Loose Ends

 

Image from the Jessie Hart
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With this post, I have several loose ends to tie up and move on from...for awhile.

Perhaps the most important is my health. I finally received the information from my Veteran's Administration doctors from my recent colonoscopy. Fortunately, everything they removed turned out to be non-cancerous and I was cleared to not return for three years. A real improvement over the last time I went through the procedure only a year ago. I was paranoid I would have to do it again so soon, or worse they would find signs of cancer. As I always like to say, without my health I am nothing. 

Another loose end was a recent meet and greet I went to with a group of diverse friends I am part of. The morning started out with the knowledge my wife Liz, who wasn't feeling good would not be going with me to the brunch which was going to be held at a close by upscale brew pub. Liz and I are normally inseparable, so I knew I would miss her. For the occasion, I wore my new boots, favorite cream colored sweater and dark leggings, Light makeup and what passed for a quick brushing of my hair and I actually felt pretty good about myself. What could go wrong? A heavy cold rain which ruined my hair on the way in because I forgot an umbrella was the first thing which went wrong. Of course I survived a little rain, didn't melt and headed in to the crowded venue  As it turned out my group was clear across the room and I received little or no extra attention as I made my way back to them. So again, I was feeling good about myself. 

All was good until the server came back to take our orders. Out of the clear blue sky (which was cloudy) when it was my turn to order she turned to me and said, can I help you "Sir". The one little word, completely ruined my mood as I told her I wasn't a "Sir." She apologized twice but the damage was already done and it took me awhile to restore my confidence as a transgender woman. The damage went so far to me that I felt sorry for my friend who was sitting next to me and heard what the server said and I think felt my shock. Other than the shaky beginnings, the rest of the meet and greet went well and I headed off to do other errands and be home so I could watch the football playoffs. 

Another loose end I have been waiting to hear about is the outreach idea I had from the Alzheimer's Association diversity group I am a part of. They were/are trying to set me up to do an interview for a statewide Ohio publication called the "Buckeye Flame." Recently I talked virtually to one of the women who was responsible for setting up the interview and she told me she would talk to the person who would be doing it for a time. Since it has been a very difficult time in Ohio for all transgender women and trans men, due to all the anti transgender laws being passed in the legislature, I am sure the publication has bigger fish to fry than talking to me. One way or another, I am sure I will find out more at a upcoming diversity council meeting I will be attending virtually soon. 

For now, that is all the loose ends of my life which need to be tied up. Hopefully, there will be more outreach coming up soon to write about. 

Letting the World In

Image from the Jessie Hart
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Today I have two meetings I need to attend to. 

The first is a LGBTQ Veteran's support group session I haven't been in awhile. The reason I haven't is because I have been going to (virtually) the special ten week group meetings which concentrated on the overall impact the VA (Veteran's Administration) has had on my life during the span of my dealings with them. I make no secret of the fact I have been satisfied with my experiences. In fact, I consider my VA therapist to be one of the top influences in my life as I attempted to transition fully to a transgender woman. 

She, my therapist, was front and center for me when I needed help with starting my hormone replacement therapy all the way to when I needed help changing my legal gender markers in the VA system. This goes back over a decade ago when transgender veterans were not so well known in the system and many were not respected. So, I will be interested how many of the "regular" attendee's will continue to come to the meeting which as I said, restarts this afternoon, 

Also today and much more challenging will be the monthly meeting of the Alzheimer's group of Greater Cincinnati's diversity council. I will be challenged this time because the meeting is across town and is an in person event. Mainly because one person wants to look everyone "in the eye" as she talks to them. As we all know, looking someone in the eye is a major priority anyhow for any trans woman or man who is trying to make their way in the world. Shying away from making eye contact is one sure fire way to quickly lose respect. I don't really think the "eye contact" woman had me in mind but we shall see.

The whole meeting also has brought up two other other concerns. The first of course is appearance and I have been obsessing for quite some time on what I am going to wear. I decided on going casual with a light sweater and my new jeans which will pair up nicely with my canvas "camo" bag. Of course I will need to spend time on my makeup and make sure my long hair is properly pulled up and back. I keep reminding myself, I am a volunteer and a very rare one at that. There are very few LGBT persons willing (or able) to step forward and help and even fewer transgender ones. 

