Trans Partners

Similar to a recent credit card commercial around here, let's give it time to let that comment set in for awhile.

....Time's up! A trans partner could be anything from a transgender man with a genetic, to a transgender woman with a cis man, to transgender men and trans women in a relationship. (I know I'm missing many other potential pairs, especially if you throw sexuality into the picture."

Fortunately for all of us Helen Boyd addressed the issue recently in her en/Gender Blog.  If you follow the link, you will see Helen's links to "Neither a Pity or a Fetish" or a huge Reddit "Message Bard" called "My Partner is Trans."

And of course, an excerpt from the blog itself from Helen Boyd:

"In the first set, there’s a list of the “allowable” types of partners – “boxes”:

1. Straight cis man is with a straight trans woman because she ‘probably’ still has a penis and, therefore, ‘he’s probably actually gay’.
2. Straight cis man is with a straight trans woman AND HE IS DECEIVED.
3. Straight cis woman stays with her transitioning partner, is to be pitied.
4. Straight cis woman is with a straight trans man AND WHERE IS THE PENIS, WE MUST ASK WHERE THE PENIS IS, CAN YOU FIND IT FOR US?
5. Gay cis woman is with a straight trans man, and that’s okay, because we all knew that ‘he’ was actually a lesbian woman all along.

And I wonder where these come from. When I was coming up, only #s 2, 3, & 5 existed, and I didn’t fit into any of them very well either, unless you see me as the “to be pitied” type, which I don’t.

Always useful to see/hear more partners speak up."

Indeed! Most of you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know my partner is a genetic/lesbian.  Which even gives a little different spin to our relationship with the world.  One of these days, I'm going to be able to convince her to write a post or two for the Condo about what she thinks of all of this!

Helen and Betty

Perhaps if you are a regular here in Cyrsti's Condo, you have heard me mention Helen Boyd and blog         en Gender. Her most recent post certainly struck a personal chord with me as I am nearly in the same situation.  Here's an excerpt:

"It’s been a while since I’ve griped about the petty bullshit involved in being the partner of a trans person, hasn’t it? I recently posted a photo of me and my wife at the GLAAD awards, and many, many people have said lovely things about how we both look, which we’ve both appreciated. But I did notice – how could I not? – a pretty common refrain that goes something like this: “Your wife looks amazing and of course you do too” or, alternately, “your wife looks great and it goes without saying that you do too.” And you know what? Actually, it doesn’t. I understand the need for people to validate a trans woman’s attractiveness. I really do. But when (1) you married a man who is no longer a man, and/or (2) you’re in your 40s, and/or (3) you’re not a size 4, and/or (4) people consistently think that trans bodies are somehow publicly owned and so can and should be regularly commented on, it gets a little tiring to hear how remarkably gorgeous my wife is. I mean, I know that. I live with her and see her every day. I’m the one she shares makeup with, and hair products, and pajamas, so yes, I’m aware she’s a hottie, and a gender normative hottie at that."

And another:

Helen and Betty

"I mean, again, I get it. I’m the one who married her, right? I’m pretty clear that I married someone who was a hottie in one gender presentation who is now a hottie in another. I have no problem with anyone telling her that she’s attractive – none whatsoever. I married an actor, after all, and so have always been used to people finding my spouse attractive. What I don’t understand is why people tell ME she’s attractive, and she doesn’t understand it either. To be honest, it feels a little like “my best friend’s gay” or “I have a black friend” – as in, it sometimes comes off as a knee-jerk liberal reaction, laced with “isn’t it amazing your wife who was born a man is attractive as a woman?” And you know what? It’s not. So many beautiful women I’ve met are trans. In a crankier mood, I might even call this kind of compliment a micro aggression, because it others her, calls out her transness, and reminds me, too, that my partner is trans."

As you can tell Helen is a very outspoken, visible and intelligent spokesperson for a certain layer of the transgender community.  Go here to read more.