Monday, September 17, 2018

A Tweet in the Night

My phone is set to loudly announce a text message or tweet whenever I happen to receive one. Every now and then, I set my phone on the end stand beside the bed when I sleep. Rarely, does anything happen until last night.

About three or so in the wee hours of the morning, I got a tweet. Mind you now, I don't do much on Twitter, so I rolled back over and went back to sleep. I did check it when I got rolling in the morning and it simply said "I want to be a woman." First I thought well duh, who doesn't?

Then, I got to think how hard it is for a transgender person to come to grips concerning their inner gender. And, after that, how difficult the journey is to sync up your inner and outer persons.

I wondered if the person who sent me the text was serious enough to face all the challenges of crossing the gender frontier.

Or was the message just a lost soul in the night, who I will never know.

I don't sugar coat much of anything, so it's hard for me to paint a rosy picture for any questioning transgender person. The easy answer of hitch up those big girl panties and proceed to go at it alone, because many times there simply is no one to help you.

However, I do have a big shoulder to cry on.

Sunday, September 16, 2018


Our Cyrsti's Condo post concerning places to live when you are transgender, elicited several responses about the City of Seattle:

  1. "I suppose I might have it easier here in Seattle, but it only takes one hater to ruin a day. They are out there, and it's true that some of them may feel more emboldened due to the demeanor of the current president and administration. It really wasn't that long ago (ten years) that I was still hiding myself for fear of anyone seeing who I thought was the "real me". As we spoke of on an earlier post, getting one's own house in order should be first on the list. No matter where you may live, if you don't show your self-confidence, along with a sincere effort to blend in, you are setting yourself up for a possibly terrible experience. The bullies are drawn to signs of weakness. Developing a thicker skin is also helpful, but I wouldn't depend on it as defense against physical assault.

    I have been accosted a number of times, and assaulted once. There have been a few "Me Too" incidents, as well. Everything physical happened in drinking establishments when I was alone, so I take care not to put myself in those situations anymore. At least my self-confidence and self-esteem have risen to the point where I don't run back to the closet in tears when something negative happens. I refuse to allow my gender identity, or someone else's perception of it, to make me a victim. No matter how bad the world may look, having a victim mentality only makes it worse.

    I have my pride, I won't abide!"
  2. Great advice! Thanks :)
  3. "I moved from the SF Bay Area (where I was born, raised, schooled, and worked) to Seattle just over a year ago. Maybe my opinion is biased by the wonderful change in scenery but, in my opinion, Seattle and environs are a transgender Mecca. I love it here."
  4. Thanks to you too Emma!

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Transgender in Today's World?

Is it better, or worse being transgender in today's' world?

I think for the most part better, even with the current climate in Washington, which is decidedly anti-trans. I know too, much of being transgender revolves around where you live.

For instance, where I live in a relatively upscale suburb east of Cincinnati, Ohio and life is very good for me and my acceptance level. (Knock on wood.) I have an acquaintance though who lives in Port Huron, Michigan and always bemoans the fact she is stuck in an anti-trans environment. To make matters worse, she only has a bicycle to get around on.

Living where Stana from Femulate lives on the east coast, or where Connie lives in Seattle most likely are a couple of the most diverse locales to live but of course it's impossible for everyone who is transgender and stuck where they live to pick up and move.

In that case, each of everyone else who lives in  non accepting situations, has to carve out their own life and it's certainly not easy. Most are stuck with learning all aspects of looking feminine all alone or even relying on dating sites to try to get validation from men.

So all in all, I still think, for the most part, living is easier for a transgender person because of some of the positive publicity we have received recently. Caitlyn Jenner excluded.

Hope you all are experiencing an easier way to go as a trans person in today's world. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the work it takes to present as  the best woman you can be!

Friday, September 14, 2018

I Got "Nuttin" Honey

Every once in a while, I draw a blank when it comes to writing a blog post.

It seems lately, I have missed several opportunities to go to places I could have written about, which is going to happen again this weekend. Liz and I were invited out again to the restaurant venue we have been going to, which is slightly upscale.

This time, we can't go because of financial duress caused by having to put a new brake system on one of our cars. Plus, The Ohio State University Buckeyes play Texas Christian University Saturday night. It should be a great game.

