More LGBTQ Outreach

Image from Brian Wangenheim on UnSplash

Recently I received a call from a therapist at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Administration hospital. It turns out he is the replacement for my long time therapist who left some time ago. I was fortunate to have had her help for nearly a dozen years.

She was a huge help along the way in me being able to separate my bi-polar issues from my transgender ones. Not to mention all the assistance she provided with the paperwork I needed to change my legal markers from male to female with the government and the VA. Plus she talked me off the ledge more than once when I needed advice pertaining to my transgender lifestyle.

Another one of the legacies my therapist left behind was a series of LGBTQ support groups which invariably leaned towards being transgender dominated. Along the way, over the years, I ran across more than a couple unique transgender personalities.  Some of which I wonder what happened to them and some I didn't. 

It turns out now I may be able to have my chance to see them again in a new LGBTQ support group being put together by a therapist I have never met which will start in August. That means I will now have two outreach groups to participate in per month. The new VA group and the Greater Cincinnati Alzheimer's diversity council. I look forward to spreading the transgender word anyway I can to help anyone I can.

Now, more than ever before, with problem programs looming such as Project 2025, it is time for the trans community to be united before the election. In fact, I had quite the scary discussion with my daughter at last week's birthday party. During the festivities, I learned my transgender grandchild will be leaving The Ohio State University this winter with a degree in nuclear engineering and will be headed to Maine next year for her first job. So any hic-cups with a certain ex-president would not be welcomed. 

In the meantime, I get frustrated when all I can do is reach out to the groups I do and then write about it. Maybe through the other groups, I can finally network out and try to do more.   

Memorial Day

 

Author in Civil War Cemetery
Cincinnati, Ohio.

It is the time once again for my annual Memorial Day post.

It always seems to me, the true meaning of the weekend gets lost on things such as cookouts, parades and fireworks. Every once in a while, I will receive a "Thanks for your service" on Memorial Day and because I am a Vietnam Era vet. I am always sure to thank the person but the weekend is not about the veterans who survived all the various wars this country has fought over the years. The real reason for Memorial Day is to stop and remember all those who served and paid the ultimate sacrifice with their lives.

Speaking of lives, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the transgender veterans who perhaps joined the military to "prove" their manhood and died while they were still in their closets.  So sad they never had the chance to express themselves. 

To all of you who lost a close family member in a war or have a veteran who is still suffering from combat trauma, you have all my respect and Memorial Day is for you.

At the least, as I said, take the time to remember that freedom is never free and it is a constant struggle to maintain it from enemies from outside and inside our country. I know also of the many transgender veterans I hear from here on the blog. (Georgette and others.) I know you all have the proper perspective on the day but still, thanks for being a survivor! One of the true meanings of Memorial Day.    

It's LGBTQ Pride Month

Caitlyn Jenner...NOT the face of Pride

Once a year we pause to join the world with our Pride month. This year is ever more important that the transgender (or "T") of the LGBTQ alphabet is visible.

Why do we have to be more visible? Because of all the recent anti legislative bills which typically involve the perceived weakest link of all the LGBTQ facets in the public eye. The fact remains, most of the public does not know a trans person. Plus the trans umbrella still seems to be plagued by negative supposed role models like Caitlyn Jenner. Because of all of that and more it essential as much as possible we stand up for ourselves in a positive manner.

Now let's get down to Pride Celebrations themselves. In todays' ultra restrictive societies some react to the hypocrisy of certain big companies/corporations which sponsor Prides then do nothing the rest of the year to further the rights of individual transgender women or men. This year, the entire matter just seems to be overshadowed  by situations such as the beer "Bud Light" went through. 

Personally, the problem I had with major Pride celebrations was the influence of drag queens. It always seemed to me the transgender community was overshadowed by overly made up men in dresses. Again, this year is different because even the right to dress in drag has come under attack in some states. Of course I support the right of drag queens to do their thing and that means continuing their representation at Pride events. Just don't confuse it with me.

In fact, in the past, when I have attended larger Pride celebrations in Ohio, I felt I needed to separate myself from the drag queens. One year after we first met, my wife Liz even made me a shirt to wear which said "Transgender Veteran, I fought for your right to deny me mine,"   I wanted to show the world I was not a drag queen. 

Regardless of all of that, the biggest issue with LGBTQ Prides this year is everyone's personal safety. Even with the possible threat of violence hanging over everyone's head this year, more and more smaller communities around me at least are starting or continuing their own Pride celebrations. It is good to see. Since transgender people have been around since the beginning of time, we most certainly aren't going anywhere now.   

