Trans Girl at Pride Day

 

Pride Flag image from
Jason Leung on UnSplash

Welcome to Pride Month. The only month of the year when the LGBTQ community is celebrated by a portion of the world and hated by others. Sadly, the month brings out all the gender bigots in the world. 

Early on, I had many experiences at various Pride Days with my new circle of lesbian friends. Including non lesbian friends when a meetup group my wife Liz and I were in operated a table at Cincinnati Pride for a couple of years. On occasion, I even felt as if I was the token LGBT person in the group. Regardless, I had a good time people watching all the diverse public which was walking by. I saw everything from lesbians wearing nearly nothing to cross dressers teetering painfully around in their heels and hose. Then, of course there were the drag queens who I almost felt were embarrassing to me because I did not want anyone to think I was part of their culture, I was transgender not a drag queen. My disclaimer is I have nothing against drag queens but my days in male gay bars taught me how unfortunate it was to be mistaken for a queen. 

Plus, I wanted everyone to know how important it was to me to be recognized for being a transgender woman in a sea of other diverse people. Along the way, I felt the Prides I went to started to emphasize trans people and not the drag queens who seemed to get all the attention with their flamboyant attitudes and clothing. Cincinnati in particular a couple of years ago featured a trans woman I don't remember now as their parade marshal. Plus, I started to see many more transgender women and trans men in the crowd along with groups of butch lesbians and gay male "bears". It made for an interesting experience as my preference was to be mistaken for a lipstick lesbian. Or a lesbian who wears makeup. 

Early on, back in our drinking days, Cincinnati Pride always featured an after hours "Pub Crawl" which one year even featured a bus which took us to many gay venues we had never been to before. I had always wanted to live in Cincinnati and this was a great way to experience it, without ever driving because at the end of the evening, we took an Uber to get home. A great time was had by all. 

Of course, Cincinnati wasn't the only city in the region which hosted a huge Pride celebration. Before I moved to Cincy, I lived within a half hour of Columbus, Ohio. Columbus, as I said, had a LGBTQ celebration which rivaled all the others in the state. This time I went with my new circle of lesbian friends including Liz and two others. Similar to my Pride experiences in Cincinnati, the drag queens became less of an influence and better yet, I could relax and enjoy myself. That night for some reason, we ended up in several straight bars without any problems. 

These days, Pride has really expanded. In the local metro area alone, there are four separate celebrations going on this year. Sadly, with most, after the celebrating has died down, the same old problems exist for transgender women and men in the community. Big corporations who support Pride go back into their closets and I assume wait for the push back from the gender bigots. 

At any rate, it is refreshing to see the public media support for our community. Even if it is temporary.

Enjoy your Pride month no matter where you are in your gender transition! That includes all of you who identify as cross dressers. You never know when all of that may change. It happened to me.

Becoming Involved Through Isolation

 

Photo from
the Jessie Hart
Collection

When I first decided to leave my dark lonely gender closet and attempt to live as a transgender woman, I was extremely lonely and more than a little confused. 

During that time I had lost nearly everything which was dear to me. My wife had just died, along with many of the close friends I had managed to know and on top of all of that, it was becoming more and more evident I was going to lose my restaurant which I had invested so much time and money in. During this time of extreme duress, one of my only releases from the pain was resorting to my feminine self to help me.

In order to figure out where I was going to go, I had to consider several important points. The main one of course was which venue I should go to. Previously I was taking the easy way out by going to the safer gay venues I had heard of. In some ways, they were safer but surprisingly acceptance for transgender women such as me just wasn't evident. Most of the time I was considered to be just another drag queen, which of course I wasn't. Plus, if I ended up looking similar to a drag queen, all it proved was I had a lot of work to do on my feminine presentation. Another point I failed to consider was, the vast majority of men in the male gay venues I was going to didn't want anything to do with a woman anyhow. So I was left out again. 

Since I really didn't care for the overall atmosphere, I needed to find other places to live my new reality. Finally I decided to attempt to go to places I previously enjoyed as my male self, upscale sports bars with cold draft beer and many big screen televisions to watch my favorite sporting events. The best of both worlds for me if I could find acceptance as my feminine self. 

