Moving Picture Show

The TransMilitary Project is running a Kickstarter campaign for a documentary on trans troops who have come out despite the armed forces' ban.

From the Advocate:

"While the U.S. military moves slowly in reviewing the ban on service by transgender people, some filmmakers hope to put a spotlight on trans troops who are serving honorably and sometimes risking discharge by being open about their status.

Director Gabe Silverman and producers Fiona Dawson and Jamie Coughlin have initiated a Kickstarter campaign seeking to raise $89,500 to produce a documentary about those troops as part of the TransMilitary Project."

Go here for more!

Post Memorial Day

After the dust has settled and the  BBQ Sandwich bitch has packed her stuff to save for the next event, I thought Connie's comment was worth remembering: 

"I suppose that the main focus for Memorial Day was intended to be on those who made the ultimate sacrifice while serving. We should also be remembering the countless numbers of those who served, only to end up experiencing long, painful deaths, either physically or emotionally. It especially breaks my heart when I hear of a veteran having had taken his or her own life as a means to end their pain. I can't believe that anyone who has experienced war first-hand could ever come away from it unscathed. Even preparing oneself for potential battle has got to be traumatic, I expect. All veterans deserve thanks, and you all have mine (and an occasional prayer, as well)"

I can speak from experience on the one friend I had who paid the ultimate price in Vietnam and the others whose lives were changed forever. Plus now we are selling arms to North Vietnam "just in case" China gets rowdy. Does that sound remotely similar to anyone?

As far as we transgender veterans go, the term "double edged sword" comes to mind as I know care is better as we understand PTSD and other problems better. At least it doesn't involve a total denial by the government such as the "Agent Orange" debacle.

Shelle thanks for your service!

Who Put the "S" in Stealth?

I remember 'back in the day' when stealth was a dirty word among some(including me). Somehow it just seemed like those transgender or transsexual individuals who were blessed with the looks or the money, to jump the gender fence and ...disappear. Then, the more I discovered the trans community, I could understand why.

It seemed those who stayed close enough to shine a light on the process also weren't the most pleasant peeps in the world.

So now, I often wonder who put the 'S' in my increasing degree of stealth. I can say no one "ran me out" and I will (in the foreseeable future) continue my writings on the state of being a transgender woman will continue.

In the meantime, I also am not going into any public places where I am not noticed and scream "Hey! I'm trans."


Guilt somehow enters into all of this. The Goddess has blessed me with all my acquaintances who for the most part are non LGBT peeps and my partner for a reason to be named later.

If you ever hear it from me, assume I have passed to the other side and since I am not Houdini I am not coming back. 

All of this sounds like a topic for my therapist and I to talk about at my next Veterans Administration visit.

Speaking of the VA, I was in the Social Services office the other day asking for info they provide on setting up a living will etc. I was standing at the desk when a genuine transgender veteran woman comes out of one of the offices. Wow!

I said "hello" but didn't have a chance to talk. I will in the future.

Big News From the VA

Hopefully, this will be the first of these stories to come out of Veteran Administration Clinics around the country. And yes, it comes from the much maligned city of Cleveland!

Starting in November, the Louis Stokes Cleveland VAMC will be the first VA to have a Transgender clinic for transgender veterans.

"We are excited to announce the opening of the G.I.V.E (Gender Identity Veteran Experience) Clinic in November. This will be the newest addition to our Medical Center and will be headed by our very own Dr. Megan McNamara M.D and her team: Jen Healy RN, Kami Bizub LPN, and Tike'ta Brock AMSA. This clinic will make a difference by offering a comfortable and safe atmosphere where Transgender care is #1 priority. More information coming soon regarding opening day.

Actually my therapist in Dayton, Ohio asked me if I had heard of such an effort in Cincinnati and I said no. I am fairly sure she is working on one!

Hit Me With Your Best Shot?

Remember "Pat Benatar?" Well, she is still very much in the music business and I saw her yesterday on one of the morning news shows.  She rocked the music world in the 80's with hard hitting rock sounds such as "Hit Me with You Best Shot."  To the left is Benatar and her long time husband Neil Giraldo. 

After all these years of singing, she has one of those deep gravely feminine voices I love so much. And for some reason, I was able to "channel" her when I went to my VA Doc yesterday.

First of all, it's normally really tough to judge the overall effects of HRT on your own body. I had not seen her (the Doc) for six months, so she was (happily) properly impressed with my changes. She also was quick to comment how much happier I seemed to be- which is true. 

Her next comment though extremely flattered and frustrated me at the same time. She said "My God! Have you been working with your voice?" Actually, no-I was just channeling Pat Benatar at the moment.  My voice just felt low, loose, feminine and all so sexy.  But!!!  Just as quickly when I try too hard with Pat-she deserts me-with that throaty laugh!

I'm working hard  Pat and will give it my best shot!

