Haters and Bullies

 Recently, Mark sent in this comment: "Very very AMAZING..LADY .very well done for talking about this ,my parents lived in Germany for 6 years detmauld ..WHAT bullyingly HAVE you had ..HOW DID You cope/what happened .MARK.X"

Thank you Mark for such an in depth question. 

First of all, I grew up in a small semi rural area of Ohio in the 1950's and early 1960's. Nearly the entire class of the school I attended knew each other from first through the ninth grades. It all made for rigid social lines being drawn. For example, there were the jocks, hell raisers, socializers etc. 

Around the time the 7th grade rolled around, I knew I had to make a serious decision concerning which social set I was going to try to join. As you probably noticed, there were no categories for novice cross dressers. As far as I was concerned, I was the only cross dresser I knew. To be sure also, to be labeled a wanna be girl, I would be labeled as a sissy too. Also I expected no support from my patriarchal, conservative family. 

I was also painfully shy, so being accepted as a school socialite would be difficult too. I was left with two possible circles, the jocks or the hell raisers. Furthermore, I always had an interest in sports even though I lacked in the skill department. So I chose a few nearby friends who shared the same interests. 

By taking these steps, I was able to insulate myself from the threat of bullying. In effect I befriended most of the people most likely to come after me. As all of this was going on too, I had to be very careful not to have my younger brother catch me dressed as a girl when our parents weren't home. I had many close calls over the years when I had to lock myself in the bathroom and rapidly wipe off makeup I had just applied. 

All of this carried me into high school. I transferred from a very small
middle school to a large high school, so in many cases I had to start all over again. This time though, the emphasis shifted to academics as I needed to be accepted to an university after high school. The alternative was the military because of the draft. 

By this time in high school,  I had perfected the art of staying invisible. My only social attempts came at the school's junior prom when I was essentially set up with a date. Then I met and dated a girl from the school across town and went to the senior prom with her. 

Through it all Mark, I can't begin to tell you the time and energy I wasted hiding my true gender identity. I didn't want to be with a girl sexually, I wanted to be her. If I hadn't waited for the years to go by to realize all of this, perhaps life would have been easier, Then again, I took the only path I knew. 

Through it all, I was able to dodge much of the bullying I would have been tortured with but I know too I was luckier than most. I also had to resort to hyper masculinity to survive. Which was not my ideal way to exist but it worked. 

Thanks again for the question Mark, hope I answered it. 

My Political Connections

 As Halloween rapidly approaches, as promised, I thought I would share several closet opening experiences I went through. These experiences were instrumental n helping me to gain courage to pursue a life in the feminine world. 

The experiences are not in chronological order and this one actually occurred a couple years after my earliest attempts at going out as a woman on Halloween. 

As it turned out, a friend of mine owned a huge spooky Victorian mansion and was going to have a fairly exclusive Halloween party. I was a fairly well known radio DJ and somehow made the cut for an invitation, along with one of the news girls. 

Since this wasn't my first Halloween rodeo dressing as my true self, I deiced to steer clear of my previous "slutty" costumes and try to dress as a cis woman to see what would happen. 

To make a long story short, I had a great time. I ended up going with the news person somehow instead of my wife. One of the few times she left me unattended. It was first page news when the news girl saw my "costume" all the way down to my freshly shaven legs. It turned out the evening was only going to get better. 

The party was well attended and everyone I encountered remarked how "real" I looked, especially one of the area's up and coming politicians and his wife. They wouldn't leave me alone, all the way to inviting me to come along with them to another party they were attending. Since I didn't drive myself that night, I said no and decided to go back with the news person who drove to the party. 

Needless to say, the whole experience was a prime case of gender euphoria for me. At the least, I found I could present in the world as a feminine person. The down side came the next day when I had to return to my boring male world. Except for questions at work about my so called "costume", which I quickly laughed off.

I will always wonder though what would have happened if I had left with the political couple and went to another party.  Also, unfortunately I have no pictures. It was a long time ago in the late 1970's.  

I did pass along a close replica of how the house looked.

Philippine Beauties

From the Philippines comes two beauties, Paolo Ballesterors and Martin del Rosario:

 

Male Privilege

During the last hair stylist appointment, I told Teresa (my stylist) about the Cyrsti's Condo blog and she suggested a post about male privilege.

