Already?

I  spent a sleepless night recently thinking about many topics. After a while, my mind came to thinking about this upcoming years' Trans Ohio Symposium. After making the initial determination I was going to apply again to be a presenter, I began to think about the all important topic.

The title of the topic is so important because it draws people into your workshop. You normally compete with four others for people. If the topic sounds boring you can expect quite a few less visitors. An example was two years ago when the organizers put me in a huge round room and only five people showed up. Last year though, my workshop was in one of the smaller rooms and it was nearly full.

Very early in the process, I am thinking of doing something like this, "A transition within a transition. The cross dresser to transgender experience." I am going to the trouble of writing it down now so I won't forget it.

By the way, the Trans Ohio Symposium doesn't happen until May but the committee in charge asks for submissions early in the year.

It's probably time to get started.

Old and New Friends

Liz's spiritual get together Sunday was great for the soul. Plus, I was able to reestablish old friendships and hopefully begin several new ones.

It was actually the second of two meetups we had to go to. The first was our monthly meeting for the Cincinnati Witches Ball which is coming up in October. The best news was we have a new venue since the old one was sold. It will be held in the party room of one of the bigger craft brewers over the Ohio River in Kentucky. It's all very exciting and our theme this year is "Steam Punk."

As I said, it was nice to see several old friends again who live a distance away. Among others, it was good to see Debra,Mickie, David, Ernie, Monica, Don, Casey and others. I also had a chance to meet a couple of other new attendee's Nikki and Katrina. 

After the ritual, we all sat down to eat and chat. It was nice when a couple people asked me about my weekend of experiences at this years' Trans Ohio Symposium. Liz was fueling the fire when she had to describe my drunken attack by a guy at Club Diversity when I was leading the conversation towards being interviewed for a book on transgender history. It was interesting trying to describe how the person doing the interview preferred pronouns were "they, them and their."

All in all, the weather was very nice and the day was outstanding.

Are You a Pioneer...or Just Old?

As I have mentioned before here in Cyrsti's Condo, one of the pleasant surprises coming from this years' Trans Ohio Symposium was the influence of transgender history. And yes, my age made me all of a sudden relevant again. My experiences with many of the younger transgender women and men I had met had led me to feel otherwise. So it was good to feel accepted again.

Surely though, even with the current setbacks from the Liar in Chief in the White House, our present has changed considerably. Check out this comment from Connie which came from my Grand daughter's highly androgynous Prom outfit which basically was a tuxedo with heels:

"Well, there you go! Give yourself some credit for raising an accepting daughter, as well as finally being your true self - which has certainly served to break down some of the barriers that used to stifle gender expression. Although I don't see myself as a pioneer or hero within the trans community, I do take solace in the fact that living completely as the woman I was born to be has led to more acceptance by most of the people with whom I've had contact. It's the same for you, I'm sure. Oh, but such changes we've seen over the past seventy years or so!"

Thanks for the compliment! Needless to say, I am so proud of her! :)

 Of course, advances in the LGBT culture are more likely to occur in more liberal areas of the country than others. For example, I live in a fairly liberal suburb of Cincinnati but if you travel a mere ten miles or so East of us attitudes definitely change. 

On a bigger scale, if you live in an area such as Seattle where Connie lives is decidedly more liberal for transgender individuals than say, Arkansas where trans minister Elijah Walker

Elijah Walker

is trying to make a difference. check out the story here. Thanks to Bobbie for sharing.

Under Attack!

As I have written about earlier here in Cyrsti's Condo, party time this past weekend at the Trans Ohio Symposium was very fun. As always, we went to our favorite spots Friday and Saturday night...Club Diversity and Thurmans' Cafe for a famous huge burger. Both in Columbus, Ohio.

Club Diversity

As always we Uber our way around Columbus and imbibe a little too heavily. Both nights I stuck to Ohio Brewed (Cleveland) Great Lake's Beer. 

Friday was fairly tame, with the usual amount of cross dressers teetering around on their heels and a few transgender women mixed in. All but a few seemed to be having a good time. I didn't take the time to try to mingle in with any of them and none seemed interested in talking to me. So, we were even. This picture was actually taken last summer at Diversity but I haven't changed much so I used it again.

Saturday, after doing our best to eat half of a huge Thurman's Burger, Liz and I returned to Diversity to consume more adult beverages and listen to a very entertaining live piano player.

