Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"Page

KerPlunk! Welcome! Another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch. It's a mellow Sunday here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area with overcast skies and temperatures near 55 degrees. It still time for a nice hot "cup o joe" and get started:

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't: Once again last week, Momma Karma took a bit of time out of her busy day to knock me off my pedestal. As I was basking in the glory of finally getting my name and gender to sync up within the VA (I am a trans vet and receive my medical care there). It's obviously working because the next day I was contacted to reschedule one of my appointments. They lost my former self in the system. 

I know some of this was to be expected and I need to say the Veterans Administration has been very good to me. As a bureaucracy goes, this process has taken only 30 days or so. If you happen to be a transgender veteran too and want to compare notes-feel free to email me-or contact me in the "comment" section.

Trans Vet (Navy Seal) Kristin Beck (left) and Lana Wachowski

Page Two - Yesterday's Coffee-Opinion: I am burnt out on opinion this week. Of course politics is really just getting started with all it's hoopla. The state of Iowa citizens just have to be sick of the process-except taking the money of the candidates campaign coffers. My problem so far has been no candidate has spoken to the violence, civil right denials, health care, and economic problems of the LGBT family-except Hillary Clinton. Let me say I'm not a huge fan of her's either but, on the other hand:


Page Three-The Back Page: Well kids, this is going to do it for today's Sunday Edition. The dogs are wanting a walk in this weather. As always, you are the best for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo. Love you all!!!!

Phase Two Reconstruction

Last night I attended another meeting of Love Must Win Inc whose goal it is to provide a safe space for anyone needing it-from the LGBT family to drug addicts and beyond (and sadly there is a beyond.)

Last night, at the monthly lottery, I won a months worth of free yoga and/or Pilates which ideally could work into my other fitness goals.



I'm trying to work towards a healthier summer and do a better job of not trying to kill my self with sun poisoning. Last summer, I got so overwhelmed by the idea I could finally wear tank tops etc. and get a tan for the first time in my life-I had no idea I really couldn't.

No Cheap Shots on this Woman (cis?) doing Pilates?

I found out the hard way the sun kicks off a hereditary condition which causes my system to store way too much iron. So I'm calling my summer the "season of the vampire" because of my need to stay out of direct sunlight.

The question I have had for a minute is, truthfully (like I would B.S. you?) how much of this would I considered doing for myself if I stayed my guy self? Let's not forget too-the gym membership I have.

The answer is not so much. I was never very vane as a guy. And, as we know, so much more does go into presenting well as a woman. AND I know I need every edge I can get. 

One of the edges I am looking forward to getting better at now since (knock on wood) is getting my feminine movements down. Back straight, legs crossed etc...you know, the body language which screams "girl!"

At the least, it's all an honorable past time. Being healthier at my age I hope reaps the benefits of what the experts say it should.

Perhaps, "phase two" will help me fight harder when they try to shove me in that back closet in a nursing home!

Liz and Elizabeth

Elizabeth Taylor at 44

Perhaps you all have noticed Connie and I "sparring" in the comments section of a recent post. To cut to the chase, our discussions came down to the preparations trans women have to go through (versus cis women) to even face the world.

Interestingly, I have had the same discussions with my therapist and my partner (cis). My point was to all of them, including Connie, that while I and (most of the rest of the feminine population) will never possess the looks of movie star Elizabeth Taylor, I would not prefer to look like "Liz Taylor" of recent "American Horror Story" fame with Lady Gaga.

Of course I know there are parts of my Mtf transition which are entirely out of my control. Financially I can't walk out and schedule Caitlyn Jenner style plastic surgeon rebuilds and I am stuck with my big bones etc. On the other hand, I know if I can do well with my makeup, I will present with less effort. Often in direct proportion to the work put in.

However, my point to Connie (and I can be accused of not making it well) was a woman, cis or trans should not be judged by her looks. But, where does that idealism leave me? 

Liz Taylor

Well, you all have seen my pictures and you know where it leaves me-with a lot of work to do. But, on the other hand, I am completely unapologetic about who I am, and if I am out of time to do much more than tie my hair back, put on some light foundation and mascara for the grocery or gym-so be it.

Let's not forget Cincinnati, even though it's only a couple hours from ultra LGBT diverse Columbus, Ohio-still needs work on our acceptance. It's happening and I would love to help as much as possible!

In the meantime, I won't give you a "spoiler alert" about Liz Taylor, but you maybe will be surprised if and when you watch the show. 

When Life Face Plants You in the Potty Box!

We have pair of ferrets along with cats and dogs in our Cyrsti's Condo mini zoo. The female has grown to probably one third bigger than her male counterpart. This morning, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time and she face planted him into their potty box. 

Fortunately, we had just cleaned it recently. But, I got to thinking, haven't we all have to deal with a "face plant" or two in the potty box?

Maybe we all are like our ferrets, a higher force is looking down on us laughing when we do it in our cages?

I'm Proud

At the Grandson's  Bar Mitzfah Saturday with Liz and Daughter

Legging it Out?

Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo I have been writing about my first ever exploits in a fitness club.

Of course, in the winter months around O.H.I.O I don't have any problem with going in for my workout in baggy sweats, but of course I do have a goal.

The biggest is I need to be more agile and take off the 10 pounds or so I gained since I have felt better this year. The other is, I'm tired of wearing the baggy sweats into the fitness place- already.


