"Hollywood Nights in NYC"

This is actually from my book and is one of the Top Ten experiences I'm attempting to put together from the past half century. As scary as that sounds. I called it "Hollywood Nights in NYC"  My reference is pulled from the Bob Seger song: "Hollywood Nights" : He knew right then he was too far from home He was too far from home. Read on and you will know why I felt that way.

"The early 1980′s brought on major personal changes, mainly a move from the Midwest to the New York City area and a new wife who would be with me for 25 years. She was a very strong person who knew of my cross dressing past time and turned out to have a major influence in my life. She typically didn’t have a problem with going out with me as two girls but for some reason couldn’t accompany me on this adventure.

One evening a club out on Long Island was holding some sort of a “mixer” for transvestites, spouses and admirers. I wish I could go into great detail on my evening’s outfit but like my memory-it’s gone. What I do remember is my wig was long straight and dark plus of course my skirt was stylishly short and my heels stylishly high. It turned out none of that could match what happened next.

I parked the car and headed into what turned out to be a party room of sorts attached to a suburban motel. At the end of a short hallway was a table where two women were selling admission tickets. I asked for one ticket and they looked me up and down and said no single women were allowed. During the course of my life, I have been rarely speechless. One of those special occasions was then. I ho hummed around and finally said in my man voice “how about a single cross dresser?” Of course they apologized profusely and in I went with my head exploding with wonderful warm and fuzzies for be totally mistaken for a genetic woman. Little did I know how deep and far reaching the implications of that evening would take me. It turned out the person I am today was born that evening so long ago. Here's a look at why:

Of course I came home from the evening on cloud nine and quickly fell off it. The new perception of myself as this lovely feminine creature waiting to take on the world in my heels and hose was killing my relationship. In reality my male ego was going nuts and I was “Attila the Hunita” (not a famous drag queen) to live with. Finally my wife had had enough of my terror binge and after a very bad fight said “She had had enough of this torture, be a man enough to go be a woman.” Deep words to end a fight? I guess. 

Perhaps by this time you have figured out I may be a very determined person (all right stubborn) and those words took a while to sink in. Eventually though water will penetrate granite and I understood what she meant. Slowly but surely that statement became my mantra as you will read again and again here. I had to study the true essence of femininity and be brave enough to embrace it if I was to survive. Was it easy? Of course not!  Plus you can see by the year, I had a long way to go! I knew I was too far from home on my gender journey. I wasn't sure if I ever would get back-or if I even wanted to!"