Trans-Transphobia?

Even though it sounds like a contradiction in terms but in the transgender community you can definitely think transphobia is possible. It could come from two sources.

The first of which are left over male vestiges from a Mtf gender transition. Take Caitlynn Jenner for example. Knowing fair well the incoming Republican candidate was anti trans, she still supported him anyhow. She couldn't do away with all her previous male life, even if it meant protecting future transgender rights. Most certainly cis women support Republican ideas too but does their phobia's come from different places than men. Most people think women are the kinder and more gentle gender aren't always correct. I have known too many trans women who still can't leave their male past behind for any number of reasons. 

I think too, much of this relates to the "I'm more transer than thou" attitude, another reflection of latent transphobia. 

In our earliest cross dressing days, many of us (including me) fixate so totally on looking feminine, we do lose fact of what being feminine is all about. However, all the operations in the world, can't "teach" you how to be a cis woman. You have to live it, like they did. At this point, good old male competitiveness sets in. More operations and/or a nicer wardrobe make you more of a "woman" than the next trans woman.  Maybe the people who still advocate for going stealth to escape the community are right. 

Plus, it is exceedingly difficult to cross the gender frontier and it takes more than a little internal fortitude to do it. If you able to come through it unscathed as a human being, you have done well. As we all know too, there are so many different layers to being a cross dresser all the way to living full time as a transgender woman. I am one myself as I am relatively rare in the circles of people I know. I have been able to carve out a successful life living in a feminine world. Without the expense or pain of any operations. To each their own though, I have one dear friend who had her genital realignment surgery postponed at the last possible minute because of the Ohio Covid Virus restrictions on elective surgeries. Daily, I hope for the day she can finally realize her dream of have the gender confirming surgery. Like her, it is easy to get stuck in the complex layers of who we are. 

Before we know it, if we are not careful, we can become transphobic without even realizing it.  

Cyrsti's "Quote of the Day"

A new look at transgender stealth?  "If no one see's me-am I really here?"

Stealth, Activism and the Grandkids?

How's that for a post heading?  First of all, here is my definition of "stealth" :

1. You are "able" to.  that means more than mere appearance.
2. You do have a level of passing privilege, attitude, confidence-whatever.
3. You live, understand and embrace your new life.

I used to feel two things about stealth. Number one, it terribly hurt the knowledge and advancement of the transgender community during my generation. And, two I could never even be in a situation to go stealth. Well, it seems these days, stealth could be a possibility because of the effects of HRT and the relationship/social settings I have found myself in.  As I have written about recently, I am not going to out myself but won't hide from who I am.  After all, being trans is just one small facet of my personality.  But, none of what I just wrote will ever stop me from being a vocal example of change for the transgender community. Being an "activist" however is a highly subjective term and often in the mind of the beholder.

"And the Grandkids?" Weather permitting, the big sit down "coming out" breakfast with my three grand kids is tomorrow (Monday).  Two have "known" but have never met the real me out of male drag and one (the youngest) hasn't really been included much.  They range in age from seven to thirteen and too smart for their own good.  (Aren't they all?)  My biggest job is not talking down or up to them!!!!

Another Look

"Lotso" comments (thanks) about my Cyrsti's Condo "Is that all There Is" post.  I really appreciated all of your inputs because I was so torn on the subject myself.

Essentially, the topic was built around the day I had Sunday, doing everyday errands locally in some stores I had received a really poor reception in my past.  I have had days of course when I thought I was very close to achieving "stealth".  Sunday, I felt I was there and when I did-what exactly did that mean to me.

In no particular order, lets take a look at the comments:  (First from Paula)

1. I do wonder about this whole "going stealth" thing, after all I never wanted to be a Trans Woman, I want to be a Woman. If I should ever achieve that then I am not going to wear a badge that says trans, I hope I won't forget how I got there and those who helped me along the way though.
2. On occasion, I get lost in the written word...Paula came very close to saying what I meant to - in at least one forth of the words.  She is British, has very unique interests and you can follow the link above to check out her blog.

Billie commented : One way or another, indeed! I tend to agree, Cyrsti. Thanks Billie, this whole new chapter of my life still has a long way to go!  It's still very exciting and scary too!

Jen added: Sounds like you conquered and overcame your prior bad experiences at those 3 shops - WhoHooo!  I did indeed Jen, and I can't remember another time in my life, I was so euphoric but had to mainly keep it to myself.  I soooo love revenge!

And Pat:  The goal of a comedian is to "Leave them laughing when you go". I suggest that you simply go out and about as who you are and how you are comfortable and you will do well. It is a win/win situation all the way with you either getting along as just another face in the crowd or perhaps you will "Leave them wondering when you go".