Plus, if my next step is Yoga, I need something more fun to wear..

Now, I would love to wear some of the many many fabulous workout leggings including ones on the left.

Before you think I have fallen off some sort of cliff on my head, I know I will need to find some sort of "T" top that come down far enough on my body to cover a very key area.

Those long tank tops are available, in fact I have one I wore last summer.

Of course I will keep you posted, between exercise machines.

Would You Rather?

Over the space of time here in Cyrsti's Condo (nearing five years), one of the questions which has popped up along the way for those of you who are seriously considering a male to female gender transition is-(From Connie) " One of the questions I used to ask of myself, and now of others who may be contemplating transition, is whether it would be better to be considered a beautiful transgender woman or an average-looking cis-woman."

To be fair, I am taking this part of her comment out of context to make mine, but the thought is a very real one. (Go here for the rest of the post and comment.)

On a very deep level, trans is trans and presentation is just something which makes it easier for your inner self to navigate society. 

Obviously, cis women face the same situations as we do and that's why we see the tremendous marketing drives towards women's makeup and fashion products.

I'm actually just getting started on a very intimidating process of putting together similar groups of the over 4,000 posts I have here for another book. It has been no real surprise to me that my earlier posts revolved more completely around what I wore. I guess now, I am boring and expect everyone to just know I'm going with Liz to her doctor's today and no, I will not go through an hour make up process. I can't and work on a blog post, the book and list a few collectibles to make an extra Shekel or two.

So, what's a trans woman to do? Well, it depends quite a bit on how far you have to go to make a "gender jump" in the public's eyes. Some men quite naturally are more effeminate than others and it is easier. In my case, I don't think I ever really was, so I rely heavily now on the external effects of my HRT. Speaking of, I consider my hair as the biggest plus as I consider who I am as a trans girl these days. O (then again) my attitude which helps my public acceptance, or the fact I am very fortunate to have a group of friends and a partner who accept me for who I am.

It's never been a question in my noggin-I would rather be the transgender woman I am trying to make my way- than the so called 'beautiful trans woman' of many dreams.

ShaZAM!

I guess it my be true, if you wait just a little longer for the VA to grease it's squeaky wheel and approve my name change  will it be worth it? 

Today it did just that and it was. But, it was too cold to do my happy dance naked in the middle of the street.

So now my legal name is legal within the system. Now I have to replace my Goddess Awful Veteran's Administration I.D. card and I am free of my old self.

Wow. Just wow.

It Was Only a Dream

Years ago, I used to wake up broken hearted from a reoccurring dream of being a girl. 

Then, as I began to advance through life and became more knowledgeable in the look or looks I was trying to achieve-and the more I began to go out- my dreams followed the process.

In my dreams, I was the prettiest or at the least most convincing girl in the room. Reality to say the least wasn't pleasant. So, in it's place-day dreaming took over. 

I have always wondered how much of my life I essentially wasted in the day dream mode. How would have things been different? Who knows, can't cry over spilled hormones and I am not.

These days, interesting enough though, my dreams are going a different direction. Or not. 

I'm dreaming about coming out as transgender to people. Or appearing to get my gender marker's changed-or whatever.

I guess dreams do follow reality.

Except, I think I would look good in that brand new Porsche of my dreams!

Fright or Flight?

The last couple of days I have had a couple of those moments when I wasn't totally sure which I was going to do. Stay scared or get out of the situation I was in. 

The first was the actual picture taking of the families before the Bar Mitzfah- with focus on the extended families of my grandson as well as him. I just don't like pictures to start with...so I hitched up my big girl panties and got over it.

The second time was today when (for the first time in my life) I went to a fitness club with Liz.  So, I basically went sans most makeup in sweats. (Proud owner of my new ID.) Needless to say, I was at my best but again hitched up my panties and began on my fitness goals. Why?

I need to see if I can exercise my way out of my bad hip's influence. Burn a few extra calories and become more agile before I begin my plan to start yoga. In my quest to live longer and get this transgender trip I'm on as far as I can possibly can.

Even though "fright or flight" seemingly at times is as much a part of my journey as the night years ago when I sat in my car seemingly forever gathering courage for the first time ever to go into a restaurant by myself to eat as a woman. Why would I possibly stop now>

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another cold Sunday edition is hitting your front porch. Around here in Cincinnati, we are at a balmy (yet sunny) thirteen degrees. Lets get a hot cup o joe (coffee) or cocoa (with marsh mellows) and get started.

Page One - The Week that Was or Wasn't: Saturday (yesterday) was one of those days when life's transgender changes seem to pile up. In chronological order, yesterday morning, I went and did the final work to get my Ohio drivers' license with the magical "F" under gender. I wrote yesterday about 50 years between Major license changes. What I meant Fiona was I got my original license when I was 16 and now I am 66. I got to thinking, does a half a decade sound better? Pretty intimidating to me-either way! Then, I didn't have much time to reflect upon the moment, as we Liz and I had to head up to Kettering, Ohio for my oldest Grandson's Bar Miftzfah. Being a grandparent, I had to do my duty and step up and in for what seemed like a million pictures with the family. I could only think that years later, future generations would look at the picture and see very (very likely) the immediate family's first transgender member. Although-my first wife (and mother of my daughter) has a trans man nephew. Indeed it is a small world.

