It's Been Forever?

Yesterday I went to my bank to deposit some money. Out of the three tellers, I just happened to get the male one. Either he thought I was a vision of loveliness (probably not) or having a real live transgender woman in the bank was a relief from his normal day to day activities.

At any rate, the questions came fast, furious and friendly. Did I do most of my banking on line, was my day going good and was I sure there was nothing else I could be helped with?  I was almost embarrassed. After all, how exciting is a trip to the grocery store anyway?  Plus, yes I did live this way and just didn't put on makeup and women's clothes to go to the bank and run errands. He didn't ask that, of course.

I'm sure though, I shouldn't complain. It wasn't so long ago I was filled full of angst with the thought of even going out in public, let alone communicating with anyone.

As much as I want to be recognized as simply an attractive woman, more than likely, the idea of another person seeing me as a trans girl sometimes is just as satisfying.

In fact on Facebook, I just commented on a person's post who has complained about not wanting to be called transgender at all. She hates the community and pretty much all it stands for. That's all well and good, everyone is entitled to their opinion but it is akin to throwing the baby out with the dish water. After all, one of the big reasons no one knows much about the trans community is because of all the so called transsexuals who transitioned years ago and disappeared. And, like any other community, not all the peeps are pleasant.

We all grew up being someone. Just because that someone happened to be male doesn't make you or him all bad. With all the suicide going on in the LGBT community (especially the 'T') we need visible survivors to prove to the world we can make it and prosper.

My Behind

I have been behind it seems this time, for the past several days.  When that happens, I rediscover posts I wanted to pass along to you here in Cyrsti's Condo.  One is from Brynn Tannehill in an article she wrote for the Huffington Post called "Paper's Please"  If you don't know, Byrnn is a transgender vet and Director of Advocacy for SPART*A.  

Her very detailed post follows the incredibly convoluted path transgender and transsexual women and men follow in their lives-in and out of military circles.  Here's an excerpt and you can follow the link above for more:

Imagine for a moment you work at a U.S. military base as a contractor. You step out of a bathroom after using it, and are immediately confronted by someone with base security. He demands you present identification proving your gender, otherwise he will arrest you. Your mind races, blood pounds in your ears, flight or fight kicks in -- being arrested will probably cost you your clearance, your job and any chance you have of working in your career field again.

It's no surprise to those of us who spent a significant amount of time in the closet, how scary all of this can be-and kept us in the closet.   Then I began to wonder about those overly ignorant human's who think we trans folk had a choice in all of this?  I constantly remind myself that no matter how much I enjoy where my gender life is now, if I had a real live choice to never go on this journey-would I? No I wouldn't and it's very difficult to explain to my friends what a luxury it would have been to have known what gender I was when I woke up in the morning. That's usually a real conversation stopper!

The "choice" idea is nearly as ludicrous as the occasional on line "genius" who tells me HRT must be great since I have my own boobs to play with.  Tough to explain to such a suave guy, yes it is nice to have my own breasts as an expression of my femininity.

But, let's face it, the world will always have it's share of those who are just innocent ignorant.  They just don't know much about transgender individuals and we should be able to educate them.  The ignorant bigots are the tough crowd and some how some way we need to keep fighting to beat them down.  Hopefully, along the way the gender marker problems will go down with them.

My Husbands Looks Better in Lingerie?

Here's the full title: “My HUSBAND Looks Better in Lingerie Than I Do . . . DAMN IT”. It is a new book which actually has a target release date of Spring 2014, and is a companion memoir to “Hung in the Middle: A Journey of Gender Discovery” written Alana Nicole Sholar.

Here's more from Alana's spouse:


I had been friends with Alan for nearly 30 years and our past included a three-year intimate relationship. However, when I saw ‘Alana’ for the first time in December 2006, I told ‘her’ I thought she was a freak and I didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Two years later, December 31, 2008, we were married. (Alana tells her side of our story in her memoir and you can read Chapter 1 at her book’s website). Of course, my response to Alana came from MY ignorance and lack of experience with the trans-community. 

