Thursday, March 21, 2019

The Moderator

As you regulars may have noticed, I spend a lot of time here in Cyrsti's Condo posting feelings concerning what the "moderator" is up to. I suppose much of it is because I don't fully understand her feelings or I just need something to write about. In the past several months, she has dazzled me with her comments on diverse subjects as gender dysphoria, single handily trying to break the anti LGBTQ sentiment at Chick-Fil-A ...all the way to believing the whole world is a rosy place for transgender women and men to live. Even though, I don't understand or agree with her on occasion, at least she doesn't lack for opinions.

And, speaking of opinions, here is Connie:

"I find it very hard to believe that a trans woman could avoid gender dysphoria and public scrutiny, especially if she's gone so far as to take on the responsibility of being a moderator for a trans support group. She should, at least, know that the vast majority of us have suffered these things. How lucky she had been to never have had any negative experiences until just recently. 

Very few of us have complete passing privilege. I've often thought that those who do pass as a woman, without scrutiny, must have had a tough time presenting as a man. I would think that they probably got picked on and bullied for being perceived as a wimp or gay. 

I remember the ads in the back of comic books, portraying the 96 pound weakling getting sand kicked in his face at the beach. If you bought their product, you'd be all muscles by the end of the summer, and you could get your revenge. At age 11, I was about 96 pounds, but not necessarily a weakling for my age. I was, however, quite adept at transforming myself, with the help of my mother's clothes, wig, and makeup, into a fairly passable young woman (even if not a passable eleven-year-old girl). By the time I was thirteen, though, testosterone had started its evil, and my frame, hands, and musculature began making me less passable as a woman. There was no option available for me in 1962 to suppress the testosterone, let alone access to HRT. I know now that I would have done whatever I had to in order to avail myself of such. Instead, my puberty brought on a giant dose of dysphoria, as I publicly (and "publicly") worked to show myself as the "after photo" in the comic book ad, while still engineering opportunities for allowing my femininity to shine. I recall envying not only the girls, but also the boys who
apparently hadn't yet started puberty. A small number of those boys never really developed a "manly" body, but it's probably about the same chance of one out of 450 that any of them would have been trans. I would estimate, then, that the chance of a trans woman completely passing (naturally) would be no better than one in 50,000. Even though these very few could easily pass as a woman, living as the 96 pound weakling man could be awfully rough.

Being a transgender woman is a no-win proposition. No matter how well you pass as a woman, there's no escaping the fact that you were born biologically male. Even if you manage to avoid "detection" most (or even all) of the time, you will not be able to erase it from your own mind. I have always been my own worst critic, so there's not much anyone else could say to me that I hadn't already considered of myself. With it being such a rarity that a trans woman could have no dysphoria and also avoid even a disparaging word from a transphobic ass in a bar, I would say that the moderator's luck apparently had a much longer run than most of us have had. Rather than adding to the escalation, though, I would suggest only responding by telling the offender that their opinion of me is none of my business, so would they please keep it to themselves"

In all fairness to the "moderator", she took the job when the group was on the verge of collapse. .She also is an upgrade from a couple highly poiitical (amd slightly bigoted) transgender women who ran it in the past. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2019


I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning the moderator of one of my cross dresser - transgender support groups. Primarily, she has a relatively cavalier attitude of how trans people in general aren't having any problems with the public. Her views went against a couple transgender women in the group who specifically were fired from their jobs for being trans.

Several times, I felt she was just looking for compliments on how well she presented. Plus, she was bragging how she could go anywhere except perhaps a biker bar without consequences.

Life changed for her Sunday night when reality set in. She was meeting a couple other trans/ cross dressing friends at a bar when they encountered a transphobic group sitting next to them at the bar. Words were exchanged including "freaks" and "it." The jerk even tried to take a picture.

The good news was she held her ground and called the guy an "ass" to his face and ultimately even got him kicked out of the venue. Fortunately, she had been going there for literally years and had built up a great amount of good will. On the other hand, the "ass" ended up getting arrested.

The moral to the story, I guess, is we never know when the ugly head of trans-phobia will raise up and temporarily ruin our life.

On the other hand we can win the battle when we are able to stand up for ourselves but all too often, bodily harm is a real threat.

Plus, I am sure the moderator has changed her idea of "universal" transgender acceptance. The challenge continues. Of course much is effected by the amount of "passing privilege" one has. An example is the moderator has quite a bit of privilege but her friends, not so much. None of that should matter but it still does. Saturday night, essentially the same group was the recipient of two bottles of wine from a neighboring table while Sunday the dreaded "freak and it" words were used.

I have my own cases of transgender "PTSD", maybe the moderator is building hers now too. Unfortunately karma still exists in our world.

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Transphobia and the Social Media

Here recently, I read about a local landscape company which rejected a transgender woman at their store.

Fortunately, the incident was reported by another on a social media platform so all could be aware. I was surprised the whole incident was written about by the son (not trans) of our cross dresser - transgender support group moderator. The same one who still eats at Chick-Fil-A. I wonder now, or ever, if she will see the hypocrisy of still supporting them.

