Not the Only One

My Transgender Friend Racquel
from Texas

This is really an extension of yesterday's post. During the post I mentioned the times when I discovered there were actually others who shared my cross dressing dreams. In fact, they even had a label back in those days, we were called transvestites. 

In my post I even mentioned the "Transvestia" publication which I came to cherish so much. I was so amazed to see a nationwide network of like minded individuals. In a short period of time, I discovered a side group of sorts called the "Tri-Ess" organization for strictly heterosexual cross dressers who met in nearby Columbus, Ohio for socials or mixers. Columbus was only approximately a half hour from my home and I just had to check it out.

When I did, I was able to meet a smaller, diverse side group who had private parties in an exclusive Columbus location. As I became a part of this group, I really found how I was not the only one. The only issue I had was, deciding what exactly I was. I knew from experience I was much more serious about being a cross dresser than many of the others I met at the mixers. On the other hand, I still wasn't sure if I was as serious as a few of the transsexual women who were headed for gender realignment surgery. Or sex change as it was known back then. I still had too many huge gender decisions to make before I could ever make such a life changing choice. 

In the short term, I decided to align myself as close as I could with the transsexuals as I attempted to learn as much as I could about their lives. I only really knew two, so contact was very rare plus on most occasions my second wife was with me so I needed to be careful about how I acted. 

As the internet and social media came into play, the potential of knowing I was not the only one in the world with gender issues literally exploded. Along with the internet came a new understanding of the different layers of gender life. As I said in yesterday's post, the term transgender became increasingly known here in Ohio, which as always behind the East and West coasts. As I studied it, the more I was convinced transgender fit my status in life and I felt better for a short amount of time. I say a short period, because in no time at all, I was striving to be a better trans person and learn more and more about myself in the world.  

What I did learn was, even though I found others who shared my gender issues or even gender dysphoria, there were not many. In fact, before she moved to Texas, my friend Racquel was one of the few women in the LGBTQ world I stayed in contact with and Racquel often joined in with my lesbian friends when we partied. 

Recently, partially because of my mobility issues, my transgender outreach has been limited to my writing as well as virtual diversity meetings with the local Cincinnati Alzheimer's Association. As well as the occasional speaking engagement thanks to a friend in the trans community. When I am able to participate in an outreach, particularly to young people, I am able to see I am far from being the only one with gender issues and it feels good.  

Gender Enablers

From the Jessie Hart Collection
Jessie (left), Nikki (Center), Kim (Right)

 Perhaps you had a special person or persons who helped you to open your own gender closet and take tentative steps into the real world. Perhaps you did it all yourself. In my case, after a very rocky beginning, I was fortunate  to have had several enablers to help me along in my transgender journey. My rocky beginning started when I enlisted the help of my first fiancé. After much convincing and begging I somehow convinced her to help me dress head to toe as a woman. 

My initial introduction to having a cis-woman make me up and help me dress turned out to have mixed results. I learned my fiancé didn't really have that much more skill than I had when it came to the art of makeup. Most likely because by this time in my life I had literally years of practice on my own face. Quite frankly, I was a little disappointed by the entire experience. Again it was because I had been trying and trying any new fashion accessory I could afford to help my feminine presentation along. Outside of the temporary thrill of having another woman provide instant feedback to how I looked, the entire experience lacked much fun or relaxation for me. The big problem which came about was not so long after this, she would attempt to use my cross dressing desires against me. 

For some unknown reason, my fiancé had a real paranoia about me going away to serve my country in the military. All the way to telling me if I didn't get out of my draft status by telling the military I was gay, she would leave me. To make a long story short, I wouldn't compound one lie with another by telling the military I was gay. So just before I signed up for three years in the Army, I graduated college and we broke up. Even though the whole experience was very painful at the time, it turned out to be one of the best moves of my life and she certainly was not one of my gender enablers. 

