Better Late than Never

Photo Courtesy of
Jessie Hart

I go through many stages of emotions when I see a post saying or alluding to how we older transgender folk may somehow be less "trans" because we waited our life to evolve farther before we came out of our gender closets.  Of course there are many reasons we waited that the younger questioning transgender person doesn't realize. 

First and foremost they have no knowledge of the era or time we grew up in. They have no inkling of what life was like in the pre internet era. Closets were deeper and darker when it was more isolated. We weren't able to imagine a life without the world wide web and computers so small they fit on your cell phone. Plus,  I didn't even mention being without all the social media platforms. The many and varied platforms have
dramatically shortened the distances of the world. All of a sudden, it's easy to read about what Paula is up to on her blog  "Paula's Place" from the UK  or Franziska from Germany on her "Out and About" blog. Both are examples of just how much easier life would have been in my world if I had known there were others like me in the world back in the day. 

All of that aside, I would be remiss if I didn't mention how much baggage we build naturally as we go through life. Over the years, we acquire families and children. Not to mention a circle of friends, jobs and property. It is a daunting task when you are stopping your life as you know it to consider a gender transition. On the other hand, I know younger transgender women and men have to consider building a life from scratch as their authentic selves with many having no family support at all.

Overall it is a shame we can't all get along better and learn from each other. Especially these days when anti LGBT (especially transgender) laws are becoming so prevalent. In the closet or not, young or old we need to organize our resistance and stick together before laws are proposed again, similar when I was growing up. stopping all men from even crossdressing as women in public at all. Some state politicians are trying to even ban drag shows. Young LGBTQ folk need to understand my urgency in resisting all of this negative change because I saw it in motion when I was younger.

Sure, it took me until my sixties until I fully came out of my gender closet and many times I regret not doing it sooner. It just took me longer to realize what I had as a man wasn't as promising of what I could have as a transgender woman. Finally I increasingly felt so natural as my feminine self, I decided to undergo hormone replacement therapy and live full time as a woman. Better late than never.

Is the Other Grass Greener?

As we follow our journeys to our authentic transgender selves, often we mistake the gender grass for cis-gender women to be greener. By "cis-gender" I mean humans who were born biological females. 

As transgender women we automatically believe the amount of feedback our cis gendered sisters helped them grow into the women they became. The subject came up in our household last night as my

Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

partner Liz tearfully recounted how the restrictions her Mother placed on her still effect her to this day. Examples include everything from not being allowed to wear makeup all the way to being discouraged from taking ballet lessons. The makeup effected her because her friends were allowed to wear it, the ballet because Liz was larger than many of the other dancers. All of this has influenced her life to this day. 

All of this happened when she read a post from a transgender woman friend of mine bemoaning the fact she never was able to experience the joys of girl hood. From makeup to frilly dresses. I know I feel the same way, specifically at Christmas when my girl cousins were so pretty and feminine in their dresses when I was stuck in a starched shirt and often a hated tie. Little did I know perhaps they didn't want to 

wear those dresses. 

Girls fighting with their Mom's I found was nothing new. In fact my daughter the other day pointed out how long she had to wait to have her ears pierced. She was blocked by my wife (her step Mother) at the time who was very conservative. Her views on makeup and clothes led to many fights between us and I don't think she ever approved of how I looked. Since she has since passed away, I will never find out. I can only say I did try my best to dress down on all the occasions I went out with her, except the parties in Columbus we went to when I knew I would be competing with other over dressed cross dressers or transgender women. Ironically, even she would tell me stories how she fought with her Mom on what she would be wearing to school.

As I look back, I am sure I could have benefited from makeup help from my peer group of girls if I had been fortunate enough to have gone through it. However I do know my Mom was very strong willed and would have fought me tooth and nail on my appearance. Little did she ever know in my youngest years, I did my best to copy her makeup habits and apply it to the clothes I managed to accumulate which matched what other girls my age were wearing. 

All these years later I still remember the shame I felt from just wanting so much to be a girl. It wasn't till much later when I began to live fulltime as a transgender woman did I discover the gender grass wasn't always greener. Surely I would have preferred a girl's childhood to the one I had but I am sure it all wouldn't have been sweetness and light. Plus I am certain as females grow into women they end up leading more complex and difficult lives than men.

Even though I feel the gender grass is not always greener, I wouldn't trade my journey into feminine pastures for the world. 

