A Voice in the Darkness?

I have always respected Helen Boyd who authored "My Husband Betty" and "She's Not the Man I Married" plus her other blogging and writing.

I picked this up from her post "The Other America" and thought I would pass along a link and an excerpt for you all to read:

THE OTHER AMERICA

JANUARY 13, 2017 HELEN BOYD  LEAVE A COMMENT

You can’t listen to the few words Joe Biden spoke when he was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, with distinction, without realizing what deeply decent people we have had running this country.

At a moment when Moonlight, Fences, and Hidden Figures are in theaters.

At a moment when rights for trans people were really having an effect.

At a moment when the Pipeline protests caught the national attention and once again, Native Americans showed us how to respect our land and ourselves.

At a moment when everything seemed to be going something like right finally, when our national conversation about the prison pipeline and the deep patriotism of the Muslim parents of a fallen war hero reminded us of the worst and the best we can be as a nation — at that very moment, it all fell apart.

It hasn’t yet. The fumes of Obama’s legacy are what we’re running on now. It was only 8 years ago when the high hopes and inspired souls overjoyed so many of us; that we looked at each other with wide-eyed amazement as if to say can you believe we did this? And the rest of the world looked at the US with surprise and respect: we could be still be America. We were.

I don’t know what we’re going to become. That other America, the wretched one, the gilded mean one of bottom lines and wealthy excess, of poorer people making the groceries stretch a little longer, of a nervous middle class, what of it there still is, of people dying from medical conditions they might have survived in a more generous time.

For more please go here.

Transgender Women and Violence

We all know the ever present threat of violence to trans women and men everywhere. Especially to those of color. But what we don't think about enough is how prevalent this violent behavior is to others in the LGBT community too.

As you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, I'm a huge fan of Helen Boyd who has written two books (My Husband Betty) and teaches gender studies at Lawrence University in Wisconsin. After reading a recent post called "To the Guys" I strongly felt the need to pass it along. First of all though, I am going to give you an excerpt of why so many of us feel uneasy:

"When women complain about being catcalled, this is why. Too often we don’t feel safe and a catcall reminds us that we’re attracting attention – wanted or unwanted. & Sometimes it feels safer to be less noticeable when we’re out.

That phrase, “safe enough”, came out of a conversation I had with a gay man about what it’s like to walk past a guy on the street. You never know how he’s going to respond, or what’s going to happen. The safety concerns aren’t just women’s. The violence some of us worry about isn’t just sexual violence. It’s gay bashing. It’s transphobia. It’s racism.

The thing is, even if you’re not that guy, you probably know that guy. It’s not that you’d even know who he is, either, which is why everything you say or do when you’re only with other guys matters. Jokes about crazy bitches, gay men, all of that. When you don’t stand up in the little situations, the guys who would hurt gay men and trans people and women get permission. They think you hate us all too because of the jokes you tell or listen to without objecting.

Someone isn’t taking no for an answer, or is freaking out because a gay guy is crushed out on you, or because a trans woman is hot."

What I like about Helen is she is speaking from experience (with a transgender spouse).

You can read more of this thought provoking post here, and maybe think a little more about your safety in the near future. Especially if you are just coming out of the closet into the feminine world.

It's Time Trans Peeps!

U.S. Trans Survey (Closes 9/21) ***From helenboyd If you haven't yet taken NCTE's current trans survey, get to it! It will close on Monday, 9/21, & it's important they hear all your voices. By *all*, I mean especially those who tend not to do online surveys or who are otherwise often cut out by mainstream trans representation: those who have stayed married crossdressers who identify as trans* genderqueer individuals older trans people trans people of color Please, folks, this is your chance to get counted. If you tried before and it didn't work, do try again: they've got a fitter system in place.

Trans Black?

If you live in the United States at least, Rachel Dolezal is the latest person to dominate the headlines. The story has unfolded something like this from Today:

"Rachel Dolezal, the former NAACP chapter president accused of pretending to be black, tells TODAY's Matt Lauer in an exclusive live interview that she identifies as black — something she started doing at the age of five.

"I was drawing self-portraits with the brown crayon instead of the peach crayon, and black curly hair," she told Lauer. But she insisted she never deceived anyone as numerous critics have suggested."

No, none of Rachel's story has anything to do with being transgender, but that she does identify as black (not pretend) and has forever (since five). It is not surprising some are connecting similar dots with trans women. 