Of course I told her we have discussed it many times but it seems to always be a current topic. An excellent example was how the transgender - cross dresser social Friday night quickly turned from being a girls night out for some of us, to a man dressed as a woman social. I suppose it is a natural reaction from those of us who try to cross the gender frontier (and return) frequently.

I always try not to be too flippant when writing about privilege though.

Mainly, it is a very serious topic when it comes to male privilege and potential violence. Men just don't grow up with the same problems with potential personal violence threats as women do. I learned very quickly the gender differences when I began to journey out of the closet and into a feminine existence. I was lucky, I escaped a couple potentially dangerous situations by simply not paying attention to my surroundings. 

Other privilege situations of course happened when I discovered I had become a second class citizen when conversing with men and had lost much of my perceived intelligence.   

I am proud to say, now, with much prodding from my partner Liz, I have been encouraged to regain a good part of my social interaction with the public.

I guess you could call it "trans privilege".

Thanks Teresa! 

National Coming Out Day

Per norm, I am a little late, but yesterday was "National Coming Out Day" for LGBT women and men.

Also "per norm" my coming out was basically backwards. The first time I told anyone I was a "transvestite" came when I was in the Army in Germany. I had a very close knit group of three friends, one of which included my future first wife.

My disclosure came circa 1974 after a Halloween party when I came dressed as a slutty prostitute. Looking back, it's hard for me to remember how I was able to acquire the shoes, clothes, makeup and wig to even attempt to pull it off.

Seeing as how this was way before "Don't ask, don't tell" time in the military, I'm lucky I didn't get reported to the higher-ups. Maybe it did, but I only had less than six months to go before discharge and hassling me may have led to more problems than worth. Of course too, this was way before the transgender term had been invented.

At any rate, later on in life, one of the guys I came out to ended up coming on to me, the other remained a friend for years and as I said the woman involved ended up marrying me.

Ironically, outside of an ill fated attempt to come out to my Mom when I was discharged, coming out to anyone else didn't happen until I came out for good.

You are so Pretty

As I think back over my rather lengthy life, I don't remember many times at all when I have been complimented on my appearance by a spouse. I have had two spouses spanning approximately 35 years of my life and I am not including Liz in this because she will at the least tell me I look "nice." In fairness, I didn't have the extra benefit of HRT "back in the day." Also,  I am the first to admit I didn't look good enough to deserve any kind of a compliment.

Overall though, I have always believed spouses and/or women in general have a difficult time truly complimenting another woman. I'm leaving out the small conversational complements on accessories/ clothes etc. Many times I feel, another woman is just fishing to find out more about me. Or, am I transgender or what. Plus, there is the dreaded "You look good!" not adding out loud...for a man dressed as a woman.

Here is a comment on the subject from Connie:


"However, my wife has never told me that I'm pretty. She'll tell me that I look good in a particular outfit, but almost always after I've fished for it. I know it's because her transition is still a little behind mine, and her memory of the guy she married is not as distant as mine. This is why I say that transition never really ends or comes to some definite conclusion."

Some believe women aren't as competitive as men, which I think is wrong and appearance is one of the top areas of competition.  Never believe women don't dress for other women on the same scale as they dress for men. I know when I am going someplace relatively upscale, I consider what the other women will be wearing.

One way or another, the subject gets very complicated. Not unlike gender interaction itself. 

Keeping Your House in Order

Connie responded to a post I wrote about a cross dresser at our karaoke get together Friday night who went into a lengthy mainly one sided discussion (with another cross dresser) about how they built their own houses. I also neglected to mention during her discussion, he/she managed to add into the conversation why she wouldn't ruin her above average male voice trying to sing like a girl.

Here is Connie's comment:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEESeptember 11, 2018 at 2:46 PM

"You don't have to know how to build a house, you just need to get and keep your own house in order. When one's hobby becomes so intense that it becomes impossible to do that, it's time to stop and make some hard decisions. That's what happened to me. BTW, I've also renovated quite a bit of my house, and I could have accomplished much more had I not let my "hobby" take up all of my spare time.

I have (had?) a friend who is a cross dresser. We used to go out and about together fairly regularly. It used to bother me that she would manipulate any interaction we had with others (usually sales clerks or waitpersons) to declare that she was doing her hobby. I got tired of trying to make it clear that her hobby was not an example of who I am. I asked her to stop doing that, but she couldn't - because it is an integral part of the hobby, itself. It's like, "Look what I can do! Wanna see a pic of me in real life?"