The other challenge for me will be the drive across town in the infamous Cincinnati rush hour traffic. I still don't know my way around yet and will have to rely heavily on my "Google Maps" app to get me there on time. Fortunately,  I can leave early enough to give myself plenty of time to arrive. 

Letting the world in sometimes is not potentially the easiest way to live  But it is the best way to explore being trans in the world while being around new people. Plus it is certainly one of the most beneficial ways to show others we are just similar to so many others. It is the true transgender day of visibility. 

Therapy

 

Therapist at work.

Since my fairly recent post concerning my therapist, I have received several comments, including a lengthy one from my partner Liz. Among others things, she was concerned with me wasting my time essentially hiding myself from my therapist. 

Through my WordPress platform I received this comment:  "I know you are not asking for advice, but if you can’t open up to your therapist perhaps you should find a different one or just stop going…that is the one place it should be safe to open up. If you aren’t getting that, at least you should talk about that."

Thanks! Liz mentioned that also. After all these years, I think I owe it to my therapist to at least bring up the subject of my expectations for her input.

Another comment came from Connie: "Well, I happen to be so cheap, ehr, thrifty that I have been completely open with any therapist I've seen. I don't like to pay for something I already know, and I want to give all the info I can about myself, so that the therapists can use their knowledge of how to make my life better. Of course, I've also had to educate them on what a trans person really is about most of the time. Unfortunately, I've had no luck with therapists making my life better - except for the one I saw for grievance counseling after my mom died my mom my mom's insurance covered it). He was from The Bronx, and had been a standup comedian before going into Psychology. The one thing he said, in his New York accent, that summed it all up was, "Fuck 'em, if they can't take a joke." I followed that with, "You mean that life is too serious to be taken too seriously?" He didn't even bother to ask if I wanted to make an appointment for another session. :-)

Thanks Connie, unfortunately I seemingly have lost the idea of free VA therapy somehow not being as important. When in fact it is. I had several different therapists I had to pay for out of my pocket and I expected more. Truthfully I didn't get more, I just didn't know what to expect. 

The Needle or the Patch

 Coming up on the nineteenth, I have my appointment with my endocrinologist. As I have written before, I am considering asking her about the possibility of changing my Estradiol delivery method from patches to injections. As with any other change, injections bring with them a whole other possibility of side effects. As a matter of fact, Michelle sent in this comment on the subject:

" You may want to check out this article:

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/article/information-estrogen-hormone-therapy
The highlight paragraph is one that you mentioned:

Many trans women are interested in estrogen through injection. Estrogen injections tend to cause very high and fluctuating estrogen levels which can cause mood swings, weight gain, hot flashes, anxiety or migraines. Additionally, little is known about the effects of these high levels over the long term. If injections are used, it should be at a low dose and with an understanding that there may be uncomfortable side effects, and that switching off of injections to other forms may cause mood swings or hot flashes. Some trans women have encountered difficulties obtaining a consistent supply of injected estrogen due to ongoing problems with the supplier. Realistically, there is no evidence that injections lead to more rapid or a greater degree of feminization. In my practice, I generally avoid prescribing injections unless under very specific circumstances."   

Thanks for the insight. Plus, as a matter of fact I did check out the article. So far, I have been lucky in being able to have a stable supply of patches through the VA and I have never had the problem of the patches not sticking. 

After talking the whole process over with my therapist this morning, the only benefit would be the possibility of quicker feminine development. So as it stands, I will probably just stay with the program I am on.

As soon as my partner Liz and I become fully vaccinated, I will be able to benefit from public feedback again. Which means so much. 

Another Busy Week

After a brief break for Labor Day on Monday, life kicks back into high gear again.

Tonight is my vote (or the board's vote) on my application to fill a vacated board post on the transgender - cross dresser support group I am part of. I am running against someone else, so there is no guarantee I will get it. I am experienced in sitting on volunteer boards for ten years or more during my life, so I am qualified. Basically, I am putting myself up for extra hassle because Liz wants me to do something to get out of the house more. So in reality (since I am retired) I do have have more time to give. The one thing which could go against me is a Facebook interaction I had Saturday night with another transgender woman about an ultra right wing bigoted cross dresser who had jumped into the conversation. It's complicated enough for a whole post but making a long story short, I hurt a couple of cross dressers' feelings during the interaction. One of which sits on the board.

One way or another it won't be the end of the world.

