Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts

Saturday, April 30, 2022

Gender Dreaming

 Do you dream in gender?  In other words during your dreams are you just you or are you distinctly one of the binary genders.

As I have progressed through life into finally being able to live as my authentic self as a transgender woman, I believe my dreams have began to change. Early in life I remember the elusive (even cruel) dreams when I was the girl. When I woke up I was severely disappointed. This went on for years until I was able to find my way out of the closet and live in a feminine world. As my dreams began to transition in their own way, so did I.

Photo by Randy Tarampi on Unsplash


When I went out more and more I was nearly completely entranced with my appearance. I would spend hours shopping for what I hoped would be the perfect outfit. The amount of effort I was putting into transforming my external self must have been seeping into my subconscious being when I was asleep. My dreams went from just being a girl to being an attractive woman. Either way, I was waking up severely disappointed.   

As time went by, slowly my gender dreams started to change. 

Along the way I spent many hours wondering why I was living in a feminine world, living relatively successfully as my authentic self. I thought my dreams should be changing also when I had dreams which I knew specifically I was returned back to my hated male self in more than a few of my dreams. 

I am far from an expert when it comes to dreams and what they mean and I am aware I may be putting too much worth to the whole process. My partner Liz  is much more knowledgeable on the subject and says simply I have lived too many years in a male world. My subconscious mind just has not caught up yet. 

She may be correct because recently I have been dreaming in situations where I am the feminine person. Perhaps my gender dreaming is catching up with my everyday life. For whatever reason it is important to me. Small wins I guess for small minds. But then again the entire process is just another indication of how important the transgender life process is to us. 

Dreams can come true!

Saturday, January 8, 2022

Dreams

 I have been curious, as I add to the years I have lived as my authentic self , how long would/will it take for my dreams to switch over to being exclusively feminine in nature.  Right now nearly all of my dreams are from my male past.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

I guess living nearly sixty years struggling to live in a male world completely imprinted my subconscious. As much as I dislike it, I seem to bypass the times I spent with my first wife (seven years) and current partner of ten years and go straight to my deceased wife of twenty five years. 

As much as I feel frustrated my dreams are still masculine in nature, obviously it seems there is nothing I can do to flip the switch and be feminine. Perhaps as time goes by and I compile more experiences as a transgender woman, all of this will change. 

I also know in the scope of life, dreams are less of a priority. Just getting by in the world is just more important. 

For example, today Liz and I have several errands to run including her getting a booster vaccine.  It would be a poor time to get harassed over living as my authentic gender. Since I will be wearing a mask, chances are slim. 

Speaking or writing about Liz, she is more of a believer in the power of dreams. So I asked her what she thought of my dreams. She said several things. The first suggestion was did I have specific dreams of being a guy or was I dreaming of being in a male environment. An example would be the time I spent in Army basic training. I rarely if ever dream of being back in basic, instead I dream of re-enlisting. Over and over again.

The second point she brought up was how early in life we become gender objects. In other words, the time our parents begin to make sure they pound us into gender stereotypes. Transgender women and men are unlucky enough to be round pegs pounded into square holes. This process can affect us for life. Including our dreams. 

Finally Liz said I could shape my dreams by training my mind before I went to sleep by thinking feminine thoughts. Of course, as she told me all of this, she couldn't help but tell me when I sleep with the television on (which I do) does me no good. She didn't think I had anything to worry about.

Now I can focus on the present, not the past.


Friday, November 1, 2019

Another Halloween

Another Halloween has came and gone...almost. I have seen a few places around here in Cincinnati which are having theme parties this weekend which are loosely Halloween based. After all, some people I know would want Halloween celebrated year around.

One of those is the "moderator" who I have mentioned extensively here in Cyrsti's Condo. She is the one who got bounced from the board (and all her activities as social director) of the established cross dresser-transgender support group I am a member of. I am rather proud of the fact I have taken the high road in the whole affair. In fact, at Monday's meeting, I was prodded to give my true feelings on the subject. But just shut up.

Since, to my knowledge, none of them read my blog, I can do it here.  I really only have a couple problems with the "moderator". I think she is and has been a little frenetic in the way she approached having "socials."  Her invitations began to take on the idea of when you went out, you were going to meet her. Leaving the "group" idea out. In other words, the socials became Stacey's and not Crossport (the group.) I think in her mind though, she was simply going out and inviting anyone else to join her.

On a bigger stage, I think her biggest problems came with her attitude concerning transgender safety as a whole.  Since she hadn't had much of a problem with going public with her transition, she figured society had changed and no one else should have a problem either. While times have changed, we all know they haven't changed that much. I think she was ignoring the people in the group going through heart wrenching times with spouses and family.

Finally, I think her total willingness to to throw caution to the wind and give out her personal phone number to anyone who wanted it was ill advised.

Going full circle back back to Halloween, Liz and I actually went to two themed events, so life was good. My costume was simple, I dressed as a witch. Complete with long flowing skirt and spider accessorized witches hat. My goal was simple, to be viewed as a woman dressed up in a simple costume.

Plus the actual Halloween evening was so nasty weather wise, there weren't even very many Trick or Treaters.

I do hope where ever you are, you accomplished all your Halloween dreams!