Trans Terf's in the Girl's Sandbox.

I read with interest today a blog post from whom I consider a "Trans-Terf" (Terf is a trans exclusionary radical feminist.) The person writing the post was transgender and right off the bat she excluded me (I hadn't transitioned long enough)? As I read on, then I understood why I was not worthy.  She said and I paraphrase- almost no one had the gender experiences she lived through (Really? Me thinks what she didn't lose in her transition was her male ego.)

Well OK! Now I understood!  First the woymn born woymn crowd excluded me because I wasn't born with the proper equipment between my legs.  First,  I lived my life for years as one of those evil male privileged humans who beat and slandered every genetic woman I could find. And now, here I was, trying to sneak into the hen house through the back door.

Shame on me!

Then, there was this person excluding me in almost the same way as the woymn born woymn crowd she purported to be against..Dammit! It seems I didn't have a store bought vagina to be admitted there either. Or even owned it long enough.

Seriously, in some what the same vein,  the one of my biggest fears around here in Cyrsti's Condo has always been climbing up on a slippery pedestal with the Trans Terfs and then proclaiming I'm better than any of the rest of you.  I'm not.

It doesn't matter to me if you are on HRT or not, or are even out of the closet or not!   I remember all too well the hell of being in the closet for at least 30 years and trying to play both sides of the gender street.  Plus, if the truth is known,  if the cards didn't fall the way they turned out-I may still be in the closet. Also, I went through at least another five years of non gender related hell to land on my feet...so I could come out.

It still doesn't make me a better person than any of you,  it just makes me a very determined survivor.

I have always thought though, that a lot of the bitter trans women who take me to task for my length of time as a transgender woman in the world, are jealous. They are jealous because the sun, the moon and stars aligned for me and now I'm having the time of my life. (I guess I wasn't supposed to?)

So if you ever notice I may be trying to climb up to that pedestal where the blessed Trans Terf's" live - just slap me the hell down!

Where's that Damn Potty?

As we all know, no matter how far you are in the closet - or not- we are all in a battle to be pushed back into our closets and having the door slammed on us.

The more of us who speak up and out when ever we can (even in your own small way) helps our cause-no matter if you identify cross dresser, transgender or whatever.

Those of you who do navigate the world femininely, know first hand the trepidation of the simple matter of using the rest room.  Sure it's simple to say, the more you do it the easier it becomes but that is just not true. It only takes one redneck woman to spot you and scream bloody murder and get you in more trouble than you bargained for.  Then we are stuck.  How incredibly ignorant to call us perverts and think it is some sort of walk in the park to constantly worry about what restroom we are going to use?  Plus what about those who seriously think we should use the men's room-really?

Taking the subject one step further, when my partner Liz and I were at The Ohio State Student Union a couple weeks ago, the building does have gender neutral restrooms. After one of the sessions, Liz and I headed for the potty and I followed her right into the women's room (as I always do) and we proceeded to chat about the last workshop as we were peeing in adjacent stalls.  Even there-even in a transgender conference, a genetic woman who is married to a trans man was glaring at me through the mirror.  So we have a long way to go.

This morning I read a well thought out and written post on the same subject from Janie Black.  I have followed her blog for a number of years now and this could be one of her best posts I have read.

Be sure to follow the link above to check it out!

Bored in Church?

"Back in the day" my Mom literally had to catch my brother and I, force us to wear sport coats and ties for the trip to church most every Sunday. Once we did get there and began the count down to when we could leave, the bigger problem became keeping my Dad awake.  Here is a solution obviously he never thought of:

I ever remember as a kid sitting in church watching the women walk to the altar to communion I would calculate the number of women wearing seamed stockings compared to those who wore the newer non-seamed stockings. Of course all women wore dresses and covered their heads. Many wore gloves as well. My recollection is that by the early to mid 1960s most hose were seamless. Pat.