Wednesday's appointment is much more important. I am having my third (and hopefully final) heart exam. It's an ultra sound on my heart. The first two tests went OK on my heart, so hopefully this one will too.

Thursday, I head back up to Dayton, Ohio for two more appointments. I have to have more blood taken for a hematology test and also see the doctor who prescribes all my Bi-Polar meds.

Friday, I finish the week with another trip to Dayton to see my therapist. At least this time, we will have plenty to talk about!

Oh, and I forgot, Friday night is another one of the cross dresser - transgender socials Liz and I go to.

Plus, the weekend brings an interesting regional college football game. The local Cincinnati Bearcat team is playing The Ohio State Buckeyes. It is a must watch game.

So far, I think that is it!

On the Road Again

Yesterday was what I call "Blood Day" at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Administration Medical Center. It was my three month visit to hematology to check the iron levels in my blood. If the iron goes too high, they have to take a pint out. Which is not my favorite time.

Normally, I am mostly upbeat about my treatment from the VA. Yesterday turned out to be the exception though. Of course, most of you know, or have guessed by now I am a transgender veteran.

Before I go to hematology, I have to have blood labs taken, so without fail I did that and stopped at the cafeteria afterwards to eat. I was starving since I had to fast before the labs and I had no breakfast. Plus I had to wait an hour for the results of the blood work to come back. By this time, I was feeling good about myself. I was dressed nice in my red sweater, red patterned paisley leggings and black flats. Even my back felt fairly good after all the walking.

Surprisingly, breakfast was good (or I was just that hungry) and I headed up to hematology. Little did I know, I would soon be reliving a part of my Army days. Hematology told me the lab vampires had taken the wrong samples and I would have to go back and do the whole process again. Fortunately, the line to get my labs taken again was not very long. I repeated the process and headed back to hematology to wait, and wait and wait.

At least the two hours came out with a good ending. My iron was at an acceptable level again. Plus after a little research, we found I have not had to have any blood taken since last November. So, after my next appointment in three months with the Doc, hopefully I will be able to do away with the three month scheduling all together and just come every six months.

So maybe the old Army "hurry up and wait" theory was worth it after all. It's just another two hours of my life I will never get back.

Diversity within Diversity

Tuesday was my transgender veteran support group meeting at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans campus.

For once, the meeting was well attended (twelve) people and wonderfully diverse. Two much younger new people attended who identified mainly as gender fluid as well as the on again- off again SRS person from Richmond, Indiana.

We also have several run of the mill transgender peeps, as well as a "card carrying" lesbian. The mix made for an interesting conversation on several topics.

We talked about having a VA presence at the Dayton, Ohio Pride celebration this year and one of the gender fluid persons said they didn't like Prides basically because of all of the blatant exhibitionists. Her only experiences were from Atlanta, Georgia and Berlin, Germany. Far from the still conservative ideas of Middle America. I told her also, it wasn't so long ago, I felt totally un-represented at Prides "overrun" by drag queens and garishly attired cross dressers. Fortunately, I haven't felt that way at the last couple of Prides I have went to.

The other gender fluid person (who I will refer to as she) said she didn't quite understand what all the fuss was about existing in the public's eye. Even though, she is a self professed six foot three inches and a former Army Ranger, she is still quite androgynous and has quite a bit of passing "privilege." So at her age (30 something) she has missed quite a bit of the public problems for transgender, or gender fluid, individuals that used to exist much stronger... back in the day. It was nice we "more mature" participants could explain the "good old days" were just old and not so good.

Finally, I also brought up the possibility of receiving voice help through the University of Cincinnati Medical School, in conjunction with the VA and I hoped to get more info soon!

 All in all, one of those support group meetings that for once provided support!

Who Put the "S" in Stealth?

I remember 'back in the day' when stealth was a dirty word among some(including me). Somehow it just seemed like those transgender or transsexual individuals who were blessed with the looks or the money, to jump the gender fence and ...disappear. Then, the more I discovered the trans community, I could understand why.

It seemed those who stayed close enough to shine a light on the process also weren't the most pleasant peeps in the world.

So now, I often wonder who put the 'S' in my increasing degree of stealth. I can say no one "ran me out" and I will (in the foreseeable future) continue my writings on the state of being a transgender woman will continue.

In the meantime, I also am not going into any public places where I am not noticed and scream "Hey! I'm trans."