On the other hand, she will probably mention the case of the local bar owner who experienced problems from other patrons when a trans woman used the restroom. After being mentioned as being a transphobic venue on a social media post, the owner apologized and ended potential problems with a simple fix...installing a lock.

Like it or nor, it all shows the power these days of a social media post.

Monday, March 18, 2019

A Quiet Week

Not much happening this week. I have chosen not to make the one hundred plus mile journey in mostly rush hour traffic to my Veteran's Administration LGBT support group meeting. They are just going to have to make it without me.

Sometime this week I am going to have to reserve our hotel room for the Trans Ohio Symposium. I still haven't heard back yet on my workshop proposal on Mtf  gender dysphoria.  A friend of mine is making her second trip to the "Keystone Conference", A Celebration of Gender Diversity, next week in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.  As a sidelight, the LGBT group I am part of here in Cincinnati is thinking of starting it's own regional conference. Which is quite a bit of work! In a previous life, I was a big part of bringing a state service club convention to my old hometown.

Also this week, I am going to have to quit procrastinating and schedule my mammogram which my Doctor's have wanted me to get done since January. I better schedule it before my Endocrinologist appointment in early April, so I won't catch any extra trouble.

Finally, we supposedly have another Cincinnati Witches Ball meeting coming up. The last one was so rough with in fighting, I just wonder if the whole thing will collapse. We will see.

I hope you all have a good week!

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Saturday Night

We did end up going out last night for a special dinner for a visitor from Oregon. Jennifer (the visitor was delightful). We ended up sitting right across from her in the group of twelve. I asked her if she knew Connie in Seattle :).

The gathering included Liz and I, one transgender guy and nine other transgender and/or cross dressers there. Oh, and I forgot, one lesbian. Subtract one of the cross dressers to keep the math straight. (No pun intended.)

A good time was had by all beginning with a neighboring table buying us two bottles of wine before one of them left. Maybe he was a closeted cross dresser himself? At any rate, he set the wine drinkers at the table up for success.

In addition, to our table, the staff of the restaurant was very nice and some of us are bordering on becoming regulars. It is still relatively chilly around here, so I wore one of my usual sweater/leggings outfits.

After dinner, we came home and most of the other attendees went to an Irish Pub to enjoy a bit of St. Patrick's  Day festivities.

Oh, to be young again!

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Sports Fan?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have written often about how I felt when I began to cross the Mtf gender frontier and began living as a transgender woman.

One of the problems I had was reconciling my life long love of sports with my new life. Slowly but surely, I learned I didn't have to. Following some unfortunate happenings at gay venues (being discriminated against) I began to seek out a few of my former haunts to see if I could succeed in them. A couple were big sports bars/restaurants. As it turned out, for the most part I could go, watch my sports, drink my beer and be a woman. And, as an extra benefit, I met a couple other women (lesbians) who happened to share my love of sports. We had a great time and on occasion even were joined by another trans woman friend of mine.

Perhaps my biggest sports events came at professional baseball and football games in Cincinnati. One of my friends and I went to a couple Cincinnati Reds games followed by a NFL Monday Night Football game, again in downtown Cincinnati. What I remember the most was the abject fear of discovery from sitting around the same people (strangers) for such a long period. Even outdoing my fear of using the rest room. It all proved to be unfounded because, surprise-surprise, the other people were there to watch the game...not me.

All of this brings me to a similar comment from Connie:

"A major milestone, early in my transition, was reached when I actually went to a Mariners game. Sitting for three hours in one place among the same group of people opens one up to the potential of scrutiny like nothing else could. That was my fear, anyway. While there is plenty of downtime during a baseball game to do some people watching, I don't think I have ever been considered to be much more than just another fan who paid for a ticket, thus having the same right to be there as anyone else. I've been to many games since, and the only time I've sensed disapproval at a game was for snagging a foul ball from the guy who was falling over my back to get it for himself. Everyone else gave me a cheer!

Really, though, if one is tentative about being in a crowd of people, I would urge them to try to forget about anyone else. Chances are that they aren't going to even notice you, either. Besides, there's safety in a crowd. I'm much more aware (and rightfully so) when walking alone in a parking lot; all women should be"

So, if you are thinking of pursuing .your love of sports as a transgender woman or cross dresser, hitch up your big girl panties and do it!

Friday, March 15, 2019

The Weekend is Here

Once again, another week has shot on by here in Cyrsti's Condo. Yesterday was a stay at home day after going with Liz to her Doctor's appointment on Wednesday. The highlight of the trip was a first time visit to a local independent BBQ restaurant for a quick lunch. It was great! The semi bored girl taking our order seemed more concerned in treating us to reward cards as first time visitors  instead of showing any interest in me being transgender.

Thursday was a storm day which saw temperatures in the 70's give way to powerful storms, so since Liz works from home, we didn't go anywhere. It was the first time I have heard the tornado sirens go off around here, except for a test.

Saturday night, I am still holding out hope we will go out to eat. A friend of a friend (cross dresser) is visiting from Oregon and she is having a "welcome dinner."

Much will be determined by how Liz is feeling, she has been under the weather again recently. Knock on wood (for luck) I have not been affected much.

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