I agree Pat, with your time sequence on the hose.  While it's true genetic women do value the impact of certain "sexy" looks, they also value "ease of maintenance" and of course comfort.  Girdles for the most part have gone the way of the "body shapers" and seamed stockings have gone the route to a no hose at all - bare legged look. As always, thanks Pat!

Cyrsti's Condo Featured Trans Woman of the Day

There is no way I could simply call Veronique Renard our Cyrsti's Condo Cover Girl of the day.  She is so much more!

Read on! (From Wikipedia)

"Véronique Françoise Caroline Renard (born 26 May 1965 in Jutphaas, the Netherlands) is a Dutch author and visual artist. She is also known as Pantau, a name that was adopted after meeting the Dalai Lama at an audience at his home in McLeodganj, Dharamsala, India in 2000.


In 1982, at the age of 17, Renard transitioned to being a trans woman with the support of her family, friends and people in her hometown. Renard's mother renamed her Véronique. In 1983, Renard was granted permission by a court in Utrecht to change her legal name, she added her second name Françoise (after her best friend), and third name Caroline (after Caroline Cossey, a British model who appeared in the 1981 James Bond-film For Your Eyes Only with Roger Moore).

Initially unaware of the phenomenon of transsexualism and gender reassignment surgery (GRS), Renard conveyed in her 2007 memoir that the international media attention around Cossey in 1982 regarding her transition helped Renard to self-diagnose her own gender dysphoria. The day after reading about Cossey in a Dutch tabloid, Renard consulted her doctor and shortly after, the Amsterdam Gender Team. Renard was diagnosed with Klinefelter's syndrome, having 47 chromosones (XXY). Females have an XX chromosomal makeup, and males an XY. Renard started hormone replacement therapy soon after. She completed her physical transition 18 months later in 1984."

As a side note, for some reason the picture of Veronique in the bikini took me back to yet another Cleveland, Ohio Tri-Ess meeting I attended so many years ago.  One of the main "gossips" of the evening centered around a member who wasn't there who was reported to be so accomplished that she could wear a bikini to the beach with no problems. She was also "rumored" to have been on the verge of "going all the way" and transitioning into a full time woman. But the story went on she had found the love of her life, an understanding genetic woman and now she had put her decision on hold. Plus there was another very accomplished and attractive "participant" at the meetings who for all intents and purposes put the rest of us to shame in the looks department. The last time I saw her at a meeting, she too was telling everyone she had met a genetic woman and was "hanging up the dresses."

I have always wondered what happened to the two of them. Were they actually able to "pull back" from the transition brink and lead lives as guys?  More than likely I will never know but I have theories.  I believe whatever gender switch is thrown in our noggins can never be turned completely off.  Of course how far the switch is thrown, say from cross dresser to transsexual sex change does vary. But in one way or another the "urge" is always there.

The "Jezebel" Within Me.

Just what is a "Jezebel" and what does she have to do with me? According to Wikipedia, Jezebel was a princess, identified in the Hebrew Book of Kings as the daughter of Ethbaal, King of Tyre (Phoenicia) and the wife of Ahab, king of north Israel.

To make a long history short, she was the "anti good girl" and don't we all have a bit of her in us? Transgender or genetic?

As I transition, I do wonder on occasion how much of Jezebel I do have and how much the mix would have been if I had spent my entire life as a genetic woman. I know, a total waste of thought but then again a fun one. I think my first true experience with "Jezzies" was back in the 8th grade. I went to a fairly small conservative rural school from kindergarten through the 9th grade with primarily the same set of kids.

Of course as we were getting into the 7th and 8th grades, the hormones were starting to stir and a group of Jezebels appeared.  These were the girls who took a definite delight in wearing too much makeup along with overly tight sweaters and overly short skirts to school. To this day, I wondered what it would have been like to be one of them.