From then on I resolved myself to telling any potential serious relationships I was involved with that I was a transvestite as cross dressers were known back in those days. The whole idea worked well with my first two wives. As it turned out, my first wife was so mellow with the whole idea I think she would have not been surprised if one day I told her I was going back to where I served in Thailand but this time for a sex change operation. I was very close to doing whatever I wanted gender wise until I met and fell madly in love with my second wife who I write about all the time because we were together twenty five years until she suddenly passed away. Ironically, she was a gender dis-abler because she became dead set against any idea of me being transgender and beginning hormone replacement therapy. Through it all, we managed to stay together and I tried to learn from all the "tough gender love" she gave me. If she knew it or not. For example, she was the first one to tell me being a woman was much more than just looking like one. After yet another huge fight we had.

Following her death when I was free to start HRT and begin to seriously explore the feminine world, I was so fortunate to have found several serious gender enablers who helped me find my way in the world as a transgender woman. I have mentioned several times in the past several cis women lesbian friends who taught me so much about finding myself as a transgender woman. To this day I don't think they ever realized what all they did for me as my gender enablers.

Around the same time, I met my current wife Liz. Without a doubt she became my best gender enabler when she told me eleven years ago she never saw me as being anything but a woman. More importantly she encouraged me to grow into the out and proud transgender woman I am today. Even though the journey was rough and filled with tough times, destiny showed me the way to what I should have always known was true. I was just cross dressing as a man and biding time until my true feminine self could emerge.    

Is Being a Woman an Illusion?

Image from Caroline Veronez 
on Unsplash

 Put in it's simplest terms, being female could be defined as the binary gender who can birth other humans and can have monthly periods. A statement many TERF'S or certain politicians would like us all to believe. As we all know, gender is much more complicated than all of that. Even the poor misunderstood drag queens have been pulled into the battle. They never wanted to be women to start with, just look like one. Politicians don't want to understand any of that.   

Now, for the moment, let's consider the old saying "Girls are sugar and spice and everything nice." I am fairly sure those of you who have ever interacted closely with women as a transgender woman or as a man, know a woman or two (or many more) who do not fit the old stereotype. I have seen many cis women who are so much tougher on so many levels. I have also seen many women who are able to cover up their toughness by trying a passive aggressive approach instead. It took many years for me to develop eyes in the back of my head to look for hidden claw marks from women who didn't like me for whatever reason.

Along the way, I have seen many transgender women (novice or not) who project extreme femininity. I remember distinctly one attendee to the monthly cross dressing/trans parties I went to at an acquaintance's beautiful house in Columbus, Ohio. The only time I saw this person was when she quickly changed into a lovely nightgown, lingerie set. Even though I thought her choice of wardrobe was out of place, I could not believe the amount of femininity she radiated. I was sure she was destined to "go all the way" to genital realignment surgery or sex change as it was known back in those days. Very rarely did I encounter a person like this. Of course I saw many men who transformed themselves into beautiful women but sadly their inner masculinity found a way to shine through. In other words, they almost were able to create the ultimate gender illusion but just fell short. 

Perhaps it was just because they were just like me and were living a part time life as a man also. In my case I had to take my whole study of womanhood to a whole other level. Similar to the other glamorous cross dressers I encountered, I wanted to do my best to look feminine. I wasn't a natural, so I knew I had a way to go. It wasn't until after another bitter battle with my second wife did I begin to understand I still had a long way to go until I could take the next step and totally undertake being a woman. What happened was the night before I had been mistaken for a cis woman at a transvestite mixer and my male ego was at an all time high about reaching a new goal with my feminine appearance. After the fight calmed down, my wife told me she wasn't speaking about how I looked as a woman. She was talking about I had none of the experiences it took to achieve womanhood. From that moment forward, I dedicated my life to understanding what she meant. It was difficult to study woman from afar but I did the best I could. Sadly, she passed away before I could achieve my goals. It would have been interesting to see if we could ever could have been friends as women. 

In conclusion, being a woman is not an illusion. It is an earned right we are all entitled to. No one is born a woman, we are socialized into the title. Transgender or not, learning what that means is the most difficult part. 