Other than a few notable rejections when I was asked to leave a couple venues I shouldn't have been in to start with, I did find acceptance. Even to the point of gaining women's room privilege's. I was still alone in a spot where single women don't go, I still was able to be considered a regular by the bartenders who even came to my rescue when I needed it due to unwanted attention from overly drunk men. To dissuade the men even further I used my cell phone as a prop. Once I sat down and began to get settled, I then would pull out my phone and acted as if I was waiting for someone to join me. Often all of my act was wishful thinking because again I was very lonely. I was stressed because on one hand I wanted to find a friend as a woman but on the other hand, I was very troubled about the how's and why's of how  it could ever happen. Those were the days I was very confused about how my gender transition would effect my sexuality. Which turned out to be a non issue which is a topic for a whole other blog post.

Speaking of other blog posts, it was through my being alone to find someone, paid off very well for me. Through the process, I ended up finding cis-women friends who were very instrumental in my navigation of the MtF transition process. They taught me more than they ever knew. 

Possibly the route I took to my transition success is not the path others should take but becoming involved through isolation worked for me.   

It's LGBTQ Pride Month

Caitlyn Jenner...NOT the face of Pride

Once a year we pause to join the world with our Pride month. This year is ever more important that the transgender (or "T") of the LGBTQ alphabet is visible.

Why do we have to be more visible? Because of all the recent anti legislative bills which typically involve the perceived weakest link of all the LGBTQ facets in the public eye. The fact remains, most of the public does not know a trans person. Plus the trans umbrella still seems to be plagued by negative supposed role models like Caitlyn Jenner. Because of all of that and more it essential as much as possible we stand up for ourselves in a positive manner.

Now let's get down to Pride Celebrations themselves. In todays' ultra restrictive societies some react to the hypocrisy of certain big companies/corporations which sponsor Prides then do nothing the rest of the year to further the rights of individual transgender women or men. This year, the entire matter just seems to be overshadowed  by situations such as the beer "Bud Light" went through. 

Personally, the problem I had with major Pride celebrations was the influence of drag queens. It always seemed to me the transgender community was overshadowed by overly made up men in dresses. Again, this year is different because even the right to dress in drag has come under attack in some states. Of course I support the right of drag queens to do their thing and that means continuing their representation at Pride events. Just don't confuse it with me.

In fact, in the past, when I have attended larger Pride celebrations in Ohio, I felt I needed to separate myself from the drag queens. One year after we first met, my wife Liz even made me a shirt to wear which said "Transgender Veteran, I fought for your right to deny me mine,"   I wanted to show the world I was not a drag queen. 

Regardless of all of that, the biggest issue with LGBTQ Prides this year is everyone's personal safety. Even with the possible threat of violence hanging over everyone's head this year, more and more smaller communities around me at least are starting or continuing their own Pride celebrations. It is good to see. Since transgender people have been around since the beginning of time, we most certainly aren't going anywhere now.   

Hopefully attending the Cincinnati celebration Liz and I have attended in the past will be a possibility this year also. (It's coming up later in the month,) Since I have mobility problems and Liz has an upcoming medical procedure, we will just have to wait and see. In the meantime, enjoy your LGBTQ Pride Month. 

What I Intended to Be

Image from Jen Theodore
on UnSplash

Early on in my life, I was all in on pretending to be someone I thought I was not. (a girl) I was reinforced by all the lonely times I spent in front of an admiring mirror which was telling me I looked wonderful as a girl. All along, the mirror was just reinforcing what I was pretending to be. Feminine (or what I perceived it to be) dominated my free time thinking.  I wrote "what I perceived femininity to be" because as life went by and I acquired more experience cross dressing and/or being a transvestite. I was so protected back in those days, I didn't even have the time or access to really consider what either term meant. In either case, I discovered both were just labels anyhow.

The whole gender process I went through ended up taking me nearly a half a century to go through which sounds intimidating. The trip also was very laden with various ups and downs which I revisit frequently. I do it in the hope others who are considering such a venture can learn from my successes or failures. Similar to everything else in life, we have to learn from our failures and move on until we can finally experience the successes. I experienced more failures than successes before I finally  learned to present as well as I could as a woman in public. When I did, I needed to settle on one look and build my new self from it. 