Guilt somehow enters into all of this. The Goddess has blessed me with all my acquaintances who for the most part are non LGBT peeps and my partner for a reason to be named later.

If you ever hear it from me, assume I have passed to the other side and since I am not Houdini I am not coming back. 

All of this sounds like a topic for my therapist and I to talk about at my next Veterans Administration visit.

Speaking of the VA, I was in the Social Services office the other day asking for info they provide on setting up a living will etc. I was standing at the desk when a genuine transgender veteran woman comes out of one of the offices. Wow!

I said "hello" but didn't have a chance to talk. I will in the future.

Spring Into Spring?

Looking head on (no pun intended) on my newest hair color adventure. For once, my timing is fairly decent as the never ending gray color is beginning to slip through.

Trans Vet Pride

I'm considering going with a lighter red color this time around which will give me more options to stay ligher, go dark again or back to the vibrant "violet" which was such a hit last fall. Decisions, decisions,decisions. One thing for sure is I will have to color it again sometime around Memorial Day for my invite to the Veterans Picnic at the VA in Dayton and Trans Ohio Symposium. 

As I look back on it, maybe my violet hair was a bit of a clue that I may be wild enough to take on the "Frank N Furter character from Rocky Horror Show. (How about 'selfies' with Frankie') to make some money for charity?

TransOhio 2015

Also, before I forget again, thanks to all of you who bought my book. All of the sudden I began to get bi-weekly reports from the publishing platform I am on and at one point Stilettos on Thin Ice was in the top 35% of all Kindle/Amazon non fiction books. (Can't make any of that up.) Now I have to get up off my arse and get #2 done!

In the System

It's ironic I have spent my entire life fighting the system (or believing 'it/they' had their collective heads up their arse's.) Now though I am doing my happy dance (look out) waiting for the system to work in my favor.

Yesterday, the giant bureaucracy known as the US government, did a fairly decent job and sent me my new Social Security card. As I see it, the card is the last of my gender marker major changes followed by a myriad of small ones. In fact, some I haven't even thought of yet.

Out of the way is my Ohio Identification/drivers license, Veterans Administration gender and name change, my legal name change in the courts and now Social Security Card. Plus, the one I always forget is the most important, my therapist's approval to do all of this. I'm very fortunate in that she is a free service given to me for my service to our country (Army) and she is qualified to do it. She has made her business to understand not just mine in the LGBTQ community, but others.

What angers me is some think my so called "condition" is not as important as others in the LGBTQ family. Of course it's no secret many think we shouldn't need the "screening" anyhow. It's expensive and repetitive. I agree.

Looking ahead, I have to keep pulling out the eraser to my old self and file name/gender paper work to important places like my bank, insurance and even the dog's vet.

It's quite the process, and as we have discussed here, where you are makes a huge difference. Even the order you decide to do it. I went for the legal name change first but that was me and the VA process was extremely important and one you probably won't have to go through unless of course you are a transgender veteran.

It only took me over 60 years to figure out the system didn't have to be that bad. Then again, there were all those bosses I had...

ShaZAM!

I guess it my be true, if you wait just a little longer for the VA to grease it's squeaky wheel and approve my name change  will it be worth it? 

Today it did just that and it was. But, it was too cold to do my happy dance naked in the middle of the street.

So now my legal name is legal within the system. Now I have to replace my Goddess Awful Veteran's Administration I.D. card and I am free of my old self.

Wow. Just wow.

Everything Starts With a Dream

Those of you who have been around business management training programs, or even sports to an extent, perhaps you have ran across the idea of visualizing a goal before you can achieve it.

For the briefest moment last night I was swept off to what if land when a commercial for a breast augmentation group of Doc's came on the "Boob Tube" (couldn't help it.) I began to wonder if all my excuses against having the procedure was hurting my dream.

My dream is to have a realistic size of breasts to fill out my fashions. Excuse #1-my HRT "interruptus" has also interrupted my breast growth again. I am nothing if not impatient! Who said that? Dick Nixon??? Sincerely, I don't really know where my breast journey will end up.
Excuse #2-Finances. An upgrade to "the girls" around here is about $4,000 - exactly four grand more than I have to spend. I didn't hit the lottery as you can tell.