Predictably, as the night grew later, the crowd became a little more festive, or in some cases a lot more festive. The cross dressers seemed to disappear for the most part only to be replaced by a few impossibly dressed "girls". One of which couldn't wait to remove her jacket and almost totally expose her "bought boobies" in a very skimpy halter top. Unfortunately, her mini beer belly didn't help the over all image she was trying to get to. But what the hell? Right?? A good time was had by all.

Liz's first Martini of the weekend.

There are actually two bathrooms to use but one is supposed to be for women only. It was in use when I had to go one time, so I tried to stand in line for the unisex bathroom. While I was waiting a man walked up and asked me about the other restroom. I said I was going to try to use it again and he said he would hold my spot unless (of course) I came right back.  It was open, so I took care of business and went back to my seat at the bar.

Well. a little later, Liz went to make her way through the crowd to get us some pop corn and in the minute she was away, this guy comes up and gives me this giant bear hug from behind and sticks his face close to mine and was starting to say something I couldn't comprehend. About this time though, Liz came back and didn't see the humor in any of it and ran him off...quickly.

Then, as we were planning to leave and were saying our goodbyes to our fave bartender. He ended up hugging Liz and kissing me on the lips. Needless to say it has been awhile since I have been kissed by a man with a full beard!

As always, we had a great time and can't wait to go back again!

Back in the Saddle

Well, the Trans Ohio Symposium weekend did not disappoint. The inclusion feeling of the Symposium was as incredible as ever.

To put it all in perspective will take several posts. Very simply put though, I partied way too hard, enjoyed my workshop immensely, was interviewed for a dissertation/ book on transgender history, sat way too long in hard back chairs listening to other workshops and was even hugged and kissed on by gay guys.

My workshop was well attended this year! My gender dysphoria topic seemed to resonate with the group well as did my military history. There were a couple of other veterans in the group who asked questions about my experiences within the VA.

The keynote speaker on Saturday was fascinating and they did a wonderful job explaining their (preferred pronouns)research into transgender history. Liz of course is much more outgoing than I am and insisted I talk to them about my Cyrsti's Condo blog and a bit of my past. They responded that we should get together for an interview concerning their project.

I will be writing more information about this later. As well as the other exciting times we had!

On the Road

Today is finally my workshop day at the Trans Ohio Symposium. So this post will be very short.

I hope you all are well and having a great weekend!

Final Plans

The Trans Ohio Symposium begins tomorrow (Friday) and it's finally time to take a final look at the weather and plan my wardrobe. Initially, the weather was forecast to be on the warm and dry side but of course that has all changed. The latest forecasts are calling for wetter and cooler weather. Lows at night are predicted to be in the low 40's.

Now I am back to "Plan B". Or, planning on wearing my lightweight sweaters and leggings. It won't matter that much though, since I am comfortable in those outfits.  Plus, as you all have probably guessed, I don't fall into the feminine "over dressed" category very many times. Since I have been living full time as a woman for so long now, I do quite a bit of the dressing to blend with the greatest majority of the other women I encounter.

A great example was yesterday when I went with Liz to her Doctors' appointment. I wore a frilly, lacy blouse with jeans, light make up and tennis shoes and did just fine.

Also today, I have to finish up printing off my cover sheet and other papers I will need for my workshop. It will be interesting to see how many attendees I get since I am up against four other workshops. Plus, Liz seems to think the early starting time may effect the turnout too.

Finally, I just received a final reminder on my rental car we have reserved for the weekend. Knock on wood, but all the plans are moving forward well.

Mid Week Shuffle

Wednesday (today) is going to be spent doing errands and checking on the availability of the wardrobe I think I want to wear to the Trans Ohio Symposium coming up this weekend.

The weather seems to be cooperating with fairly warm temperatures and very little rain predicted. A couple years ago, it rained all the time seemingly.

Also, again this year, the Capital City Half Marathon will be running again on the main street in front of the Student Union of The Ohio State University where the Symposium is held. All of that makes it difficult to get across the four lanes of traffic to get into the venue. Essentially, you need to find a way in from behind the building through the campus.

We try to dodge that huge problem by getting the shuttle from our hotel to take us. Timing will be everything in that we are going to try to get there early enough to enjoy the complimentary breakfast/coffee and have plenty of time to set up for my workshop at nine.

Thursday, I am going to get more serious about putting together the outfits I would like to wear.

Great Memory

Last night, as I always do, I stopped for a cup of my fave coffee on my way to the transgender support group meeting. The manager has been there since I started to go in.