We live in a small town in Kentucky, so there is much ignorance and lack of experience with the trans-community in this area. It is our hope that sharing our journey together can help eliminate the ignorance and foster acceptance of trans-persons, not only in our small town, but all over the world. However, acceptance is not instantaneous – it comes through a process – at least it did for me. My process began at intolerance, advanced to tolerance, eventually became acceptance and grew into love. I’m a Kentucky girl raised in the Baptist faith and would have never dreamed I’d be such a staunch advocate for the trans-community, BUT, here I am – and mine is a ‘wonderful world.’

I am especially impressed and interested in this wonderful couple's story because of their proximity geographically to where I live.  So, I know quite a bit about the populace around them. I'm not going out on too much of a limb by saying, gaining transgender acceptance by anyone is not an easy path.

If you, like me, want to read more , follow the link above!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Welcome to our first "Sunday Edition Post" here in "the Condo".  Relax in your "jammies" with hot cup of your favorite coffee (or whatever) and let's get started!

Sports Section.-   My Ohio State Buckeyes were beaten by Clemson primarily because of the worse defense I have seen in my life, conversely, my Cincinnati Bengals embark on yet another NFL playoff adventure-not a good experience in my past. In fact, the standing joke around here is, "when you feel the ground getting cold under your feet, it's hell freezing over-the Bengals are going to the Super Bowl."  Actually it did 32 years ago when the Bengals played the same team they are playing today (San Diego) in the coldest game ever in the NFL.  Close to -60 degrees (F). "Momma Karma's little sis Momma Nature" tried to go it again this year but missed it by one day.  She shifted her cold breath up to Green Bay and spared us freezer until tomorrow - 40 below wind chill.

If you have ever heard the old "brass monkey" saying, the next couple days around here and a load of other spots in the U.S. should take heed.  The revered proverb goes something like this, "Better bring your brass monkey in off the porch before he freezes his balls off."  True, right? Unless he wants a quick head start towards SRS.

Week in Review.-  New Year's Eve was another wonderful evening for me and among other things the third I have spent with Liz, my partner and the beginning of my third year on HRT. Of course we exchanged all the pleasantries back and forth here in Cyrsti's Condo.  Thanks to all for checking in and all the best to all of you in 2014.  Outside of our insulated world here, all sorts of transgender "best of" lists all starting to appear.  At least in this country, the anti closeted stealth transgender women and transgender men, are helping to raise the bar for all of us.  Which brings us to our next section.

We Got Mail.-  As you all know, I'm quick to jump upon my soapbox and blast all the transgender community who "jumped closets".  They transitioned then went away.  On the other hand there were just as many or more who refused to accept their true gender identity and stayed in my cross dressing closet. (Me)  Shel le , who is close to my age, pointed out in one of my posts, "it was a different world back then." She is right. I think finally we "T"'s in the LGBT system learned from the gay and lesbian community on how to advance our own agenda. We are seeing it now on many fronts.

To finish 2013, we also became entrenched in discussions of how genetic men interact with transgender women - or don't.  We covered hardly earth shattering thoughts like how insecure men are with their sex and indeed their whole gender.  As those of us who grew up as card carrying members of the male gender know, men have precious little to hang their gender hats on.  I'm not being a male basher here but men just live in simpler systems than women and when one of us wants to "jump" ship, it's cause for concern.  First, those damn women were allowed to vote, allowed to work in the same jobs and even are starting to manage companies?  What's this world coming to...the unkindest cut of all.  Men wanting to be women and just maybe I want to talk to her???  Quite the dynamic we can discuss forever.
 
So much for this "Sunday Edition" here in the Condo.  I look forward to our upcoming week and may Momma Karma smile on you and do something about her " Sis" Nature.

A Small or a Capital "T"?

Lately it seems the topic "du jour" with me lately has been transgender discrimination within the trans community. So, in the spirit of a very emotional subject, I found this post by Cate O'Malley and decided to pass it along to you "Condo-ites":


"Are you more ‘T’ than me? Let me ask it this way. Are you more of a trans* person than I am? What started this question was a phone call I had with another transwoman who had completed her SRS ten years ago. She is well known in the local community as a resource, guide and a tireless defender of trans* people. It was recommended that I speak with her by a mutual acquaintance.