From there I was able to move away from any thinking I was moving away from pretending and moving increasingly towards a life to be lived as it was intended to be. The main reason was the process felt so natural. Even though for the most part I was terrified to give up my old male life. Each step I took as a novice transgender woman proved I was on the right gender path. On the path I was able to carve out my own safe places to go to. I started out in gay venues. In which I quickly rejected for several reasons. The main one was I did not want to be mistaken for or treated as a drag queen. From that point I started to go to a few upscale bar/tavern venues similar to what I was used to managing in my restaurant days. I had one main positive going for me in that I knew the venues were primary revenue driven. And, if I did not cause any trouble and tipped well, I could survive if I did the best I could to dress to blend. I became a regular bar fly and was able to build from there. 

Again, the more I quit pretending to be a woman and started to believe I was one...transgender or not, the better I did. The new world I was in provided me many challenges to move forward into a feminine world I had only dreamed of. The whole process led me to quit pretending all together I was ever a male in the world and onward into a dream world of being a woman on my own terms. Sure I faced the haters who said I could never be a woman because I could never bear children to which I replied what about the cis women who for whatever reason can't have children either. For the most part, I never heard from them again.

As it turned out, life started all over for me once I made it to my early sixties and I was able to start all over and live my life as it was always intended to do.  

Pride in January?

 Pride month for the LGBT community should be a year around celebration.  Once you reach the certain point of your life when you are comfortable as your authentic gender self, it's time to celebrate yourself.  In other words the tipping point of having total confidence in yourself. Confidence of course was the topic of a recent blog post which Paula commented on:

" Confidence is key. It took me a while to inhabit the world confidently as a woman of mature years. We missed out on a lot of the learning process, we had to compress so much into such a short time. But now, I find that I have the confidence to do things I would not have before, because I am not just confident in my femininity, but in myself. " 

As always Paula,  thanks for the relevant comment.

Pride can be expressed in many different ways. You don't have to go watch garishly dressed drag queens strut around in heels to participate in Pride. 

You can dress in your favorite jeans or leggings depending on the season or you can be the occasional cross dresser in your local bar.  The important part is you are living your life as you feel natural doing.

I know also, many of you think you are impossibly stuck in your transgender/cross dresser closet and will never escape. There was a time when I felt that too. I was just able somehow escape the tragic situation I was in and sheer destiny led me out of my closet and into a feminine world. 

I will say though I had to work very hard to put myself in a position for destiny to find me. I searched high and low on dating sites looking for someone. Either male or female to spend social time with and was a miserable failure. My Pride comes from  from finally being persistent enough to find friends such as Kim and Nikki who I met in sports bar venues and had a great time. All the while I was learning valuable lessons on how to navigate a feminine world. Then there was Liz who responded to a online dating site, saying I had sad eyes.

Along the way, being a partier didn't hurt me when I did attend various Pride events as you can see in the second picture which was taken in a very busy gay venue in downtown Cincinnati several years ago. 

To make a long story/post short, have Pride in your journey. Even though it may consist of being able to exist in a very dark closet.

You deserve it.

 

Sing Like a Bird?

 Over the years I have enjoyed hearing and watching several of my transgender and/or crossdressing acquaintances perform on stage. No matter how small the venue. Most recently before the pandemic hit the transgender - cross dresser support group my partner Liz and I are part of met to watch or perform karaoke.  A couple turned out to be amazing singers, able to look and sound the part of feminine participants.

Photo by Nikola Duza on Unsplash

Before karaoke and before I became bored with the whole drag queen scene, I used to go to the occasional drag show. In fact, Liz and I's first date was a drag show in a gay bar. Regardless of the entertainment, the date must have gone OK because we are still together  ten years later. As I wrote though, the overall scene was becoming boring to me as you can only see so many cis-gay guys attempt to mimic the same songs so often. Plus, perhaps the most important reason I was becoming bored was the further I went into living my life as a transgender woman, the less I wanted to be compared with the drag queens on the stage. The opposite was true only if the performer appeared to be impossibly feminine. Then I was envious.