Page Two- Yesterdays' Coffee - Opinion: As I rejoiced in the success of changing over my State of Ohio ID (driver's license), a trans girl friend of mine reminded me how difficult it is to do it. From Racquel: 
" Kick ass. Appeasing the Ohio BMV is no small feat. It took me over an hour on the phone just to get them to figure out which form to send me. Then you gotta get a shrink to certify you as trans enough. I can't help being proud from a "rite of passage" standpoint. But needing to beg for the permission of so many gatekeepers — having to satisfy doctors, therapists, the BMV, the State Dept, probate court, vital statistics, and the Social Security administration — is total BS."

Thanks Racquel! You see, she is much younger than me and I forget many don't have the benefit of a free therapist like I had being a trans vet. So, indeed my therapist had to approve my transness to enable me to start HRT. 

"BS" to be sure and my problem these days too is "treating" transgender youth (to prove their 'transness' has become a business of sorts. 

Page Three - The Back Page - Back to the Future?: Last night I literally had to stand up and do a "special reading"my Grandson chose for me in front of approximately 125 people. So, for the rest of the evening, it was tough to hide- if I wanted to. Plus, I saw more than a couple peeps I knew through my daughter from my male past. The top moment I suppose, was a rest room visit of all places. Liz and I were going to pee before the trip home and all of the sudden, it was "old home day." Seemingly, two or three women showed up from nowhere to have a bathroom chat-mostly about how much weight I have lost and how long my hair was from the last time they had seen me. At that moment, I knew the world had come full circle - at least for now.

Page Four- The Back Beat: As always, thanks soooooo much for stopping by the Condo. Hopefully, you are in a spot out of the snow and/or cold!

Legal Under the Law

Seemingly after what seemed like a half a decade since my first driver's license- I went out today and changed mine from male to female. And, of course while I was at it I changed my legal name too.

Well, actually it was fifty years ago!

How did it go? I was a puddle of goo :) but with Liz's help and a very helpful BMV clerk-we "got-er-done!"

Beauty and the Art

Recently a friend of mine has launched her "on line" beauty business and it got me thinking. (Scary) And her business is not the purpose of this post.

It's another cliche but a woman's true beauty does come from the inside out. But, after it's filtered through media and society etc- beauty becomes one hell of an external deal.

SIT on WHAT???

I'm sure if I had the money to buy products from my friend (or one of the upscale make up stores) life would be easier for this transgender woman-and yes-like many of you, I feel like some days I am trying to make a purse out of a sow's ear.

Then again why not? All I am really looking for is a break even beauty point. And, I am off point.

Women of all ages compete for attention of some sort. I remember distinctly years ago when my granddaughter invited a girl who just didn't fit the mold of the other kids. She was somehow prettier etc. Years later as I attended one of my first "transvestite" mixers (of all places) I saw the same thing with a group of three or four CD's who I called the "A" listers. They were the ones who made a big deal of looking you up and down when you tried to speak.

I am going to have to release my list again of reading women-reading you as it is changing quickly in many spots.

Another key beauty point is being able to try to apply it to make it look like you aren't trying and you are able to erase in your mind what ideals your old guy is screaming look good.

I'm lucky. No matter how I'm perceived on the outside, my friends see me from the inside out. It's like last night when Liz and I went to another of our "creative" Meetup get togethers. I approached (and was approached by) several cis-women I had never met. I am not naive enough to think some of that was trans curiosity. But these days I am more apt to seek out new acquaintances.

I know too, that beauty is a combination of hobby/fun and necessity for most all cis women. So I hope my friend does really well with her sales!!!!  

Well "Heeled?"

As the 'first class' winter snow storm of the year heads towards us, I decided to dig a little deeper into my boot wardrobe. We are going to be lucky by east coast standards - who are expecting to get pounded. However, most of the congressmen are never there anyhow and Washington (expecting over 2' of snow) has snowed us for decades anyhow.

I have had a pair of faux fir topped black boots with an approximate two inch wedge heel which come about half way up my calf.I have never really worn them but-

Liz and I are going out tonight and it may be the ideal evening to get "reacquainted" with the boots. I won't be walking far and not have to worry about going over my own "personal glass ceiling height." Without heels, I'm rarely the tallest women in many rooms. Plus, I know a height paranoia with me is my problem as there are more and more beautiful cis women of height. Who cares anymore?

So, we will see if the extra rear padding I'm beginning to add again from HRT, does me good if I fall on my can tonight!

It looks as if I am going to have to stock up on a little extra tissues for my Grandson's Bar Mitzfah  this coming Saturday night.

If you are like me, perhaps you don't/didn't know much about the Jewish 'coming of age" tradition. My grand daughter had her "Bah Mitzfah" not long ago. So I had a chance to learn a little bit more.

For no particular reason except for info - I'm not Jewish and my kid converted-so that is why I didn't know much.

I chose a couple to pass along to you ( paragraphs), including these which I will be reading Saturday.

Be Generous to those who need your help.
Be frugal with what you need yourself.
Be wise enough to know you do not know everything.
Be foolish enough to believe in miracles.

And the best (and final) paragraph:

Be loving to those that love you.
Be loving to those who do not love you, and they may change.
Above all...BE YOURSELF!