Answers to the excuses are actually easy to explain. If the estrogen takes me to a full "c" cup-that's cool and I will be satisfied with no additions to my body. Plus, as far as finances go, if Obama and/or the Pentagon ever does the right thing and formally approves active transgender military service-the approval could filter over to the Veteran's Administration (where I get my health care). At that point, the VA might approve transgender plastic surgery as the natural next step from the HRT they approve now.

Until that time, my dreams are in a fertile setting. One never knows when one will hatch!!!

Meeting of The Minds

Gee, it's quiet between my ears today. The trans meeting was good last night except for I couldn't make the 'after meeting' at a near by coffee shop. If you know meetings, the after meeting is where the  "heavy lifting" takes place and peeps begin to form bonds.

I will the next time around!

Other than the meeting, on the way out, one of the building administrators stopped me and commented on my hair. She fibbed and said she liked the color and I said gray? But then I asked her had she ever tried the "Vibrant Violet" I have been addicted to recently and she said yes. Then I asked if she had tried any of the "power reds" I was considering next, the answer was yes again.

Hair color is heavily on my mind-no pun intended.  I need to DIY before the bar mitzfah in a week and have two picture ID's to update...

 Plus I have to keep up with my 14 year old granddaughter, who (if she can come up with half the money) is pushing her Mom hard for a blue "ombre" color job before the evening. The quote was "well, J.J. (me) has violet hair so what's the problem? That is NOT my granddaughter in the picture but you all know what I think!



What else is going on? I'm still between genders with the VA today, but I was able to hand deliver the latest documents they needed to get the job done. Of course, new forms were needed after the first of the year-of course. The man in charge of all of it said if he can make contact with the right peeps, we may 'git-r-done' yet this week. 

I'm sure the whole process will move faster when someone in the system figures out they almost got it right by changing my gender to female. 

What I'm really waiting for though is an almost immediate trip to get my VA photo I.D changed.

Several of my friends are requesting a "rite of passage" ritual-maybe I could start by burning the old ID's?

As The Bureaucracy Turns

As you may recall, today marked yet another of the latest milestone days of my 'Mtf gender marker" journey.

I was happy to see the State of Ohio sent me the approval to switch my driver's license from a 'M' to a 'F' (for a fee of course) and I plan on getting it done early next week. But, As I checked with my therapist at the Veteran's Administration today-I was still a "female called a male name." Ala Johnny Cash's 'A Boy Named Sue.' I sort of figured the VA would take a little more time to untangle itself and get the proper changes done. The privacy officer said something to the point of my name change had to go through some sort of committee to be signed off to prove I am not some sort of terrorist. I could change my gender easily enough but not my name-go figure.

However, the biggest surprise today though came in my mailbox.  I got my paperwork to turn in with my IRS Taxes saying indeed I did have coverage through the VA. It was addressed to "Ms. (insert male name) Hart"

With any luck though, I should have a brand new shiny female drivers license by next week!

And I am excited!!!!

Thank God it's Wednesday?

Well, it's not Wednesday around here-it just feels like it because of the Veteran's Day holiday-which moved my regular Tuesday appointments at the VA (Veterans Administration) back to Monday.

Recently I have been writing here in Cyrsti's Condo about my on going health situation, my gender marker advances and coming out experiences within my family.

Yesterday was day number one (of two) this week at the VA. The news was exceptionally good. I have no cancer or cirrhosis of the liver. And all my liver functions were only slightly elevated-which may be brought into line with all the other treatments I'm going through-which happen to be Thursday. My appointment was especially nice as I got the chance to admire my Doctor's ear-rings. And, for all you smart - arsses out there she is a cis-woman! (I think.)

Also yesterday,I had coffee with my brother. He is a couple years younger than I and we are the only two siblings. What I wanted to do was clear the air with him about being transgender and what that would mean for the holiday family get togethers.

He just smirked at me about the trans word and said he and his two sons have known that (or assumed) for awhile. Plus, (the best part) it's my life was my life-so who cares? 

So, the only remaining discussion point from me was, before my brother and I parted ways was: was there a certain point on the androgynous scale (for me) my Sister in Law and him would find appropriate? The answer was it was up to me. 

Cool. So all of that tension in my mind was imagined. Now I can get on  with life. Which means another visit to the VA Thursday and get my legal name change paperwork filed at the courthouse. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk!!! Listen closely as another "Sunday" Recap is hitting your virtual front porch! Here along the Ohio near Cincinnati, we are dipping into the 30's (or lower) for a couple days before climbing back towards the 70's. Ideal for leggings, boots and big bulky sweaters. Lets get a hot "cup o joe" and get started.

