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| JJ Hart |
The most ridiculous understatement I ever made to myself was thinking how much easier women have it in their lives than men do.
Those were the simpler days of just envying all the girls
around me for their ability to wear pretty clothes when I was stuck in my usual
boring male attire. As you can tell, my adolescent thought patterns about
gender were much shallower back in those days. All I knew was I was having
issues with going through male puberty and all its hair and added angles to my
body while the girls were adding all the curves I so desperately wanted. It was
about that time when I started to further torture myself by having dreams of
being a pretty girl when I just had to wake up again to the same old world, I
was so tired of at such an early age.
Another benefit I saw from the outside from being a girl was
on the dating front. From my ultra shy vantage point, boys had to do all the
work to chase a girl but gave it no thought to be a girl with no boys having
any interest in you at all. It seemed all my ideas came from the problem I had
for years of not being allowed to see behind the gender curtain to go through the
insecurities of a girl’s puberty. As their bodies ramp up the necessities for
possible childbirth later in life. Which
leads me to this, the incredibly short period of time a ciswoman has to level
out their hormones and have the chance to live a so-called normal life. First,
they have to go through puberty which shapes their bodies then go through child
birthing years which strain their bodies and then go through menopause to
reduce all the hormones again. Not to mention all the monthly menstrual periods
most women must live with too.
In the days when I was busy with just being the “pretty,
pretty princess” as my wife called me, she was taking me to task about never
experiencing the so called downs of being a woman because I just wanted to
appear as one, perfect my makeup and wear my pantyhose and heels as much as I
could. For years, I went on clicking my merry way in my heels not giving much
thought to what she was telling me. It was not until many years later that my
heels finally led me to a path where I could finally learn what she was talking
about.
Essentially, what I was able to learn from being a
transgender woman and being able to live on both sides of the gender border was
that both genders have their challenges. That humans are born as male and
female, then get socialized (if they are lucky) into men and women. We
transfeminine persons just were born into an unwanted male gender and were
socialized into our chosen lives as trans women. The whole process gives us a
deeper understanding of the world as we look into who has it easier in life, ciswomen
or men.
Since the socialization process of being a male was what I
was born into proved to be partially successful one for me, I have always
thought men have had it easier. And women have it harder because they must put
up with men. Even though, my gender dysphoria issues made me difficult to live
with as a husband, I somehow have always found a woman to make the journey with
me. Someday, I will have to write a post on the differences of my three wives
during my life.
As I continued in vain to find the easy way out in my life, being
a guy was the way to go as I found success in being able to bluster my way
through in many situations and in others wondering how I would approach them as
a transgender woman.
Finally, my gender travel took me behind the gender curtain
where I could hear firsthand the experiences of all my ciswomen friends. It was
not until then did I realize the grass was not always so green on the other
side of the binary gender border. The only problem I did have was reversing all
my experiences in the conversations we were having from male to female, so I
did not out myself to my friends. I knew I was beginning to be successful when
strangers outside of my circle of friends began to ask me questions on what to
do about getting along with their boyfriend. I was flattered that other women
had trusted me with their problems and were looking for input.
My own socialization journey had taught me that neither
gender had it easier. Stereotyping here, men largely bluster and run when they
can’t get their way and women are left to raise the kids and pick up the pieces.
It is difficult to take such a complex subject such as gender and not stereotype
something about it at some point, so I apologize.
I am sure that no matter where you are on your gender
journey, you will encounter your own set of standards when it comes to the male
and female genders and where you fit. It will certainly be an interesting journey
with many individuals trying to tell you to stop. At that point, you must
decide if maybe you have had it more difficult than either of the two main
binary genders you have encountered. Many of them simply will not have the
understanding it takes to approve of your journey, and you will have to move
on. But, on the other hand, there could others who approve of you and even want
to help. Just be careful that you know which is which.
When it comes right down to it, that girl you envied from
afar in study hall, all the way to the woman whose fashion and passing privilege
you admired so much both had their own problems to deal with. You just must get
behind the feminine gender curtain to figure out just what they were.
