Transgender Women and Violence

We all know the ever present threat of violence to trans women and men everywhere. Especially to those of color. But what we don't think about enough is how prevalent this violent behavior is to others in the LGBT community too.

As you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, I'm a huge fan of Helen Boyd who has written two books (My Husband Betty) and teaches gender studies at Lawrence University in Wisconsin. After reading a recent post called "To the Guys" I strongly felt the need to pass it along. First of all though, I am going to give you an excerpt of why so many of us feel uneasy:

"When women complain about being catcalled, this is why. Too often we don’t feel safe and a catcall reminds us that we’re attracting attention – wanted or unwanted. & Sometimes it feels safer to be less noticeable when we’re out.

That phrase, “safe enough”, came out of a conversation I had with a gay man about what it’s like to walk past a guy on the street. You never know how he’s going to respond, or what’s going to happen. The safety concerns aren’t just women’s. The violence some of us worry about isn’t just sexual violence. It’s gay bashing. It’s transphobia. It’s racism.

The thing is, even if you’re not that guy, you probably know that guy. It’s not that you’d even know who he is, either, which is why everything you say or do when you’re only with other guys matters. Jokes about crazy bitches, gay men, all of that. When you don’t stand up in the little situations, the guys who would hurt gay men and trans people and women get permission. They think you hate us all too because of the jokes you tell or listen to without objecting.

Someone isn’t taking no for an answer, or is freaking out because a gay guy is crushed out on you, or because a trans woman is hot."

What I like about Helen is she is speaking from experience (with a transgender spouse).

You can read more of this thought provoking post here, and maybe think a little more about your safety in the near future. Especially if you are just coming out of the closet into the feminine world.

Victim is Spelled Many Ways

The En Gender Blog written by "My Wife Betty" author Helen Boyd comes up with quite a few "Damn I wish I had written that" thoughts. Here's one:

"I wrote this recently in response to a question, or an assertion, that nobody chooses to be born trans, but that often, the advice is that you can choose what to do about it. My wife says that a lot, and it makes some trans people unhappy.

 The way she puts it: you got a shit hand, but you still get to decide how to play it. Whether or not transition itself is a choice is an idea I will leave for another day. But here, in a nutshell, are some basic tenets I hope are useful. does it matter why? i don’t know what trans is – genetic, medical condition, etc. no one makes any distinction between nature/nurture anymore. nature is what? DNA? as in, something made out of protein that is created within a physical environment which is impacted by all our culture. just forget it. that binary is over, done with.

 Are people trans? yes. do they need to transition? yes. should they own their shit & do so as responsibly as possible? yes. should cis people start to fucking understand transness is not going anywhere, that it IS, in the same way that, say, queerness IS? yes.

 If you got married & you’re trans & you’re going to transition you’re going to wreck your wife’s life, pretty much. own it. minimize the damage however you can. your life was already wrecked by transphobia and represssion and who knows what else. your transition will give you the chance to change in a way that you’re looking forward to. your wife may, in turn, change her life into something she wants, too, but in either case, you will both experience a great deal of loss. none of it is fair, not a damn thing about it, & not for anyone. but stop, STOP, making it all about you.

 If there is anything i say to trans people all the time that none of you listen to – & that includes my lovely spouse – that is it. as she likes to say: trans people make Narcissus weep."

Enough said!

My Husband Betty

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen I'm passing along a classic video from the days when Helen Boyd was promoting her book called "My Husband Betty":



Helen writes a very active blog which I have a permanent link to on the blog or you can go here for more.