During our chat, she asked, “What are you?” I was unclear, then she asked, “How far are you going? Are you going to have sexual reassignment surgery?” I replied that I did not anticipate having the surgery, just live full-time. She shot back, “I don’t work with you people. If you aren’t going all the way, then I don’t want to be bothered. I only want to help people who are committed. I don’t do makeup and hair and all that stuff. You’ll need to find someone else.” I was shocked at first. We continued to talk and found much common ground between us.

The conversation was lively, poignant, brutally honest, funny and ultimately a huge help. I came away with a lot of insight and much to ponder and a tremendous amount of respect for her and her work in our community, but also a realization that discrimination exists in the trans* community. My naiveté originally made me think all of us trans* people were kindred spirits and we were all sisters and brothers. Alas, not so."

I used to have the same naive outlook as Cate did until I began to "get out in the transgender world and met more than my share of a few of very mean people. Now I am a believer there could be just too many layers of us to categorize.  You know of course we are the ones who fought so hard against being categorized in a binary gender but then still want too in the transgender culture. The rest of the post is good too and you can see it here.

Of course you know I have more thoughts on the subject but this time I'm going to move on and ignore the drama!

Autumn Sandeen On Transgender Vets and More

All you regular peeps here in Cyrsti's Condo know I am a transgender vet and follow Autumn Sandeen's (left) views on the subject with great respect.
Following transgender Navy Seal Kristin Beck's coming out party and book, I was anxious to read Autumn's take on the whole situation. To fill you in, Autumn is truly a ground breaking trans vet fighting what often I'm sure looked like a very lonely fight.

Here's an excerpt of what she said:

"I’d like to comment on instead is the implications of her story on the broader movement toward open service for trans people. One of the many arguments that were made by the LGBT public policy organizations, such the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN) and the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), was that we wouldn’t want to discharge hardcore fighting corps, such as SEALS and Army Rangers, just because they were gay. America would be removing tough, smart, well-trained soldiers out of America’s special forces for a reason that had nothing to do with whether or not they were effective at doing their jobs.

That’s an effective narrative, but the LGBT community never had any former SEALS or Army Rangers it could point to and say, “And this is the kind of special forces soldier you’ll kick out of the military if they said they were gay on active duty.” In the trans community, we do have such a soldier now. We can now point to Kristin Beck and say, “If Senior Chief Beck came out as transgender while she was in the Navy SEALS, she would have been kicked out for a reason that had nothing to do with whether or not she were effective at doing her job. Is that what America really wants?” And is it?"

Allow me to paraphrase and get you to her actual statement but Autumn points out there are questions for an open trans military service AND the the preliminary work has been set in motion for a national discussion. Such as (from her previous column) the narratives of trans Department of Defense (DOD) contractors and civilian employees who’ve recently served in Middle Eastern combat zones – narratives such as those of Nicole Shounder, Rachel Bolyard and Erika Stetson.

Then there’s (Autumn's) narrative about her historic fight to have her recorded gender changed in the DOD databases. Huge, in that it showed that the DOD  acknowledged that trans servicemembers and veterans even did exist. Fortunately, this seems to be just the tip of the iceberg and hopefully the hypocritical transgender ways of the Pentagon have first class seats on the Titanic!

As you can read much is happening on this front. For more on the story go here

.

Transgender Mothers?

I picked up this interesting story from Monica Roberts TransGriot site:

"Doctors successfully transplanted a donor uterus from a deceased woman into now 22 year old Derya Cert, a Turkish woman born without one but who had functioning ovaries. Being born without a uterus affects one in every 5000 women and until this procedure came along meant that the woman in question would be childless. A uterus transplant has been attempted once before by a medical team in Saudi Arabia back in 2000. The womb came from a live donor but failed after 99 days due to heavy blood clotting and was removed from the patient receiving it. Medical centers in Sweden and the United States are also working on perfecting uterine transplant medical technology and the medical procedures and drugs necessary to prevent the body from rejecting the transplanted organ. Cert became the first woman in the world to have a successful transplant from a deceased woman, which raises the hopes of women that are in a similar situation to hers that they could one day undergo the procedure once the techniques are refined and give birth to their own biological children."