I suppose Pat, I'm getting more and more tired of leaving them wondering at all.  I feel that gender is but a mirror anyhow, so if with a lot of help I'm finally achieving the correct reflection, then my final solution is close at hand.

Thanks so much to all of you who cared enough to comment.  I do my best to not deal in what I call trans paranoia and just live my life.  It is tough though to not look over my shoulder to see who or what is chasing me.  I did it for so many years and it's difficult to put an end to.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Welcome to our first "Sunday Edition Post" here in "the Condo".  Relax in your "jammies" with hot cup of your favorite coffee (or whatever) and let's get started!

Sports Section.-   My Ohio State Buckeyes were beaten by Clemson primarily because of the worse defense I have seen in my life, conversely, my Cincinnati Bengals embark on yet another NFL playoff adventure-not a good experience in my past. In fact, the standing joke around here is, "when you feel the ground getting cold under your feet, it's hell freezing over-the Bengals are going to the Super Bowl."  Actually it did 32 years ago when the Bengals played the same team they are playing today (San Diego) in the coldest game ever in the NFL.  Close to -60 degrees (F). "Momma Karma's little sis Momma Nature" tried to go it again this year but missed it by one day.  She shifted her cold breath up to Green Bay and spared us freezer until tomorrow - 40 below wind chill.

If you have ever heard the old "brass monkey" saying, the next couple days around here and a load of other spots in the U.S. should take heed.  The revered proverb goes something like this, "Better bring your brass monkey in off the porch before he freezes his balls off."  True, right? Unless he wants a quick head start towards SRS.

Week in Review.-  New Year's Eve was another wonderful evening for me and among other things the third I have spent with Liz, my partner and the beginning of my third year on HRT. Of course we exchanged all the pleasantries back and forth here in Cyrsti's Condo.  Thanks to all for checking in and all the best to all of you in 2014.  Outside of our insulated world here, all sorts of transgender "best of" lists all starting to appear.  At least in this country, the anti closeted stealth transgender women and transgender men, are helping to raise the bar for all of us.  Which brings us to our next section.

We Got Mail.-  As you all know, I'm quick to jump upon my soapbox and blast all the transgender community who "jumped closets".  They transitioned then went away.  On the other hand there were just as many or more who refused to accept their true gender identity and stayed in my cross dressing closet. (Me)  Shel le , who is close to my age, pointed out in one of my posts, "it was a different world back then." She is right. I think finally we "T"'s in the LGBT system learned from the gay and lesbian community on how to advance our own agenda. We are seeing it now on many fronts.

To finish 2013, we also became entrenched in discussions of how genetic men interact with transgender women - or don't.  We covered hardly earth shattering thoughts like how insecure men are with their sex and indeed their whole gender.  As those of us who grew up as card carrying members of the male gender know, men have precious little to hang their gender hats on.  I'm not being a male basher here but men just live in simpler systems than women and when one of us wants to "jump" ship, it's cause for concern.  First, those damn women were allowed to vote, allowed to work in the same jobs and even are starting to manage companies?  What's this world coming to...the unkindest cut of all.  Men wanting to be women and just maybe I want to talk to her???  Quite the dynamic we can discuss forever.
 
So much for this "Sunday Edition" here in the Condo.  I look forward to our upcoming week and may Momma Karma smile on you and do something about her " Sis" Nature.

Ten Percent or More?

I recently wrote a playful Cyrsti's Condo post comparing my self as a "ten percenter" transgender woman with a "one percenter" outlaw biker gang person.

On a very serious level, Paula replied  ":I always worry about these sorts of stats, almost by definition they will be wrong, the first question that comes to mind is how do they know the person they have met is, or is not transgender? While we may well not deny it we will rarely announce it. Then again of course we are still transgender even when we are not presenting against our natal gender, so all those who have met us at any time have in fact met a transgender person even though they don't know it ~ if you see what I mean."

I do see what you mean Paula.  On one hand-like you I question the number of people who may have met a transgender woman or man and never realized it.  Stealth or not, no one has the responsibility to wear a sign which tells the world we are trans. Others of course transition so well, no one would ever tell. However, personal experience leads me to believe the number may not be that far off.

First of all, to get technical, I look at the definition of transgender.  At times I feel our own culture can't figure out exactly what that definition should be or if the average civilian on the street can understand it. If you take me for example, while it's true I can navigate society as a feminine person, more than likely I will never reach the point of being perceived as a genetic female. It's also true I have a fairly sizable amount of people who have met me enough to know something is up.  If you gave them a survey which asked if they had ever met a transgender person, I'm sure many would answer no.  There is no reason for them to identify me with the word. Conversations in the real world for me just don't start with "Hey Cyrsti, are you transgender?".

