Another Trans Reset Complete

Just when you think (or thought) your legal male past has been erased, my old male name appeared quite unexpectedly on my new bank documents.

As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo, I absolutely recoiled in disgust when I saw the name on my new bank cards and checks.

Well, yesterday, my new checks came with my correct name. Which matched my new bank cards. I need to point out too, it was over two years ago when I completed all possible MtF gender marker changes. Ohio is still one of the states who is resisting changing gender on birth certificates. So, as of now, that option is still unavailable to me until it changes.

I don't know if I mentioned too, I have met a transgender woman whose hormones are so screwed up, she registers as pregnant on her blood tests. She plans on using it to her advantage and is going to be petitioning the state for a gender change on her birth certificate.

As far as I go, I know I have a couple other pieces of documentation I have to get changed,  and yes I am a procrastinator! One is my term life insurance policy and the other is a college fund for one of my grand-kids. All just a matter of a phone call or two.

In some ways, I view the whole process as a just another needed problem to solve and other times, what a pain in the rear! 

LGBT Coming Out Day

Actually, "Coming Out Day" was a couple days ago, so I am a little late writing about it. But, here it goes anyway.

Coming out for me was certainly the slippery slope. I was entertaining the idea literally for years until I could figure out a way to do it as easy as possible. What happened to me was a series of gentle/not so gentle nudges from friends until the deed was done. They were viewing me as a transgender woman with no strings attached, so, why shouldn't I?

One person, my partner Liz, gets the most credit for making me a trans believer in myself, although there were others too!

My daughter's total acceptance of me really helped and there was so much more like being asked to tag along to events such as an NFL Monday Night Football game, lesbian happy hour parties and many others.

After much consternation, it all became increasingly routine as I reached the point when I could start HRT, retire, grow my hair out and eventually change my MtF

Pre-HRT transition picture

gender markers. Again it was Liz pushing me ever so slightly to be myself.

So, I can't celebrate an actual "Coming Out Day" as some do. I can celebrate though, my partner, daughter and friends who wouldn't give up on me until I got it done.

What is next? Living my dream of navigating the world daily as a woman after jumping through all the LGBT hurdles I had to jump through.

I'm walking everyday to help jump anymore hurdles I may have to negotiate in the future and maybe there will be fewer of them too!

If I Knew Then...

Often I get asked what I did or what I would change to get to this point in my life and I have a few easy answers which were damn hard to learn!

First of all Mtf gender transitioning to me was not being brave. Embarking on the transgender process was increasing clear to me was one I needed desperately to make it through this world alive. I had to make a change. One suicide attempt was enough.

As far as the mechanics of just living in a feminine world, the complexities were enormous. I found the society of women to be as complex as I thought it would be and it did not take me long to experience first hand the effects of say feminine passive aggression among others.

Then of course there were the problems I still face such as presenting to the best of my ability. I had to learn that more make up was not necessarily the right way to go and how to dress to blend. As I grew my own hair, then all of the sudden I faced another set of challenges. For the first time (since I wasn't wearing wigs) I couldn't easily see the back of my head and had to rely on mirrors to judge how the hair on the back side of my head looked.

When the effects of HRT began to set in, a whole different set of opportunities set in such as emotions etc. On the positive side I began the exciting breast development and skin softening which of course accompanied the process of just somehow feeling different.

Regrets? A double edged sword. Karma giveth and taketh away. On one side I wish I would have started this journey in earnest earlier. But then again I wouldn't give up so many of the fond guy memories I made including the best of all-my daughter.

So, there you go, a very short version of fifty plus years of discovery for me. Starting cross dressing and ending as the proud transgender woman I am today has taken its exciting and then again scary turns for me. I tend to be thinking about all of this more as I pass through the one year mark of legally changing my gender.

The trip is certainly not for the faint of heart, but then again, only your heart can tell you to do it.

Time Flies

My Mom said it best: "Never wish time away, it's like a roll of toilet paper. The closer to the end you come, the faster it goes."