Ironically, over the years, I only had the chance to participate in one "pageant". It was put on in Cleveland, Ohio by one of the earliest transvestite groups I was a member of. Since I was a seasoned radio disc jockey used to being in front of groups, I thought why not? Well, I learned quickly the "why not" was because I had no rhythm what so ever and could not financially come up with a proper pageant dress. The best I could hope for was the consolation prize I earned. My stage "career" as a transgender woman was over even though I had an acquaintance in Columbus, Ohio who tried for years to start a "all cross dressing girl band." I was so bad at mastering any kind of a musical instrument I had to turn her down.  The best that could have happened was a guest shot on the Jerry Springer Show 

I suppose I just am envious on several fronts. I know Connie is a musician and I know a couple others who are singers. I have met some rather large drag queens who could do some dramatic moves in impossibly high heels without losing their wigs. My daughter's hair solon is co owned by a gay man who can cross dress himself into a beautiful blond woman. Along the way I have been "ordered" to sing a karaoke song of my choice by a butch lesbian with a cowboy hat (another blog post.) And, maybe most notably missed out on a group of women strippers visiting a lesbian bar.

We only live once. Maybe I should relax and stop looking so hard for the next adventure. 

   

Celebrity

 When I was first coming out into the world as a novice transgender woman. I did frequent several predominantly male gay venues. Both could have not been more different.

Photo Source: Cyrsti Hart

The one in my hometown was very little and contained a short bar and perhaps five or six tables in front of a stage they used for drag shows. The other was huge and was a former supper club in Dayton, Ohio called "Celebrity".  In the photo you see an overweight me on the left along with an acquaintance I made along the way.

I learned quite a bit in both venues. Both had pool (billiard) tables. It just so happened I was and still am terrible at pool. No, not just bad, terrible at pool. My Dad used to make my brother and I play it with him and literally always won. Since I always hated to lose, it followed I hated pool. 

None of that though stopped guys from urging me to shoot a game with them. It didn't take long for them to realize I wasn't kidding concerning my lack of ability and they left me alone. Except for one guy who wanted me to sit on a stool along the table and watch him play. It was very uncomfortable to balance while wearing a mini skirt, so the watching experiment didn't last long. All of this occurred after my wife had passed away. At that point I was single and had no time restraints. I suppose now, looking back at this time period of my life, I was trying to "pass" as an attractive woman in a male gay venue. Which was a contradiction in terms and/or goals. The reason being, very few cis women ever frequented gay venues so any one who resembled one was immediately labeled a drag queen. This was way before transgender women became recognized as a true part of the LGBTQ culture. 

Ironically, one of the reasons I enjoyed going to Celebrity's was being able to use the women's restroom. I mentioned before the venue was a supper club before it became a gay bar. It just happened to be the one I took my prom date to in high school. Of course, at the time I was completely envious of her being the one in the beautiful dress, with the corsage and heels. I could see no benefit of being in a tuxedo at all. At least when I went to Celebrity, I could use the same restroom she did that night. It was the only connection with prom I ever saw any positivity to at all.

I discovered also how little I enjoyed drag shows, except in a few minor cases when I made it a point to bring cash (remember that?) with me to tip the entertainers I did enjoy. Those were the ones who put together an impossibly feminine mystique.

Both of the male gay venues didn't last long with me. As I started to expand where I was going into other venues, the music and clientele just didn't fit with me. Finally I started to go to lesbian bars and even straight cis venues when I was starting to struggle to even getting served in the male bars.

All of those feelings will be written about in posts which are coming up.

  

More Drag Queens

 It turns out, my posts objecting to the domination of drag queens in more than a few of the LGBT Pride events elicited several wonderful comments on the three platforms I am writing on now (Blogger, WordPress and Medium).

Here is one from Michelle: 

" I have to say that you might be a bit wrong about the Queens doing nothing for the community. Connie is right about how most trans women just want to blend in but the Queens help to off set attention so that we can blend in without too much trouble. You have to remember that it was the Queens and gays of the Stonewall riots that brought the subject of trans into the open. That one incident helps so many find that they were not alone in the world.

Yes, Queens are know for looking and acting over the top but one has to remember that they are like that because they are entertainers if nothing else. I also know that many of them don't always dress or act outlandish all the time. Many try to wear "normal" everyday wear most of the time. Unfortunately many still end up wearing the heavy makeup to help hide the male flaws.
I remember when I first met a Queen in the Rittenhouse area of the city. She was both beautiful as well as sometimes outrageous. One thing that she did for me was to help me see what life was like for transgendered individuals back in the 60's. She helped me understand the problems I might encounter through life, many were very accurate, even to this day.
I found a very informative unabridged version of a book chapter from "Trans bodies Trans selves". It's a bit long but well worth the read.
https://www.umass.edu/stonewall/sites/default/files/Infoforandabout/transpeople/genny_beemyn_transgender_history_in_the_united_states.pdf"

Thanks Michelle.