Rachel Dolezal - Trans black? or Black Face?

Example? Rachel wasn't born black and I wasn't born female but we identify that way.

One of my least fave questions is, "How does it feel to be a woman since you were a man?" Well, I can't tell anyone how it feels to be a woman or a man. I am qualified to give insight on how the world has treated me either way. Plus, I am also qualified to comment on what happens when you don't get accepted either way. 

These days, I am fond of saying I am the person I choose to show you-no more no less.

If you are interested, one of the more in depth looks at all of this (of course, she is great!) comes from Helen Boyd here.

You Can't See This Post

This post is in "stealth" mode. "Stealth" is yet another facet of the transgender world that- well- fly's under the radar. By choice, you don't read or hear much about it. In my entire experience as a cross dresser,  after  I began HRT and transitioned into my life I lead today, I have never had a person come up to me and introduce themselves as a "stealth" transgender or transsexual woman. Of course, that would defeat the purpose. Why would they?

Perhaps one of the next best things happened to me today when I ran across a look from the "invisible side" from Helen Boyd's Blog, (if don't follow it-you should. What caught my eye was her post entitled "Important Stealth Voice." At that point, I jumped over to her blog and then discovered her link to another blog by Natasha from Australia called "Here, let me Show you my Scars."

When you have a chance, it is worth a visit to both of their blogs!

One final word on being "stealth". It's a huge difference than being alone. After Bruce Jenner's interview Friday night, one of the Cincinnati television stations spoke with a local trans woman who talked of being totally alone. Immediately, Liz and I tried to reach out into the local trans community to see if anyone knows her. We would be more than happy to meet her for a cup of coffee. But so far, no one seems to know anything about her. Seclusion does not equal stealth these days. It's an outmoded idea in many places.

Male Privilege and "Pretenders"

Helen Boyd clarified her post on Zoey Tur and late in life transitioners:

"To clarify: the term is used usually for trans women who live significant lives assigned male before transitioning to female. There are many trans men who transition later in life after significant lives assigned women.

They are not, by any means, the only kind of self appointed trans spokespeople who screw up. There are sometimes recently transitioned trans men who say sexist shit, or there are young, firebrand activists who don’t seem to know their history and think that anyone who transitioned over the age of 40 is a drag queen, or that trans women who came up through drag shouldn’t be considered women."

As she always does Helen does a great job and you can see the rest of the post here.  Obviously at 65, this topic is near and dear to me! Yes I have my "transness" questioned and yes I have been called a pretender.

Senior Citizen "Happy Hours?"

I shudder on occasion (even on warm days) when I just don't see much information on gender transitioning later in life. Today on Helen Boyd's EnGender blog, this post caught my eye first for "late transitioner" and then drinking!  It's called "Zoey Tur & The Late Transitioners Media Tour of Meaness Drinking Game." Then the post got even better when it featured Zoey Tur and in essence questioned what the hell rock she crawled out from under?  Read on:

"First, I want to remind everyone that this awesome trans community has survived the likes of Zoey Tur and it will, no doubt, do so again. But in the meantime, to keep the rest of us from going mad, we’ve got a new drinking game. (Non drinkers, feel free to substitute with chocolate.)

& Yes, there are rules:

Drink for:
“crossdresser”, “crossdressing”
incorrect pronouns when referring to other trans people
image of putting on make up

Double drink for:
“transvestite”
Thailand
being amazed that people interrupt her/other loss of privilege
satin

Chug for:
Rocky Horror allusion, even unintentional
insulting well-respected trans women of color
denying rights to younger trans people based on genital status

Suggestions are more than welcome to complete this one. Check out Monica Roberts’ take-down for ideas."

I SO AGREE with Helen, but poor Zoey, (left) she is still trying to make herself relevant in the world without being able to hang on the coat tails of Bruce Jenner!

What I want to know is-what exactly is in the cup???

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Kerplunk!" another Sunday Edition from the Condo has hit your virtual front porch! Well, kids, another week has flown by and swept up October with it and brought in some chilly weather in Southwestern Ohio! My hot cup of "Joe" tastes good this morning!