Yet Another Chance for the Military

In typical government fashion, congress, politicians and career bureaucrats, Defense Secretary Hagle is out the door and Ashton Carter is  being "interviewed" for the job.  Now Washington has a huge chance to fix the biggest hypocrisy going on in our country today - How we treat transgender military members. Carter should answer a question without a doubt about what he would do if appointed..But-

I don't think there is a cold chance in Washington,  he will say anything other than he understands  the issue is under "study"- yeah right-but he doesn't know for sure. Then again he could and will look into the phantom study. 

Well,  you military members know if  Carter is approved-his "short timers" calendar will start. New president in a couple years and out he goes to some sort of cushy consulting job and yet a new study.

As you all know, I am a transgender vet and at one time in my past I served my country for the right to lose mine when I came out.  Can you tell I have strong feelings????

Check this story from Salon

Don't Look Now-

All of the sudden, transgender veterans are beginning to have their DD 214's changed to reflect their feminine lifestyle:

This week the National LGBT Bar Association announced a historic decision by the United States Navy, which issued new military documents recognizing a transgender veteran’s legal name change and gender identity. The association also hailed similar victories for two veterans of the U.S. Army. 

 

Lieutenant Paula M. Neira, a 1985 Naval Academy graduate who served in Operation Desert Storm, filed her case in March 2014 and received word in the mail on January 23 that her name change had been approved. She is the first Navy veteran to be issued new Department of Defense paperwork known as Form DD-214. This form is used by Navy veterans to prove they served, whenever they apply for work or for benefits and services available only to veterans. 

 

Neira told Daily Kos the decision came as a pleasant surprise. “I was expecting a fight,” she said. Despite serving with distinction and being awarded more than 20 military decorations, Neira told Today Health she felt she had to leave the Navy because of her gender identity.

 

“I never wanted to leave and hoped to spend my entire life in the Navy,” she said. “I had to leave and be who I am. That decision was the hardest one I have ever made.”

 

Neira resigned her commission in 1991, and underwent gender confirmation surgery in 1995. 

 

Neira, now a nurse educator in Bowie, Md., learned the importance of the DD-214 document when a job offer was rescinded, after she revealed to a prospective employer what her military records would say about her. 

 

“This is an important step for so many transgender veterans, and we are glad the Navy has made it,” said Brynn Tannehill, a former Navy pilot and Director of Advocacy for Service Members, Partners, Allies for Respect and Tolerance for All (SPART*A).

 

 

Of the 22 million veterans of the armed forces, the Williams Institute, a UCLA Law School think tank, estimates 134,000 are transgender. But a spokesman for the Pentagon told Daily Kos these decisions do not reflect a change in official policy.

 

“At this time, there are no plans to change the DOD policy on the DD-214,” Lt. Cmdr. Nate Christensen said in a statement. 

 

In addition, the Pentagon’s deputy general counsel responded to a request by the LGBT Bar Association to distribute official policy guidance to the boards that govern the DD-214s, with a terse statement explaining why it was “unnecessary.” 

 

Neira told Today Health, “Hopefully, it will become routine for any transgender vet to request a new DD-214. The broader implication is to recognize that transgender people can serve in the military. To make it difficult serves no other purpose than ignorance and bigotry.”

 

 

 

Loving Being Wrong for all the Right Reasons

I am rather "persistent" some would call it stubborn?  They are wrong-right?

Regardless of all the word play, there is a good reason for this Cyrsti's post.  Catching you all up on the latest news on my Veteran's Administration front-the last time I left you, I was discussing fighting with them again about not providing me outside endocrinologist care.  By VA doctrine they are supposed to. Knowing the system, I knew I should be able to win again by pounding on the system.  Pay for my outside care bill or provide me in house care.  Earlier this week, after only two months and two zillion calls, I was surprised with the news that not only were they paying for my Sept. outside Doc visit-they were making me an in house appointment next week.  Not bad, it only took me three years.

Now, on to the wrong/right subject.  Today, I had a second monthly appointment with a VA therapist to make sure my inner clock wasn't getting wound too tight.  I went to the first appointment as what is left of my boy self. For some unknown reason, I was going off the deep end agonizing about doing it again. (I am very good at making problems for myself where there aren't any.) Finally, I sat down with Liz and talked it out.  She told me beyond any shadow of a doubt to hitch up my big girl panties and don't go in male drag.  So I didn't and had a great session.  The therapist quite simply said if she never had a chance to meet the true me, how could she do her job.

By the time I was done with my session, I called Liz up and asked if she and the therapist had compared notes?  Plus maybe I may have told Liz she was right-kind of!

Rockin the Airwaves!

I can't say Thursday brought back many fond memories of my radio disk jockey days which ended in the early 1980's , but it's worthwhile to note the feedback from a couple of you who heard the broadcast.
 First, The "Fabulous Connie Dee":  I listened to the broadcast stream - not sure if it was up or downstream-complete with commercial interruptions. I even tried to call in (after making a search for their number), but they apparently have but one line, and they would wait forever to hang up on each caller. I thought that it could be fun if we were on at the same time. You did just fine by yourself, though. I remember a Cyrsti from not that long ago who would not have been so restrained. I would have shamelessly plugged your book, had I been given the chance/ {:-)
Connie, don't worry, I have not developed a new "laid back" personality, unless by some chance HRT is working some sort of changes on me. And, I haven't developed the "Dr. Phil" mentality yet by trying to plug my "Stilettos on Thin Ice" book , although I should before I get invited to Ophra's house!