Hopefully attending the Cincinnati celebration Liz and I have attended in the past will be a possibility this year also. (It's coming up later in the month,) Since I have mobility problems and Liz has an upcoming medical procedure, we will just have to wait and see. In the meantime, enjoy your LGBTQ Pride Month. 

Thanks to all Veterans

 It's Veteran's Day which means it is time again for my annual Veteran's Day post. Since I am a transgender veteran I understand the day may be a little more special to me but it shouldn't. Our country may not be in the best of condition, just imagine where would we be without the selfless sacrifices of veterans over the years. 

My special consideration on Veteran's Day goes out to all the veterans who paid the ultimate price with their lives. How many vets went to their graves not being able to live as their authentic selves as their preferred genders. In addition, how many vets joined the military seeking to prove their worth as a man? We will never know how many servicemen and women lay silent in their graves still withholding their gender secrets.

During my service time, I was in the military way before the so called "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" era when supposedly you were protected from harassment and/or penalties if you were part of the LGBTQ community. Of course, similar to so many other factors which are decided when you compare discrimination between lesbian and/or gay people and transgender individuals. I have heard it referred to as it is much easier to hide gay than trans. 

When I was in the Army in the mid 1970's I actually came out of my gender closet to a very few of my closest friends. During one extended evening drinking wonderful and powerful German beer, I blurted out the reason for my Halloween "costume" was it wasn't a costume at all. I was what I was referred to back then was called  a transvestite and I sometime preferred wearing women's clothes. I was fortunate in that none of them said anything about me to our superiors and nothing happened. When I/we sobered up, I kept my mouth shut and nothing ever happened. But it certainly could have. Being a transvestite or transgender or cross dresser would not have mattered to my superiors and I could have possibly been dishonorably discharged from the Army because of any of them. As I said, I was able to scurry back into my gender closet and survived the final year of my military service unscathed. In fact I was even offered a promotion if I re-upped for one more year of service. I declined and moved forward and even ended up marrying one of the people I came out to who was also in the Army. Eventually she gave birth to my only beloved daughter.

Here on the blog, I occasionally hear from other transgender veterans who took a similar path in the military during the Vietnam War era. Rather than be drafted many of us took the three year enlistment option to be able to be trained in specialized fields which served us well in life. In my case too, I continue to rely on the Veterans' Administration for my health care and medications. So I guess you could say I was repaid many times over  for my three years of service.

Regardless, if you served or not, be sure to take the time out of your busy day to thank a veteran for their service. 

The Good, the Bad and...

 Actually is there is no ugly in regards to this post.

Last night we finally were able to venture out for my birthday dinner. We decided on a venue I have been wanting to visit for quite awhile now. Liz is a little more reticent to go to new places so I had to throw the birthday card (I won't say rump card) to get her to go. 

The Turf Club Cincinnati

Once we arrived, in our casual clothes and all, we felt right at home with a crowd basically dressed in jeans and sweatshirts. Plus, seeing as how the Turf Club (where we were) had a brief visit from the network halftime network football crew who was doing the Bengals game, quite a few of the patrons were showing off their best football attire. Even though I am still a huge fan, I have not been able to afford any of the current up to date "fashion" so I just went with a simple sweater, jeans and knee high boots. 

I will finish my plug for the venue by saying it has been visited by Guy of "Diners, Drive ins and Dives" Food Network fame and I had the same half pound burger which he did. Well, not the same one but made the same. 

A Turf Club Burger

Probably, most importantly, no one seemed to notice the tallish transgender woman in the crowded restaurant. It was the second time this week I experienced gender euphoria. The first was when I was instructed on which frames were for the women earlier this week when I went for my new glasses. This was after I spent too much time worrying about if the eye glass receptionist would have any gender related questions for me. 

Finally, today was my therapy day. It turned out nearly the entire session was dedicated to  revisiting all my old Veterans Administration mental health paperwork in the system. So, for the second time this month I was asked how I identified by the VA. Again I dutifully replied, I am a transgender lesbian and I answer to the she and hers pronouns. 

On the plus side I found I was going to receive a new I-pad to enable me to better be served virtually by the VA. Of course it can only be used for veterans related needs. 

Actually I fibbed earlier. Liz and I are attending a close friend's funeral who committed suicide. I have only been to one funeral since I gender transitioned, so I have picked out my best black outfit for such a sad event. That's the ugly of a terrific week.    

