Showing posts with label feminine socialization. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feminine socialization. Show all posts

Saturday, December 31, 2022

Dating Myself

 This post goes back to my intensely lonely days following the loss of my second wife and several dear friends. Throughout my life I had plenty of acquaintances but very few people I could call friends. Perhaps it was because deep down inside I did not want very many people close to me in case someday I would follow my dream and come out as a transgender woman. I just didn't feel many of my friends would remain with me, or would I want them to as I went through such an extreme lifestyle change such as changing a gender. Personally, I knew of all the stress and tension caused by crossing the gender frontier myself and couldn't imagine anyone else understanding. As it turned out, this wasn't the first time in my life I decided to go it alone (so to speak) when I was attempting a major life change. The same thing happened when I had to go away and serve my military duty. When the time came to go away to basic, I had done away with any possible serious girlfriends and barely communicated with anyone at all. The only mail I received came from my Mom. 

Early Acquaintance on Right
from the Jessie Hart Collection 

So, all in all, I had experience dealing with extreme loneliness but I didn't really want to face it again. What happened was I ended up falling back on my inner feminine self for comfort. It turned out in times of extreme duress, she was the strong one who comforted me and kept me going. It was no different as I entered yet another lonely period of my life. This one totally unexpected when my wife passed away with no warning suddenly at the age of fifty. 

Rather than stay at home every night with my dogs, I packed them up and headed out to one of my favorite venues, dressed as my feminine self. My problem was I knew I would be attracting attention as a single woman where I went so I had to be careful. I was not in anyway trying to pick anyone up. On the other hand, I did not want to be ridiculed. Ironically the venues I chose to go to I had gone to as a guy to check out to see if my feminine self would be safe. Once I decided they were, I started dating my new self there, 

As it turned out, I couldn't stay by myself long. I started to interact with other people if I wanted to or not. First I had to learn how to communicate with the world as my authentic self. It was quite the growing process but surprisingly an easy one. Because it felt so natural. I wondered why it took me so long to do it. I fortunately became on speaking terms with one of the bar tenders at a venue I was going to. In turn she introduced me to her Mother (lesbian) and we hit it off. Then, there was the night another woman came into and ordered a to go order and in the meantime slid me a note down the bar showing interest in me. Over a relatively short space of time, the three of us became party buddies and I didn't have to worry about spending nights alone. What happened was, once I finally freed up my inner girl, she established herself in the world fairly quickly. 

Dating myself proved to be a process which taught me a lot in a short period of time. But again I have several other women to thank for my journey. I learned so much from Liz, Kim, Nikki and Hope on how to socialize myself successfully as a woman. In all of their own ways, they were strong, successful women in their own rights. By allowing me to tag along, I learned so much about my true self. Most importantly, they looked past my gender issues and saw the real me. They built me into the woman I am today. So much so, I can't imagine dating myself ever again.  

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Medicine and the Speed Wrench

For years the mere thought of the comment "Take your medicine" had negative connotations. From Mom's not so pleasant reminders to meetings with bosses over the years following terrible sales or profit periods.

Now the whole idea is not so negative as I am finally back into my HRT groove. Again I'm busy lining up all the little guys, aided by different shapes, sizes and colors. A few, I wonder if I can even swallow and others are so small I can barely believe they do anything at all.  Plus the really good news is I can afford any of it at all.

Ironically,  my biggest struggles now are the containers themselves.  I almost had to take a screwdriver and speed wrench (hammer) to a very tough little pill container which looked like one of the old birth control containers. All in all a very male response to a very female problem.  But then I did calm down and actually read the instructions, figured it out and opened it correctly.  Maybe the hormones or socialization is working?

It's true that life is a circle from birth to death.  Perhaps the transgender circle isn't perfectly round? If it isn't, I can fix that.  Get me my "speed wrench! No, bring me the small one. The original one became entirely too heavy!

"Taking my medicine" must be working!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012


When I really started to learn what a feminine existence was all about, I went through several learning experiences early in the process.
Of course I learned my IQ dropped with men , I didn't know what I was talking about and people quit listening to me. Truth of the matter is everyone pretty much knows all of that.
What I was searching for was more of a true feminine socialization process. Such as:
What do genetic females really think about the world around them? Sure, a certain segment of the female population are victims. They want to blame men or whomever for their so called station in life.
I never felt I was a victim because I was transgender and I wanted to learn from genetic women who weren't victims either.
I ran across such a site and thought I would pass it along to you.
It's called xoJane .. Go here to it check out!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Transgender and your Bucket

Is your bucket list half empty or half full? Certainly before we all know it and we are fortunate enough to make it- it's time to start looking ahead to the force calling your number. Poof! "You be Gone!"
I started my transgender Bucket List approximately five years ago. I began to see how much living I could do as a woman or maybe I should say- a trans woman.
I found I could live and more importantly wanted to live as my chosen gender. Ironically I got hammered from within the trans community for waiting so long. Even being called just "another old guy on hormones". The big bad outside world on occasion was more accepting.
To make a long story short, my bucket became very full.
Here's my point: I could have made the move to a full time feminine existence two very specific times in my life-basically at the age of 30 and 40 and didn't. If you are younger (I'm 62 now) and considering the move, I can say time will slip by before you know it.
I can't and won't tell anyone to transition but I do recommend checking the waters if you can. It just confuses me when someone writes me or I read somewhere a person is going to try to go through SRS without living the life! It's a problem created by places like Thailand who really don't care about much more than the cash.
Sure it takes quite a bit of courage and a whole lot of trial and error to experience the feminine socialization process.
Don't think you have to be old to have a bucket list. Do think you don't want to be living a regret later in your life when the bucket has a huge hole in it.
I've known fully changed transsexuals and cross dressers justifying life in the closet who have gotten really bitter over the experience.
Certainly, we all have only one life to live and we all have responsibilities to others.
Just as certainly we all have the responsibility to be true to ourselves.  You may consider starting a transgender bucket list to discover what your truth might be.