Of course I would have had to perfect any number of ways to get around my Mom who would have not let me out of the house that way.  Later though after I heard stories from my very conservative second wife detailing how school outfits could be "jazzed" up, the process wouldn't have been that tough. She did simple things such as smuggling makeup to put on and take off later. Plus she would roll her the skirt up to show more leg and even hid different shoes in a plastic bag down the street.  Not unlike the secret stash of girl things I hid away. I laughed at her when she said she couldn't figure out why more guys all of the sudden wanted to eat lunch with her. Really?

So, as I fast forward to today a bit of "Jezzie" is alive and well within me.  I will forever miss the chance to have been one of the teasing girls in the eight grade and even an ultra attractive young woman today. On the positive side though, to be able to experience what I can of a feminine life is to be cherished.  Interestingly when my Jezzie mixes in with my past life all sorts of neat things can happen. I see and understand so much more such as how a guy feels when he is mixed in with a group of women - entertaining them with jokes or stories and why the women watch him and each other so intently.

The sad part to all of this is the inability for so many transgender women and men to be able to enjoy the transition process when and if it happens. The tragic part is when society throws up so many roadblocks to the process too.

I'm aware we scare people too.  Many aren't secure of their place in the gender world to even come close to accepting a transgender person who they think may know more than their share of the process.  God forbid if we would use our enormous power to harm the world.

The fun part is though, even at my advance age, I can still let my "Jezzie" out on occasion with a top which is cut a little too low or eye makeup which is a little too smokey. Plus Jez loves my hair which is way too long for a woman my age.

I love it when she gets her way!

Before I forget it, I'm passing along a link to a site called Jezebel which of course I love. I'm also going to add their link to our Cyrsti's Condo Beauty Nook page.

"Hollywood Nights in NYC"

This is actually from my book and is one of the Top Ten experiences I'm attempting to put together from the past half century. As scary as that sounds. I called it "Hollywood Nights in NYC"  My reference is pulled from the Bob Seger song: "Hollywood Nights" : He knew right then he was too far from home He was too far from home. Read on and you will know why I felt that way.

"The early 1980′s brought on major personal changes, mainly a move from the Midwest to the New York City area and a new wife who would be with me for 25 years. She was a very strong person who knew of my cross dressing past time and turned out to have a major influence in my life. She typically didn’t have a problem with going out with me as two girls but for some reason couldn’t accompany me on this adventure.

One evening a club out on Long Island was holding some sort of a “mixer” for transvestites, spouses and admirers. I wish I could go into great detail on my evening’s outfit but like my memory-it’s gone. What I do remember is my wig was long straight and dark plus of course my skirt was stylishly short and my heels stylishly high. It turned out none of that could match what happened next.

I parked the car and headed into what turned out to be a party room of sorts attached to a suburban motel. At the end of a short hallway was a table where two women were selling admission tickets. I asked for one ticket and they looked me up and down and said no single women were allowed. During the course of my life, I have been rarely speechless. One of those special occasions was then. I ho hummed around and finally said in my man voice “how about a single cross dresser?” Of course they apologized profusely and in I went with my head exploding with wonderful warm and fuzzies for be totally mistaken for a genetic woman. Little did I know how deep and far reaching the implications of that evening would take me. It turned out the person I am today was born that evening so long ago. Here's a look at why:

Of course I came home from the evening on cloud nine and quickly fell off it. The new perception of myself as this lovely feminine creature waiting to take on the world in my heels and hose was killing my relationship. In reality my male ego was going nuts and I was “Attila the Hunita” (not a famous drag queen) to live with. Finally my wife had had enough of my terror binge and after a very bad fight said “She had had enough of this torture, be a man enough to go be a woman.” Deep words to end a fight? I guess. 

Perhaps by this time you have figured out I may be a very determined person (all right stubborn) and those words took a while to sink in. Eventually though water will penetrate granite and I understood what she meant. Slowly but surely that statement became my mantra as you will read again and again here. I had to study the true essence of femininity and be brave enough to embrace it if I was to survive. Was it easy? Of course not!  Plus you can see by the year, I had a long way to go! I knew I was too far from home on my gender journey. I wasn't sure if I ever would get back-or if I even wanted to!"