Avoidance

 Connie wrote in and commented on the recent Cyrsti's Condo post called "Celebrity": 

Gay Bar

"I never felt as though I belonged in gay venues, nor was I even comfortable enough to even try to enjoy the experience. The last time I was at one, I had to physically fight off a large drag queen who was attempting to molest me right at my table. I was out with three cross dressers that night - none of , whom even said a word or lifted a finger to help me (their laughter just egged the drag queen on, in fact). So, that was the last time I went anywhere with cross dressers, too. 

I'm not saying that all drag queens and cross dressers are worthy of avoidance, but I am not of their mindset. I've stuck to going to more mainstream venues since then, and have been more comfortable and felt more free in doing so. Besides, there are far fewer gay venues around than there used to be (even if they may be more friendly to the T in LGBT these days)."

I agree there seem to be fewer gay venues and lesbian places have all but disappeared.  It was my experience the lesbians were for the most part passive patrons who didn't drink much. Taking up tables for card tournaments just didn't make for positive cash flow. My biggest missed opportunity in a lesbian bar came when they were expecting a group of exotic dancers to show up. I really wanted to see how that played out but they never showed. 

The only time I went out with a group of cross dressers was a night after one of the transvestite mixers I went to in Columbus, Ohio. Along the way a few of them managed to behave like a teenage drunk. Even to the point of getting all of us banned from the women's restroom. Even though I tried to distance myself from the rowdies, the damage was already done.

As far as drag queens go, I never have had any personal negative dealings with them. I just don't respond well to what I consider is a caricature of a woman. Something I have tried diligently to distance myself from. Just because an effeminate cis gay man puts on a dress and makeup doesn't mean anything to me. 

It's been years now since Liz and I have been to a gay venue. Not specifically because we were trying to avoid them, it's just because we enjoy the mainstream venues more.

Masks

 Another Cyrsti's Condo reader I have been in contact with over the years wrote in and commented on her feelings about applying makeup. Her name is Mandy and she lives on the East coast of the United States. Over the years she had been able to survive balancing her life in a feminine world along with living with a spouse and having young grand children.  

In the comment (thanks), she said she viewed the whole process as applying a mask. Admittingly I think she is right in many ways. I know back in the day when I first started experimenting with basic makeup skills it was a process. Something I had seen my own Mom do so effortlessly with her own makeup proved to be so difficult. Of course there are no pictures but I am sure "clown like" would be applicable. 

Photo credit: Chalo  Garcia (Unsplash)
Cis model with mask

Still I endured, bought my own makeup and embarked on a process of improving my makeup skills. Slowly but surely I was able to improve my "masking" skills. 

When you think about it, all women (cis or transgender) use makeup as a mask. These days, much to the chagrin of many transgender and/or crossdressers, women have moved to a more natural look. Which means much less makeup. I noticed an example as another much younger woman stood in line ahead of me at the dentists' office. She was wearing very little makeup except mascara and perhaps lip gloss. Of course with her youthful flawless complexion she didn't need any mask. Her whole demeanor screamed female. I was envious in that I had to put much more work into my feminine presentation. 

Unknown to me however was what kind of skin care routine she used. I am fortunate in that I was able to "sneak" in my own personal skin care routine. The act of shaving probably provided me the greatest benefit when I was able to exfoliate old skin cells and replace them with new ones. Then I was able to convince my wife I needed a moisturizer to help me with razor burn. In fact, one of the biggest recommendations I can make to novice transgender - cross dressers is take care of your skin. The second is watch your weight. It is a real possibility you will be able to present better as your feminine self if you follow those rules. Your "mask" will come along with practice.

These days locating help with your mask is easier to find. If you live near big urban areas at all, makeup specialty stores often are happy to help you with tips. There is so much to consider with contouring and color.

I was fortunate enough also to be able to undertake hormone replacement therapy, which really helped to smooth out and soften my skin. Plus age alone aided my transition. I was of the age where the binary genders have a tendency to blur. 

Whatever your case , I hope you can adapt to wearing a makeup mask and it helps you lead a quality life. If not, remember it's a marathon not a sprint. Just keep working and don't get discouraged.      

Off to See The Wizard

Today I have two transgender support groups to go to. Both are in Dayton, Ohio, about an hour and a half drive one way. So, it's not like I can stop somewhere and make any major outfit changes.

Since I have seen an increasing amount of women wearing boots, I am thinking about pulling out and dusting off mine from last winter and trying on some leggings. My problem is I could be walking some distances and I may have to break the boots in again. I still have an hour or so to check out leggings, jeans etc.