Transgender Bravery versus Conviction

 Yesterday I virtually attended my monthly Veterans Administration LGBTQ support group meeting. Normally the meetings are fairly routine and I don't say much, plus the last get together featured an interesting mental exercise which everyone needed to be a part of if possible. The exercise started with a circle and then you had to add all the various important facets of your life. Examples would be privilege, family etc. 

After a few people stepped forward with their ideas, it became evident how important being a veteran was to all of us, as well as being transgender. Various privilege's came in a close third. Since we all happened to be white, almost everyone mentioned it. Mainly in a sense of how much privilege we lost when we gender transitioned into feminine lives as transgender women. 

Of course I write often and long concerning my own losses of male privileges when I transitioned. For the most part I felt them quickly and firmly. All of the sudden I had lost a significant portion of my IQ and were ignored when I was talking to men. I brought up the experience to the group when I needed to have my car towed and tried my best to explain to the tow driver and a sheriff where I needed to go. Once they heard the address they didn't need any other information from me. Since I was a blond that day, I finally just sat back and asked dumb blond questions about how the tow truck worked. Then I was "man-planed"  how it did. The best examples for me came when I was talking to men about sports which of course I knew quite a bit about. I found I was never taken seriously. Due to time constraints I was never really able to talk much concerning the real issue of losing control of your own safety when you transition to a transgender woman.

By far the best experience was shared by a transgender  man in the group who is completely presentable as a man and works as a nurse. He was saying he works with men from other countries who refuse to take any guidance from women and he has to go in and mediate between the two genders.

Other than that, perhaps the biggest topic from the group came when discussion started about being veterans and what it meant to us all, For me being a veteran was something I never wanted to do but was proud of myself for serving my time in an honorable fashion. Or at least I tried! :). Several others in the group managed to draw lines between being veterans and having the courage to pursue their lives as transgender women and men, 

Over the years occasionally I will be called "brave" when I describe a few of my coming out of my gender closet experiences. I prefer brave be saved for those who deserve it such as first responders. On the other hand my convictions led me to where I am today. As one of the participants said yesterday, as soon as she stepped foot into basic training, she had to stick with her convictions concerning who she really was. Plus I knew also, I just couldn't live a gender lie as a man. Somehow, someway I would have to find a way to live fulltime as a transgender woman.

There is no contest in my book in comparing transgender conviction to any sort of bravery. I rather leave the bravery to the ones who deserve it. Conviction is different. We all need it to survive in an often hostile world.  

Memorial Day

 Once again here in the United States, Memorial Day rolls around . Memorial Day is meant to honor those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

Most of you regulars know , I am a transgender veteran. A fortunate one in that I survived a very ugly, unpopular and destructive conflict known as the Vietnam War. I have friends who didn't survive  or returned with psychical/mental scars which never healed. 

I always try to mention too, the inordinate amount of transgender veterans  who served in their closets while attempting to reclaim their masculine gender status. When I see the number of graves and crosses spotlighted in media news shows on Memorial Day, I wonder how many of them took their gender secrets with them to their graves. 

What really upsets me too are the number of people who see Memorial Day as just another day off to BBQ and not spend just a minute to remember those who served and lost their lives. 

Without them, we would all be lost.

Transgender Health Care

 Another potential problem we face as transgender women and men is finding and using quality health care. I read too many experiences from trans women in particular I know who ran into  problems with doctors. Specifically, the docs were dragging their feet with treating transgender issues such as hormones.

Fortunately,  we have a relatively larger medical entity in our area which is dedicated to helping transgender patients with their health care. They are doing a wonderful job helping those in need with their health care.

As most of you may know, I am a trans veteran who receives health care through the Veteran's Administration system. Years ago during a time of great need I needed to take advantage of nearly free benefits which were available. It turned out to be one of the better choices I had ever made in my life. It was so long ago, I was still in a state of shock over my wife's death and was even way before I embarked on my hormone replacement therapy. My therapist at the time (and still is) was instrumental in helping me start HRT. 

National Cancer Institute from Unsplash 

Back in the day, as the world was catching up to what a transgender person even was I found myself educating every medical person I encountered at the VA. To be fair, none were really negative with me but just didn't seem to know very much. Plus, during those years the Dayton, Ohio VA was conducting transgender seminars with their staff educating them to our needs. 

