As I think back over my rather lengthy life, I don't remember many times at all when I have been complimented on my appearance by a spouse. I have had two spouses spanning approximately 35 years of my life and I am not including Liz in this because she will at the least tell me I look "nice." In fairness, I didn't have the extra benefit of HRT "back in the day." Also, I am the first to admit I didn't look good enough to deserve any kind of a compliment.
Overall though, I have always believed spouses and/or women in general have a difficult time truly complimenting another woman. I'm leaving out the small conversational complements on accessories/ clothes etc. Many times I feel, another woman is just fishing to find out more about me. Or, am I transgender or what. Plus, there is the dreaded "You look good!" not adding out loud...for a man dressed as a woman.
Here is a comment on the subject from Connie:
"However, my wife has never told me that I'm pretty. She'll tell me that I look good in a particular outfit, but almost always after I've fished for it. I know it's because her transition is still a little behind mine, and her memory of the guy she married is not as distant as mine. This is why I say that transition never really ends or comes to some definite conclusion."
Some believe women aren't as competitive as men, which I think is wrong and appearance is one of the top areas of competition. Never believe women don't dress for other women on the same scale as they dress for men. I know when I am going someplace relatively upscale, I consider what the other women will be wearing.
One way or another, the subject gets very complicated. Not unlike gender interaction itself.
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ReplyDeleteFor those who are still married, while going through this transgender struggle, NEVER let your spouse feel that you are prettier, even if you may be (or think you are). I don't have that problem, as my wife has always been a very pretty woman. Still, even if she won't compliment me, I make it a point to give her compliments often. I'm sure that contributes to our marriage lasting through this. BTW, it was just a few days ago that marked 50 years since the day we met. In January, it will have been only eleven years since she's allowed me to be pretty in her presence. Maybe, though, if I could fit in her size-4 clothes, I could be just as pretty as she is. Ha! I wish.