Years ago, my wife and I saw a therapist together. Because I felt that I needed to hide my feminine-self from so many people, I had cut myself (and her) off from friends and family. I was hopeful that the therapist would be learned enough about transgender people to know the difference between a cross dresser and "whatever" I was. His solution, though, was to make the analogy of an avid golfer, and that I should agree to limit my "hobby" to one round a week. I told my wife, afterward, that I couldn't abide that, as I woke up every morning feeling like a woman. To deny my own very being six days a week was something I wouldn't be able to do. Although this therapist didn't help us directly, it was his suggestion that was the catalyst for her understanding the difference between cross dressing and living authentically.

My makeup and sense of fashion are extensions and expressions of who I am. I enjoy them, but they are not a hobby for me. Renovating my house might be one of my hobbies, yet the house doesn't look anywhere near as good as I do. :-)"

A point I forgot to make is, less is definitely more when it comes to make up. Transgender or cis, the women who make it look effortless are the winners and their house is in order. 

Vocal Help

As predicted, "Gordon" dumped nearly five inches of rain on the Ohio River Valley and proved the decision to cancel Liz's company picnic was a correct one. I was disappointed because  I love free food as much as the next girl. Speaking of food, Friday night came off without a hitch. A smaller turnout than normal, with even the fetish cross dressers dressed respectively. Most important to me, was the chance to practice my vocal training. If you are thinking of proceeding down your own voice path, there are plenty of ways to do it. Here's one from Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEESeptember 6, 2018 at 2:43 PM

"The first phrases I worked on with my feminine voice were salutational in nature: "Hello, how are you?", "I am fine, thank you, how are you?", "Thank you", "You're welcome", "Have a nice day!" etc.. First impressions of our voices are just as, if not more than, important as our physical presentations. I also made up affirmations that I would speak aloud either in the mirror or in front of a video camera. I would say something like: "I am Connie. Connie is a woman. The woman you see before you is Connie." I don't need those words to convince myself that they are the truth anymore, but the way I say them out loud does make a lot of difference, especially when reviewed on a video recording."

Speaking of video recording (a contradiction terms?)  It is very important to watch yourself talk to reinforce your feminity. Thanks for your input Connie.

Hair and Make-Up Visit?

Finishing off Monday's fun and games was the nightly meeting of  the cross dresser - transgender support group get together I go to. I made it fashionably late in time to hear a skin expert speak and later a hair person, followed by a make up expert.

I found I do about half of a required skin care regimen required to help my skin. I am always careful to cleanse at night and apply a moisturizer. As of yet, I have not yet delved into the scary/wonderful world of items such as serums.

In the "should have - could have" department, I should have taken less time watching the make up person perform her miracles on the two youngest attendee's and sat down with the hair person. In fact, she asked me why I didn't. The reason I didn't do it was, I was ashamed of the way my hair looked after a day in the car. I didn't even have a chance to brush it out. I was shocked when she asked me why I didn't do it!

As far as writing about hair or make-up, it was evident to me, both are too personalized to make many generalizations. An exemption was the ideas the hair person passed along about the care and maintenance of synthetic hair wigs. How often should you wash them, etc. Plus, how you should never try to color a synthetic wig or use any heat over 325 degrees (F) to style it. A washing regimen of course is based largely on how oily your original hair is and how long and often you wear the wig. So, even the care of wigs is highly personal.

As I understand it, both women are going to try and return for another meeting and perhaps even set up individual appointments. I already told the make-up person I would be interested and definitively the hair person too.

My statements to both will be, since I have been living in a feminine world for so long now, I need to learn how to do it easier and better.

Phantom Waists

One of the many fashion problems we transgender girls face (and cross dressers too) is creating a waist line.

From Fabulous After 40 comes a spring and summer chic idea to help us all out!

I am soooo happy to see this fashion trend return. I used to love it!

Follow the link above for three ways to wear this fashionable figure flattering top!

Halloween, Connie Style

Presenting a great post from Connie on the Halloween season:

"Back in the 80's, when it seemed that cross dressers were the most sought-after guests for the talk shows like Oprah, Donahue, Geraldo, and Sally (many of the episodes I still have on VHS tapes somewhere), one comment from the audience of one such show stuck to me like glue: "Every day must be like Halloween for you people." It was meant to be a cheap shot, I'm sure, but it resonated with me because I was, at that time, closeted and trying to figure out just who (or what?) I was.