Page One-The week That WAS-or Wasn't: Very definitely, it was the week that WAS for me. If you follow the blog at all you know Thursday my VA (Veterans Administration) psychologist signed off on my all important paper work to proceed changing my legal gender markers-which means my name and gender on documents. I have often written and thought the legal path is as challenging as navigating the world as a transgender woman at all. The next step for me this week is determining the sequence I want to do it in.  I can tell you for sure I am sick and tired of being called my male name at the VA, which is not their fault because that is what is in the system!

Page Two- Trans Allies: For some reason (other than yet another trans paranoia) I have read certain "T-peeps" blister transgender "allies." I thought I was missing something? Didn't I want/need more peeps on my side? Liz and I's "Meet Group" on Friday was one great example and my psychologist was another last week. Let me point out the group has absolutely nothing to do with LGBTQ causes and probably many wouldn't know the meaning anyhow. But they accept me warmly for who I am. So I guess they became allies out of "osmosis?" But I love them none the less and a whole lot more for them being - well-them. As they do me.

Page Three-Opinion: I have always considered paying forward a major goal of my life and I may have a yet another chance to help out coming up. In my discussions with my psychologist I mentioned several residents who sat in with my regular Doc's who asked if I had ever-or would talk to a Medical College class on the do's and don'ts of handling a trans patient. Of course I said no, but I would. Then she (my psychologist) said, would I be interested in talking to one of her interns. Again, I said sure-I would be honored. I hope something comes of the invitation because my VA clinic as a whole has become very diverse over the recent years - mainly with the help (again) of my psychologist. Great company to be included in-if only an itty bit!!!

Page Four- The Back Page: Well kids, time to wrap this up and put together breakfast vittles before the second half of my B&B football squads take the field. Of course my ultimate thrill yesterday came when "The team up North" lost to Sparty (Michigan State) in the last second-then my THE Ohio State Buckeyes beat up on Penn State. Then today the Cincinnati Bengals continue down their unbeaten path. To all of you though, I  hope the sun is shining in your world! Thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo!!!

Luv ya All!!!

Transgender Veteran Updates

You regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo know I am Vietnam Era trans vet and have had my HRT monitored by the VA (Veterans Administration) for several years now. 

Along the way, other trans vet visitors here have asked for me to provide any extra info when I found it. I did find some "clarifications" today as I was trying to "back track' through the processes I would have to jump through to change my VA gender markers which works through the DD214 form.

Here are some other links you may be interested in:

1. External Fact Sheet
2. Patients and Resident Rights of VA Centers
3. Changing Your Name/Gender

Your next move (of course) is another form - DD 149

Which leads you to:

What evidence should I submit along with my DD Form 149? 

1. Evidence of your legal name change, such as a certified copy of your name change order 

2. We recommend including at least one, and as many as you have available, of the following:  A U.S. Passport showing your updated name and gender - A state driver’s license or identification card showing your updated name and gender - A court order recognizing your gender transition

AND A signed statement, on office letterhead, from a licensed physician.

 Though no requirements for this statement have been issued, we recommend the statement follow the following format: I, (physician’s full name), (physician’s medical license or certificate number), (issuing U.S. State/Foreign Country of medical license/certificate), (DEA Registration number or comparable foreign designation), am the physician of (name of patient), with whom I have a doctor/patient relationship and whom I have treated (or with whom I have a doctor/patient relationship and whose medical history I have reviewed and evaluated). (Name of patient) has had appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition to the new gender (specify new gender male or female)

I will let you read on from there! (TAVAUSA)

Called in to Transgender Counsel?

Yesterday when I went to my endocrinologist appt at the VA, it was no surprise when he had yet another resident "doctor in training" tagging along.

I sort of felt sorry for the resident in that my Doc was traveling about 200 miles an hour. It was obvious he was trying to catch up a bit when he said "Cyrsti, this is my resident today, Nate." Then said "Nate" had never seen a transgender patient before, so here was a chance to ask questions. 

Well. both of us were taken back immediately. Poor Nate didn't know how to start and for once neither did I. About that time though, my Doc turned around and called me a "he" and I told Nate "mis-pronouning" a trans patient was a major way to screw up. In all fairness to my Doc, he normally does really well. 