"We've long wistfully expressed the sentiment in transworld if only trans men and trans women could swap body parts. It's becoming increasingly possible that a trans man when having the hysterectomy could designate it be donated to a trans woman for implantation. But if they did so, this is a situation in which cis privilege would aggressively assert itself. If that trans man donated their uterus, it would probably get prioritized toward being given to a cis woman without one. Trans women would be extremely far down the transplant list despite the desires of some of us to be fruitful and multiply. That research is also geared at this time toward helping infertile couples, not giving trans women the ability to give birth to biological children of their own But that shouldn't stop us from doing hard solid thinking about reproductive rights issues, procreation and the potentially game altering way that uterine transplant medical technology that hones its procedures and becomes as common as heart and other organ transplants could one day be applied to trans women. . The trans community definitely needs to be having these conversations about where we fit in this equation and think about what happens if they perfect uterine transplants. Could testicular ones be on the horizon next?"

Opens a lot of potential doors doesn't it?  Go here for more of the story.

A Case for Transitioning Young

I have subscribed recently to a blog called en gender written by Helen Boyd of My Husband Betty fame. As with most of her posts, this one is compelling:

" The other day I published a brief interview with Christine Benvenuto, who wrote a book about her marriage to and divorce from a trans woman. I blurbed her book, let me admit up front. I blurbed it because despite some transphobic tendencies (not respecting her ex’s change to feminine pronouns, most notably), I think it’s important that partners get their stories out there – as important as it is for trans people to do so. I’ve been enabling the latter for a long time, and I’m proud to have done so. But I see so often that partners who are having a hard time or who are bitter about a divorce or angry about transition are told – in trans community spaces – to STFU, pretty much. And that really sucks, a lot. The thing is, nothing about her memoir struck me as patently false. I’ve known a lot of trans women and a lot of wives of trans women over the past 13 years. A LOT. And Benvenuto’s story, just as she told it, is pretty goddamned typical. I have seen behavior by trans women that is sexist, misogynist bullshit. I have seen trans women spend their kids’ college money on transition. I have seen 401Ks emptied. I have seen all of that, and more. I have also seen the wives of transitioning women take out all their rage on their trans spouse – financially, emotionally, even physically. I have seen rage that I didn’t even know was possible in the wives of trans women. And I have seen them be unwilling to let it go. That is, I have seen a lot of awful behavior on both sides of this coin. Trans people are not excused because they’re trans just as women are not excused because they’re women. We are all faced with loss and betrayal and heartbreak and all of the emotions that accompany those things. How you choose to express them is entirely up to you."

Of course there is much more to her post which you can read here. But it finishes partly like this:

"So if we as a community want trans people to be happy, people need to know what kind of devastation a late transition can cause on families and wives and communities and of course on the trans people themselves. There is so, so much pain, on everyone’s part. People need to know it. People need to transition younger so that some of this can be prevented."

I'm sure you all know I'm a late transitioner and have even be called "yet another old guy on hormones". We all have compelling reasons or even excuses why we didn't transition earlier in life. Certainly none of us can go back in time so making the best of this situation is now all we have. Helen Boyd's ideas make sense.
I have added an en gender link here in Cyrsti's Condo plus another look "at the other side":  The Cross Dresser Wives" Monthly Newsletter. Don't expect warm and fuzzies there but worth a look!

Transgender and your Bucket

Is your bucket list half empty or half full? Certainly before we all know it and we are fortunate enough to make it- it's time to start looking ahead to the force calling your number. Poof! "You be Gone!"
I started my transgender Bucket List approximately five years ago. I began to see how much living I could do as a woman or maybe I should say- a trans woman.
I found I could live and more importantly wanted to live as my chosen gender. Ironically I got hammered from within the trans community for waiting so long. Even being called just "another old guy on hormones". The big bad outside world on occasion was more accepting.
To make a long story short, my bucket became very full.
Here's my point: I could have made the move to a full time feminine existence two very specific times in my life-basically at the age of 30 and 40 and didn't. If you are younger (I'm 62 now) and considering the move, I can say time will slip by before you know it.
I can't and won't tell anyone to transition but I do recommend checking the waters if you can. It just confuses me when someone writes me or I read somewhere a person is going to try to go through SRS without living the life! It's a problem created by places like Thailand who really don't care about much more than the cash.
Sure it takes quite a bit of courage and a whole lot of trial and error to experience the feminine socialization process.
Don't think you have to be old to have a bucket list. Do think you don't want to be living a regret later in your life when the bucket has a huge hole in it.
I've known fully changed transsexuals and cross dressers justifying life in the closet who have gotten really bitter over the experience.
Certainly, we all have only one life to live and we all have responsibilities to others.
Just as certainly we all have the responsibility to be true to ourselves.  You may consider starting a transgender bucket list to discover what your truth might be.