As far as the radio station itself- WAIF, it's a local "subscriber" supported radio station and I really don't know if it is not another of the many "faith based" radio stations around here or simply a non commercial one.  Except for the commercials you pick up on line on their "stream". Yes Connie, being on with you would have been a dream come true- or nightmare when we got kicked off!


And, Janet Warner sent in this comment:  Cyrsti,
I caught part of the show today and heard you when you called back in the second time. I thought the show was very positive, it is so wonderful that finally what it means to be TG is being discussed openly on a radio station with a broad audience. It is a rotten shame however that it takes the death of such a young innocent person to shock folks enough to have the discussion in the first place. Hopefully some good will come of all of this, but as one of the callers said, until it is no longer legal to discriminate against a person on the basis of gender identity, it is hard to see how real progress can happen.


Thanks Janet!  Indeed it is sad a young transgender person has to take her own life for this to happen. Didn't you think the program showed the depth of the problems we face?  Mr. teen therapist Moderator Tom, relayed right off the bat how stunned he was when he found about the "Josh Alcorn" he knew and the problems "Josh" was facing.  At the least now, Moderator Tom has heard about the problems of being transgender and how close to home and well hidden it can be.


While the conversation did show the depth of ignorance we face, until we face up to talking about it-no real progress can happen.  I was happy when I got back in to the show for the third time, I was able to have been one of two transgender veterans on the show. I was able to mention the discrimination active military members face IF they chose to come out.
While I doubt if I will be invited back to participate anytime soon on the station (even though I was not a wild woman), I think perhaps I will get a mention or two at "Moderator Tom's (and Leelah's church) on Sunday. I would love to be a fly on that wall-until I got swatted for being a trans fly.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!!!" Another issue of the Condo's "Sunday Edition" has hit your virtual front porch. Curl up in those warm jammies (Pajamas) of yours and lets get started!


Page One: The Week That Was-or Wasn't.  Late in the week, we took a look into the fragile and sometimes tragic circumstances of a relationship working to exist when the binary male needs to live a feminine lifestyle. Many times to be able to live at all.  Here is yet another great comment from Angela Kay : 

Angela KayDecember 13, 2014 at 5:41 PM

"Pat and I have a lot in common. My wife is very supportive of 'Angie' and has raised no objection to my HRT, but she lives in constant fear of the neighbors finding out and ostracizing her. I tell her that they're more likely to feel sorry for her, but she's not prepared to take the risk. This presents real problems as I live over 80% of my time as Angie. My solution is to do my own shopping and socializing in nearby towns where I'm not known; if we go into our own little town, it's always as husband and wife. I've written quite a lot about this in my own blog. It's not an ideal way to live, but it's a reasonable compromise and it seems to work for us.

By the way, I'm an English girl and had no idea what a 'condo' was until I looked it up on Wikipedia. See – I grow a little wiser every day!"

Thanks Angie! -I struggle to get a little wiser every day!  As far as your wife goes and many generics-worrying may just come with the territory.  Speaking only for me, my amount of "worry" has increased substantially on HRT.

Page Two: Cyrsti's Soapbox.  Just as I was preparing myself for an extended rant about the **Veterans Administration messing with my HRT treatment, seemingly, the "ship was righted" (even though I was in the Army-not the Navy).  After approximately nine phone calls and a threat to camp out in their offices, a person actually told me how to solve the problem.  The problem may now well become the solution seemed to be too easy.  Also last week, I was surprised and amused at how a "transitioning" email had made it to one of my in boxes.  Turns out it was coming from the CIA who does recruit American military veterans (for obvious reasons).  Seeing as how years ago I had signed up for a veteran job search site, I got the email too late! I started transitioning years ago.

Page Three: Just What the Hell is a?  Angie's comment about not knowing what a "Condo" was across the pond, again slapped me up the side of the head.  I say again because I'm am old school and forget this not so "new fangled" thing call the internet is world wide. So, sometimes when I write about something, I'm assuming most all of you know what I'm talking about.  The CIA is an example. Most in the world know of the American "Central Intelligence Agency" as I have heard of British M16 Intelligence Agency or "Scotland Yard." But then again, if I don't explain myself, I could be writing about the "Culinary Institute of America." Then again, many of you may wonder what I'm referring to when I mention the Veterans Administration. Basically, this is their mandate:  The US Department of Veterans Affairs provides patient care and federal benefits to veterans and their dependents.  The agency's name is commonly abbreviated to "VA". 
Page 4.- The Back Page: Before we call this a wrap and move on, I would like to thank Andee again for a link she sent in which goes into a speech about the history of the LGBT community from the Office of National Intelligence.  As a group we truly have and will be everywhere! 


Hey! Y'all have a good week and thanks bunches for taking your valuable time to stop by Cyrsti's Condo!

"Leave 'Em' Laughing"

My continuing saga with the Veteran's Administration took a decisive turn yesterday.