Plus, if you didn't know, the U.S. Reform Jews last November -Temples and synagogues affiliated with the nation's largest Jewish movement In a resounding voice vote, Reform Judaism embraced some of the most far-reaching policies for transgender people seen among any of the nation's mainstream religious organizations, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT advocates said.)

I can't say how proud I am of my daughter. Some say the apple didn't fall far from the tree.  

I think in my case, the apples fell and rolled and she went and picked them up!

Cyrsti's Condo "Silver Screen" Update

As I wrote in the Sunday Edition, Liz and I watched "The Danish Girl" Saturday and "Carol" on a rare weekend when we go out to see two movies. Carol stars Cate Blanchett who is at once a powerful/cold wealthy woman at love with Rooney Mara.

On the other hand, Blanchett is vulnerable in the role and goes from sort of a regal/imitator to the girl next door peaking out of the shower with no makeup,

As I said/wrote before, we were interested in watching Carol also since it was filmed here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area and we happened to be downtown when they were gathering the vintage cars for the movie.

Since Carol is a love story between two women-yes there is a very erotic love scene. Sort of icing on the cake (so to speak.)

Of course between the two movies, "The Danish Girl" meant more to me from a purely personal nature. Lili Elbe's life (even though years apart) were so similar-MAINLY the interactions between her and Gerta her wife. I think I walked into the movie thinking Gerta gave Lili the green light for a transition which went all the way to one of the first sex reassignment surgeries. I was wrong. Gerta was hurt and questioning-mad and hurt through out the experience. To the point she used the magic words most all of us hear if we are married crossdressers or transwomen from our wives.  A transition is all about us.

I don't want to go into any more spoiler alerts than I did. I did overviews. 

Finally, if you live in an older city the size of Cincinnati, you may look around for what I call "boutique" theaters. They are usually around big colleges or upscale suburbs in reclaimed movie theaters.  Plus, the theaters are more apt to hold on to movies a little longer than the big box places with all the kids!

Cyrsti's Condo "The Sound Track" Fades

In rapid fire this week we have lost David Bowie and Glenn Frey to death. Frey of course was with the Eagles.

I see more than a little humor when the news stories say Bowie died early at 69 and Frey at 67 - hell at 66 I have years to go...I thought?

Of course my particular age of Baby Boomers felt the sting of death with the Kennedy's, Martin Luther King, Jim Morrison, Joplin and Hendrix all suffering an early death at the hands of others or by their own hands.

I wonder if you could ask any of the musicians in particular if they would quote the "Indy" Jone's comment about their life, :"It's not the years-it's the mileage."

I began to feel that way when I celebrated the "double nickles" (55). I had spent nearly all of my life running from my gender issues on top of a pesky bi-polar deal.

Through it all though, I was able to do some heavy duty playing along with the running and working to glue a life together with mirrors.

Perhaps when I miss a Bowie or Frey, the hurt is a bit deeper for me. The soundtrack meant a lot.

So much so, I have picked a tune for when and if I am fortunate enough to leave this existence in peace- "Call Me the Breeze" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Read the lyrics and you will understand and if you have ever heard it-turn it up REAL loud and listen for the keyboards!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch and if you live around this part of Ohio your porch is cold and getting colder by the hour-down into the zero degree range by tomorrow. Yikes! It's time to make a cup of Buckeye hot cocoa (with a tad of peanut butter) and maybe a little protein powder too. So, let's get started!

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't:  For Liz (my partner) and I, the weekend was the whole week essentially. Friday night we joined our friends for dinner which was cool as I wrote about and today we hope to make the early (old peeps) showing of the movie Carol  

The  film tells the story of a young aspiring photographer and her relationship with an older woman going through a difficult divorce. Highsmith based the character of Therese Belivet on herself, after an encounter she had in 1948 with a woman while she worked 

at Bloomingdales in New York City. Other than being an LGBT based film, the "movin' picture show" was actually filmed around the Cincinnati, Ohio area.

Page Two-Yesterdays' Coffee-Check Your Fluids-Opinion: Recently, I wrote more in depth of the dinner with a group of friends we went to Friday and the chance I had to sit close to a transgender man friend I have who I believe (like the majority of us) has struggled with gender fluidity. The reason I say that is, early on when I met him-I used the male pronoun and learned I may have been the only one that was. Of course I asked him and he said it didn't matter. So now I listen for what his partner calls him of course. 

Gender "Fluidity" may be more prevalent than we think, similar to transgender women and men. As Connie commented "As dazzled as you may be when you learn from someone that they know another trans person, it should give you pause to wonder just how that trans person is presenting herself or himself, and then how are you being viewed in the inevitable comparison." Good point! So many times it's NOT all about us. And, the more we realize it, the better chance we have to move on with our lives in our intended gender. A point which was made in the "Danish Girl" which we saw last night.

Page Three-The Back Page - Saving the Best for Last: I was literally shaken after viewing "The Danish Girl" I mean, how dare they rip chapters from my life and put them on the big screen? At the least the movie was lush in it's backgrounds and scenery, powerful in it's message and so sad. 

With that, it's time to go. Wherever you are remember I luv you all and thanks for making the Condo a regular stop! 

Trans Week?

Last night I went with Liz out with a group of friends.  It's normally always a great time. 