Send in the Clowns?

 Recently I wrote a post concerning my opposition to drag queens having too much of an impact of
various Pride celebrations and received this comment from Connie: 

"It would make for a pretty boring parade if the drag queens were replaced by trans women "just wanting to blend in." Not that one group necessarily shows more pride than the other; just different ways of expressing it. Personally, I much prefer to exhibit my self-pride with a quiet confidence - but, then, I'm not trying to entertain anyone with it. I'm not saying that drag queens are clowns, but I think that they serve the same purpose in a pride parade that the clowns do in a more-traditional parade.

I'm sure that the TV news show file clips of drag queens, when referencing Pride, because it's sensational. The real life of a trans woman or man is rarely newsworthy or sensational. Although, I must say, just being able to be myself feels quite sensational to me!"

To be sure, drag queens make for good television but again the whole spectacle takes away from my respect for the whole event.  

As far as your comment about transgender women just wanting to blend in goes, I would prefer to see any of the trans women or men who are making a difference in the overall community be spotlighted. Perhaps a few of the big corporations are contributing to the event would be made aware of the problems the transgender community faces. Instead of the brief support  given the LGBT community, it could be more of a yearly process. 

Clowns are fun for a day or two promoting their weekend drag shows but do nothing for the transgender community. 

Pose

 The television drama "Pose" has been around for awhile now. In fact it just premiered it's third season.

Here is a look at the show from Google :

"Set in the 1980s, `Pose' is a dance musical that explores the juxtaposition of several segments of life and society in New York: the ball culture world, the rise of the luxury Trump-era universe, and the downtown social and literary scene. Blanca forms a `house', a self-selected family that provides

 support to LGBTQ youth who have been rejected by their birth families. Damon is a dancer who joins Blanca's house. Together, they compete in the balls -- where house members challenge each other in various categories and are judged on their outfits, attitude, or dance skills -- against Blanca's former house mother, Elektra. Pray Tell is Godfather to the children who compete in the balls. Angel is a streetwalker who develops feelings for a new client, Stan, who has a loving wife, Patty. James Van Der Beek co-stars as Stan's boss, "

Of interest to us is the fact the show is produced by transgender icon "Janet Mock" (above right) and features several transgender actors. 

I watched it for the first time recently and was fascinated. Even by the reproductions of the New York drag balls. I have never been to anything close to a drag ball but have been to several fairly good sized parties which featured many drag queens. I remember the energy was palpable. 

One of my favorite characters is played by Indya Moore (right) who identifies as transgender and non binary. Preferred pronouns are "she/her" and "they/them". 

The show is on Sunday nights at 10pm EDT around here and airs on the "FX" network. I'm sure it's available on a streaming service too.

Another Transgender First

 I remember :back in the day" going to Pride carried with it a sense of frustration. Normally the first thing you saw was a group of garish drag queens waving from the back of a decorated truck or convertible. It was all well and good for them but had very little to do with me as a transgender woman. The "T" in LGBT Pride was definitely silent. I didn't let any of that stop me though. I figured at the least I could represent a portion of the transgender community who were just trying to lead an authentic life while at the same time having fun.  

As time went on, more and more trans women and trans men began to attend Pride (at least here locally) and one year recently, a trans woman was selected to lead the Cincinnati Pride Parade. In a few other major locations, such as Los Angeles now the celebration has gone full circle as transgender woman Sharon-Franklin Brown (below) has been named president of the sizable operation.

We have come along way...with such a long way yet to go.

 

A VERY Important Distinction

Transgender women are NOT drag queens!!!

Transgender Sexuality

When we transition from male to female, naturally enough, the world is driven to it's own conclusions over our sexuality.

If and when, I am given the chance, I love to insert my well worn phrase "Sex is between the legs, Gender is between the ears. I started to think about all of this again recently because of two recent happenings...one of which I wrote about here in Cyrsti's Condo, during the "Space Invader" post.

Very simply, the post was about another woman who wouldn't leave me alone. I don't like it when I am needlessly poked or prodded. Now, I'm not saying the whole thing was anything sexual but then again, I don't know. I am aware too, women are allowed to touch each other when men normally never do. One way or another, the advances were not liked or returned.