About two or so, I saw a call coming in from my Patient Advocate office...quickly catching you newer Cyrsti's Condo visitors up-I am a transgender veteran and I am under a co-pay medical program with the much maligned VA.  They are mandated to provide HRT care for me.  Sounds simple, right?

For the most part it has been-except-in typical bureaucratic fashion,  I got stuck in a classic "Catch 22" (A requirement that cannot be met until a prerequisite requirement is met, however, the prerequisite cannot be obtained until the original requirement is met.)  I was approved to be prescribed the HRT meds through the VA pharmacy but no one would prescribe them.  I fought for approximately six to eight months to get approval for them (VA) to pay for an outside endocrinologist to approve my meds. Fast forward two years later and all of the sudden it was happening again!

My advice to any or all of you who may be facing a similar situation-be a persistent bitch. I called three separate advocates nine times in a week and finally got a real answer, presented to me in a simple fashion I could understand.  For once, the guy who called me was interested in not just using me as a ping pong ball and bouncing me to another person.  He told me just to get approval from my primary VA Doc and all was good.  Wow.

Perhaps the second best point came when I was getting ready to hang up and I said "Thanks Dave". He said, "You're welcome, but the name is Jason." I said sorry, but that's fine,  I'm not a "Mister" either.

Trans Vets Win!

From the Advocate:

A pair of transgender military veterans recently won an important recognition victory that advocates say could have wide-reaching effects on how the U.S. armed forces treats its transgender members and veterans. 

The American Civil Liberties Union of New Jersey announced Tuesday that the U.S. Army will allow two trans veterans — Jennifer,(left) a former Sergeant Major in the U.S. Army and Nicolas, a former National Guardsman — to update the names on their discharge papers to reflect their current legal names, granting them access to their earned veteran's benefits at home and at work.

Allowing the two veterans to update "DD-214 Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty," a key identifying document for veterans has potentially far-reaching implications for trans veterans across the U.S., notes ACLU-NJ. Currently, trans service members largely remain silent about their gender identities due to the Department of Defense's instruction 6130.03, which lists any gender-affirming treatment, surgery, or behavior as evidence of a "mental illness" that makes a candidate not fit for duty. 

Go here for more!

Movin' Along!!!!

Fortunately, I was able to move my computer and other bloggin "Stuff" to a new home without incident-so far!!! What's going on is I am moving from my old house into another in route to my partner Liz's house in Cincinnati.  But, I still have to sell my original house in the spring.

At any rate-more than a couple very positive happenings took place.

The first is a landmark protection case concerning transgender school students.  Here is an excerpt from Outword:

On Monday, the U.S. Department of Education released a long-awaited, much-needed guidance document for elementary and secondary schools that offer or want to offer single-sex classes.

Included within the document was an important protection for transgender students that should not be overlooked. The guidance states clearly that transgender students must be allowed to participate in single-sex classes consistent with their gender identity. (In other words, consistent with who they are.) This latest positive breakthrough builds on guidance released earlier this year that made it explicitly clear, for the first time, that Title IX extends to claims of discrimination based on gender identity.

Nicole Maines (from left), 14, her mother Kelly Maines and her twin brother Jonas listen to Wayne Maines (right) as he delivers a stirring speech about their experience in helping Nicole seek justice and acceptance as a transgender youth

Plus, a Maine Transgender student’s (above)  lawsuit ended with a $75K award, a final order telling Orono schools to allow bathroom access  to the girl’s bathroom in grade school and middle school.  The need for this clarifying direction to schools across the country could not have been clearer. For more on the story go here.

As soon as I get caught up, I will connect a few dots to the Laverne Cox presentation I went to plus further positive news concerning active transgender military members and vets.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk! Another issue of our Sunday Edition has just hit your virtual front porch, stay in those fuzzy "jammies" grab a "Cup O Joe" and let's get started!

Page 1-The Week that Was-or Wasn't!  Looking back, my week was one of success's including an early week semi annual trip to my Veteran's Administration "Doc" and then of course Thanksgiving.  As I have mentioned, putting my positive exam aside, he has a transgender niece in Chicago, which gives him a bit more interest in my transition.  In fact this entire week, I ran into more peeps who seemingly wanted to learn more about me.  More on all of that later.

Page 2.- Girl's Night OUT!  The Rubi Girls (left) are a Dayton, Ohio based drag troupe  who have raised over a million dollars over the years for local Aid's Research.  Their shows are rare and more "productions" than drag show.
Plus, last night was the third time I went with my daughter and her friends. Again, more on that experience later.



Page 3.- The Back Page.  Actually, this could have been our lead story.  MTF transgender star Laverne Cox is coming to Wright State University (Dayton/Fairborn, Ohio) this Tuesday night.  Most certainly, I will be there and get back with you!!!!

So it looks as if I will have a lot of "catching up" to do with all of you!  Thanks for stopping by "the Condo!" Luv ya!!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" another Sunday edition of Cyrsti's Condo has just hit your virtual front porch! Let's get started.

