A Free Spirit

 

Image from Ivana Cajina 
on UnSplash

As I was making my gender journey to living as a full time transgender woman, I often tried to pass myself off as being a free spirited person. 

Often that carried a maybe I would go even as far as dressing up as a woman on occasion. Especially during all of my Halloween adventures, this came in handy. It also was successful when I tried all the drinking that I did. Being free spirited just led to being the instigator when it came to inviting a group of friends together for a good time. It basically all started because of my family used to get together for big parties which of course included quantities of alcohol. So the entire process seemed to be natural to me since I was raised with it. 

Another factor to consider was being a free spirit and being able to drink more than the next guy somehow made me more of a man than he was. This worked because I couldn't out compete most other guys in athletics of other competitive activities. If all else failed I could try to out drink them. Deep down inside I hope I would try to outrun all my gender issues and live what I considered at the time a more "normal" life. Needless to say the process didn't work except serving to keep me deeper in my gender closet.

Being a free spirit with the cis-women friends I had was a whole different process. In my endless search to discover what a cis-woman's life was really all about, I think I became more friends than lovers with most of the women I became serious with which were very few since I always had in the back of my mind someday I would have to sell out all my male past and leave everyone I had ever known behind. During that time, anyone who attempted the complete gender change process was expected to leave totally the life they had lived behind, move and start all over. Somehow, I never wanted to do all of that as I had established a male life which I actually liked part of.

Of course, being a free spirit caused other issues also. As I mentioned, never being able to become close to many other human beings (male or female) was on occasion frustrating and disappointing.  All in all, I can count the number of true male friends I had on one hand when they tragically all started to pass away in a two year span of my life. I have had people question me how easy or difficult my gender transition was when I finally decided to do it. It wasn't difficult at all because most of my family(parents) and close friends had passed on. I guess you could say I waited them all out and I was the last person standing. So I was able to move on.

My feminine inner self who waited all those years for her chance to live did maintain a portion of my overall free spirit. Sadly now, my body is paying the price for all those years of attempting to be the best at everything I did. My back betrays me everytime I move too much or change directions too quickly. Maybe since I have passed my seventy fourth birthday, I am asking too much but I am trying to walk more to stay active. In my own way, I want to maintain being a free spirit for as long as I live.

A Very Good Point

 Recently I wrote a post called "A Bridge too Far" here in Cyrsti's Condo. Along the way in the post about novice transgender women facing the difficult task and decision to fully come out of their closet, I left out a very important point. 

Paula was kind enough to comment on it:

"Most of the things we are frightened of never happen! I suspect that it is fear that held a lot of back, yet it is also our example that it makes it all less scary for those following behind us.

Despite what the haters and the popular news media might like us to belief it is my experience that the vast majority of people, especially cis women! will be our supporters, our helpers, and our defenders. They understand that that they lose nothing, no rights, no security, by accepting us into "the sisterhood".

As I said, great points. Thanks Paula. 

As The Bureaucracy Turns

As you may recall, today marked yet another of the latest milestone days of my 'Mtf gender marker" journey.

I was happy to see the State of Ohio sent me the approval to switch my driver's license from a 'M' to a 'F' (for a fee of course) and I plan on getting it done early next week. But, As I checked with my therapist at the Veteran's Administration today-I was still a "female called a male name." Ala Johnny Cash's 'A Boy Named Sue.' I sort of figured the VA would take a little more time to untangle itself and get the proper changes done. The privacy officer said something to the point of my name change had to go through some sort of committee to be signed off to prove I am not some sort of terrorist. I could change my gender easily enough but not my name-go figure.

However, the biggest surprise today though came in my mailbox.  I got my paperwork to turn in with my IRS Taxes saying indeed I did have coverage through the VA. It was addressed to "Ms. (insert male name) Hart"

With any luck though, I should have a brand new shiny female drivers license by next week!

And I am excited!!!!

Aussie Transgender Story

This is far from a new story. In fact it is from 2010 but it bears revisiting.

It actually came from "AsiaOne's" Diva site for women and features Ms Chelsey Mikimoto who was born in Singapore to a Malay-Dutch mother and a Chinese- Japanese father. She migrated with her family to Australia in the mid-90s at age 10.

Much of her story sounds familiar: "Although born biologically male, Ms Mikimoto said that she never identified with being one. Growing up, she liked girlie things. She dreamed of parading in beautiful gowns and experimented with her mother's make-up and clothes. One Christmas, she placed her name on the Barbie doll meant for a female cousin.
 She had visited a psychiatrist who diagnosed her with gender identity dysphoria - a condition in which individuals identify emotionally and psychologically with the other gender. For five years before the surgery, she lived as a woman. During that time, she underwent hormone replacement therapy to feminise her facial and bodily features. Other than physical changes, she also took the time to "greatly reflect" on what it meant to have the gender change."

I haven't been able to find much recent information on her, so I hope all is well!