Trans-Sisterhood

Image from Manuel Cosentino
on UnSplash

 It is a powerful feeling being a part of the transgender community, or, the chosen ones (which I will explain in a later post). Recently I had a great comment through the Medium writing platform.  It comes from fellow writer "PL James":

".I always find I beat a drum. This drum is about embracing my trans-ness. I did always want to be pretty and slight like a lissome girl, but I am not. I have had too much of life dominated by testosterone...but like you, I lost a ton of weight, and am super-happy about the results of diet and exercise...and can be happy that I am beautiful...not in a classic way, but in a unique and transgender way...and that is fine because we are different...and our own experiences as trans people make us a tribe of our own...and that is the tribe whose standards I wish to be measured by. Yours in "transterhood"

First of all, it's a pleasure to be a part of your "trans-sisterhood" and thanks for the comment. I so agree many of us in the trans community have adjusted to our own standards of beauty as we present ourselves to the world. Years ago, I was invited to participate in a photography project which focused in on the differences in women. Even though I was scared to death to do it, I hitched up my "big girl panties" and went forward with the project. I felt even though I was far from the prettiest woman in the collection, at the least I would have the chance to represent an entire different look at women. Even though I don't have the final picture to post, it was quite the experience and I was honored to be chosen for another unique once in a lifetime experience.

Another very relevant comment came from the same post from another Medium reader "Ann Williams":

"I was recently invited to participate in a women's group, by one of the leaders. I was very flattered, and I would certainly love to do it. But I won't, and this is why. Because I know that none of the women there will see me as a woman, they will necessarily see me as an interloper. My presence will change the energy of the space. They will not feel as uninhibited to be themselves. They will not feel safe.

If I didn't know this, things would be different; but I do. I don't see this as a matter of rights; I see it as a matter of courtesy and kindness. The last thing I want to do is turn a place where women feel safe to be women into a place where they have to put their guard up. That's thoughtless, selfish and unkind --at least, I would find myself to be so, if I ignored their feelings by invading their space.

The fact I believe I am a woman doesn't matter. The problem is they don't believe it. And I cannot disregard the effect my presence will have on their experience."

Thanks Ann for the wonderful comment and I can only say, my experiences with being invited to "women's only" spaces have only worked out for the best. Maybe I am spoiled but I have had so many cis-women embrace me in their spaces, I was shocked on the rare times it didn't happen. I was even embraced and learned what I needed to do to be a more complete version of my new rescued feminine self.

I dare say, being accepted into the "transgender-sisterhood" has been more problematic for me.