I didn't quite wish the year away but it doesn't seem possible it's been that long since I began to legalize my gender markers, and here I am taking care of my annual driver's license/ car registration renewals. Otherwise known as yet another money grab by the state.

Looking back over the year with all of you, as much as I want to whine about my minor (fortunately) health issues, I really don't have a lot to complain about.

Even the gender marker path wasn't too bad here in Ohio except I still can't get my birth certificate gender changed which means I still can't use the rest room in some states.

As we all know, our basic health is everything and even the VA seems to be on the upswing.

Plus, I have been semi successful in not talking politics (or religion) except with my closest friends and hopefully will be invited on a couple paranormal adventures in October.

So life is good right now as my toilet paper roll spins faster.

Now it's time to go give my taxation without representation money to the state.

It's So Quiet in Here:

It's so quiet here at JJ's I can hear a pin drop.

It could be because I had another (yawn) uneventful trip with Liz this morning, or it could be my youngest grandson (nine) got a full drum set for his birthday party yesterday.

I "sorta" kind of always wondered what this moment would be. I don't think a transgender person stands a chance sometimes for the "din" in their noggins to quiet down enough to think things through.

Either you are on the "passing" path trying your best to convince the public of who you are, or you are going down the hormone/surgical route which of course brings it own set of challenges. Then, lets not forget the pesky legal gender markers we have to worry about.

So, since I've decided any major surgery (SRS) is pretty much out of the question for me, everything else is pretty much copacetic in my life. A good thing except I have been running so long, I don't know how to take it.

Which brings up the question for a transgender person, when a pin drops in your life, do you hear it?

You bet ya!

Transition VII

Over the past week or so here in Cyrsti's Condo we have been going over my levels of a Mtf transition. At level VII you are past (as Connie wrote) the "wide eyed wonders of a world you so have desperately wanted to live. 

All of a sudden you don't have to spend an hour in front of the mirror every morning to do your shopping at the grocery to be referred to as "she" or "her." All of that though does not come without peril, as your mind starts to wonder "is that all there was to all of this?" Then again you start to wonder just why didn't I do this sooner.

In reality Level VII should be the "jumping off point" to a possible GRS and changing your legal gender markers for good.

For example, all my important gender markers have been changed, but I still don't see (or feel) like a genitalia reassignment surgery should be in my future. I have learned though to never say never. 

Plus I worry over nursing home and other health issues in my future, so Level VIII is never too far off and then there is death. If I'm writing from the other side-you all need to worry!!!!

Another One Bites the Dust

Today I packed up my three forms of formal identification and headed to my closest Social Security office.

I needed one form of picture identification (my driver's license). The original filed probate approval form and original Social Security Card. For once in my life I have been organized enough to keep a folder of all the official forms I have filled out and yet to be filled out on my gender marker odyssey. So compiling all of it was easy.

What wasn't so easy was waiting to be called. As I had said in a previous Cyrsti's Condo post, because of need for "original documentation" I didn't see anyway around NOT going in and sitting for two hours. 

Amazingly, I didn't and was out of there within an hour and should have my new Social Security Card within 10 days.

Maybe I am getting jaded to this gender marker process but maybe the biggest thrill today was when I got home and found my new registration to vote in the mail! 

ShaZAM!

I guess it my be true, if you wait just a little longer for the VA to grease it's squeaky wheel and approve my name change  will it be worth it? 

Today it did just that and it was. But, it was too cold to do my happy dance naked in the middle of the street.

So now my legal name is legal within the system. Now I have to replace my Goddess Awful Veteran's Administration I.D. card and I am free of my old self.

Wow. Just wow.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk!!! Another "fantabulous" Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch. Winter has finally arrived here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area with a snowy blast of snow. As always 'Momma Nature' rules, so lets grab a hot 'cup o joe' (coffee) and get started.