I'm always dazzled though how many people who are coming forward these days saying they know a transgender person. Every time, it makes me feel as if we aren't as rare as everyone thinks. The person last night said a 20 something person in her office just came out as a transgender man and (naturally) was confused and scared to death.

I passed along my knowledge of community resources.

Also last night (in a group of approx twenty) I met up with a very gender fluid trans guy. I have to be very careful  on my pronoun use with him. (I do know he was going by he last night.)

Our group is struggling mightily to put together a Halloween Ball this year and everyone was given a chance to "volunteer" for the area they are interested in. My trans guy friend was thinking of security and a "Joker" costume out of the Batman films. Of course he asked me in essence would I do something with him? Although a couple really off the wall "Joketress" ideas flew through my noggin-he was hinting more of a Batman and I thought "Hell No!" politely of course.

So the real learning experience from last night was, I need get finally get my personal cards updated to pass along info. 

It won't be hard now since I won a personal photo session at a local photographers salon. Part of the package is a digital image I could use in all my social media. (So I can tell her what I need.)

Plus I have to update all kinds of other particulars as my life changes to pass along a card to anyone who needs it!

Everything Starts With a Dream

Those of you who have been around business management training programs, or even sports to an extent, perhaps you have ran across the idea of visualizing a goal before you can achieve it.

For the briefest moment last night I was swept off to what if land when a commercial for a breast augmentation group of Doc's came on the "Boob Tube" (couldn't help it.) I began to wonder if all my excuses against having the procedure was hurting my dream.

My dream is to have a realistic size of breasts to fill out my fashions. Excuse #1-my HRT "interruptus" has also interrupted my breast growth again. I am nothing if not impatient! Who said that? Dick Nixon??? Sincerely, I don't really know where my breast journey will end up.
Excuse #2-Finances. An upgrade to "the girls" around here is about $4,000 - exactly four grand more than I have to spend. I didn't hit the lottery as you can tell.

Answers to the excuses are actually easy to explain. If the estrogen takes me to a full "c" cup-that's cool and I will be satisfied with no additions to my body. Plus, as far as finances go, if Obama and/or the Pentagon ever does the right thing and formally approves active transgender military service-the approval could filter over to the Veteran's Administration (where I get my health care). At that point, the VA might approve transgender plastic surgery as the natural next step from the HRT they approve now.

Until that time, my dreams are in a fertile setting. One never knows when one will hatch!!!

Meeting of The Minds

Gee, it's quiet between my ears today. The trans meeting was good last night except for I couldn't make the 'after meeting' at a near by coffee shop. If you know meetings, the after meeting is where the  "heavy lifting" takes place and peeps begin to form bonds.

I will the next time around!

Other than the meeting, on the way out, one of the building administrators stopped me and commented on my hair. She fibbed and said she liked the color and I said gray? But then I asked her had she ever tried the "Vibrant Violet" I have been addicted to recently and she said yes. Then I asked if she had tried any of the "power reds" I was considering next, the answer was yes again.

Hair color is heavily on my mind-no pun intended.  I need to DIY before the bar mitzfah in a week and have two picture ID's to update...

 Plus I have to keep up with my 14 year old granddaughter, who (if she can come up with half the money) is pushing her Mom hard for a blue "ombre" color job before the evening. The quote was "well, J.J. (me) has violet hair so what's the problem? That is NOT my granddaughter in the picture but you all know what I think!



What else is going on? I'm still between genders with the VA today, but I was able to hand deliver the latest documents they needed to get the job done. Of course, new forms were needed after the first of the year-of course. The man in charge of all of it said if he can make contact with the right peeps, we may 'git-r-done' yet this week. 

I'm sure the whole process will move faster when someone in the system figures out they almost got it right by changing my gender to female. 

What I'm really waiting for though is an almost immediate trip to get my VA photo I.D changed.

Several of my friends are requesting a "rite of passage" ritual-maybe I could start by burning the old ID's?

Trans Flap?

With all the "flap" going on about the "Danish Girl" movin picture show- it's hard not to miss the glam and glitz of the fashion in the Roaring 20'!!! 

Check out one of the original SRS pioneers- Lili Elbe. From the shoes to her hat Lilli is working it! I love the fashion.

The Future is Now?

Hey, I'm as good as the next person at procrastination.  In fact, my therapist who has this pesky habit of listening to me, asked what was coming up next (in my grand scheme) after the gender marker boogey is over?

The question came back to me from something I said to her - a (true) comment about my fondness for procrastinating forever  I told her I need to get a project done while I'm thinking about the next one and I struggle to finish or start either.

Like I said, I figured she (the therapist) was not listening to all my babble. Hell, I don't listen to me (except when I talk to myself.).

She is an excellent therapist though and did ask me what was next? I have a circle of friends, a daughter and partner to die for. And now, I'm journeying down the winding road of a legal name/gender marker change. 

So, what is next? If I was to meet my maker tomorrow and- after I was polite and asked her what the hell was she thinking-what would we chat about?

I'm fairly sure she would slap me up the side of my noggin and say "How many times have you talked about paying forward?" 'Do it Dummy!'

So, Finally tonight I am looking forward to meeting a group "of the sisters and brothers" in a transgender only get together which happens once a month here in Cincinnati. Plus, in a week or so, I will be heading back to the LGBTQ safe haven group "Love Must Win Inc" group in Northern Kentucky.