Page 1.- The week that was - or wasn't.  Of course the week that was, included Halloween-otherwise known as "All Halla's Eve" (Holla back) for cross dressers everywhere.  Three of the blogs I follow on a regular basis; Femulate, From "me" to Mandy, and Janie Black all featured some sort of Halloween experiences. I enjoyed the differing perspectives!

We also had a wide range of other "happenings" to reflect upon, such as the first Condo complete guest post ever from Pat, Helen Boyd's post on Trans Partners and our look at "Bob Seger" .

All in all, a busy week!

Page 2.- The Battle goes on.  The tragic discrimination faced by active duty transgender U.S. military members goes on and was brought to the public's eye this week yet again by Army Captain Sage Fox  shown left. Captain Fox essentially was told to go away after she was told she could transition and come back.

This continues to happen to trans military members and I think will, until these very key and vicious mid term elections are out of the way in our country.  Obama could do away with the injustice with a stroke of his pen, but continues not too and the Pentagon says it would be up for a study which is a fate worse than death for any issue.  What a "study" means is: We will sweep it under the rug and spend unneeded money until it goes away and we are working in some sort of other fat cat bureaucratic job.

Let's remember though, Veterans Day is coming up November 11th and it will; be a time to revisit the sacrifices of all veterans -transgender or not!

Page Three.-Positive success stories. 

Lynn Conway

MichellewhoisNovember 2, 2014 at 8:36 AM

There used to be a site that showed so many others that came out a while back. It listed the doctors, scientists, teachers and business leaders that had successfully transitioned. Many on that site were originally in stealth but came out to show the world who they were. I remember Gwen Smith and Melanie Phillips sites that showed us so much information and helped us weed through all the BS sites. Lynn Conway's site Allowed us to see others that were successful. It was these women that helped pave the way for so many to follow.

Absolutely Michelle and thanks!!!  I remember quite early in the game, I too found Lynn's extensive site and was positively dazzled and depressed at the same time.  Dazzled at the amount of transgender women who were so successful and living what I perceived to be the impossible dream. Which led to my depression. At the least though, she showed me what could be possible! 

Page Four.- The back page.  Well kids it's time to get to the store before the Sunday football games start.  I'm sending good vibes out to all of you along with continued thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo!

Trans Partners

Similar to a recent credit card commercial around here, let's give it time to let that comment set in for awhile.

....Time's up! A trans partner could be anything from a transgender man with a genetic, to a transgender woman with a cis man, to transgender men and trans women in a relationship. (I know I'm missing many other potential pairs, especially if you throw sexuality into the picture."

Fortunately for all of us Helen Boyd addressed the issue recently in her en/Gender Blog.  If you follow the link, you will see Helen's links to "Neither a Pity or a Fetish" or a huge Reddit "Message Bard" called "My Partner is Trans."

And of course, an excerpt from the blog itself from Helen Boyd:

"In the first set, there’s a list of the “allowable” types of partners – “boxes”:

1. Straight cis man is with a straight trans woman because she ‘probably’ still has a penis and, therefore, ‘he’s probably actually gay’.
2. Straight cis man is with a straight trans woman AND HE IS DECEIVED.
3. Straight cis woman stays with her transitioning partner, is to be pitied.
4. Straight cis woman is with a straight trans man AND WHERE IS THE PENIS, WE MUST ASK WHERE THE PENIS IS, CAN YOU FIND IT FOR US?
5. Gay cis woman is with a straight trans man, and that’s okay, because we all knew that ‘he’ was actually a lesbian woman all along.

And I wonder where these come from. When I was coming up, only #s 2, 3, & 5 existed, and I didn’t fit into any of them very well either, unless you see me as the “to be pitied” type, which I don’t.

Always useful to see/hear more partners speak up."

Indeed! Most of you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know my partner is a genetic/lesbian.  Which even gives a little different spin to our relationship with the world.  One of these days, I'm going to be able to convince her to write a post or two for the Condo about what she thinks of all of this!

Renee Reyes

As a follow up to our Cyrsti's Condo post on successful transgender woman exec Martine Rothblatt-  we received this comment from J.AlanaS:

Hey Cyrsti, while searching for tips on transgender makeup I came across Renee Reyes  (left)  She's made a few fortunes and had the experience of being outed in the board room. For those who haven't been to her website or viewed her profile, I'd recommend it. Also, she has links on other sites that cover transitioning.