Next week though, I have a Veterans Administration LGBTQ support meeting Tuesday and I better start working on my new voice lesson homework. So, I have something to show the other transgender women (and everyone else) in the group.

So things should be picking up soon.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Good and Bad

The bad of course is hurricane Florence which is threatening a good portion of the East coast of the United States. For those of you in the path, please take cover and stay safe! Or of course, evacuate altogether.  As we all know, disasters such as this are specifically hard on fragile trans communities.

The good is the study which found (as we already knew) there is no link between transgender bathroom rights and sex crimes. From the Boston Globe:

"A first-of-its-kind study was released Wednesday and refuted the premise that the state’s transgender antidiscrimination law threatens public safety, finding no relation between public transgender bathroom access and crimes that occur in bathrooms.

Researchers at the Williams Institute, a think tank focused on gender identity at the UCLA School of Law, examined restroom crime reports in Massachusetts cities of similar size and comparable demographics and found no increase in crime and no difference between cities that had adopted transgender policies and those that had not. The data was collected for a minimum of two years before a statewide antidiscrimination law took effect in 2016."

Perhaps the Catholic Church should have been included in the survey!

Thanks to Bobbie for the heads up!

Also, our illustrious non leader continues to recieive push back on his idea to ban transgender troops from the military. Recently a group of congress persons got together to send him a rebuttal on the idea.  Although, I am sure he has bigger fish to fry right now!

Finally, I briefly saw a promo on what looked like a series or show on a transgender marriage. All I think I know now it is on Monday, airing on NBC. I will let you know if I find out more.  

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Keeping Your House in Order

Connie responded to a post I wrote about a cross dresser at our karaoke get together Friday night who went into a lengthy mainly one sided discussion (with another cross dresser) about how they built their own houses. I also neglected to mention during her discussion, he/she managed to add into the conversation why she wouldn't ruin her above average male voice trying to sing like a girl.

Here is Connie's comment:

"You don't have to know how to build a house, you just need to get and keep your own house in order. When one's hobby becomes so intense that it becomes impossible to do that, it's time to stop and make some hard decisions. That's what happened to me. BTW, I've also renovated quite a bit of my house, and I could have accomplished much more had I not let my "hobby" take up all of my spare time.

I have (had?) a friend who is a cross dresser. We used to go out and about together fairly regularly. It used to bother me that she would manipulate any interaction we had with others (usually sales clerks or waitpersons) to declare that she was doing her hobby. I got tired of trying to make it clear that her hobby was not an example of who I am. I asked her to stop doing that, but she couldn't - because it is an integral part of the hobby, itself. It's like, "Look what I can do! Wanna see a pic of me in real life?"

Years ago, my wife and I saw a therapist together. Because I felt that I needed to hide my feminine-self from so many people, I had cut myself (and her) off from friends and family. I was hopeful that the therapist would be learned enough about transgender people to know the difference between a cross dresser and "whatever" I was. His solution, though, was to make the analogy of an avid golfer, and that I should agree to limit my "hobby" to one round a week. I told my wife, afterward, that I couldn't abide that, as I woke up every morning feeling like a woman. To deny my own very being six days a week was something I wouldn't be able to do. Although this therapist didn't help us directly, it was his suggestion that was the catalyst for her understanding the difference between cross dressing and living authentically.
My makeup and sense of fashion are extensions and expressions of who I am. I enjoy them, but they are not a hobby for me. Renovating my house might be one of my hobbies, yet the house doesn't look anywhere near as good as I do. :-)"

A point I forgot to make is, less is definitely more when it comes to make up. Transgender or cis, the women who make it look effortless are the winners and their house is in order. 

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

It's a Hobby?

I read a thought on my Facebook feed recently which started me to think and remember my experiences as a "cross dresser". 

The person said basically all the make up and clothing expertise in the world were just a hobby for cis and transgender women everywhere. I agreed and did remember I used the hobby excuse at one point of time for my desire to look like a woman.

As I began to understand what was going on though, the use of external basics such as make up became a way for me to show the world who I really was. So then the "hobby" became more intense.

As a matter of fact, Friday night I met another self professed cross dresser. It would have been a great time to crash his/her ego run by asking "how was her hobby?"  Mind you, I only consider it when I perceive a slight on transgender women.

As it was, I couldn't add much into the conversation of building one's own house. Don't break a nail.

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