I went on to relate the extremely ugly time when a resident at another of my doctors was all too interested in my sexuality - rather than why I was on HRT.

Finally, Nate asked if I had ever been asked to speak to a medical class. Interestingly, no, but two or three 20 something residents I have encountered have asked me the same question. Since Laverne Cox spoke at the medical school they attend (last winter) I'm sure my credentials don't match up.

But with me (at the least) you can't beat the price! (Free)

"Transgender" Markers Part 12?II

I suppose it doesn't really matter where I start with yesterday's "fun" at the VA with Liz (this time) to hold my hand. As I have mentioned too many times to count here in Cyrsti's Condo, again I need to  discuss gender markers with you. Often not a pleasant story as we hear from Shelle : 

"Over here in Hoosier land(Indiana) they really have my transition experience about as hosed up as it can be, my HRT is handled not by a transgender doctor but by an endocrinologist in Indianapolis, the rest of my treatment is handled here locally by a mental heath person, who's main thrust has been to see that any anxiety I have is treated by a pill 'Sertraline' otherwise known as Zoloft. Getting anyone to commit to my gender marker issues seems foreign to them" 

Thanks Shelle, I wish you the best! I have been fortunate in that my VA Center seems to be extremely sensitive to transgender needs to the point of being proud about it. Having said that though, I had to fight for nearly two years to get my endocrinologist care under the same "roof" so to speak. (I too have never had a 'transgender doctor')

Also, as I embark on the "gender marker" trip the people at the VA I will be dealing with have quite a bit of experience with me. In fact-one has three years and is the psychologist who initially approved my HRT.  The other is a therapist who gets along with me well too. Perhaps (and I hope I am not overly speculating on Shelle's comment) I am heavily "monitored" because I am "bi-polar" too. My struggle with them has been over the years has been to separate being trans from bi-polar. You can't necessarily connect the dots with me. I do understand though the connection between adding estrogen into the mix and extra depression.

Truthfully, it's a constant battle for me. I have always called my moods "battling my demons" and sometimes they were wearing dresses. Therapists seem to understand that. Plus, once I accepted they should be wearing dresses, my life was happier.

As far as going forward, it has been such a long time since I have had an appointment with the psychologist who can/maybe/will sign off on my gender marker request, I may have to start lower in the mental health VA system and work my way back to her. (Not a problem.) 

As I understand it, all the "shrinks" meet today for a "consult" and I will find out what's going on tomorrow (Thursday) I do know the key to my decision will probably be the tight knit ever growing group of family and friends who accept me as a transgender woman.

Bless them all!

Karen, Roxie and I in Walmart

This morning as I finished another VA doctors visit, I stopped at a Walmart to pick up shipping supplies. While I am the first to say I think Walmart has single handily done more to rip the economic heart out of this country, I will say I am a hypocrite and buy boxes/shipping tape at about one third of what I pay anywhere else.

As I was walking through the store, I couldn't help but remember the women walking with me I barely recognized. On one side was a woman from my past I called Karen. Karen was named after a middle school crush I had. To me a "crush" was wanting to be her. My Karen really blossomed in the 1980's. She did fairly well with the big hair, over sized sweaters worn with short skirts and flats. In fact, Karen gave me the courage I could present well enough in the world to get by as a cross dresser. But, essentially, I out grew her the more I searched for my "fit" in a feminine world. 

On the other side of me, came Roxie. As the name would lead you to believe, Roxie was much more adventurous than Karen. Roxie did a lot of crazy stuff in short skirts,heels and blond wigs. Many times "over the top" would be a kind description of her. In many ways Roxie was the antithesis of Karen in that she was too showy-especially for Walmart.

In fact, I tried to judge my "pass-ability" by heading for Walmart.  I never was the sharpest tack in the box and kept going back for more punishment from the hillbillies in this town.  After a while even I understood my long blond wig and black jump suit really fit in well in downtown Columbus and really bad at my local Walmart.

Fast forward to today. Basically, no one gave me a second look. As much as I wanted to break out my "happy dance"-the fact remained the place was nearly empty at that time in the morning (10 AM). On the other hand, my hard earned belief in myself as a trans woman plus the effects of HRT brought me to the point where I am today.

Roxie and Karen were smiling.