Showing posts with label femininized lifestyle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label femininized lifestyle. Show all posts

Sunday, May 8, 2022

Happy Mom's Day

 I was going to be lazy today and simply reuse one of my former Mother's Day posts. Then I began to consider how my thoughts about my Mom have changed over the years. 


As I grew up, I did have a vague understanding of the difficult journey my Mom went through before she finally was successful in birthing me. She went through three still births that I know of before I came along. It turned out I was the first of two boys as my brother was born two years later.

As the years went by, it was increasingly obvious I not only resembled my Mom, we had the same personalities. 

None of this meant I was ever allowed to show any sort of a feminine side with her. I had to be a study from afar when it came to secretly watching her put make up on all the way to her mannerisms. 

It took me a long time to attempt to come out to my Mom. For some unknown reason I was able to successfully hide my stash of girls clothes and makeup I had acquired over the years from her. Or, as I have considered also she had decided to ignore my desire to dress as a girl simply as a phase. Of course we all know it all turned out to be much more than a phase, it turned out to be my life.

It took me until my Army days to begin to accept my authentic transgender self. In fact, way before there was even a term for it. In those days, I referred to myself as a transvestite and became brave enough to come out to a small group of very close friends following a Halloween party when I showed up as a woman. It was such an enlightening experience for me that I ignored the potential disaster which could have come to me if my superiors had found out. 

The whole process emboldened me to come out to my Mom once I was discharged from the military. One night after a hard evening of partying she was still up when I returned home. All too soon the topic somehow turned to my time in the service. Before long I told her the truth, I was a transvestite and I had felt so much better. The entire process was similar to a huge weight being taken off my shoulders. Somehow I was naïve and expected the same result from her.

What I received in return was she was in shock and disapproved to the point she offered to put me through therapy. Electro shock as I remember. Of course I not so politely refused and the topic was never brought up again the rest of her life.

I used to deeply resent her for her feelings but over the years I have mellowed after I considered the sacrifices she went through to bring me into the world. Age also helped me to understand many topics we clashed about were simply because we were so similar. Along the way she taught me important lessons such as determination and reliability. 

When I set out to legally change my name, I decided to adopt her name as my new middle name not so much to honor her but to show her in the end I had won my battle to live a feminine life as a full time transgender woman.  Now I feel even that idea has changed.

I'm glad I adopted her name now and view the whole process as honoring her. Thanks Mom! Of course she has long since passed on, so this is the best I can do. I hope your Mom is still with you and accepts your reality.

Monday, May 10, 2021

Would You Give Birth?

 This was a question which was posed by one of the many bloggers I follow.  The only difference was, it was supposed to be answered only by cis guys. I couldn't let it go and jumped in with my answer as a transgender woman. 


Over the years, I have known or encountered many trans women who would consider giving birth as the ultimate feminine experience.  Others even crave the idea. 

Over the years my idea of pregnancy has changed. I suppose it goes all the way back to my days with my deceased wife when she was fond of calling me the "pretty, pretty princess." Adding I didn't have any real  idea of what life was like for a cis woman. Sadly, she was right.  The last thing I wanted to think of was what cis women had to think of (and do) when they bear children. I was too busy thinking how I looked as a woman was the most important part of my life. 

Politically also,  pregnancy is the point many cis women transphobes make that only real women can bear children The argument of course doesn't hold water because many cis women are born sterile without the proper "equipment" to go through a pregnancy. Not to mention the countless cis women who don't desire parenthood at all.

These days, possibly due to the effects of hormone replacement therapy my ideas on pregnancy have changed. Of course it is easy to say at my seventy years of age (plus) deep down I can sense I wouldn't mind being pregnant. However, I don't view the whole process as the ultimate pinnacle of my femininity. For some reason now, my body tells me now it wouldn't be out of the question if it was medically possible. 

Possible or not, the whole pregnancy idea has become yet another question to ponder. These days I think I would/could give birth if it was possible.