The point of this post is tomorrow I get to break in a new primary provider. A primary provider in the VA is the equivalent to a person's family doctor in the civilian world. The only thing I know about her is her gender which I definitely prefer. For some reason I have always felt better seeing female physicians and nurse practitioners. Maybe it goes back years ago to the one male doctor I had who always wanted to see my breasts as an "educational" exercise to the residents following him around. Whatever his intentions were, since that time I have always liked female medical people better. 

Looking forward to tomorrow, I don't see any potential problems coming up. In fact, now I can have my endocrinologist blood work done at the VA clinic closest to where I live and not have to drive nearly an hour north to have them done. To be fair, it was my fault because I wanted to keep the Endo doc I had in Dayton and not transfer everything to Cincinnati. Now though, the VA computers have caught up to extent where Dayton can read Cincinnati results. So my blood work tomorrow will be checking my all important estrogen (estradiol) and testosterone levels.

I hope no matter where you are you have been able to locate and take advantage of quality transgender health care. If you can't, my suggestion would be to contact your local LGBTQ center for available resources. I know too not all VA centers are created equal and hopefully your overall experience has been as positive as mine. 

All of us deserve quality transgender health care to help us down our journeys to our authentic selves. 

More on Transgender Veterans Care

 

Michelle sent in an update on the recent announcement by the Veterans Administration (VA) approving gender realignment surgeries:

" Here's un update on the VA. I talked to several friends that work for the VA and help run clinics for trans people. One stated that it is in the rules and regulations that full trans care has been approved but will take time to get it written into the operating procedures. Apparently, several of the clinics here in Florida already have the personnel that specialize in trans care but the problem is that no formal trans exclusive clinics are set up. My friends say that it may take up to a year to get everything fully established. Here's hoping it won't take that long, but then again it's the government."

Thanks for the update!

As I have written before, a few of my dealings with the VA in the past have resulted in me being referred to an outside provider.  Which leads me to this point, where you are will probably dictate how fast the VA can react to this new ruling. 

For example, I know of two experienced hospitals here in Ohio which do SRS. Perhaps it would be easier for the VA to refer cases to them. 

We shall see. As you said Michelle, it's the government. Personally,  as far as I am concerned, I am fortunate in that I don't desire any radical surgeries to reaffirm my femininity..

Lots of Clutter

 I attended a rather lengthy webinar yesterday designed to help care givers deal with elderly parents or patients. Predictably, no mention was made concerning LGBTQ+ individuals. I did have a question in to be answered by email at a later date. We will see if the moderator ever answers me.  I doubt it but at the least I got my point across. At any rate, the whole adventure used all my battery power on my laptop along with the usual allotted time I use  to write a blog post.

Then today, I filled out a LGBTQ+ survey and filled out the on line vehicle license tags registration for our car. As always it took Ohio time to catch up and offer an on line service to residents of the state.

Speaking of Ohio, the Repugs in our legislature tried to pull a quick one and reintroduce a ban on transgender athletes in the state which was previously defeated. Fortunately it was defeated again and so far trans athletes in Ohio can compete.  As always, our transgender rights seem to be so fragile. 

The idea of fragile rights continues in this post as readers discuss the recent VA policy shift supporting gender realignment surgeries. First, Lisa P:

" It is good news, but we will see joy know that we have real progress when the next Republican Administration doesn't dismantle the program. My advice to anyone who needs the help is to get it NOW, while the getting is good. Hopefully, this policy will remain in place, but one never knows."

So true Lisa, thanks for the comment.

Then Michelle commented: 

"Remember that the article did state that the VA needs to find medical staff the can perform the procedures. Unfortunately, as with all government programs it will take some time to get it established. I'm with Lisa about if the republican party has anything to do with it, we will see that taken away. I'm also fully aware of the transphobe medical staff that the VA has down here in Florida.
As you said Cyrsti about having a hint of paranoia, I will be waiting to see what will happen. I hope to find out more this weekend when I meet with several members of the LGBTQ group that works in the VA."

Hopefully this means if the VA can't do the procedure themselves, they have to find someone to do it!

Please keep us posted! Also the person in the photo is Carla Lewis. I wore a similar shirt to a Columbus, Ohio Pride event several years ago. 

The Battle Continues

 A reminder for a former president outside his Mar--a-Lago  home:

And, on the bright side, reversing Trump, the Pentagon has issued new policies for transgender troops. Policies which largely banned transgender people from serving in the military were reversed and new rules were given which will broaden trans troops access to medical care and gender transition. 