Page 1.- The Week That Was- or Wasn't.  My "Merging" post elicited several thoughtful comments, from regulars such as Pat, Alexis Michelle and Mandy. Among other things, several coming out experiences were shared and I urge you to back track on the blog to take a look if you haven't.  My take on it was (or is)  I still have too much baggage I carry with me when I'm dealing with generics.  Often my assumption is, right or wrong, they know I'm a transgender woman-or even care.

Another fun, thought provoking post was called "The Pill" and was based on a question of- if you had access to pills which would erase all maleness or femaleness forever in you, would you take it?

Amanda commented:  It was so many years from the moment I put on my first dress with my sister, That thought that I was a girl has never changed ,,I am Amanda ,being a libra ..most likely the white pill ,but would love to have tried the pink ..lol Love

Thanks Amanda!


Page 2.- Same Sex Marriage.  More than likely by now, you have heard of the latest circuit court of appeals decision which upholds the ban on same sex marriages in certain states (including Ohio where I live.) What the decision essentially does is make sure the issue makes it to the "Supreme Court" for a "final" nationwide ruling.

In the meantime, I was able to use the news for a little "discussion"  leverage with a couple of my lesbian friends.  One of which was giving me grief about transgender service member equal rights. I was talking about how incredibly wrong it is to legislate who should marry whom. Somehow, the conversation shifted to how I didn't have to "worry" about it anyway like the transgender Russian Bride (blond) above.  Either of us can still pull out our "male" birth card and dodge the system.  

Of course I said you (my friend) are presuming I still want to use that male card but are forced to and what does that have to do with me supporting same sex marriage?  Forget about the loosely tied together TGLBQ groups, isn't it the right thing to do? Just like extending rights to transgender military members who fight on the front lines for all of our rights?

About that time, the other two members of our party (one trans woman-another lesbian) were expecting the fur to fly but we moved on to important? topics such as motorcycles and football and all was good. 

Page 3.- Veteran's Day and the Radio.  Out of the clear blue sky, my name went bouncing through the equality group in Ohio and Indiana working for same sex marriage laws and Bingo! Yes I am a transgender vet and yes I would speak about it on a local radio show.  I did a phone in interview a couple days ago and since you all know I am not real shy about discussing issues-if they were able to use any of my interview it would be on today.  I will let you know!

Page 4.- The Back Page.  I hope you all had a good week last week and I am sending out vibes for another good one for you this week!  Thanks for stopping by "the Condo".

The Toughest Trans Battle of Them All?

I hope just because I am a US army transgender veteran, I should feel any more strongly than any other transgender American that the continuing discrimination against transgender military members isn't one of the most basic problems we have?

Shouldn't the people who fight for our freedoms, be allowed to enjoy them? Especially when other countries around the world allow trans people to serve? Even I though, get the argument from people around me women in the military are a bad idea all together. It seems they feel we genetic or transgender women are too emotional, or devoid of strength and may not possess the will to fight to the bitter end for our other troops. Really? I tell them to just did a little deeper into the history of our area in Ohio when the Shawnee's and whites used to clash over land which belonged to the Shawnee.  Sure some of the heavily Scotch Irish women were captured and abused but many were some of the most feared fighters the Shawnee faced when cornered.

Still, today, stories such as this keep happening-because they can: From the Washington Post:  Capt. Sage Fox had come to terms with the end of her military career when she said she got a stunning phone call. It was her commanding officer, telling her that despite the military’s ban on transgender service members, she would be welcome to return— as a female, her preferred gender.

So Fox, 41, (left) a U.S. Army Reserve officer who had served in the military for 14 years, returned to post in Sacramento as a new person. Her voice was higher with the help of vocal training and her features softer as a result of hormone therapy. She had grown out her hair. She got permission to use the female latrine and be addressed as “ma’am.”

But a short time later, her orders were reversed without explanation, and she was told not to come back, she said. Thousands of men and women serving in the U.S. military are in such caught in the gap between shifting cultural mores and military regulations that still require the immediate dismissal of any service member found to be transgender.

Actually, yet again transgender service members such as Captain Fox are just caught up in a government full of politicians and bureaucrats just interested in a short term status quo arrangement.  I might make a move, but not in an election year!

The "shell game" goes something like this: Defense Secretary Hagel said he would be open to a study.  (How many years? How much money?) At the same time (of course) The Pentagon has said nothing is going on with them. And in the meantime, a dozen or so transgender service members have been discharged over the past two years (according to various advocates).

For of this more story go here. My blood pressure is too high to keep writing!!!!!

Trans "Girl Chat"

I have made mention here in Cyrsti's Condo of my two dear transgender friends, one a trans man and the other a trans woman.

The other night, I also made mention of the Equality Ohio meeting my trans girl friend invited me to attend. Afterwards, we were able to sit down and engage in some very rare T-girl chat.

No matter how you cut it, our experiences are so unique, it's difficult to even find another transgender person geographically close to you-let alone be able to sit down and talk face to face.