The first group today is the one I write about all the time at the Dayton Veterans Hospital. One of the attendees goes to the second meetup which I have never been to, but have been invited. If I tag along with her, at least I will know where I am going.

Whatever the case, I will have the chance to meet some new friends and set my network up for success. The second group does diversity days regularly at the VA hospital.

Now I just have to find something appropriate to wear. I want something with a little edge which is comfortable too!

It will be interesting to see how many transgender women and men versus cross dressers are attending the second meeting.  It is held above one of Dayton's biggest LGBT venues, so anything is possible,

Life Turns on a Dime - Part Nine

This post I could have called turned on a quarter because of what happened.

As I wrote before, I was pretty well freed up to finally choose a feminine transgender path if I wanted one.  As I was seemingly taking my good old sweet time, the sun, the moon and the stars parted and showed me the way.

It was about this time the Veterans Administration announced it would cover HRT treatment for transgender veterans if I was approved and I went for it by signing up for a round of therapy. Also around this time my group of friends was showing me down a feminine path, more than they ever realized and finally I was close enough to take early Social Security retirement at the age of 63. So I could be freed up not to try to transition on a job.

So one night I was sitting by myself and the blinding realization came to me this was a golden opportunity to fulfill basically was a lifelong dream-to be a girl. And, all of a sudden the weight of tons of guilt fell from my shoulders and a murky path was clear.

Besides just living the feminine experience as a trans woman instead of a cross dresser, hormones were to make a tremendous difference for me.

This is where my story gets a little tender, because I don't belittle crossdressers at all or even trans girls who are not on HRT. Because I know at my age, I know I am but one health condition away from going off my hormones.

But to me, estrogen was going to make an almost immediate positive impact on my life and one my friends would notice.

So much so, it deserves it's own post.

Life Turns on a Dime - Part Six

Very simply, German Village is an upscale restored historical neighborhood just South of downtown Columbus, Ohio. One of the "A" listers I mentioned in a previous post bought a burnt out old brick there and restored it to a beautiful home. Before I go any further, the owner was not a "trans-nazi" so my wife and I were invited to small parties there. I will refer to the owner as "she" because she went on to have SRS.

The parties were fascinating. Anyone from cross dressers not in drag to the most down to earth transgender women in the world were there. Sometimes in tow with an admirer or even a lesbian. I learned tons in a short period of time. Often I learned all the hormones or operations in the world couldn't "make" a reasonable facsimile of a cis woman.

I also learned how a woman can be physically trapped by a larger man when a very big admirer cornered and trapped me in a narrow hallway- until I could be rescued by my wife.

At the same time, I was getting out and about more in Columbus shopping during the day. Fashions during the day included lite jackets, short skirts and opaque hose, perfect items from my wardrobe.

You may ask, where was my wife during all of this? When she was working, I was going out and hiding the fact I did and hoping to get all the makeup off my face. Again and again I was not happy about the lying and hiding behind my skirts and wigs but the more I learned about a feminine life, the more I loved it.

Along the way too, I was learning much more than ever before because I found people wanted to talk to me and took it I was a bitch if I didn't respond. Especially in restaurants where I began to stop and eat.

So before I knew it, a feminine part of me was emerging I wasn't sure I even had and I knew I was on a real slippery slope. However, the ripping and tearing of trying to live two lives was a terrible experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. My drinking continued and nothing seemed to work as I continued to ignore the obvious. I was transgender.

Make Me a Woman? Help???

The other day, I saw a plea from one of my online contacts to help "make him a woman."

Number one, I do not possess such God or Goddess like qualities and number two, even asking such a question shows a complete misunderstanding of the situations the individual is going through.

Why?

A true gender transition must start on the inside and work it's way out, not vice versa. A great number of the most beautiful cross dressers and drag queens on the planet have no intention of ever being a woman. So I recommend living as much as you can in the feminine world and then deciding if you want to go further down a transgender path. If all goes well, your interior gender leanings will match your exterior and all will be well.

You will also have to learn the basic differences of living as the opposite gender as well. If you haven't noticed, cis women who can be the most nurturing, loving people on the planet, can also be the most clannish, vindictive and competitive too. When push comes to shove (and it might) men are basically more social like dogs and women more like cats.

Unidentified 

One example would be a divorce. Many times caused by the input of another woman on a man and healed by a group of women friends on the other.