Thanks so much J.Alana!  I followed the link (as you can too above) and agree it's a wonderful informational place to go for transgender women who are transitioning -or are considering it!

Also, I used a quote and sent along a link on the same subject (Martine Rothblatt) from Helen Boyd.  Here is a partial comment from Jen Smith. from here in the Condo:  


I guess in short, someone who transitioned had to be able to overcome some serious obstacles to get there. I'm sure that people that can accomplish that can accomplish many other difficult things. Maybe to them most other obstacles look a lot easier to overcome?

Thanks Jen, and In my case, I wish I could reclaim all the time and energy I wasted being part of a person I wasn't. How much more could I have accomplished? On the other hand, some people just have a knack for making fortunes or being in the spotlight and I agree - after transitioning genders, much in life is a cakewalk! 

Martine Rothblatt

 If you missed the story, the highest paid female business executive in the United States is Martine Rothblatt. She earns $38 million-a-year as head of United Therapeutics,  married parent-of-four and underwent SRS in 1994. Now she has been named top in New York Magazine's list of the 200 most successful entrepreneurs - one of just 11 women on the list.

I wrote at the time I hadn't had much of an opportunity to read about the expected backlash to all of this but Cyrsti's Condo regular Jen Smith did:

There were a couple of links on this, and I read some of the comments on one of them. There were a bunch of negative ones, but there were few that were "battling back" :-)

Just seeing a trans person in such a powerful position, dominated by older males mostly, is what I though was the real takeaway. I guess she made her money before transitioning. But rather than fade into privacy after transition, she kept going with her career fully in the public eye. 

It's just so encouraging to hear and read about things like this in the press.

Indeed Jen! and thanks!  One of the links which caught my attention came from the always topical en/gender blog from Helen Boyd  (here's an excerpt which should get your attention!)   

I (Helen) just LOVE that, the idea (finally!) that trans is perhaps an ASSET, that it implies an individual’s ability not just to be self-made, but to be determined. Overall, interesting article about a highly eccentric person – eccentric because she’s rich, natch – and some passing mention of cyborgs and AI and the robot she made of her wife.

Follow the link to read more!

"Your Type" Can NOT Come IN

Perhaps you have heard of Helen Boyd.  Her books, including My Husband Betty would be one of my choices to give to a spouse when you are coming out for the first time as a cross dresser or transgender woman.

Her blog is called En Gender and a recent post called UnValentine caught my eye.  Evidently she wrote it when her and her partner were not welcomed in a "woman's only" space.  Here's an excerpt:

Why should someone’s transition negate the partner’s identity as a lesbian? The whole idea that they wouldn't “look like” a lesbian couple is infuriating – the same argument was made against butch/femme couples back in the day. 

 Here’s the thing: as a community, could we maybe start to acknowledge that people transition, and that they have histories, and identities, and life experiences, all of which may not tidily map onto our models of “straight” and “gay”? Can we allow trans couples to decide how to negotiate their own identities as individuals and couples instead of everyone else telling us where we belong? Can a trans guy honor his own past and his relationship’s past without other trans men telling him he’s sold out his gender and trans people everywhere? 

Are lesbians really not used to guys transitioning yet? A little compassion would be awesome from groups who are now and who have been, historically, excluded discreetly and explicitly, kindly and hatefully. Trans partners are often a wrench in the homo/hetero works, but sometimes we get eaten by the gears. 

Well said! For more, go here.

"Trans Victim" Revisit

I am fortunate to have received quite a bit of intelligent feedback on the "Victim" post here in Cyrsti's Condo and from outside friends. The post actually came from Helen Boyd's "En Gender" blog.

 The first comes from Paula Gee: " It's simply not fair, especially if we were misguided enough not to tell our wives about our selves before marriage. Yes any form a trans activity is selfish, and we have to understand that and deal with it."

The second from Reasonablynoble:

"As much as I've always included my spouse in my transition, it is an inherently narcissistic process. We spend so much time not focusing on ourselves that by the time we do this, we are wholly fascinated by our selves. It's hard to avoid navel gazing. At the same time, there are other people in my life and I have always been mindful about how my healing has both been a positive and negative for them. This is a healing process and it can, ultimately, make things better for everyone around us."