I know it's just a start, but every little bit I can do may help. About everytime I get secure on my rickety pedestal, I meet a person like we met at the Leelah Alcorn remembrance recently. Her name was 'V" and she was in shock by being outed on FaceBook the day before. She lives in a super redneck town a little farther into the Kentucky hills where I sure you will see a Confederate flag or two on the back of pickups.

So yes, the future is now for me. I am in a unique situation to do something-anything.and I must! What will my grandkids think of me if I don't?

   

"The Mousse Is Loose?"

As I have mentioned before here in Cyrsti's Condo- taking estrogen again is having it's expected affect on my hair. It's filling back in quickly.


That's the good news, now the 'other news'. Well- it's not really bad. It's the reality part of where I am now as a transgender woman. Plus,in the spirit of doing this blog at all, I wouldn't be doing what I set out to do if I didn't pass along any of my insights I could.


First of all, I have a natural wave to my hair. Essentially I can try to flat iron it into submission - or mousse it into remission. What we like to call around here :the mousse is loose! 

In the DIY girl world I have found myself (Do it yourself) I have found how easy it was to grow a head of hair my daughter wondered why she didn't inherit, all the way to nearly destroying it.

Plus, the all important bar mitzfah is coming up and I need to attempt to put my best hair forward, The pesky gray hair I have just doesn't want to go away for long!  

I love the softness and overall results I get with the Loreal brand and this time I am thinking about one of the "Feria" Power Reds for the next cycle. I should too try to exercise restraint and wait a little longer to get my drivers license updated with the fresh hair color. Color two birds with one color?

On top of that (literally) I think I have my outfit picked out for the evening and I am sure we will be discussing that later!

Freedom!!!!

I sincerely try every day for a brief moment or so to write in my journal (new age diary?) Light some incense (old hippie) and thank my **Goddess for a new day. Sure, you can accuse me of being a "rah-rah" type but health, life and so many other distractions come along, I have to be positive.

As life comes down to pushing and shoving me though, just being able to lead my life as I see fit is the ultimate freedom. 

Of course you all know where I'm going with this- if I can't live as a transgender woman-what's the point?

I did my 60 plus years of playing society's games to get here, so yes, I can be selfish and enjoy times like the last couple of days. As I have written about here in Cyrsti's Condo, Liz and I went out to a packed sports bar to watch football Saturday night, then Sunday afternoon we went to an art gallery to look at a mutual friends work.

My point is, I didn't have to worry about anything else in the world - but the world. No stares, no whispers etc. 

"Mama Freedom" is pretty fickle though, and I know that. She needs to be nourished and even fought for when needed. She is also good for giving you a gift - then taking it away. That's why I pause my life for a second everyday to add my appreciation.

**I believe deeply in a deity, I just don't believe for a second the deity has a specific gender, but I prefer mine to be feminine in nature. However, not a shy retiring femininity.

If you research the Hindu Goddess Kali  you will find her to be the black one and the force of time. Therefore Kali is called the Goddess of Time, Change, Power, Creation, Preservation, and Destruction.
Loosely based- I chose her because of my gender expressions-destroying the male and creating the female. 

For more radical images just Google "Kali Hindu Goddess"

R.I.P. David Bowie

As you have undoubtedly heard by now, David Bowie passed this Sunday. Many of us in and out of the LGBTQ community thought of him as a glam rocker-gender fluid music pioneer-which he was.

To others though, Bowie meant so much more. It was too easy to dismiss him as crossdressing glam rocker to explain my feelings.

For me though Bowie was soooo much more. He was a beacon of "gender fluid" hope for us (not unlike Andy Warhol.) in an age devoid of it.

And then, there was the music!



I will leave you with this: (My own take on Bowie's  Space Oddity Cut'  "Ground Control to Major David, take your place in the heavens and thanks!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

"I've had 40 year old cars with less work than her!" 
After watching one of the "Real Housewives" shows.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk!!! Another "fantabulous" Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch. Winter has finally arrived here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area with a snowy blast of snow. As always 'Momma Nature' rules, so lets grab a hot 'cup o joe' (coffee) and get started.

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't: On the personal front, strides were made on the gender marker front as well. I received my 'permission' (hate that) to change my drivers license from male to female permanently which is huge in Ohio. Why? There is such a thing as a temporary change if your therapist does not check the proper box. Enough of that, I am going early this week for my new license!  And, no you don't have to throw the "women's driver" stereotype at me. Maybe my noggin has known more about me than I did. I have been a crummy driver for years.
Otherwise, I was doing the "bureaucratic boogie" in getting my male name to fit my female gender marker (of course.) I guess a committee of someone (or ones) has to sit down and figure out I am not a terrorist. Actually, the biggest deal is getting called by my male name at the clinic/hospital. 

Page Two-Yesterday's Coffee-Opinion: It is not uncommon for Momma Karma to pile on similar life experiences on me. This time it was my lifetime of loving sports. Earlier this week I wrote of the long time woman friend I came out to who wanted to know if I was "still a sports person?" Then, last night was the completely UGLY NFL game between the Cincinnati Bengals and Pittsburgh Squeelers. Pittsburgh won, but the display of non sportsmanship in the stadium and on the field was past terrible. The whole game reinforced in my mind a new relationship with sports; a girl can like sports but just not as passionately.