Can you imagine how wealthy a person could be if she could wave her magic wand and "make" a man a woman?  Then change a person back when the change wasn't at all what he expected? The loss of male privilege alone can cause many to turn back.

Of course I journeyed to the feminine side, looked around, took my lumps and stayed. The reason I am so pessimistic is how traumatic the trip can be. However, once you reach the other side and you belong there, there is no better feeling in the world.

No, I can't make you a woman but I can help along the way. Perhaps better than most cis women because I have been there and done it.

Cyrsti's Condo Monday Edition

Brrr! Welcome to another chilly special Monday edition. It's cold and windy here in Southwestern Ohio but at least we don't have all the snow not so far up North. Let's grab a hot cup o joe and get started.
Page One: The Week that Was-or Wasn't: The big event this week of course was the Transgender Day of Rembrance commemorating the untimely deaths of transgender women and trans men this year alone. As a commitee member, I was proud to see a very good turn out regardless of recent security fears. Speakers were transgender women of color representing the fact the vast majority of deaths were among women of color. Trans health care issues and homelessness were also discussed. More importantly, certain area groups in Greater Cincinnati who are working to help presented tables of information.

Page Two: Yesterdays Coffee-Opinion: Privilege was another topic of interest yesterday. Depending on how you view privilege, it's a very difficult topic to discuss. Very simply put, to some, being white presents privilege and it does. But on a deeper level, the amount of bullying ones goes through is privilege, and it goes on and on. In an indirect way, Connie approached the question in several of her blog comments. Here is her latest:

"I sometimes wonder if I am being selfish, as if it should be my duty to actively reach out to other transgender people, as well as the general population. The fact is, however, that by living my life completely as a person who is confident in herself, I am presenting myself in a positive light to all people. Whether it be my religious beliefs, my professional life, or my family life, I have always tried to lead by example (a good one, I hope). Why, then, should my trans status be any different? I had spent so many years hiding myself, always with the wish that I would be able some day to live as a woman, I deserve to finally enjoy that fruition. The thousands of hours I had spent removed from life was actually so much more selfish of me."

To be clear I have taken some of this comment out of context and I have always tried to be clear it's nobody's duty to do anything and I think this is a quality comment. (Read the rest following a former Transgender Awareness Week post.) It's just that my beliefs dictate I happen to possess just enough privilege to help another trans person and I can. 

Page Three: Making Up: Yesterday was also an interesting look into the different worlds of cross dressers and transgender women. The cross dressers for the most part wore sky high heels and perfect makeup (albeit) a little heavy. I have been fortunate in that I have hit a groove in the makeup department. A touch of foundation, eye makeup and mascara something like this from Connie: "I approach my makeup regimen with the thought of accentuating my assets first. 

Not to say that there are not many flaws in need of attention, but I learned long ago that taking extreme measures to cover them up only brings more attention to them. It is much better to draw attention to my assets (though few they may be), and the flaws are therefore less noticeable. 

Learning to simply "draw" attention rather than "draw on" attention is the tricky part. In my case, as it probably is for most of us, it is the eye makeup that does the trick. I've learned that it actually takes much more time and effort to use it sparingly than to go for a dramatic and overdone look. For me, the results are more satisfactory, and I feel like the attention is toward my eyes, and not the eye makeup itself." 

On the other hand I refer to Stana at Femulate as the true makeup wizardess!

Page Four: The Back Page: Once again it's time to wrap this up and get on with my day!!!

I luv you all and thanks for stopping by the Condo :)

Jessie 

Makeup as a Art? Form?

Using makeup most certainly isn't a problem just for transgender or cross dresser women. Just look around for all the makeup counters and commercials you see for us all.

Like so many others, I was convinced until I found a woman to do my makeup, I would struggle forever. While some would argue I still struggle, the first real professional makeup job I had was from a man.

I was a member of one of the early so called hetero cross dresser clubs in Columbus, Ohio in the 1980's and one of the meetings featured free makeovers by a couple of professionals. Most of the members there were too shy to wipe off all the makeup they applied and start over but not me.

Of course back in those days I had far fewer wrinkles to deal with and was blessed with smoother skin and the professional worked wonders. So good I barely knew me!

The true tests were to come later when the so called "A" list cross dressers began to compliment me and even invited me to tag along that evening when they went out after the meeting.