I'm agreeing with both and using my past and current relationships as a guideline. For whatever reason, misguided or not I told my second wife of 25 years I was a transvestite or cross dresser before we were married. So I didn't tell the truth.  As I think about it, if you put me under oath I would swear to the fact I knew there was probably something deeper going on with my gender identification but I was prepared to do my best to not follow it.

On the other hand, my current female lover is sure total love transcends gender and I'm fairly certain holds my deceased wife's views against her in someways. But it's not that easy and as wonderful as she is, I remind her she "caught up" with me after a ton of life experience and she is lucky. I knew who I was when we met.  Because as both of the ladies above mentioned, the cross dressing  through identifying as transgender or transsexual is, a hugely selfish process. Certainly,  for obvious reasons, we are fascinated by ourselves. I was no different.

The negative as Reasonably said "We spend so much time not focusing on ourselves that by the time we do this, we are wholly fascinated by our selves."  So,  if we can't or don't share ourselves with others- we are only a reflection in the mirror and doomed to a damned lonely existence. As you can see on Flickr or any number of other picture sites so many of us never get out of the mirror or the camera. Those who finally make it into the "real" world are naturally stunted. Not unlike the boy who was raised by wolves. My "anti mirror" friend examples are Drake and Stana who positively light up the room with their chance to live as their real gender.

In recent years as I jumped from my mirror into the world, I acquired a pedestal. You may have read me refer to it here. Sure, experiences such as developing a circle of friends, HRT  and the such are fantastic. BUT none of it makes me any better-or worse in the trans community.  I certainly have to constantly reevaluate where my life is, where I would love it to go and how precarious my "pedestal" really is. It's STILL  just as easy for me to be a victim as the frustrated cross dresser in the closet or the bitter transsexual who discovers SRS wasn't what she really wanted.

Of course I'm not smart enough to come up with an answer. I have been fortunate to have known all sort of peeps who revolve in and out of our culture from a long time friend who will go to any extent to rationalize purging his cross dressing "habit" 25 years ago because of wife and money to unhappy transsexuals to everyone in between.

Every once in a while though someone like Helen Boyd and Betty are able to put a little more perspective to the issue.

I am smart enough to know surgery is the end result to a successful gender transition not the beginning.

Well, this post has gone on so long I should be passing out cookies and milk to all of you here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Maybe I should consider a post called "The Transsexual as a Victim" when I really want to get ganged up on!!!!

Victim is Spelled Many Ways

The En Gender Blog written by "My Wife Betty" author Helen Boyd comes up with quite a few "Damn I wish I had written that" thoughts. Here's one:

"I wrote this recently in response to a question, or an assertion, that nobody chooses to be born trans, but that often, the advice is that you can choose what to do about it. My wife says that a lot, and it makes some trans people unhappy.

 The way she puts it: you got a shit hand, but you still get to decide how to play it. Whether or not transition itself is a choice is an idea I will leave for another day. But here, in a nutshell, are some basic tenets I hope are useful. does it matter why? i don’t know what trans is – genetic, medical condition, etc. no one makes any distinction between nature/nurture anymore. nature is what? DNA? as in, something made out of protein that is created within a physical environment which is impacted by all our culture. just forget it. that binary is over, done with.

 Are people trans? yes. do they need to transition? yes. should they own their shit & do so as responsibly as possible? yes. should cis people start to fucking understand transness is not going anywhere, that it IS, in the same way that, say, queerness IS? yes.

 If you got married & you’re trans & you’re going to transition you’re going to wreck your wife’s life, pretty much. own it. minimize the damage however you can. your life was already wrecked by transphobia and represssion and who knows what else. your transition will give you the chance to change in a way that you’re looking forward to. your wife may, in turn, change her life into something she wants, too, but in either case, you will both experience a great deal of loss. none of it is fair, not a damn thing about it, & not for anyone. but stop, STOP, making it all about you.

 If there is anything i say to trans people all the time that none of you listen to – & that includes my lovely spouse – that is it. as she likes to say: trans people make Narcissus weep."

Enough said!