Even though my friend is much younger than me, in many ways we are at the same cross roads in our transition.  An example is how we both agonize over actually pushing ahead with our gender marker changes.  My problem is a combination of pure laziness and procrastination more than anything else. I'm notoriously bad about not living in the present, so if something isn't particularly bothering me (gender markers) then I can easily put them off in my mind.  As we discussed (and I have written in the past)  changing your gender marker with the DMV here in Ohio is not particularly tough and (as I understand it) neither is the social security set up.

On the other hand here,  birth certificates are impossible.  Plus, my trans guy friend has done all he could including a legal name change, so he knows the process and I can ask him for specifics.  I do know I have to go back to my therapist at the VA to get some sort of a letter too, so that is not much of a problem.  Other than that, I don't want to even get into how the VA works, except to thank trans vet Autumn Sandeen (shown above) for opening many doors I will need to go through to change my markers in the VA system which is a huge step towards NOT being called by your male name when you go in for an appointment.


Other than the marker chat, we talked about her work and how she planned to handle any transition on the job.  All three of us have gone different routes with jobs.  I of course am retired but I could tell you without a shadow of a doubt my last employer would have made any transition on the job hell on me.  My trans man has transitioned on the job already (with - as I understand it various stages of acceptance.) Finally, my trans woman friend has not transitioned past the point of being viewed (I imagine) as a very effeminate man.  One of them works for a perceived diverse company and the other company-not so much.  Bottom line is, she has a lot to consider with transitioning on the job including no real legal protection.

By now you are probably thinking, did you two have any sort of girly girl chat?  Yes we did.  She asked me why I rarely wear skirts and what was I doing about facial hair. Truthfully, I am very much a contradiction in terms (again) in that I'm sort of a "Tom-Boy" trans woman and that's the way it is. (It sends the trans purists over the edge. Like I'm supposed to conform to their ideas?)  As far as electrolysis goes, I have a couple problems called finances and aversion to pain. On the other hand, my friend is already baby smooth but seems to always be heading back for more treatments.

Finally, before we parted ways-we did talk about the future on a bigger "what if" scale, as far as possible surgical procedures.  My trans man is actually close to his "top surgery" and I wish him the best and all of a sudden, there is a glimmer of hope (with recent developments) I may be able to at least look into the two procedures I would really like to have-breast augmentation and FFS, facial feminization surgery.  I will have to get back with you on what my trans friend thought about herself except she "really" wanted something done about her nose.

So, all in all, it was a fun couple of hours with another person who has walked a mile in my shoes and vice versa. They are so difficult to find!!!

The Discussion Continues

As I had hoped Elizabeth responded back to my answer yesterday and took it another different direction or two: First of all I liked it because she didn't start it off by saying "Cyrsti-you ignorant-f--k." Plus you all know how I so love a good discussin! (as they say in my neck of the woods)

Cyrsti

Becoming a woman is a learned process that woman earn over time and "earn" is the correct term. Womanhood is not conferred on you based on how you dress or how you define yourself. Sandeen is not a woman because Sandeen has not one clue about what it means to be a woman. You claim you have observed woman for 50 years and somehow this lets you "see" all their mistakes which is a crock of shit.

SO you are claiming you have been an undercover woman for 50 years observing and learning how a female becomes a woman. You have spent less than two years defining yourself as transgender yet you suddenly seem to know everything about what it means to be a female and a woman. The truth is you are clueless because you never experienced life as a woman and that is the key.

Learning to be a woman involves experiencing daily life as a woman which you neglected to do for the first 60+ years of your life. You were a man and worked as a man and lived as a man so get off your high horse milady because you know not what you speak of.

I raised my first husbands daughter and about two years into that mind blowing experience I was talking with my mom and she simply said "congrats Elizabeth because now you are a woman: and I took that as a major compliment. My mom taught me about Vicks vapo rub under my nose to prevent gagging on the baby poop which was a godsend. I think I was 29 at the time but had existed as a girl basically from just short of my 14th birthday.

Those of us born transsexual have a sex identity issue because our sex characteristics do not match the gender we perceive ourselves as. My gender was actually never in question because I believed I was already a girl. Just how does not believe one is a woman? It is not given it is earned and quite frankly you have not earned anything close to it but then I am sure you know that.

If you want to call yourself a transgender or trans woman be my guest because that is a label you should live with. As for the younger generation I kind of doubt they will rewrite the definition for woman as easily as you seem to feel. A friend and I have worked with kids for years and we have two in Britain that are within a year of SRS and once they have SRS they just want to melt into society and be normal. I realize the word normal is weird to those of you that exist in the "activist" world but believe me once any kid has had SRS that is all they want unless of course they have ulterior motives like being famous but then that is kind of different.

I actually enjoy your blog but I also see you as a stereotypical transgender / crossdresser which does not make you a bad person just different. I do not wish you any harm nor would I be happy if harm came to you but that is just me.

Have a nice day.

Having not a clue of Elizabeth's background, I had no idea she was TS-by birth-her statement.  I don't want to put her in a corner by saying many TS's consider themselves to be the sole inhabitants of our culture who "were born into it."  My only response is, how does anyone know how anyone else was born and into what?

Here is more of my response:

Thanks for making my point Elizabeth. A woman is a "socialized" person- a female is a birthed person. So a TS is a socialized woman by your definition...not birth.