Finally, the evening came to an end with one of those "what if" moments when a real live guy ignored all of them and asked me to stick around for a drink. At the spur of the moment "Cinderella" decided she would leave with them and go back to the hotel.

In the days, weeks and years ahead I tried my darnest to copy all the makeup guy told me to not much avail.

Every now and then I have someone ask for advice and I always say if you have the budget, go to a professional and buy the basics only. If you don't, experiment and don't let the mirror lie to you. Plus you can read tons of tutorials on line which focus on value versus effect.

Rest assured the mystery of makeup does get easier but it takes work and most certainly the whole process is one of the most pleasureable parts of being a woman.

Where Did She Go?

I haven't been able to post much lately due to continuing technology issues...so here we go.

Not much has happened since the last time we communicated except I finally got my hair colored and not another DIY (do it yourself) job. Liz did it this time and I went with a dark burgundy red.  Just the confidence I gained back was unbelievable!

Also (finally) it is election day tomorrow. Although I am not seeking to change your mind, I just can't vote for a man who repeatly dispected women over the years at a time when abuse to my sisters is increasing. Since I am in Ohio, a key election state, I certainly won't miss this chance to vote my mind and even though I have voted for a third party candidate in my past, I can't risk a chance my vote would be wasted.  Enough said!

On a lighter note, we are having a spectacular (!) fall around here and hope you are too. Halloween has come and gone with a chance for many cross dressers/possible transgender women to show their true colors. The best example is "Stana" over at Femulate who number one looks great and brings her looks to work with her every Halloween!

I never did get out to the second big Witches Ball Halloween party we had planned to go to so I have the fond memories of the first one to fall back on.

Since Fall has officially arrived, it's time for me to think about picking up another pair of boots for the season and beyond. Always a good time and I am having breakfast with my very busy and supportive daughter this week, so life is good.

As I said, not much exciting is happening. In so many ways, I have reached my own version of stealth without thinking about it.

Halloween Archive Post (2014)

As I look back over the years on the blog, it amazes me how much ground we have covered! Even though much of it is so similar.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

"Tis" The Season-Almost

"As I look out the front windows here in Cyrsti's Condo, I see the trees donning their yellows and reds for fall fashion and- of course my mind wanders past fashion toHalloween.

Rightly or wrongly, Halloween has left indelible marks in my noggin.  When I was a kid and all the way through college to my Army days, I never dressed as a girl for parties.  Not to say I didn't want to desperately, just didn't have the courage to do it (which turned out to be my problem for nearly five decades.)

Once I did begin to celebrate Halloween in all sorts of feminine costumes, quickly I learned two basics.  The first was I didn't want to wait a whole year to cross dress again in public.  The second was, beware of compliments.  It took me years to figure out I wasn't some sort of deity who could "make" a good looking woman and if I was indeed attractive was it because I was a guy cross dressing as a woman?

Looking back, the problem was, these experiences just were opening  a gender Pandora's Box. If you take one of the definitions literally, the phrase "to open Pandora's box" means to perform an action that may seem small or innocent, but that turns out to have severely detrimental and far-reaching consequences.  How true it was, those early Halloween adventures were detrimental to me because I spent years trying to learn and then conceal being transgender.  "Far reaching" speaks for itself.

On the other hand, I was able to have several incredible Halloween experiences. Many of which we will write about in October! And! I would love to write about yours too!"

Still goes!

Halloween, Connie Style

Presenting a great post from Connie on the Halloween season:

"Back in the 80's, when it seemed that cross dressers were the most sought-after guests for the talk shows like Oprah, Donahue, Geraldo, and Sally (many of the episodes I still have on VHS tapes somewhere), one comment from the audience of one such show stuck to me like glue: "Every day must be like Halloween for you people." It was meant to be a cheap shot, I'm sure, but it resonated with me because I was, at that time, closeted and trying to figure out just who (or what?) I was.

 The small wardrobe, makeup, and wigs I kept locked up did not seem to be the makings of a costume at all to me. Those things simply helped me to express the person I felt myself to be - if only to myself. However, I thought, if other people only perceived my expression to be that of a Halloween costuming, it would be best to stay home in my locked room. I was tempted every Halloween to go out, as the "excuse" would make my presentation more "acceptable", but I knew that it would end up being much less than satisfying for me. Even some years later, after my secret had been made known to my wife, I did not attend Halloween parties dressed as a woman. 