 The small wardrobe, makeup, and wigs I kept locked up did not seem to be the makings of a costume at all to me. Those things simply helped me to express the person I felt myself to be - if only to myself. However, I thought, if other people only perceived my expression to be that of a Halloween costuming, it would be best to stay home in my locked room. I was tempted every Halloween to go out, as the "excuse" would make my presentation more "acceptable", but I knew that it would end up being much less than satisfying for me. Even some years later, after my secret had been made known to my wife, I did not attend Halloween parties dressed as a woman. 

 The mixed review (or view?) from my wife was that I looked too good for anyone to believe that it was merely a costume I was wearing. It was not until I faced up to the fact that I was a woman deep inside, and I had ventured out as that woman a number of times, that I felt comfortable adorning a Halloween costume. I had finally reached a point where I felt I could be a woman wearing a woman's costume; not a man wearing a woman's costume. Whether anyone else might have found my presentation to be "acceptable" because of the season then made no difference to me, as I had finally come to accept myself for who I was. No, every day is NOT Halloween for me, but I do enjoy taking on a different character each October now."

Thanks Connie!!!

Heart and Soul

This recent comment from Connie just happened to work in with a chapter I am writing for my second book , so I thought I would share it: "My new job, watering the hanging flower baskets in downtown Seattle, has given me an opportunity to do a lot of people-watching. Women definitely come in all shapes and sizes! Of course, I was already aware of that, but being on the sidewalk from 6:00 AM to 1:00 PM allows me to see all kinds of women: from the homeless early in the morning, the working women a couple hours later (and again at lunchtime), to the tourists who are on their way to Seattle's "famous" Pike Place Market. No matter what the women are doing, there are still all shapes and sizes within each group. And there I am, blending right in with all of them (despite the ugly orange safety vest my boss told me to start wearing today). I may not be as sleek and chic as the business workers, but I don't have to wake up on the sidewalk, either. The one thing I know, though, is that, if I asked any one of the thousand women I see every day, they would tell me that there is something about their bodies they don't like. It was good enough for me when a woman stopped to say, "It's so nice to see a female doing the watering for a change." To possibly be but average on the feminine body scale does not mean I can't be intensely feminine in my heart and soul, just as with most of the multitude of women I observe every day."

The chapter is called "What is a Woman" and fits in with the war transgender people everywhere are fighting with "gender bigots" who can't get it through their "pea" brains that trans women are men in drag invading women's rest rooms to pee.

Thanks as always Connie for a thought provoking comment!

Pictures of Connie!

Kidding! Bobbie passed along a link to a site which posted 54 "rare historical drag photos."

I got to thinking this couldn't be Connie, no one has ever insulted her by calling her a lady!

Cyrsti's Condo Vintage Cartoon

Way, way way back in the day female impersonation cartoons such as this was something I looked for in every one of Dad's Playboy's:

Boys Just Want to be Pretty Too!

Just another kid looking too happy in a dress at a womanless beauty pageant! He is probably thinking he has finally found a way to put his arm around her. She is thinking-STOP It!

Cyrsti's Condo "Pretty Boys Make Pretty Girls"

Drag queen Kayla Fontenelle

The "Ultimate" Gift List?

From the Advocate:  What is the perfect gift for a drag performer this holiday season? Wigs? Makeup? Tuck tape? At the World of Wonder holiday party, drag stars like Lady Bunny, Alyssa Edwards, Yara Sofia, Kelly Mantle, Landon Cider, and more revealed what they'd love to see in their stocking this December.

There are several drag queens interviewed for this story. I picked YouTube Star - Lacey Noel:

What should one give a drag queen for the holidays?
Tucking tape.

Is there a gift that straight people should never give gay people?
A Chick-fil-A gift card.

Follow the link for more!

Cyrsti's Condo OMG

Ian never really thought his sister would set him up on a blind date. He is downstairs waiting! Pull up those big girl panties!

Boys Just Want to Sing!

Boy Band Alice!  What came first? The cross dressing or the music? 

Cyrsti's Condo "OOOOPS"

Dammit! I just knew this wasn't going to work well when my little sister came home early-with her new camera!!!! And, I'm in Mom's clothes!