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Image from Tim Mossholder on UnSplash. |
As far as being included in the so-called women’s spaces in the world, the women’s restroom is the crown jewel of inclusiveness.
When I was in my earliest stages of transitioning into my
transgender womanhood, being “allowed” to use the women’s room, seemed to be an
impossible dream. What went on behind the closed doors of the women’s room was
so special anyway? As destiny would have it, I was to find out. My journey
began when I started to become a regular in the sports bars I write so much about.
The nearest ones to my home were nearly half an hour away, so I needed to time
my restroom visits carefully, once I summoned the courage to use them. You see,
I had to because of the amount of beer I was drinking. One led to another. When
I drank, alcohol gave me the courage to be more confident about myself but on the
other hand I needed to go more often.
As I gathered my courage to use the women’s room, I tried my
best to time my visits so it would be empty. Sometimes I was successful and other times I
was not, so I did my best to see and learn from what other cisgender women were
doing in their “sacred” space. Most of the women I encountered were just there
to do their business, wash their hands and touch up their makeup. Quickly they
were gone.
For the most part, the first lesson I learned was to look
other women in the eye and give them a greeting with a smile. Which would have
been a huge no no in the men’s room. From then on, it was just a matter of
having the proper restroom necessities handy to ensure I was able to follow proper
etiquette. I made sure my cell phone was always handy in my purse so I could
use it in case I needed to wait in line for a stall. I even went so far as to
carry an extra small amount of tissue paper, in case I needed to loan it out to
a desperate fellow user in the next stall.
From my days in the bar/restaurant business I knew how women
were not always the pristine humans in a restroom they claim to be, so I knew
to look before I sat down to check for any wet spots or worse. I was also
careful to always check for a hook to hang my purse on, so I did not have to
put it on the floor. A sure sign of a gender intruder.
Through it all, I did not see or participate in any of the brief
gossip sessions I encountered. Except for one memorial evening when I needed to
use the restroom in one of the bars Liz and I went to. When I went in, the restroom
was tiny and packed with women talking about a certain man. As my luck would
have it, one evil looking woman was blocking my way to a toilet stall I needed
to use in the worst way. Without physically moving her, I needed to stare her
down and say excuse me as she let me by. By this time, I did not care what she
thought of me, and my revenge was coming. When I finished my business in the
stall, I came out to wash my hands and check my makeup. In the meantime, she
had moved to a spot near the electric hand dryer which I needed to use. As luck
would have it, she was slouching against the wall near the dryer, and I was
able to direct the air flow towards her hair. Naturally, she did not enjoy her
new hairstyle, and I got my revenge.
I was not as successful as the time I mentioned when I was
first visiting women’s rooms. Even though I tried to be a regular in the venues
I visited and had no problems with using the room, I did have the police called
on me twice a long time ago. To this day, I still have negative feelings about
those police calls. Specifically, the one where I was called a pervert. I was
deeply hurt but ended up being able to report the woman who ended up owning her
own hair salon to the Dayton, Ohio LGBTQ alliance for being an anti-transgender
business.
These days, here in my native Ohio, the Republican bills
banning all restroom usage by transgender women and trans men are currently in
court battles to determine their legality. Whatever happens, it has been
decades since I have used a men’s room, and I will be damned if I will ever go back.
Besides, using the men’s room would subject me to bodily harm which I certainly
don’t need.
The bottom line (no pun intended) to all of this is, be careful
when you use the women’s room and know the written and unwritten rules of the
room. Above all, your basic confidence in yourself will be an integral part of
your experience.
My disclaimer and limits on all of this comes with when a pre-opt trans woman attempts to use a women's only locker room. I can understand all the problems which comes with doing this and I agree. It should be a women's only space.