 The mixed review (or view?) from my wife was that I looked too good for anyone to believe that it was merely a costume I was wearing. It was not until I faced up to the fact that I was a woman deep inside, and I had ventured out as that woman a number of times, that I felt comfortable adorning a Halloween costume. I had finally reached a point where I felt I could be a woman wearing a woman's costume; not a man wearing a woman's costume. Whether anyone else might have found my presentation to be "acceptable" because of the season then made no difference to me, as I had finally come to accept myself for who I was. No, every day is NOT Halloween for me, but I do enjoy taking on a different character each October now."

Thanks Connie!!!

Biker Girl (Archive Post)

Monday, May 31, 2010

Biker girl?

I have been frequenting a couple of the casual chain bar/restaurants in the area for over ten years. On my first visit, I was so scared I took a seat next to a supporting post around the bar and tried to blend with it! Nothing in my closet that screamed Oak, so that didn't work.

I lived that night and found out the world wasn't trying to destroy me and continued to return. In fact, a couple of the bartenders that have waited on me since the beginning are still there!

I also became pretty good "buds" (no not the beer) with the crew of the companies' other unit. I ended up one night sitting next to one of the bartender's sister. I had heard stories about the exotic "stripper sis" and wasn't sorry! She was exotic with some well placed tats. Her other job was as a hairdresser and she proceeded to tell me how much she loved crossdressers and gave me some tips on my appearance. She even went as far as inviting me to sister #3's bachelorette party. (another story)
Her husband was always with her. He was a big guy with a classic Triumph bike and the look to go with it. He ran a lumber yard. What a threesome!
The only problem was she loved to trade shots and the extra Jaeger and Tequila was hard to survive!

About three months later, she broke up with her husband. I guess exotic strippers have a hard time with monogamy? One night after the breakup, he came in with about three other friends that I knew..
Regardless of his decision making process with women, the poor guy was heartbroken. I tried to lend some support the best I could and away I went.
A week later, he was in the bar again and came over to sit next to me. Much to my (and the bartender's amazement) he was really interested in talking about things like his bike and music. He was leaning into me ever so slightly and added some light touches. He had to be at work early the next morning, gave me his cell number and left. He never asked for mine.

One of the bigger mistakes I've made is that I never called him. Only saw him once after that and he moved away.

At that point in my life my profile would have read "no men" After my brief encounter with him, I changed that profile. Ever so briefly I connected with a person who shared many of the same interests with me. Ever so quickly, I never tried to see the gentle bear of a guy again.
All of a sudden spending time with a guy wasn't such a bad thought.
I often wondered what that ride on the back of his Triumph would have been like!

Girl Packing

I have written several times concerning our (Liz and I's) upcoming six day vacation to Maine.

Those of you who are crossdressers, transgender women of any experience or one of the cis women (quit laughing!) who read the blog, know the outright challenge of packing for such an adventure. Especially when we are allowed only one suitcase and carry on bag. So no five suitcases girls.

To make matters worse, we are entirely sure yet of how the weather will change, as we cross into fall.

I am approaching the whole trip on the conservative side with clothes that will fit into a medium size suitcase and what I call my "heavy casual" wardrobe of jeans and tennis shoes designed for walking and browsing the shops.

Also, I am bringing my light weight long sleeved tops and maybe one sweater (if I can sneak it in) for the day we go whale watching. (Hope the whales know we are coming to watch and the Lobster Bake.)

All whining aside I can't wait to get started on this adventure!

Cyrsti's Condo "Silver Screen" Update

As I wrote in the Sunday Edition, Liz and I watched "The Danish Girl" Saturday and "Carol" on a rare weekend when we go out to see two movies. Carol stars Cate Blanchett who is at once a powerful/cold wealthy woman at love with Rooney Mara.

On the other hand, Blanchett is vulnerable in the role and goes from sort of a regal/imitator to the girl next door peaking out of the shower with no makeup,

As I said/wrote before, we were interested in watching Carol also since it was filmed here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area and we happened to be downtown when they were gathering the vintage cars for the movie.

Since Carol is a love story between two women-yes there is a very erotic love scene. Sort of icing on the cake (so to speak.)

Of course between the two movies, "The Danish Girl" meant more to me from a purely personal nature. Lili Elbe's life (even though years apart) were so similar-MAINLY the interactions between her and Gerta her wife. I think I walked into the movie thinking Gerta gave Lili the green light for a transition which went all the way to one of the first sex reassignment surgeries. I was wrong. Gerta was hurt and questioning-mad and hurt through out the experience. To the point she used the magic words most all of us hear if we are married crossdressers or transwomen from our wives.  A transition is all about us.