I will be interested to see what if any actions the Veteran's Administration will take now. Currently, the VA mostly covers only hormone replacement therapy and some essentials such as wigs and prosthetic breasts. To my knowledge, still no serious surgery. 

Life is too Short

 I was shocked recently to learn of the unexpected passing of Jerry Mallicoat. I know most of you have probably never heard of him and up until fairly recently I hadn't either. 

It wasn't so long ago though he reached out to me to work on the Elderly Alliance LGBT Board of Greater Dayton, Ohio. He was also instrumental in me receiving the LGBT Veterans award. 

Jerry was happily married to John and they lived together in Dayton.

I was fortunate to have been able to participate in several of Jerry's seminars on LGBT aging. I was pleasantly surprised how well he was able to explain the differences between transgender seniors in relation to lesbian, gay or even drag queen individuals. Jerry went out of his way to explain why RuPaul was in no way ever a woman. 

This short blip comes from NBC News a year or so ago:

"Jerry Mallicoat, 58,  fought for LGBTQ rights in Ohio his entire adult life. Now, he’s helping LGBTQ elders lead active and fulfilled lives.

Mallicoat co-founded Rainbow Elder Care of Greater Dayton, which provides advocacy, educational resources, support and referral services to the elder lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer community."

It seems too little to say but Jerry's very sudden passing proves life is too short and you should do your best to make a difference like he did. 

Rest in power Jerry, you did a great job in life. 

Veterans Day 2020

 As I semi-frequently mention here in Cyrsti's Condo, I served in the U.S. Army during the Vietnam War. I was fortunate in that I only was actually in Vietnam for a half hour twice. I served a year in Thailand supporting the troops who supported the fighter jets who escorted the B-52 bombers and did recognizance. At the time as I was trapped in my battles with gender dysphoria, serving time in the military was very close to the last place I wanted to be. I had no choice, I was drafted, passed my physical and then enlisted for three years to have a chance of working in my choice of jobs. In other words, I wasn't in the military to "make me a man" once and for all. 

It turned out the time I served was to come back and help me so many times times in my life. I have written many times of how being in the Army led me to meeting my first wife and the greatest gift I have ever received, my daughter. Along the way I was able to travel parts of the world I would have never seen and receive the health care I receive today at very little cost. 

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the veterans past and current and especially those of you like Michelle. She is another transgender veteran who reads and contributes to the blog. Thank you all for your service! 

Freedom is never free as referenced by the election we just went through.

You Are Nothing...

It's been awhile here in Cyrsti's Condo since I have discussed my most prized possession...my health.  You may (or may not) remember, I ran into some fairly serious iron problems in my blood in 2015. The issue wasn't a lack of iron, it was too much. If the problem was not brought under control, liver damage would result. To make a long story short, I was taken off my precious estrogen until it was and in the meantime my hands were breaking out in sores, again until my iron could be brought under control.

After seeing a number of VA (Veterans Administration) doctors, one diagnosed my problem and set out to help me take care of it. He ordered me to undertake a series of Phlebotomy's until my iron was back under control. Here is a partial explanation:

"Phlebotomy is a clinical procedure in which blood is taken out from your body. People suffering from conditions such as hemochromatosis, where there is an excess of iron content in the blood, or polycythemia, where the patient produces excessive amounts of red blood cells, regularly undergo phlebotomy to alleviate their condition.

The regular removal of blood lowers the body’s iron level by bringing down the population of red blood cells in the body."

This link will take you to more of an explanation..

Most importantly, over a period of six months, the treatment worked and I was allowed to get back on my HRT meds and resume my MtF transgender gender transition. In addition I, perhaps, will have blood taken every three months or so for the rest of my life.

My thanks to Sam Thomas , the main editor at Medipursuit who helped me with the explanation and the link.

It's hard to explain what the process was and how important it was/is to me. With the Christmas season upon us, the most important gift anyone can receive is their health!

Off to See The Wizard

Today I have two transgender support groups to go to. Both are in Dayton, Ohio, about an hour and a half drive one way. So, it's not like I can stop somewhere and make any major outfit changes.

Since I have seen an increasing amount of women wearing boots, I am thinking about pulling out and dusting off mine from last winter and trying on some leggings. My problem is I could be walking some distances and I may have to break the boots in again. I still have an hour or so to check out leggings, jeans etc.

The first group today is the one I write about all the time at the Dayton Veterans Hospital. One of the attendees goes to the second meetup which I have never been to, but have been invited. If I tag along with her, at least I will know where I am going.