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't: On the personal front, strides were made on the gender marker front as well. I received my 'permission' (hate that) to change my drivers license from male to female permanently which is huge in Ohio. Why? There is such a thing as a temporary change if your therapist does not check the proper box. Enough of that, I am going early this week for my new license!  And, no you don't have to throw the "women's driver" stereotype at me. Maybe my noggin has known more about me than I did. I have been a crummy driver for years.
Otherwise, I was doing the "bureaucratic boogie" in getting my male name to fit my female gender marker (of course.) I guess a committee of someone (or ones) has to sit down and figure out I am not a terrorist. Actually, the biggest deal is getting called by my male name at the clinic/hospital. 

Page Two-Yesterday's Coffee-Opinion: It is not uncommon for Momma Karma to pile on similar life experiences on me. This time it was my lifetime of loving sports. Earlier this week I wrote of the long time woman friend I came out to who wanted to know if I was "still a sports person?" Then, last night was the completely UGLY NFL game between the Cincinnati Bengals and Pittsburgh Squeelers. Pittsburgh won, but the display of non sportsmanship in the stadium and on the field was past terrible. The whole game reinforced in my mind a new relationship with sports; a girl can like sports but just not as passionately.

Page Three- Ooopps! : Liz and I did go out to watch the game last night in a large/very popular sports bar down the street. Of course not long into the game I had to potty. The "toilet clientele" turned out to be a mainly  20 something crowd-some of which were gossiping about kids and jailed fathers.  (Truly more important than football) But, I still had to wait for my chance to pee and as I leaned on the wall, I hit the switch and accidentally turned off the rest room lights. THE easiest way to get everyone's attention to be sure. Being the center of attention, I just said "Last Call Girls!" It worked and I got out alive!

Page Four-The Back Page: Last week I also got together with my daughter to discuss life as a whole and my oldest Grandson's Bar Mtzfah which is coming up soon (I will have a separate post.)
My problem is an almost a complete lack of knowledge concerning the Jewish religion. My daughter converted.
All in all though, the Bar Mitzfah is a prime time example for me to give back to my Grandson what he has given to me - acceptance.

That's it kids!!!! Time to go out and play in the snow-or not!!!! Luv ya all thanks for stopping by and be safe.

A "Coincidence? 'Me' thinks Not!

Of course those of us living in the "modern world" on the grid these days probably don't want to really know how many times our names are sold to whomever for what reason.

Changing your life as dramatically as one does when gender markers are concerned can provide a whole new look into how the legal "grid" works - good or bad.

This insight comes from Connie:

" Its been less than a month since I got my license "corrected", and just yesterday I received a home refinance offer that was addressed to my new name and started with "Dear Ms ___". The offer had all of the information that is specific to my house and current mortgage, but I have, if by magic, become the owner in my new name.

I have not yet contacted my mortgage company, the IRS, or Social Security to officially change my name and gender, but the changes have obviously been made somewhere that would allow a mortgage company to access the information, as it is public record. I guess that I've opened the proverbial can of worms, though. I am no longer anonymous! By the way, I just today received the first real paycheck made out to me with my new name. I plan on opening up a brand new bank account in which to deposit it. Anyway, we deserve to have these happy surprises after all of the years of uncertainty - which often led to unhappy surprises (if not merely the worry of them happening)."

At this point my Mom's words echo in my noggin "you made your bed, now lie in it."

It's in The Stars?

Connie commented on my upcoming legal MtF name change

:Nice Job! Although the resident Wiccan around here (my partner Liz) won't admit it - she may have missed this one!!


"It appears that your name change date falls just about midway between the Winter Solstice and a full moon. I don't know what implications that may have, but Happy Winter Solstice, Recognition, and Full Moon Days to you! There are so many celebrations for people this time of year, depending on their beliefs. No matter what each of us celebrate, though, may we all learn to appreciate and believe in each other as the individual human beings we are. Also, I'd like to add a Happy Chaka Khan, cuz I like the way it sounds. :-)"

I love "Chaka" too!  Especially her hair color!!!! 

Chaka Khan

A Glass of the "Bubbly"

Not quite-but Friday night Liz and I went out to a local Cincinnati Winery to hear a friend play acoustical tunes and celebrate the very beginning of my gender marker changes. 