As far as how you want to attach any "life experiences" to the process is a personal journey of one's choices and the cards one was dealt....No matter how you cut it, one person is no better than another and I'm glad your Mom "anointed" you "woman" when mine was making an appointment for electro shock therapy.

Our whole discussion obviously is rooted too deeply in passion for objectivity and I suspect, a touch of good old male "one upmanship" which is so prevalent in our community has crept in...But you win with the baby poop (although, I did my fair share with my daughter-not knowing that made me a woman.)   At the least here, we are discussing semantics. Your perception of a term is obviously different than mine and that's cool. 

I was interested in your take on the two young trans kids who just want to disappear, unlike the ones I see here who want to make a difference in a new world they are carving out...especially the trans guys.  The black trans women are like that too..maybe it's just a part of being American. They won't take discrimination laying down anymore and just don't see stealth as a viable alternative.  I'm excited and proud of them as much of it is way too late for a person my age.

Yes, the word "normal" is weird to me because I was never able to access it during my life (and it had very little to do with gender) and no I am really disappointed because I can't consider myself an "activist"-AND I do feel a deep amount of guilt dealing with the fact most all of my generation went stealth and nothing was changed.  I just figure anything I can do or say may be helpful in the last one third of my life.

 All one can do is try and the last thing I want to do is to ever get into a ego battle with anyone for what they have or have not done.

I'm kind of selfish though.  It's interesting you brought up Autumn Sandeen of all people.  I would never even begin to speak for her but what I can tell you is she has brought some tremendous change with in the VA which I directly benefit from. I'm sure you agree it's tragic trans military members can't access the same rights they are fighting for.

  

No, none of us can turn back the clock and we did what we could to survive. I'm sure you lived with the depression, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse and the rest like most of us have-so you know.

Finally, this is going to sound a bit blunt Elizabeth.  I'm glad you enjoy the blog but I really don't care how you view me...I learned a long time ago how not to get my feelings hurt around here on line-especially in a certain very popular trans social site dominated by TS girls waiting to strike because they think having more surgery or drugs makes them better.

On the other hand, I've been fortunate to be surrounded by my friends, a partner and what's left of my family (still living) who accept who I am. I live in a relatively conservative part of America who needs to experience people like me- I am transgender and that is exactly what the word means- between both genders. My jewelry says I'm trans, my friends certainly know I am and you know it took me 60 + years to get here-so yes I do love it.  It's mine, I'm me and I embrace it.  If I am a unique one of a kind person-so be it.

Thanks for reading the blog and a wonderful discussion!

Cyrsti

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! It's time for the Sunday "Memorial Day" Edition- and a busy one!

"Justin Vivian Bond"

Page 1.-A salute to our fallen heroes.  Not too long ago, I began to tweet back and forth with another transgender vet, Lexi.  She has reminded us this weekend, is becoming similar to Christmas.  Graduation parties, time off of work and a celebration of the start of summer are taking away from the deeper meaning of the weekend. She even went a step further yesterday and pointed out this weekend is a time to take a second and remember all who served in uniform.  The fallen, the retired and those who will continue to live with service related injuries their entire lives. Such as Lexi! It's time we do!

Page 2.- We got Mail-Kind of- From Connie:  OK, Cyrsti, enough with the lip-schtick. I suppose that I should be honored to have been featured in more than half of your blog entry, but, somehow, I feel victimized. No matter, though, as I am perfectly capable of holding my own (there, I left myself open for you to make another joke at my expense). I know that you are done with the debate, but it occurred to me that it might be good to call in an old friend of yours, Dan Quayle. He would surely tell you that the plural of stilettos is spelled STILETTOES. 

Just as in the words "tomato(e) and potato(e), the singular form would have an E at the end of it. So, let that be the end of it. (but I'll bet that I have, again, left myself open (toed)) I don't plan on writing a book, but you may know that I enjoy writing song parodies. Your book's title reminds me of the one I wrote for Elvis's (did I get the apostrophe right there?) "In the Ghetto", which I made into "In Stilettos". (She) gets herself all done (She) Gets on Shoes!!

Connie, should I be fortunate my mind refuses to remember Dan Quayle? Should I trade out royalties whith you for your blog work and my song?  Which brings up another tune: "Nothing from Nothing equals Nothing."

Page 3.- Whose Worse?  Judge Judy or Rude Paul? After a while many minds seem to convince themselves because of how they have lived or who they are-they enable themselves to speak their mind to the point of believing they are right.  I have used Judy and Rude as an example because they seem to think "the world according to them" is gospel.  Rude figures since he grew up gay and black, he has an entitlement to think he can say anything he wants.  Of course, that it like saying since I grew up white, with a poor grandmother who told stories about going to KKK meetings in a wagon-I can say anything I want. (Ridiculous)  Plus, since Rude didn't serve his country like I did-do I have more of an entitlement than he does to be a hater? No, of course not.  I along with millions of others did our duty so he could.