He is always nice enough to make small talk with me and ask about how my weekend was. Amazingly enough last night, he said isn't it about time for you (me) to head up to Columbus, Ohio for our party weekend. Otherwise known as our Trans Ohio Symposium Weekend.  I told him yes, it is coming up this weekend and I was amazed at his memory.

Somewhere along the way I must have made an impact with my barista!

Speaking of impacts, Leann wrote concerning my Easter Sunday/Mike Pence post here in Cyrsti's Condo:

"I did have a very holy Easter, thank you. Many so called Christians (and those like the woman who said Pence came from a good Christian family) are unwilling to acknowledge is that simply not violating the ten commandments in public does not make one a good Christian. Loving one's neighbor unconditionally is also required of a Christian. Pence and his ilk do not appear to be following this precept. Jesus tells us to love thy neighbor as thyself as part of the Great Commandment. This seems to be lost on far too many who claim to be following Christ. For these we should all pray for their conversion to true Christianity."

Thank you Leann, well put!

Trans Ohio Symposium

Since this Saturday at 9 AM is my workshop presentation at the Trans Ohio Symposium in Columbus, Ohio, I thought I better get started on my notes.

To start with, I'm going to pass out a cover page and paper which simply outlines the questions and symptoms of my topic. Gender Dysphoria.

It goes something like this:

                                                            Gender Dysphoria

               Sex?          Sexuality?           Gender?

          Stress...Tension...Anxiety...Withdrawal...Emotion...Suicide

Somewhere along the line, I may come up with an outline and/or brief bio to save me droning on about myself for a lone period of time.

For once, I am going to try to stay on point and organized which is always not so easy considering how my mind works!

Monday Monday

Starting off a brand new week for me means it's time to step back and take a brief moment to what is going on.

First of all today I have my much procrastinated mammogram which should have been scheduled in January. The reason I put it off wasn't the procedure itself, which only provides some minor dis-comfort, more so was where I had to go to get it done. Then, after all the putting off, I found the hospital now offers a new imaging center which is much easier for me to get to. So, my appointment is at two today.

I also was able to refill my Spiro this morning without any hassles. It's the drug I take to keep my testosterone low as well as my blood pressure. It was nice I didn't have to go to any convoluted moves to get it done when I called the pharmacy. The woman said it had already been taken care of.

The rest of the week is fairly quiet except for Thursday when we have a social dinner with my transgender - cross dresser group. This will be the fourth time we have went, so I am learning who to avoid. If I can. At least with a few of the attendee's. we have moved from what gun they are carrying in their purse, to seeing endless pictures of their kids.

Since this weekend is a week before the Trans Ohio Symposium, we probably won't do much except maybe go ahead and get our nails done.

Not much else is happening!

Good Morning Trans Ohio!

I have decided to open my Trans Ohio Symposium  workshop with a blast from my past and borrow a line from Robin Williams in the movie "Good Morning Vietnam." If you are not aware, Williams played American Forces Vietnam disk jockey Adrian Cronauer.  Williams in the movie opened his morning radio show with a hearty "GOOD MORNING VIET-NAM!!!

Adrian Cronauer (left) Robin Williams (right)

I was on the radio in Thailand not long after Cronauer and hosted the "Ozone Theater." It was quite the experience being the only tie in to home for thousands of lonely Air Force troops on a combat base.

I feel like since I have one of the earliest workshops at the symposium, Saturday morning at nine after breakfast, having someone yell GOOD MORNING TRANS OHIO!!! will at the least wake everyone up.

It also will be a great lead in to my topic "Gender Dysphoria, from Army Tough to a Feminine Life."

I guarantee I will wake everyone up! Then, my major task will be to keep them interested.

Shopping Trip

Today was the usual Saturday, with a not so quick shopping trip thrown in.

I started with my hour long stop observing Liz's martial arts class. Then, we went to a nearby store to pick up what I refer to as grocery non-essentials. Mainly grocery items we can get cheaper than at the main huge grocery store.

From there we went a couple stores down to a deep discount clothing store to look for spring/summer clothes I can possibly wear to the Trans Ohio Symposium this year. Which is coming up soon at the end of the month. Time flies when you have to consider seasonal wardrobe changes!

I did find three tops and a pair of tan belted culotte pants, very close to the picture of the model to the right.

Due to blood sugar issues from not eating breakfast, I nearly did shop till I dropped and had to stop. I did, however, spend nearly all of the gift card I had been saving for special occasions.

Finally, we finished our day by going to the big grocery store and taking care of the rest of our food needs for the week.

A fun time was had by all, as I was even motioned to the women's dressing room by the attendant.