It was cool getting to dress up for the evening, enjoy a very tasty entree and my first taste of alcohol of any kind since the middle of last summer. It was even cooler to be called "ladies" by the owner and servers etc. Plus interestingly, the owner seemed to be overly entranced he had a real live transgender woman in his restaurant.

Perhaps though, the "bestest" part of the evening was when I went to the ladies room after dinner and all so briefly thinking Wow! In an so enticingly short period of time, my "M" will be wiped off my ID's and changed to "F". 

Now, I know my journey is far from over and most certainly I can be my own most paranoiac enemy but in the mean time when I saw the "Woman" sign on the door-I felt I had really arrived.

Then, I had to really go!

Research Day

The problem I have now with all my pending gender marker changes is that I'm trying too hard to connect invisible dots which aren't really there.

Example? The paper work to change my name and gender with my veterans administration care. In many ways it is the most important for me simply because I interact one on one with more people - right now. As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo before, I won't have to guess which name the staff is going to use with me-or the right pronoun. The fine print says complete forms and send to the "Privacy Officer". That's cool, but which one? My home provider hospital in Dayton, or a higher up? At any rate, I am going to call later today too see if I can get an answer. The VA tops my list of changes to make first, or at the least get started so I can "hurry up and wait."

After that, I have a little bit more of a different agenda than some of my other younger transgender sisters. Since I am already retired, I don't have to make a social security change a priority yet because I don't need it to apply for jobs.

On the flip side of the coin (no pun intended) I have to be careful with my Social Security name change "syncing up" with my bank for electronic deposits. Plus, how about those pesky loan payments still in my male name? Shouldn't matter if the loan number still remains the same. See, all of those questions are great to keep me company at 4:30 in the morning.

Plus I have not forgotten to factor in my legal name change which will be needed and a new driver's license.

All of this is proving to me I was right in my noggin...this could be very as complex as other parts of my transition - up to and including HRT. (Which is another story right now.)

A Post I Never Thought I Could Write

Yesterday was a big day - no a HUGE day in my life-my psychologist signed off on my paperwork to begin my gender marker changes.

First  of all, lets back track more years than I can even remember to my earliest fascination with most things feminine. Like most, I made early excursions into my Mom's clothes and makeup. Like many I wanted a doll-not a toy gun for Christmas and like even a fewer, I just wished I could wake up a girl. But- this was in the 1950's and my parents were World War II/Depression born and raised. You want to be a girl, boy????  Get to the barber for your burr haircut NOW. Then go to your room and we will ALL forget this happened. Could have been worse though, they weren't particularly religious. 

Plus, there was nearly no information to work from as you remember back then and most certainly a legal change of my gender was only a distant idea. Instead, I fought the good fight the best I could-still thinking I could beat the deep down thoughts that I could be other than I man the world thought me to be.

I even went the crossdresser route. After all, what harm could be in "fooling" the public into thinking I was feminine. My bi-weekly trips into the world as a girl led to only to more frustration. I would journey out, with various levels of success. If I was successful, I got my fix-for two days at the most. Something was still certainly wrong.

So wrong, I was feeling so bad about my place in the world, I actively tried suicide for the first time in my life. (Some time I will have to explain my idea of a passive versus active suicide attempt.)

Then friends, parents and family began to die on me, so finally I had to follow my soul and transition. Even still, just starting HRT doesn't necessarily lead to changing gender markers.

Finally (as had happened quite a few times in the past few years) I got kicked off the gender marker cliff too. Mainly Liz and my daughter get the credit. They became flat out over me whining over certain aspects of my transition, not to mention my procrastination taking on the whole process too.

See-you all were wrong!!! KIdding! You all were right.

So going back to the beginning, gender is no longer defined what is between your legs, I 
positively love my psychologist AND have been working on my happy dance since yesterday.

After the gender dust settles, Liz and I are going to set a time table to start the Mtf gender marker process in earnest!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!