Of course too, we transgender women have the stigma of being promiscuous. Which comes from drag queens and fetish cross dressers.  I think if I see one more 50 ish crossdresser poured into a plaid mini skirt on other social media, I am going to scream.

Then again, going back to the original point, Connie has another idea:

"I dislike being nudged and poked, too. A gentle touch on the arm or hand is fine, as I enjoy platonic intimacy. Unfortunately, I am not prone to being the "toucher." I have a fear of having my affections misread as being sexual, just because my trans status may be misunderstood. This applies to both men and other women. Then, again, I have misread the touching by others as being platonic, only to discover that it was sexual. I have always been a bit naive, unable to readily recognize the difference between love and lust. I blame it, mostly, on the fact that I am a trans woman; a psychiatrist may have another take on it, though.

We, as trans woman, should have the same rights as anyone else to set our own boundaries, whether they be physical or verbal. You didn't deserve to be subjected to her invasions, but I doubt she knows that now any more than she did while she was committing them. Some people are always going to act in predictable ways. We can only recognize that fact and make the choice to either put up with it or stay away. Just know that it's her and not you". 

Especially now, in the era of the "Me Too" movement, it is especially important our boundaries are respected.

Pride is Here!

At least in Cincinnati, Ohio that is. Over the years I understand, it has grown into the major event I know and this year they are expecting another record turnout. Like so many cities, LGBT Pride has turned into a week long event. Even the Cincinnati Reds (sometimes accused of being a major league baseball team) got involved.

The weather even is cooperating fairly well. High's will be in the low 80's, with the typical chance of thunderstorms. Due to my inability to stand for long wait times and then walking for over a mile, I get a privileged seat in our Official Cincinnati Witches Ball booth. Last year, I experienced tons of fun and positive interactions with the public...except the guy who thought I was Ozzy Osbourne. Over the duration of the party, we pass out information about the "Ball" which is actually a big Halloween Party and our organization as a whole.

Attire for me will be comfortable and cool, to match the weather. I plan on wearing an embroidered black tank top I have along with a pair of my distressed jeans or maybe even "Jeggings". (Legging's which look like jeans.)

Ironically, the only part of the event I dread is using the rest room. The restrooms are in a free standing building with stainless steel prison style toilets. As the day goes on, the women's room gets really gross. I keep thinking "Suck it up, Buttercup!"

All in all, if you have never been to a Pride, be sure to get to one if one is near enough to you. Times are a changing and they are as inclusive to transgender women and trans men as they once were to only garish drag queens. What I don't understand are those who complain about police being present at the Pride events. I will never forget hearing the Cincinnati Police Officer explain how last year, with the help of the Ohio Highway Patrol, they headed off a possible conflict with a man with stated goals of possible harm. It turns out he was carrying an automatic rifle.

The way I look at it though, these days, there is always a chance for some crazy to try to ruin an event and it isn't going to destroy my life!

Either way, enjoy your chance to be in an inclusive environment and enjoy yourself.

Gender Fluid Ballerina

32 year old Chase Johnsey has made history by becoming the first "genderfluid" dancer to star in a "woman-only" dance troop in London. (English National Ballet)

Chase Johnsey

Johnsey, who uses male pronouns and identifies as gay, won the title of best male dancer at last years National Dance Awards. Johnsey went on to say he learned how to do his makeup from drag queens and enjoys performing as a girl ballerina even though he lives as a boy.

It's quite the story and you can read more here, in the Pink News.

Pride

June is "Pride" month and the days long celebrations and parties are underway.

Not so long ago, transgender women and trans men had little or no representation during these events. Now, even the local Veteran's Administration Centers around here show up and have a presence during the Pride days. Not so long ago the celebrations were known as "gay pride" days and the "T" in LGBT was largely silent.

Now, it's good to see no longer only drag queens have a presence and we can be seen for what we are...proud transgender folk. 

I know my local cross dresser-transgender group, as well as Trans Ohio will be setting up during the large Cincinnati Pride event, June 23rd. Let's hope for good weather again this year! Last year, it was gorgeous!

Individually, Pride month just means the obvious to us all. It's a month to stand together and stand a little prouder knowing we are not all alone. Even for those of you still deeply in the closet, the month can provide a beacon of hope for the future. After all, the world can change over the years. I am proof of that!