Even more so when I got my blood sugar back up.

Shrink Wrapped?

Yesterday as I mentioned before here in Cyrsti's Condo, was my monthly visit to my therapist. The session went as expected with extra emphasis on Veteran's Administration mandated surveys they are over prone on occasion to give out. The surveys basically delved into potential depression and it's results.

We also went into the Trans Ohio Symposium information I recently received and I am scheduled to present one of the first workshops on Saturday morning. I laughed I would potentially still be hung over from the attendee mixer the night before which we always attend at Columbus, Ohio's Club Diversity. Liz and I always safely Uber about the city on our pre-destined trips to alcoholic venues.  

My therapist and I also talked about my trip to visit my vacant property in Springfield to pick up any litter as needed. It turns out no upkeep was needed.

As it turned out, when I checked out comments to the blog this morning, Connie had a different idea of the visit:

Picture taken at last summer's Cincinnati Pride Day

"Maybe I can save you a trip to the therapist (or give you something to talk to the therapist about). Have you considered that the littered vacant lot could represent your past - experiences you lived, but now wish would just go away?

I think, when we transition, we may be anxious to be rid of the male persona in favor of a new totally-feminine existence. All of our past experiences culminate into who we are, though. In the (long) process of transitioning, I believe that it's impossible to vacate our pasts, but we do begin to view them from a different perspective. Although there may be much that litters our past, the important things, like close personal relationships, can't be ignored. 

Today is my first daughter's 40th birthday (how can that be, when I am still in my 40's?). :-) I have been reminiscing about her this morning, and, although I wouldn't ever want to forget anything about her, there are some not-so-great things that litter my memories - the time when she was about eleven, and accidentally caught me cross dressed, being one of the most regrettable. We can't erase anything, but we can pick up the pieces and try to put them into a new perspective.

There are plenty of other things from my past - good and bad - that I will never forget, but I certainly don't talk about them as I might have years ago. Sitting around with a bunch of guys (even if they are in dresses), trading stories in a one-up-man-ship manner, is just not appealing to me these days. It only ever was because I was so into the overcompensation game of hiding my femininity with demonstrations of hyper-masculinity. Oh, how silly I now see myself to have been!

I often refer to the AA Serenity Prayer, because it seems to sum up my transgender existence:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."


Thanks!!!

Accepted!

I just received a message my workshop proposal for the Trans Ohio Symposium has been accepted. The symposium takes place this year again at THE Ohio State University Student Union center from April 26th through the 28th. I will find out later in the week when my workshop is scheduled.

As you may (or may not remember) my subject matter will center around my navigation through severe Mtf Gender Dysphoria.

The whole weekend is beginning to come together for Liz and I. A week ago we secured a hotel reservation at a nice venue close enough to the campus to provide a free shuttle service. Then, a couple days ago reserved a rental car for the two hundred mile trip to and back from Cincinnati to Columbus for the symposium. Which saves extra wear and tear on the only high mileage car we have left. The other self destructed a couple weeks ago when the timing belt broke. Plus, we won't have to worry about an untimely breakdown on the trip. 

Now I have to concentrate on "fleshing" out the workshop proposal I sent. Fortunately, a trans friend of mine brought back a helpful little booklet I could use from the "Keystone Conference" in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania not long ago. It's a great "cheat sheet" or for those of you who remember, a version of"Cliffs Notes" on transgender issues.

I really need to do a better job of presenting this year than last year...no crying!

Before I conclude this post, I would like to say hello to Angie in Kentucky!

A Quiet Week

Not much happening this week. I have chosen not to make the one hundred plus mile journey in mostly rush hour traffic to my Veteran's Administration LGBT support group meeting. They are just going to have to make it without me.

Sometime this week I am going to have to reserve our hotel room for the Trans Ohio Symposium. I still haven't heard back yet on my workshop proposal on Mtf  gender dysphoria.  A friend of mine is making her second trip to the "Keystone Conference", A Celebration of Gender Diversity, next week in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.  As a sidelight, the LGBT group I am part of here in Cincinnati is thinking of starting it's own regional conference. Which is quite a bit of work! In a previous life, I was a big part of bringing a state service club convention to my old hometown.

Also this week, I am going to have to quit procrastinating and schedule my mammogram which my Doctor's have wanted me to get done since January. I better schedule it before my Endocrinologist appointment in early April, so I won't catch any extra trouble.

Finally, we supposedly have another Cincinnati Witches Ball meeting coming up. The last one was so rough with in fighting, I just wonder if the whole thing will collapse. We will see.