Whatever the case, I will have the chance to meet some new friends and set my network up for success. The second group does diversity days regularly at the VA hospital.

Now I just have to find something appropriate to wear. I want something with a little edge which is comfortable too!

It will be interesting to see how many transgender women and men versus cross dressers are attending the second meeting.  It is held above one of Dayton's biggest LGBT venues, so anything is possible,

Trump Frumps Again

In a not so surprising move, Trump banned all transgender troops from the military, leaving an estimated 15,000 troops or more in limbo. Frump of course never served his country prompting 20 year veteran and former Navy Seal Krisin Beck to call him out to a face to face meeting. Which we all know will never happen. What a shame. So close yet so far, and the U.S. takes another step backwards.

Kristin Beck

Don't Blame me Dammit!!

Who had the brilliant idea for me to write a blog approximately five years ago????

CONNIE that's who. As Stana or Paula or Shelle or Mandy can tell you, keeping up on a blog takes a tremendous amount of time for almost no monetary return.

Ironically, even though we may live oceans apart (Paula) or shared a different transgender veteran  (Shelle) experience, threads run thru each blog which ultimately make us trans sisters. Keep up the good work ladies!

FYI, Connie and I met on another LGBT message board type format when she was bashing a group of "trans-nazi's" My lesson learned was a pretty trans picture for the most part did not equate out to a pretty/warm interior. Somehow, many of them neglected to finish that part of their MtF gender transition.

Imagine that.

Moving Picture Show

The TransMilitary Project is running a Kickstarter campaign for a documentary on trans troops who have come out despite the armed forces' ban.

From the Advocate:

"While the U.S. military moves slowly in reviewing the ban on service by transgender people, some filmmakers hope to put a spotlight on trans troops who are serving honorably and sometimes risking discharge by being open about their status.

Director Gabe Silverman and producers Fiona Dawson and Jamie Coughlin have initiated a Kickstarter campaign seeking to raise $89,500 to produce a documentary about those troops as part of the TransMilitary Project."

Go here for more!

Post Memorial Day

After the dust has settled and the  BBQ Sandwich bitch has packed her stuff to save for the next event, I thought Connie's comment was worth remembering: 

"I suppose that the main focus for Memorial Day was intended to be on those who made the ultimate sacrifice while serving. We should also be remembering the countless numbers of those who served, only to end up experiencing long, painful deaths, either physically or emotionally. It especially breaks my heart when I hear of a veteran having had taken his or her own life as a means to end their pain. I can't believe that anyone who has experienced war first-hand could ever come away from it unscathed. Even preparing oneself for potential battle has got to be traumatic, I expect. All veterans deserve thanks, and you all have mine (and an occasional prayer, as well)"

I can speak from experience on the one friend I had who paid the ultimate price in Vietnam and the others whose lives were changed forever. Plus now we are selling arms to North Vietnam "just in case" China gets rowdy. Does that sound remotely similar to anyone?

As far as we transgender veterans go, the term "double edged sword" comes to mind as I know care is better as we understand PTSD and other problems better. At least it doesn't involve a total denial by the government such as the "Agent Orange" debacle.

Shelle thanks for your service!

Who Put the "S" in Stealth?

I remember 'back in the day' when stealth was a dirty word among some(including me). Somehow it just seemed like those transgender or transsexual individuals who were blessed with the looks or the money, to jump the gender fence and ...disappear. Then, the more I discovered the trans community, I could understand why.

It seemed those who stayed close enough to shine a light on the process also weren't the most pleasant peeps in the world.

So now, I often wonder who put the 'S' in my increasing degree of stealth. I can say no one "ran me out" and I will (in the foreseeable future) continue my writings on the state of being a transgender woman will continue.

In the meantime, I also am not going into any public places where I am not noticed and scream "Hey! I'm trans."


Guilt somehow enters into all of this. The Goddess has blessed me with all my acquaintances who for the most part are non LGBT peeps and my partner for a reason to be named later.

If you ever hear it from me, assume I have passed to the other side and since I am not Houdini I am not coming back. 

All of this sounds like a topic for my therapist and I to talk about at my next Veterans Administration visit.

Speaking of the VA, I was in the Social Services office the other day asking for info they provide on setting up a living will etc. I was standing at the desk when a genuine transgender veteran woman comes out of one of the offices. Wow!

I said "hello" but didn't have a chance to talk. I will in the future.