Page Three- Ooopps! : Liz and I did go out to watch the game last night in a large/very popular sports bar down the street. Of course not long into the game I had to potty. The "toilet clientele" turned out to be a mainly  20 something crowd-some of which were gossiping about kids and jailed fathers.  (Truly more important than football) But, I still had to wait for my chance to pee and as I leaned on the wall, I hit the switch and accidentally turned off the rest room lights. THE easiest way to get everyone's attention to be sure. Being the center of attention, I just said "Last Call Girls!" It worked and I got out alive!

Page Four-The Back Page: Last week I also got together with my daughter to discuss life as a whole and my oldest Grandson's Bar Mtzfah which is coming up soon (I will have a separate post.)
My problem is an almost a complete lack of knowledge concerning the Jewish religion. My daughter converted.
All in all though, the Bar Mitzfah is a prime time example for me to give back to my Grandson what he has given to me - acceptance.

That's it kids!!!! Time to go out and play in the snow-or not!!!! Luv ya all thanks for stopping by and be safe.

A "Coincidence? 'Me' thinks Not!

Of course those of us living in the "modern world" on the grid these days probably don't want to really know how many times our names are sold to whomever for what reason.

Changing your life as dramatically as one does when gender markers are concerned can provide a whole new look into how the legal "grid" works - good or bad.

This insight comes from Connie:

" Its been less than a month since I got my license "corrected", and just yesterday I received a home refinance offer that was addressed to my new name and started with "Dear Ms ___". The offer had all of the information that is specific to my house and current mortgage, but I have, if by magic, become the owner in my new name.

I have not yet contacted my mortgage company, the IRS, or Social Security to officially change my name and gender, but the changes have obviously been made somewhere that would allow a mortgage company to access the information, as it is public record. I guess that I've opened the proverbial can of worms, though. I am no longer anonymous! By the way, I just today received the first real paycheck made out to me with my new name. I plan on opening up a brand new bank account in which to deposit it. Anyway, we deserve to have these happy surprises after all of the years of uncertainty - which often led to unhappy surprises (if not merely the worry of them happening)."

At this point my Mom's words echo in my noggin "you made your bed, now lie in it."

Are Women Better Actors?

Yesterday at my therapist appointment (which has gone completely past the core reasons I originally went) we wondered into the world of women at large and my perceptions as a transgender woman.

I told her, and you Cyrsti's Condo readers will remember, I was fortunate to have worked for 30 plus years in restaurant business as a manager. During that time, it wasn't uncommon for me to try to manage approx fifty female servers. Also (of course) I worked with other women managers too. 

I learned up close and personal that women form cliques and men form teams and you always had to be on the outlook for the knife to the back from a woman. Women are vicious, men are brutal.

Knowledge that has served me well all the way through my transition. Let's take the Dayton, Ohio VA Medical Center for example. Yes, the same Dayton, Ohio Stana from Femulate who comes West to our 'neck of the woods' once a year on business comes to. In fact the hospital/complex isn't that far from the airport.

Stana has never flown there before as a woman and I hope her experiences are as good as mine at the VA.

"Kudos" to them yesterday! I think at least 90% of the women I came across in the hallways or was treated by in the clinics were sooooooo nice. Especially the one who tap danced her way around the wrong pronouns with me by even using "this veteran" at one point.

Even though as you all know, I have been doing this public trans woman thing for quite awhile, sometimes it is still very difficult for me to make eye contact with another woman every time I should - I nearly never do it with a man.

So yes, we women are better actresses and we transgender women have to be even better. After all, the world is a stage and we need to be comfortable in it to survive.

Plus I almost think we trans girls are getting to the place cross dressers have been for years. We are OK-if we aren't someone's brother or husband.

As The Bureaucracy Turns

As you may recall, today marked yet another of the latest milestone days of my 'Mtf gender marker" journey.

I was happy to see the State of Ohio sent me the approval to switch my driver's license from a 'M' to a 'F' (for a fee of course) and I plan on getting it done early next week. But, As I checked with my therapist at the Veteran's Administration today-I was still a "female called a male name." Ala Johnny Cash's 'A Boy Named Sue.' I sort of figured the VA would take a little more time to untangle itself and get the proper changes done. The privacy officer said something to the point of my name change had to go through some sort of committee to be signed off to prove I am not some sort of terrorist. I could change my gender easily enough but not my name-go figure.

However, the biggest surprise today though came in my mailbox.  I got my paperwork to turn in with my IRS Taxes saying indeed I did have coverage through the VA. It was addressed to "Ms. (insert male name) Hart"

With any luck though, I should have a brand new shiny female drivers license by next week!

And I am excited!!!!

It's Backwards Both Ways?

From People's Magazine: Jo Avelyn Grey knew from an early age that she was "different" from other kids. "Growing up in Boynton Beach, Florida, she was socially awkward (she would later be diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome), and was also struggling with a secret.Born a male named Joseph David Weaver, “I was 7 or 8, about the age you realize that girls and boys are different, when I realized something’s not quite right here,” Grey, now 27 and a computer engineer in Redwood City, California, tells PEOPLE. “I knew I was a woman and born in the wrong body.” By age 11 she felt brave enough to tell her conservative parents; her mother broke the news to Grey’s father. “That obviously didn’t go over very well, and I would say my weight problems started shortly thereafter,” she says."

