Wednesday, December 15, 2021


 When I was first coming out into the world as a novice transgender woman. I did frequent several predominantly male gay venues. Both could have not been more different.

Photo Source: Cyrsti Hart
The one in my hometown was very little and contained a short bar and perhaps five or six tables in front of a stage they used for drag shows. The other was huge and was a former supper club in Dayton, Ohio called "Celebrity".  In the photo you see an overweight me on the left along with an acquaintance I made along the way.

I learned quite a bit in both venues. Both had pool (billiard) tables. It just so happened I was and still am terrible at pool. No, not just bad, terrible at pool. My Dad used to make my brother and I play it with him and literally always won. Since I always hated to lose, it followed I hated pool. 

None of that though stopped guys from urging me to shoot a game with them. It didn't take long for them to realize I wasn't kidding concerning my lack of ability and they left me alone. Except for one guy who wanted me to sit on a stool along the table and watch him play. It was very uncomfortable to balance while wearing a mini skirt, so the watching experiment didn't last long. All of this occurred after my wife had passed away. At that point I was single and had no time restraints. I suppose now, looking back at this time period of my life, I was trying to "pass" as an attractive woman in a male gay venue. Which was a contradiction in terms and/or goals. The reason being, very few cis women ever frequented gay venues so any one who resembled one was immediately labeled a drag queen. This was way before transgender women became recognized as a true part of the LGBTQ culture. 

Ironically, one of the reasons I enjoyed going to Celebrity's was being able to use the women's restroom. I mentioned before the venue was a supper club before it became a gay bar. It just happened to be the one I took my prom date to in high school. Of course, at the time I was completely envious of her being the one in the beautiful dress, with the corsage and heels. I could see no benefit of being in a tuxedo at all. At least when I went to Celebrity, I could use the same restroom she did that night. It was the only connection with prom I ever saw any positivity to at all.

I discovered also how little I enjoyed drag shows, except in a few minor cases when I made it a point to bring cash (remember that?) with me to tip the entertainers I did enjoy. Those were the ones who put together an impossibly feminine mystique.

Both of the male gay venues didn't last long with me. As I started to expand where I was going into other venues, the music and clientele just didn't fit with me. Finally I started to go to lesbian bars and even straight cis venues when I was starting to struggle to even getting served in the male bars.

All of those feelings will be written about in posts which are coming up.



  1. I never felt as though I belonged in gay venues, nor was I even comfortable enough to even try to enjoy the experience. The last time I was at one, I had to physically fight off a large drag queen who was attempting to molest me right at my table. I was out with three cross dressers that night - none of whom even said a word or lifted a finger to help me (their laughter just egged the drag queen on, in fact). So, that was the last time I went anywhere with cross dressers, too. I'm not saying that all drag queens and cross dressers are worthy of avoidance, but I am not of their mindset. I've stuck to going to more mainstream venues since then, and have been more comfortable and felt more free in doing so. Besides, there are far fewer gay venues around than there used to be (even if they may be more friendly to the T in LGBT these days).

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