transferred in from another very small school. I was very shy and was able to develop just a small group of friends in the school. So I never felt a part of the overall fabric of the school to begin with. Leading me to feel a disconnect I have to this day. As far as my gender issues go, of course I experienced them in high school also. I dated very little but did manage to land a steady girl friend during my senior year. Due to circumstances out of my control I wouldn't have the opportunity to meet up with her and show off my new improved self anyhow because she went to another school and also ended up committing suicide when her second husband left her. Past that there were only a couple of other people I would be meeting up with after all these years anyhow. So I didn't bother on going. Plus I had it in my noggin thinking I would win some sort of insane most changed contest. None of the process appealed to me.

As far as college reunions went, I guess because I had never donated any money after I graduated that I never received an invite to any  reunion of any sort. Another function I didn't have to worry about. At my age also, just out living everyone else is a challenge. 

So no I haven't made it yet to one of my class reunions and at this point don't need the ego boost by proving to myself I could do it. Maybe if I live long enough, I will try to make it to one just to see how anyone who is left changed themselves. Especially the ultra popular girl who sat near me quite a few times in study hall and homeroom because our names were close together alphabetically. Out of pure curiosity it would be interesting to see how time has treated her. Of course back in those high school days I was driven by out of control hormones similar to everyone else. Not similar to everyone else was the fact I was in the middle of a testosterone fueled transition to my body I didn't want. It could be the reason I don't want to return to or reminded of a period of my life I hated. More than anything else going to a class reunion wouldn't help me. Not even a triumphant return from a life I didn't ask for would help me decide to attend an event where no one knew me before or after. 

    

Cultural Humility

 Today is another of the webinars I am attending concerning educating professionals on the care of elderly LGBT adults. Check out the title of this one: Cultural Humility for LGBT Older Adults.

It goes further to explain what will interest me. " 

Activity and Life Enrichment Professionals and Ohio Nursing! Participants will be able to... • Learn basic terminology relating to sexual expression, sexual orientation and sexual identity. " I feel the more information which is presented to the world about elderly LGBT care (and transgender in particular) is made available, the better life could be for all of us. 

Now, and I can't resist this, speaking of elderly transgender adults, it is Connie's birthday!

Happy Birthday my friend!

Kim Petras

 If it seems Kim Petras has been in the public eye forever, it's because the transgender German entertainer started her Mtf gender transition at a very early age. Here is more from "Women's Health.":

"German singer and songwriter Kim Petras is the pop queen behind bops like “Heart to Break," “Icy,” and “Broken Glass.” Oh, and she goes from dark and moody to bubblegum pink flawlessly. Ahead of the 2020 U.S. election, she worked with MTV, LogoTV, and Trans Lifeline on a campaign to provide grant money for trans people to update their IDs."

She is 28 and released her first recording in 2011.