Love the boots :) and the story!

Repossessing Your Life?

One of the few close friends I have felt the need to even come out to since I have moved away (a cis-woman) asked me a question which was rapid fired 'wedged' between five others-including "Am I going to have the 'parts is not parts' surgery. It was, did I still like sports?

I was a little humored until I gave the question time to set in. After all, not so long ago, I would have asked myself the same question. Would my proposed new life style center around "fluffy foo foo drinks" and no beer or sports? Beer and sports pretty much was my life as I drank with the guys. In fact, I think my eye balls are shot from too many big screen televisions in sports bars.

I too put some very serious thought into who the 'new' me was going to be. Years later though, I found the old and new me were much a like. We had the same interests for the most part and got along with peeps in the same way. Even though I was scared to death, as Connie says " a smile goes along way!" 

As I looked around in the world, I saw women drinking beer and watching sports with the best of them. And, I was even able to find a couple very close cis women friends by watching sports. So maybe I wouldn't have to be my non ideal woman sitting at the bar sipping wine with her legs crossed.

Also, with men of course it was different. Very few approached me to begin with but the few that did, I had to be very careful of where I went with my sports "knowledge." My 'fave' though was to be a part of a group of women and be quiet and observe two women friends go at it - with each other and the folks around us.

Just remember though, all of us are different of and your transitions will follow you down different paths. But just keep in mind you don't have to kick your current life to the gutter to do it.

Gym Rat?

Lots 'o' stuff finding it's way onto my front burners these days again. Meeting my daughter in the morning for breakfast, then Thursday I have a mishmash of appointments at the VA which  involves an update on my name change.

So tonight I have to get my hair washed and my nails painted to not look like a total slob in front of my kid,

Something which is bugging me is my huge appetite I was supposed to gain weight the last time I went on the full HRT-but lost a bunch more. I think the weight loss 45 pounds came from my liver/iron problems,

So (since I am trying to eat the wall paper off the walls) I decided to join a health club with Liz, Yes-I did, My secondary goal is to maybe help this crummy hip I have, How am I ever going to learn belly dancing?

We will see. And, speaking of being seen, I am not going to try to make some big transgender women's locker room scene.Although the place makes a big  deal out of promoting it's a non judgmental gym. Either way, it's very close to our house so we can work out and then go eat wings! Kidding!

Finally, since we are keeping track around here; today was the first day my breasts began to be sore again,

A Bitch is not Just Made Overnight

One of the interesting parts of reading potential post material here in Cyrsti's Condo is how certain ideas just keep making big circles and coming back again..

The latest was a very well written post from somewhere explaining how transphobia was not always the fault of the person supposedly doing it. After all, as the person said (writing the article), the transgender woman was just being a bitch when the clerk waiting on her was trying to be nice.

Nothing new- a thousand years ago when I first made my foray's into the early cross dresser scene around here, a few friends and I used to talk about how badly some made the transition. No matter how good they looked.

Then again, the public at some point in time needs to realize a bastard in heels transitions easily into a bitch in heels. A shitty personality is just that, Pooh in make up,

Still though, an interesting well thought out point by the writer. I spend lots of my time in my own little world (it's warm and fuzzy) and I'm sure the public thinks I am a being a standoffish bitch myself. 

Bitch maybe-but standoffish??? No :) But then again I am innately very shy which I had conquered in my guy world and am trying to always do better at as a girl. Always seems there is something to do with this gender transition. 

Do Not Pee on Me

I saw this today from a blog called our-trans-mission,
It's called "I Gotta Pee" 
by Cathy Serino.
It's definitely worth a read!

Below is a picture of a transgender man who makes Cathy's point-dramatically!!

  

The "Ego" of Gender

Tyson

As I am truly blessed to be riding my little dosage into estrogen land again-I am going to channel one of my hero's- Neil deGrasse Tyson into another post. If you remember, I recently ran a review of his "Star Talk Show"  (on the 'Nat Geo' network) 

On the recent show, he mentioned his chair was a transgender woman: Rebecca Oppenheimer and he said ,I paraphrase 'what if there was no gender at all?'

Oppenheimer

I think eventually Neil deGrasse Tyson will be right, there will be no evident genders if the human race lasts that long. But, in the meantime, I am over thinking an idea about gender ego's. We all know men are considered to have to carry around the majority of the poundage where ego is concerned,,,,but-

When I set down with pen and paper and began to write what ego was gender specific, much was the same. The tough part was throwing out the old stereotypes like "What came first, the chrome Harley or the blonde on the back,"  Perhaps less emphatic though is what a woman thinks when she is "picking out" a mate. What are her friends going to think?  Or,her parents if she brings "Joe the Scud" home? 

Then what happens if life goes on all goes to hell and you did bring Joe home and married him? Well then it is time to take a seat at the foot of the "Victim Goddess."

Don't worry and grab a number though - by that time a substantial group of women and men will be right there with you. And, worse yet have no idea why.

As transgender women and men though (if we find our voices and are allowed to speak) should be allowed to whisper a couple hints into the Goddess' ears of how it really is to dwell on both sides of the gender fence!