Thought of the Day

How many pursuits in life include the ultimate successful goal of becoming invisible?
Transgender Stealth is one indeed.
A noble one? Certainly for the person involved. Even me.
A constructive one. Not for the trans community.
Ironic isn't it when we work so hard to disappear.

It "Ain't" All Bad!

I don't know a transgender, cross dresser or transsexual person whose life has been a totally joyous experience. Of course elevated rates of suicide in the trans community are well documented.
Every once in a while, I come across a very positive site which involves our culture.

Kim and Kris Schroeder

Kris Schroeder authors a very positive blog which includes transgender and trans families.
An example is a link to a blog called the the transgentle wife.
Kris's blog is full of examples such as this and you can go here to read more.
Plus I will be adding her to my blog roll!

Life in the Hartland

Kind of catchy...right?
Actually I was referring to the fact I do live in Ohio, USA.
What did musician John Mellancamp (from nearby Indiana) sing in one of his epic tunes "It's probably where they will bury me."

Peaches Christ (Joshua Grannell) burns down the town. (Photo: Leonardo Herrera)

I can bore you and relate my positives for being here- but on occasion I do yearn for a little wider stage to view. Especially when I read this review on the "Silence of the Trans".
From the Bay Area Reporter": 

When the Oscar-winning chiller The Silence of the Lambs was released two decades ago, it came under fire for presenting a cross-dresser as a cannibalistic serial killer. In her new show The Silence of the Trans,which will be performed at the Castro Theater on Saturday, July 28, monstrous drag diva Peaches Christ tosses all that political correctness out the door and has a little fun with one of her favorite horror movies.

We spoke to Peaches' alter-ego, filmmaker and horror buff Joshua Grannell, who assured us that there was nothing for the trans community to worry about. "Our friends who are transgender, drag queens or transvestites understand that the show is a parody, a comedy. The film was protested because LGBT representations on screen were not as varied as they are now. And Silence of the Lambs is a pop-culture phenomenon. It's a great, campy movie."

"I extend a hand to the trans community," said Sharon Needles, who co-stars in the show. "They've been dealing with a big struggle. But there is a big difference between language and intent. We are in the business of pushing buttons. We are equal opportunists who offend everyone. Drag queens are the clowns in our culture."

With no disrespect to a wonderful diverse town such as Columbus, Ohio it's time such as this I wish I could just go across town and catch a show like "Silence"! It's a little rough to jump on my private jet and head to San Fransisco. 

(What would I do for an over dose of The Ohio State Buckeyes!)

Growing Up in a Boy Suit

"My daughter Alice was not always called Alice. Until the age of fifteen, she was mostly Jory. On paper, she was Jordan. Often and alternately, she was called He or Him, both Son and Brother. On the hospital nursery wristband, tucked away now in the drawer of treasures beside my bed, she was likewise mislabeled.
Alice spent the first fifteen years of her life hidden away inside a Boy Suit, not unlike an inescapable pair of footie pajamas, which seem perfectly fine and comfortable at first, but grows less so over time. At the age of ten, a single toe poked through. By eleven, the armpits had gotten too tight. When she was twelve the broken zipper's twisted teeth scraped her here and there, a constant rash of  irritations. At thirteen it had grown so uncomfortable and restrictive that Alice secretly set out to shred the whole damn thing."

"Mom's" work is not the usual million word backstabbing babble we see in the trans community. It is a rare positive blueprint for other parents to follow.  Parents such as her should provide the future trans community with fewer negatives and more positives.
Wasted words of hate and endless theory  provide no help to the astounding percentage of youth considering and attempting to end their lives before they ever begin.

"Mom" is Laurustina and she has an amazing parents blog called Transparenthood here's a link!