Here is another reason why I could be a believer in the "ten percenter".  I live in a relatively small town but within 100 miles or so of several fairly decent sized ones (Columbus, Dayton, Cincinnati, Ohio).  Over the past several years, I have been in the "anti-closet". I have been out and not hidden.  You can reach me here through my email, Facebook or Twitter.  The grand total of trans friends I have is TWO.  Both are a joy to me, one trans man, one trans woman. In addition, I stay in contact with a couple others who live relatively close to me. So my basic math is telling me when I took the basic populations of the counties around me I came up with approx 3 million peeps. Ten percent of course is 300,000 transgender folks around me. So around here at least I'm thinking my "category" is well below the 10 percent.  But that's OK.

I have never had a problem with who I was and if I'm a trans five percenter, I'm even more rare. But all you stat freaks out there- I know my small sampling is not enough to sway the stats!

Falling off the Soapbox!

I have started this post three times now and ended up standing on so many soapboxes, I thought was going to fall. So, I am going to let the magic of the Internet whisk you away to a Brynn Tannehill post called The Canary in the Coal Mine.  

It's in the "Huffington Post Gay Voices" section and among other things, discusses LGBT findings from a recent Pew Report which of course set me off on one of my famous tangents- transgender stealth.

Follow the link above for many factoids and figures which probably won't surprise but definitely should concern!

Thought of the Day

How many pursuits in life include the ultimate successful goal of becoming invisible?
Transgender Stealth is one indeed.
A noble one? Certainly for the person involved. Even me.
A constructive one. Not for the trans community.
Ironic isn't it when we work so hard to disappear.

Transgender Stealth

Every once in a while here in "Cyrsti's Condo", I head to the library and dust off a volume of the "Trans Stealth Diary's"
None of the entries are mine. I have ran the entire spectrum of thoughts on the subject. From envy to disgust, I have thought them. How could my transsexual sisters run off and disappear? Then again, if I had the chance wouldn't I?
Here's the easy answer. No I wouldn't. In fact I'm thinking of jumping off the deep end and getting my first tattoo ever-with a trans logo-in a visible place.
Then again, I will be truthful and say this is a relatively new thought pattern with me.
As I so love to do, here's a little stealth history and perspective from another source: The Women Born Transsexual" Blog.
As always, I'm going to throw you some teasers and give you a link for more from Susan.

"Some folks have claimed the Doctors expected transsexuals to go absolutely stealth after they had SRS.
That absolute stealth represented the best possible adjustment  for post-op women in particular.
Dr Benjamin wrote some awfully Pollyanna sort of bullshit during the 1950s.
Actually it might have sort of been possible for a few people in those days to absolutely disappear because records were kept on paper and it was easier for people to build real identification out of some pretty sketchy bits and pieces of paper.
I know because this was still sort of possible in the late 1960s early 1970s.
After 2001 those of us in the US had the Department of Homeland Security, TIA and so many private information gathering agencies that Big Brother knew when you went out partying and how many drinks you had.
There are a whole lot of sisters I really look up to, mostly public figures like Andrea James, Jennifer Boylan, Julia Serano.  Not to forget lesser know sisters from the blogosphere like Mercedes Allen.
Most are more or less out, even if they don’t walk down the street wearing a t-shirt.
You kind of have to be if you want to do anything, including speak your mind on issues of public interest."

Susan is just warming up to the subject. Read on:

" I’m forced to wonder why so many of the trolls who hide behind aliases to spew hate while touting their own superiority due to their being stealth with perfect lives come off as so mentally ill and maladjusted.
As far as I can tell too many sisters have allowed themselves to be sucked into believing that they are somehow failures if they don’t manage to attain this ideal of absolute stealth.
I’ve known too many sisters who withdraw from life rather than accepting that which they can not change about themselves and moving on from there.
A friend of mine died a couple of years back.  She was incredibly flamboyant and knew antiques with Road Show Appraiser astuteness.  But she unhappily withdrew from the world nearly 20 years before she passed away.
Stealth doesn’t seem like a mentally healthy way to go about dealing with transsexualism.  It comes off as being ashamed of something one was born.
Not being ashamed doesn’t mean wearing a t-shirt, more just treating it like any other thing one could be born with that makes someone different from the majority of people."

Bravo Susan! Go here to read the whole post!