Helen and Betty

Perhaps if you are a regular here in Cyrsti's Condo, you have heard me mention Helen Boyd and blog         en Gender. Her most recent post certainly struck a personal chord with me as I am nearly in the same situation.  Here's an excerpt:

"It’s been a while since I’ve griped about the petty bullshit involved in being the partner of a trans person, hasn’t it? I recently posted a photo of me and my wife at the GLAAD awards, and many, many people have said lovely things about how we both look, which we’ve both appreciated. But I did notice – how could I not? – a pretty common refrain that goes something like this: “Your wife looks amazing and of course you do too” or, alternately, “your wife looks great and it goes without saying that you do too.” And you know what? Actually, it doesn’t. I understand the need for people to validate a trans woman’s attractiveness. I really do. But when (1) you married a man who is no longer a man, and/or (2) you’re in your 40s, and/or (3) you’re not a size 4, and/or (4) people consistently think that trans bodies are somehow publicly owned and so can and should be regularly commented on, it gets a little tiring to hear how remarkably gorgeous my wife is. I mean, I know that. I live with her and see her every day. I’m the one she shares makeup with, and hair products, and pajamas, so yes, I’m aware she’s a hottie, and a gender normative hottie at that."

And another:

Helen and Betty

"I mean, again, I get it. I’m the one who married her, right? I’m pretty clear that I married someone who was a hottie in one gender presentation who is now a hottie in another. I have no problem with anyone telling her that she’s attractive – none whatsoever. I married an actor, after all, and so have always been used to people finding my spouse attractive. What I don’t understand is why people tell ME she’s attractive, and she doesn’t understand it either. To be honest, it feels a little like “my best friend’s gay” or “I have a black friend” – as in, it sometimes comes off as a knee-jerk liberal reaction, laced with “isn’t it amazing your wife who was born a man is attractive as a woman?” And you know what? It’s not. So many beautiful women I’ve met are trans. In a crankier mood, I might even call this kind of compliment a micro aggression, because it others her, calls out her transness, and reminds me, too, that my partner is trans."

As you can tell Helen is a very outspoken, visible and intelligent spokesperson for a certain layer of the transgender community.  Go here to read more.

My Husband Betty

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen I'm passing along a classic video from the days when Helen Boyd was promoting her book called "My Husband Betty":



Helen writes a very active blog which I have a permanent link to on the blog or you can go here for more.

A Case for Transitioning Young

I have subscribed recently to a blog called en gender written by Helen Boyd of My Husband Betty fame. As with most of her posts, this one is compelling:

" The other day I published a brief interview with Christine Benvenuto, who wrote a book about her marriage to and divorce from a trans woman. I blurbed her book, let me admit up front. I blurbed it because despite some transphobic tendencies (not respecting her ex’s change to feminine pronouns, most notably), I think it’s important that partners get their stories out there – as important as it is for trans people to do so. I’ve been enabling the latter for a long time, and I’m proud to have done so. But I see so often that partners who are having a hard time or who are bitter about a divorce or angry about transition are told – in trans community spaces – to STFU, pretty much. And that really sucks, a lot. The thing is, nothing about her memoir struck me as patently false. I’ve known a lot of trans women and a lot of wives of trans women over the past 13 years. A LOT. And Benvenuto’s story, just as she told it, is pretty goddamned typical. I have seen behavior by trans women that is sexist, misogynist bullshit. I have seen trans women spend their kids’ college money on transition. I have seen 401Ks emptied. I have seen all of that, and more. I have also seen the wives of transitioning women take out all their rage on their trans spouse – financially, emotionally, even physically. I have seen rage that I didn’t even know was possible in the wives of trans women. And I have seen them be unwilling to let it go. That is, I have seen a lot of awful behavior on both sides of this coin. Trans people are not excused because they’re trans just as women are not excused because they’re women. We are all faced with loss and betrayal and heartbreak and all of the emotions that accompany those things. How you choose to express them is entirely up to you."

Of course there is much more to her post which you can read here. But it finishes partly like this:

"So if we as a community want trans people to be happy, people need to know what kind of devastation a late transition can cause on families and wives and communities and of course on the trans people themselves. There is so, so much pain, on everyone’s part. People need to know it. People need to transition younger so that some of this can be prevented."

I'm sure you all know I'm a late transitioner and have even be called "yet another old guy on hormones". We all have compelling reasons or even excuses why we didn't transition earlier in life. Certainly none of us can go back in time so making the best of this situation is now all we have. Helen Boyd's ideas make sense.
I have added an en gender link here in Cyrsti's Condo plus another look "at the other side":  The Cross Dresser Wives" Monthly Newsletter. Don't expect warm and fuzzies there but worth a look!