|Image from Katie Rosario |
I'm sure you have heard the term "Having your cake and eating it too." In itself the term brings a complex meaning to the average transgender woman. If there is such a thing as an average. I equate having my cake when I reached a point in my feminine presentation when I found the confidence I could blend in with the public at large. Little did I know I would have such a long way to go to be able to finally taste the cake I so desperately wanted.
Baking the cake took longer than I anticipated mainly because life got in the way. Before I knew it, I was trying to mix in a liberal dose of cross dressing with attempting to raise a daughter and make a living. Also, several wives were mixed in, all of which knew of my cross dressing urges before the relationships even started. The problem was my cake recipe at the time did not include anything which remotely included dealing with transgender issues.. As I would discover over the years my cake recipes kept being ruined when I faced my gender truth. All my poor recipes were being destined for failure because I did not diagnose my own gender dysphoria as more than just wanting to appear as an attractive woman. I can compare the process as being given a great looking piece of cake only to find out it was dried out and nasty.
At that point, following more than a few bitter battles with my second wife over what a woman really was, I began to adjust my gender recipe after deep research into what she really meant. It took awhile but I finally began to learn what she meant and I set out to eat my cake. The wait was worth it and my new improved recipe enabled me to live a life I had only ever dreamed of. I could live as a full time transgender woman and as my wife told me being a woman went far beyond just looking like one. Appearance just turned out to be just part of the recipe which included portions of ecstasy mixed in with a large portion of agony. There was nothing better than when my look seemed to come together and my presentation confidence reached an all time high and nothing worse when I ended up looking like a clown.
When I finally was able to bake my feminine gender cake with confidence, I was able to attempt larger more complex cakes and eat them too. I was faced with the massive challenge of communication for example. If I had taken my overall presentation to where people were prepared to talk to a woman, it was time to not disappoint them. I learned the hard way communication meant much more than how I sounded, I had to build into my recipe how what I was saying was important too.
I had plenty of time to perfect my transgender recipe, nearly fifty to be exact. I ended up eating lots of cake, along with wearing plenty of cake also. On occasion, I thought I would never be able to get it all together. Plus when I added feminine hormones to my recipe my future was decided for good. Of course I could always go back without my hormones but I never wanted to.
As a self professed "gender baker" the time and effort I put into my cake was so worth it. The fun part is we all have the opportunity to bake our own unique and distinct cakes.