Stealth and the "Pink" Pickett Fence?

For those of you of age, you grew up watching the iconic mothers of the 50's and early 60's like June Cleaver.  Mom's were the stay home types who kept the household running and had the dinner ready when hubby came home.  My Mom wasn't like that (school teacher) but almost all my friends mothers were. So the feminine stereotype so aptly pictured by our unnamed cross dresser below was alive and well.

Then Dr. Stanley Biber burst upon the scene as one of the primary sexual reassignment surgeons in the U.S. Biber performed his first sex change operation in 1969 after a transsexual woman asked him if he would be willing and able to do so.  Biber retired in 2003, at age 80, because his malpractice insurance premiums had risen to levels which he could not afford, probably because of his advanced age. Marci Bowers, a gynecologist and transsexual woman herself, took over his SRS practice. Biber was hospitalized in January 2006 with complications from pneumonia, to which he succumbed on January 16 while hospitalized. Biber was 82 at the time of his death.

Deserved or not, one of the basics of going through SRS from the Dr. Biber's era of thinkers was the newly "minted" woman should go forth into the world, find a man, have sex with him and disappear. (stealth) For God Sakes as Ophra used to say "why would you want to buy a new car (vagina) and not drive it?" (At the risk of getting too "X" rated, my lesbian friends tell me they could drive my "new car" better than any man." )  

But the question of even needing a "new car" doesn't define who I am or my life.  I know I can't meet the budgetary constraints of a store bought vagina or want to think of the health considerations at my age.With or without the new car, I have been shown a path to a wonderful life I never dreamed I could have.

So now, do I just walk away and go stealth or is there another road for me? I believe there is and it's in the example I mentioned in an earlier blog post about how I'm beginning to market my Etsy shoppes.

In the beginning of course, I did use my name and my male name only came into play when legally I had to use it behind the scenes because I had not changed my gender markers. (It all made for some interesting calls to Ebay, who were cool.)

Now, as I said, I'm seeking a broader social marketing base and it could be said I am in some sort of stealth mode because I don't say "Hey! this shop is a TRANSGENDER owned business."  But, I don't hide the fact it is either.  My hope is, that again the world sees me as just another person trying to make a go of it.

Maybe I'm naive enough to think how I identify would not make or break the sale of a vintage vase or comic book.  If it did, the person could go to hell, but overall I think of it as my one small Laverne Cox style statement:  Think of me first as a person you respect and oh yeah-I happen to be transgender.

Sex and the Transgender Girl

Wouldn't that subject make one heck of a reality television show?  More exciting than Mountain Men? Who knows, but one does touch quite a few nerves when you talk about it.  Then again, it's a highly personal subject.

Back when Dr. Stanley Biber was performing all the SRS changes in Trinidad, Colorado (prior to Marci Bowers joining his staff in 2003) all the rage was to have the operation, find a man, go stealth and live happily ever after. How about a plot like this- transsexual woman goes through the change, begins ideal life with the man of her dreams- until the woman of her dreams comes along?

Regardless of your feelings about all of that, times "are a changin'" (could Bob Dylan have been a closeted cross dresser?)

Most of us were shocked when Facebook went from two binary gender choices to 50-most of which we didn't understand-unless we were living them.  I for one, thought the process was a huge step forward, as much so as a growing number of individuals who rebel at any sort of sticker label being applied to them.  All of the sudden, genitalia aren't the basis for gender feelings and aren't the basis for being comfortable as a chosen gender in life.

Then, as you take sexuality and mix it in with this potent brew-the whole picture becomes even more confusing to some and exotic to others.  At my recent visit to the Equality Ohio meeting, the organizers went around the room and asked us to give our name, pronoun preference - plus how we identified.  I gave it all-to a point.  For some reason I said I identified as a transgender woman- not a transgender lesbian woman and transgender veteran (which I brought up later to them)  I just figured it was too much information for them.

Some times, it is too much information for me.  This Cyrsti's Condo comment sent in by Caroline, may say it best:

I was about four and a half and had know that there was something wrong for a couple of years already then I twigged that as bad as I thought it was, girls liking girls was a real no no...

I really thought way back in the fifties that I was truly doomed, they think I am a boy is bad enough but to not want to be a typical girl who likes boys, what the heck!?

I was even thinking only a few years ago that such a fact would make sure I never got any help but I did.

Who on earth can find guys attractive anyway?

Thanks Caroline, fortunately my Mom found my Dad attractive enough so I could be here babbling :). But of course I know what you are writing about. I believe the longer I do this, the more I feel there are more people like us Caroline.  I'm so glad you got help!

To those of you who are still coming out and unsure of your sexuality, I would say yes, the lesbians are a tough crowd to be accepted into.  But, if you follow certain parameters, I'm proof it's not impossible. (Coming up in a future post.) To explain the process even better, I'm still trying to get my lesbian partner to write a post or two here-maybe she could explain what the trans scenery looks like from the "other side of the street." 

She's a tough sell!!!