I think both of them have been simply caught up in their rhetoric which used to help ratings and their finances but now their words have begun to define them.  Judy's inherent meanness is becoming through as does Rude's life as an old bitter gay queen. They are nothing more and nothing less.  Not to worry, soon they will enter the ranks of the dinosaur and retire to their gated palaces and become extinct.


Back Page.-  It's been a big week, here in the Condo with the book and all, tied in with everything else which is going on.  It's ironic, nearly my entire life, I have worked jobs which included the weekend and holidays.  From my paper route, to working as a disc jockey on radio to the restaurant business-weekends off were few and far between.  Now I'm continuing in the same direction by writing a 24/7 blog.  If the truth be known, I'm actually lost on holiday weekends , since I'm not working-so I am now, what I call a "live" post. Which means I'm writing it at 9:30 EST and not yesterday -  Even I figured out how simple it is to archive a post and schedule it to go live another time. High Tech!!!

Have a great week, and remember to take the time to thank a vet!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk!  It's Sunday here in the Condo and time for a cup o joe and our Sunday edition.

Page 1.- Really Chuck? Recently in a totally unbelievable moment, U.S. Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel and his cronies in the Pentagon got together and hurt their backs as they patted each other for the new diversity and equal opportunity in the U.S. military.  Of course Chuck happened to forget the transgender military members who are banned from serving.  They either serve in fear of discovery which could lead to loss of jobs and careers, or are separated from duty.  For the life of me, I can not understand how this hypocrisy on the highest level is continuing to be supported by congress and especially a so called "liberal" president. How big a hole does OBama have in the White House lawn to bury his head in the dirt and ignore this?

Also on the subject of trans vets, I should get a chance to meet one of the leading transgender military activists, Brynn Tannehill (shown above) at the Trans Ohio Symposium coming up this month in Columbus.

Page 2.- Really Cyrsti?  Like a college student who puts off studying for a long time and ends up running out of time, I find myself in crunch mode for my work shop at the fore mentioned Trans Ohio event.  My basic theme is "MtF Transitioning later in Life."  I presented it  last year, so I know much more on what to expect. The real problem is my book, Stiletto's on Thin Ice" which I pledged to have done by then.  Come hell or high water, I will, but the fact remains I'm a terrible closer.  Always have had a difficult time finishing projects.  To the right is a cover image I'm working on because my budget is non existent.  Certainly, I'm not looking to get rich or win a Pulitzer Prize - I just want to do it-preferably before I die. Which leaves me approximately another four weeks.

Page 3.- "Mo" Mail!  We have had so much mail around here (and I thank you all soooo much :) I am finally getting around to answering it all.  I got to most of Connie's comments yesterday and it's time to get to more today:  Our Prom Daze post struck a cord with many including Mandy Sherman:

The 'male privilege' I was allowed was severely restricted - more like completely hogtied. Rules I had to deal with included, but were not limited to: I couldn't drive her anywhere, for any reason, at any time. We either had to take public transportation and bring a chaperone along (no public transportation available in our rural area), pay for a limousine and bring a chaperone along (the limo driver was not a sufficient chaperone), or have my father (NOT my mother - do you see a touch of discrimination there?) drive us. With the price of a limousine what it was, fortunately good old Dad agreed to being chauffeur and chaperone.

This is a great comment from Mandy and there is much more to it.  As is another comment from Connie on the same subject.  Follow the link above to see them. Perhaps all the feminists who love to bitch about the male privilege bit, just need to understand each gender's grass is never as green as you think it will be. (No cheap shots about smoking it!)

To Pat, about the "The Transvestite Diet" post: I don't don't if she did too much dieting or if was a hoax or if the wife found out, but it seems to have disappeared.  (Liz told me a day later the blog was gone.)  My question was going to be if this person was on HRT or not.  The hormones of course have a dramatic effect on weight gain (and loss).  The male metabolism slows and a few of the meds want to make you eat your wall paper off the wall or maybe even your cat.  But alas, we may never know. Plus normally when I plug someones book here in Cyrsti's Condo I get a response and I got "nuttin honey!"

Page 4.- My Grandson Speaks.  This week I posted a comment from my 10 year old grandson saying I was his hero because I was gay.  My daughter was a little surprised and said that's wonderful but your grandpa is not gay-but transgender:

Pat commented:
Good luck. It is harder to explain T issues than gay issues. I am sure that you will remain or at least regain hero status. At a minimum he will come to recognize the courage that it has taken for you to be true to yourself while still fulfilling your obligations of being his grandparent and the parent of his mother.

Thanks Pat, he is an incredibly diverse kid already.  His fourth grade teacher last year is a very out gay man and one of the top drag performers in the Dayton, Ohio area.  He was just taking the easy route to connecting the dots.  We all know the difference in light years of being gay versus transgender and once he grasps it, all he will have to do is change the wording from "hero" to " heroine" I hope.  One way or another, it will be time for a sit down talk with him and older sister this June when they are out of school.

Back Page.- WHEW! We had a lot to cover this week.  I hope the delivery person didn't heave this issue through your window!  As always....you all are the best and my special positive thoughts go out to all of those of you in or near where the tornadoes hit!  Sort of a constant reminder of how small we really are.