I don't want to go into any more spoiler alerts than I did. I did overviews. 

Finally, if you live in an older city the size of Cincinnati, you may look around for what I call "boutique" theaters. They are usually around big colleges or upscale suburbs in reclaimed movie theaters.  Plus, the theaters are more apt to hold on to movies a little longer than the big box places with all the kids!

Indiana Hates Me???

Bigots are nothing-if not persistent. This time it's an Indiana  Indiana state Sen. Jim Tomes (R) who proposed a bill that would make it a crime for transgender people to use public sex-specific restrooms that don’t conform to their gender at birth.

Under the legislation, which the Chicago Tribune reports was proposed last week, doing so would hit transgender individuals with a Class A misdemeanor, punishable by up to one year in jail and a $5,000 fine.

“If you were born a man, then you are obliged to use the males’ restroom,” Tomes told the Tribune on Christmas Eve.

The misdemeanor charge wouldn’t apply to students, juveniles, or facilities in private residences.

Or to Tomes when he crossdresses and goes out on Saturday nights.

This important to me because I live just across the border from Indiana in Cincinnati. I will need to plan to never drink anything before I go. Thanks 'Jimbo"!!!

The good news is, Similar bills aimed at restricting transgender peoples’ access to public restrooms failed to pass in Kentucky, Florida, Nevada and Texas this year. Kentucky is even closer to me than Indiana.

Clean UP Dammit!

Finally, a couple nights ago, I broke down and colored by hair-basically by myself. I will explain.

"Basically" means I only made a mess with the color base in a couple spots, like the bathroom door and sink. If you have ever worked with hair color, it will stain almost anything and get you (me) hollered at. No pressure? Plus I sort of figured if I screwed up bad enough, Liz would help. I didn't and neither did she.

Lets back track a bit to where I got to this place. Looking back years ago to when I put my wigs aside and began attempting to style my own hair. Very simply, I called this the first time in my life I had to see the back of my head and brush out my hair. A "Pink Floyd" song? "The Dark Side of the Head?" Seriously, being able to experience the thrill of having/wearing my own hair has been worth the hassle. Having said that, if you are a transgender woman of means- you can afford the monthly trip to your hairdresser and is flat out wonderful.

I can't afford the luxury though so I had to enter the DIY hair color biz. From the school of hard hair mistakes-here are a few of mine:

1. Read the instructions...don't be a guy...read the instructions.
2. When those mean old instructions tell you to "PUT ON THE GLOVES"-do it.
3. Save back a couple of old towels you don't care if you color too for your removal process.
4. BE CAREFUL and don't get the color on walls, tile, carpet etc. Get it on your noggin. 
5. Make sure you color your roots completely. Or you will be like me and your gray hair will come back fast and look like a huge bald spot.
6. Don't worry about the color which gets on to your skin around your temples, DO worry about not coloring your temples. (hair)
7. The rest is up to you and the color product you purchased. Mine calls for rinse, two shampoos, and a conditioner. 

So, there you go, but to me totally worth it and I felt positively terrible until I colored my hair. We all learn early as cross dressers or transgender women what hair means to us. Plus with Thanksgiving here, I didn't want to go to the family with the way my hair looked.

I took my abuse for making a mess and feel quite satisfied with the job I did looks. The question is now how long more will I stick with my "Vibrant Violet" hair color.

It's Time Trans Peeps!

U.S. Trans Survey (Closes 9/21) ***From helenboyd If you haven't yet taken NCTE's current trans survey, get to it! It will close on Monday, 9/21, & it's important they hear all your voices. By *all*, I mean especially those who tend not to do online surveys or who are otherwise often cut out by mainstream trans representation: those who have stayed married crossdressers who identify as trans* genderqueer individuals older trans people trans people of color Please, folks, this is your chance to get counted. If you tried before and it didn't work, do try again: they've got a fitter system in place.

Blushing? Brides?

                                                                                     

Many cross dressers and transgender girls dream of the day they can achieve one of the ultimate moments in a woman's life- the wedding day.

All of the wonderful traditions topped off by the special dress-before the bride has to step into the reality world of being a wife.

As with anything else feminine, many of us in our world can only dream of what the experience would be like.  Others though, are able to take the dream a little farther!