For this post, I have added one of my fave Pride month pictures from the days when I really started to live my authentic life as a trans woman.

Hopefully, you live around a town or community large enough you can get out and enjoy a Pride experience. Every year a new celebration shows up in a town around here.

Diversity within Diversity

Tuesday was my transgender veteran support group meeting at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans campus.

For once, the meeting was well attended (twelve) people and wonderfully diverse. Two much younger new people attended who identified mainly as gender fluid as well as the on again- off again SRS person from Richmond, Indiana.

We also have several run of the mill transgender peeps, as well as a "card carrying" lesbian. The mix made for an interesting conversation on several topics.

We talked about having a VA presence at the Dayton, Ohio Pride celebration this year and one of the gender fluid persons said they didn't like Prides basically because of all of the blatant exhibitionists. Her only experiences were from Atlanta, Georgia and Berlin, Germany. Far from the still conservative ideas of Middle America. I told her also, it wasn't so long ago, I felt totally un-represented at Prides "overrun" by drag queens and garishly attired cross dressers. Fortunately, I haven't felt that way at the last couple of Prides I have went to.

The other gender fluid person (who I will refer to as she) said she didn't quite understand what all the fuss was about existing in the public's eye. Even though, she is a self professed six foot three inches and a former Army Ranger, she is still quite androgynous and has quite a bit of passing "privilege." So at her age (30 something) she has missed quite a bit of the public problems for transgender, or gender fluid, individuals that used to exist much stronger... back in the day. It was nice we "more mature" participants could explain the "good old days" were just old and not so good.

Finally, I also brought up the possibility of receiving voice help through the University of Cincinnati Medical School, in conjunction with the VA and I hoped to get more info soon!

 All in all, one of those support group meetings that for once provided support!

How Many of us do Blackface?

I am sure many "Terf's" or feminists who want to exclude us out of hand from any feminine discussion, would also want to group all of us into one group (transgender, cross dressers and drag queens) into one category, and say yes.

Internally though, we know that is not true and the answer is so much more complex.  Blackface by definition is a form of  theatrical makeup by primarily non black performers to represent a black person. So drag queens by definition could fall into a similar definition. Primarily gay cis males who use forms of makeup to represent women.

From there on, the comparison gets murky.

Cross dressers, are primarily "straight" cis men who often are feeding a deep seated need to look like cis-women. You can draw your own conclusions if that is a form of "black face" or not. The old term "transvestite" can also be applied here, if you like.

Finally, when you consider transgender women, "black face" should not enter into the conversation at all.

Being over simplistic on purpose, trans women want to do much more than just look like cis-women, they want to live like one. The deep seated need to live a feminine life often takes over one's life, even to the point of ending a life if nothing can be done. Insert, transsexual here if you would like.

My difference between the two is ideally a transsexual woman (or man) deeply desires to have genital surgery to complete their gender identity, where as a transgender person is more content to live the life of a gender they weren't born into. With or without surgery.

At any rate, I thought the "blackface" discussion was a thought provoking one.

All Quiet?

Not much to pass along from here in Ohio, U.S.A. except for government turmoil which I am not going into.

Cincinnati Pride is still a couple weeks away, so all of that is pretty well settled already. These days, more than ever before, I think it is time to be out and transgender (LGBT) proud. Especially at a time when I keep hearing of deepening rifts under the LGBT umbrella. I feel some of the problems stem from growing pains as more and more transgender people come out.

All of a sudden we are a force to be reckoned with, within the community. And, at Prides everywhere it's important to be seen as a real alternative to drag queens.

As always, I will be interested  how many other trans women I see at this years' Pride event. Many more, I hope.

Elvira Love

To quote a term, "I love me some Elvira, Mistress of the Dark!"

What's not to love? slit skirt, plenty of cleavage and all of that jet black hair. In many ways, she was the fore runner to the Goth craze  and possibly one of the most copied characters by drag queens everywhere.

I hope my life is far from over, but some Halloween I would love to dress as Elvira!

This year I'm coming close, but my costume is leaning more towards the goth side, or at the least, very dark- with a long black slit skirt, long straight black wig and black tight tank top. With black flats.

So there will be another year for Elvira and something to shoot for!