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| JJ Hart |
Looking back at my long life, I reflected on the more innocent times, or were they?
One of the many things that amuse me about a certain
political movement that pretends to want to make America great again, was when
was it great? Was it the pre-civil rights era struggles of the 1950’s? Or the
seismic changes of the 1960’s when the Vietnam War raged on. Plus, it is easy
to forget how much of this country was built on the back of slavery.
During the 50’s as I was watching the plethora of westerns
on our new television, I was also running to cross-dress in front of my mirror
and pretended I was the pretty girl I saw on television being saved by the
handsome cowboy. Totally ignoring the fact that the native Americans fighting
the cowboys and Army were fighting for their land which was being stolen from
them. But I stayed innocent behind my skirts and makeup until the Vietnam War
caught up with me. Which made it impossible for me to remain neutral anymore. What
the hell were we doing as a country fighting a losing war in a southeast Asian country
anyhow?
It was about that time that I had to draw a line in the sand
and reject the beliefs of my “greatest generation parents” who had survived a
great depression as well as WWII. I just could not accept their thoughts about
life any longer which included my ideas about my gender. Which were developing
quickly. I knew for the longest time that something was wrong in my life, I
just couldn't tell completely what it was.
Again, it was the military which covered up my desire to be
feminine. Going away to Army basic training proved to the most dedicated people
watching me that I was nothing more than a so-called normal male. All my time
in the military did was strengthen my idea of who I was as a human and give me the
extra ability to take advantage of who I truly was as a transfeminine person. Around
this time also, was when I discovered the power of the internet which led me to
a whole wide world of information and people to know. The people were the first
I ever met who shared the same transgender desires than I did. My innocence was
forever lost.
As I became more active in the world as a transgender woman
and transitioned from being a serious cross dresser, I found I did not have the
same rights as the typical American was supposed to have. For awhile under a
previous President, our trans situation was better such as transgender military
members being allowed to serve their country. Today, all that has changed of
course under the current regime in Washington. I can’t say any of my innocence
was lost because I could see all of this happening years ago when he was elected
for the first time.
Even though, we transgender women and trans men make up a
very small portion of the population we have to bear the unrestricted hate and
bigotry of one of the political parties which is heart breaking to me. Especially
when I need to take into consideration the transgender youth in the country who
will have to fight these unfair laws forever it seems. Their innocence never had
a chance to start before it was disrupted.
How do we truly make America great again? Try to restore the
basic goodness of people everywhere. While I was in the hospital, I had several
nurses tell me how mean the public has become. So, it is just not towards
transgender people at all. It all starts at the top in Washington and works its
way downward into society. At my age of
seventy six, my age of innocence was lost years ago when I first glimpsed myself
as a girl in the mirror. Even then I knew I needed more than clothes to succeed
in life as a feminine person. I just wish I had acted on my desires earlier.
Other than that, I fear we have lost years of developing a creative nurturing society
that we need to help all of us. Including the small but vibrant transgender community.
Who can’t afford to take many more shots.
I wish I could be more positive about our lives, but I am
just looking at my life as I see it and comparing it to my past. I just hope together
we can all make it. Innocence or not.
