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Image from Mitch on UnSplash. |
This morning, as I changed out my Estradiol hormonal patches, I briefly paused to consider the magical changes HRT has meant for me.
My thoughts were formed yesterday when I wrote a short
chapter in my book I was writing on my life that my daughter bought for me. As
I remember, the question of the week for me was how I responded to changes to
my body over my life. I started by writing about how bad I felt when my body began
to form angles when I went through male puberty. It was long ago, but I still
remember my disappointment. This was way before the time of puberty blockers
for young transgender boys and girls. Not that my parents would have approved
of blockers for me anyhow.
I followed up my ideas on male puberty with what had
happened to me since I was fortunate enough to be approved for gender affirming
hormones and I could experience a second puberty in my life, this time, one I
wanted. Even though I was attempting to overcome all the damage testosterone
did to my body, I could not fix most of it. I was stuck with broad shoulders
and a big male torso which served me well to keep bullies away but did little
to help me to present well as a transgender woman.
On the positive side, the new HRT meds were able to soften the
harsh angles of my face and soften my skin, so I could use less makeup. I also found
I had no male pattern baldness, so my hair grew so well one of the first things
my daughter did was treat me to a hair styling and color at her upscale women’s
beauty salon. Another case of being totally out of my old male environment and
loving it. After my fear went away. At that point, I was loving my new life.
My new life as a transfeminine woman took on a new meaning
as I adjusted to my new body. Gone were the old days of blustering my way
through life with my male body. In were the days of being more in tune what was
my body telling me from newly sensitive breasts to a developing transgender woman’s’
intuition, I was really changing. By intuition, I mean I needed to develop a
sense of anyone who was going to potentially threaten me with any harm. Much of
the new development was not much of a problem because I was going through so
many other internal changes anyhow. The easiest way to explain it is, my world
went from the harsh realities of being male, all the way to the softening universe
of being a woman.
Also gone were the days of me attempting to macho my way
through any situation. From being able to admit when I was cold, all the way to
planning ahead to any potentially dangerous situations, it all presented me
with a new world to consider. All because of two little Estradiol patches I applied
twice a week. It was magic to me how well and how fast they worked. It was as
if my body was waiting for the HRT meds my entire life.
It is not often that I have the opportunity to slow down my
everyday life and consider the benefits of being approved for gender affirming
hormones. I needed to go to a physician back in those days which were relatively
difficult to find. On one hand I had seen the health problems other transgender
women had gone through when they went the route of unsupervised hormones. Since
I was near the age of sixty at the time, I did not want to risk any health
issues and fortunately, there weren’t any. Even though I do not remember the
exact year I started HRT, I remember I took my first dosage which were pills
with my future wife Liz on New Year's Eve. From there, I progressed to higher
dosages and eventually to the patches I am on today.
Which brings me full circle to the meaning of this post.
With or without the hormonal medication I am on, I would still identify as
transgender. HRT just helped my external presentation in the public’s eye. And,
if you are considering hormones, you don’t need them to be you either. If you
do, make sure you seek out a doctor to help you to know all is well before you
make the jump.
For me, the HRT process was the final point of knowing I was
doing the right thing by jumping off the gender cliff I was on. It sure made
the landing softer.