I hope you all have a good week!

Therapy Now!

Yesterday was my monthly trip north to Dayton, Ohio to visit my therapist at the Veteran's Administration Medical Center.

Like so many of my visits recently, the conversation revolved around small chat. In other words, how have my moods been and what have I been up to. Since my bi-polar moods have been stable recently, we moved on to the feelings I had following the cross dresser-transgender support group meeting and what was coming up on Liz and I's social agenda.

As I wrote about yesterday, sexuality was my topic at the meeting. I have not heard back on my Trans Ohio Symposium workshop symposium and weather permitting, we are planning to go to the Transgender Day of Visibility in downtown Cincinnati on March 31 st. Interesting enough, the Cincinnati Reds major league baseball team has a home game that day nearby. It will be fun to see how many potential "visible" trans people will be scared off by a baseball crowd. I know at one point in my Mtf gender transition, it would have scared me. The weather on March 31st around here could be anything from a Spring rain to snow, so we will just have to wait on that.

Yesterday I was able to end my appointment ten minutes early so I could go over to the endocrinologist office and check and see if I needed blood work taken before I went. My endo appointment is on April 1st, so I hope it is not an April fools joke! I know it won't be, as they don't have much of a sense of humor around there.

One thing is for sure, time moves too fast. 

Get Over It

As far as I know now, there isn't much happening this weekend. All too briefly, it seems, Liz's twenty one year old son moved out for exactly one week and now is moving back in with Mommy. She (Liz) swears things will be different with the addicted "gamer" but we will see. At any rate, I will be getting over it.

Perhaps Friday or Saturday we will be going out to a "consolation" dinner. The problem is, I don't get my Social Security check until next Wednesday, so funds will be hard to come by for a couple days. Again, one way or another, I will be getting over it. Then again too, I will have things to go to next Monday and Tuesday.

Looking ahead towards the end of the month, plans are coming together to hold Cincinnati's "Transgender Day of Visibility".  It is going to be held downtown on Fountain Square and should be well attended. The cross dresser - transgender group I am part of is helping to put it on.

Looking farther ahead, I haven't heard anything back of my workshop proposal for the "Trans Ohio Symposium" in April. It's probably not that surprising since the Trans Ohio lost it's former chair person when she recently moved to New Mexico. She almost single handily put the event together for years.

Again, one way or another I will be getting over it.

Quite the Week

Over the past week here in Cyrsti's Condo, I wrote about how busy the week was.

I believe the only day I didn't write much about was my Doctor's appointment on Tuesday. Since I have attempted suicide in my past and I am Bi-Polar, I have two mental health doctors assigned to me. One actually keeps track of my meds and the other of my life. Tuesday, I saw the meds doctor.

During my visit, I had my annual "update." It was worth noting to my Doc how my moods have been very smooth lately and much of it has to do with my decreasing Mtf gender dysphoria. However, I keep expecting it to start ramping back up any day. Unfortunately, I seem to always be looking over my shoulder. An example of positive reinforcement for me came Wednesday night when I went to Liz's martial arts class to pick her up. For a change, everyone there was nice and smiled and spoke to me. I especially liked it when one of them referred to me as "she."

Instances such as the experience always help my fragile confidence. Which in turn helps me live my overall life.

I know some people claim they don't need their anti depression or anxiety meds after they started hormone replacement therapy (HRT) but I am not one of them. In fact I had to make sure I could separate both sides of myself to the Veteran's Administration when I started my treatment years ago. In other words, I was transgender and Bi-Polar and one didn't equate to the other. So far, it's working.

Also this week, I did submit my proposal for a workshop at this years' Trans Ohio Symposium and I did choose the gender dysphoria subject. So far I have not heard anything back.

So, all in all it was a great week.

Trans Ohio

It's hard to believe but sign up time for the 2019 version of the "Trans Ohio Symposium" is here.

My only real decision at this point is if I am going to present another workshop of some sort this year. At this point I am thinking of one of two topics. the first is a variation of last year's presentation called "Fifty Years of Hitting Transgender Walls" or, "Gender Dysphoria, the Root of all Evil?" It's probably going to be a "game time decision" when I send my application in.

A decision on choosing the presentation on gender dysphoria may appeal to more people simply due to the number of transgender men who attend, plus it may appeal more to a younger audience. Also, if I use the blog as an example, MtF transgender dysphoric posts have always had a good response.

One way or another, the presentation has to be accepted anyway, so there is no guarantee I would be doing it anyway.

We will see!