Being a Late Bloomer

 Or should I say a "late boomer" since I was born in 1949, I firmly fall into the "Boomer" generation. One of the things which disappoints me the most  is when a younger transgender person tries to say I (or anyone else) who transitioned later in life are somehow less trans as their younger counterparts. 

Happy Holidays!

First of all, what does less transgender mean to begin with? Just because I identified as a cross dresser or transvestite for nearly fifty years doesn't mean I didn't think constantly about if I could achieve my impossible dream of living a feminine life. Of course, all of us of a certain age remember the "dark ages" of the LGBTQ movement. There was very little information at all concerning our urges to put on our hose and dresses and do our best to look like girls. It was a lonely time in our very dark gender closets. Younger transgender women and trans men probably can't imagine a time with no computers or social media they could use to communicate with other friends. Many of you remember when Virginia Prince and her Transvestia Magazine was almost the only source we could turn to trying to educate ourselves to our gender issues. The publication even magically helped others such as me seek out and find others with like cross dressing interests. I remember how scared and excited I was when I learned there were monthly "Tri Ess" meetings going on which were close enough geographically for me to attend. 

I did attend and ironically did learn I was still different than many of the others who attended. There were those who seemingly used the opportunity to wear a dress to overstate their masculinity. In the days preceding "Urban Cowboy" and cis women smoking cigars, these cross dressers decided a big cigar, no makeup and a cowboy hat were their best feminine accessories. On the other hand, there were the attendees who looked impossibly feminine. I found myself between the two. Most certainly I did not identify with the cigar smokers but was not accepted by the so called "A" Listers. I had a ways to go with my feminine presentation but I was trying. Even though I didn't particularly appreciate their attitude, the "A" girls couldn't wait to expand the cross dressing party out of the hotel and into the world. I knew that was where I wanted to be, even way back then. 

I imagine when I did tag along, more than a few of the "A" girls looked down on me (an early form of being transer than I) but I persisted and learned. Slowly but surely I became accepted by a group in nearby Columbus, Ohio. Compared to a few of the others, I was still a late transgender bloomer even though I was just in my thirties. The whole experience gave me a regular outlet for my gender desires other than my yearly Halloween party. Plus being around the "A" girls really helped me to up my game and try harder to look more feminine. The only main problem I was having was I was happily married to a woman who knew I was a cross dresser but was careful to draw the line when I made any moves to advance to the next step which a few of my acquaintances were heading towards. A sex change operation as it was known back in those days. 

My excuse in those days for my stopping my gender progression was I was happily married to a woman I loved, plus I was rapidly advancing in a job I had worked hard to obtain. In other words I had a lot to give up. In essence giving up a life we transgender persons of a certain age have worked to build is one of the main gender transition problems we face. It all is in direct opposition to the hurdles younger trans people face. They face building a life in a sometimes hostile world while we face giving up the living privileges we have gained over the years. 

The key is understanding from all transgender women and men. Being a late bloomer is just another part of the process. 
 

Better Late than Never?

I am aware I have many interested readers who may share basically the same age I do. In other words, they are senior citizen transgender women and men. I am seventy two and have heard from a transgender woman who came out when she was eighty. 

Unfortunately,  I see a few people coming out with negative comments saying we senior trans people are less than valid because we came out so late in life. Before I explain my reasons why this is so wrong, let me share this comment from Georgette, who happens to be a senior and transgender: 

"Some of us may come out early, some may come out late, BUT it is important we come with no regrets and try to live the rest of our lives the best we can.

It does no good to look back and say what if BUT always look forward."

Christine Jorgensen

Thank you for the comment! I know in my case I was busy battling the "system" early in life which led to very little room for anyone to operate outside of the binary gender spectrum. In other words, boys were boys and girls were girls and there was no in between. One of the few examples of a person escaping the "gender system" was Christine Jorgensen who made headlines when at the age of 24 she began hormone injections to begin one of the first sex change surgeries. As it was referred to in the early 1950's.

Even I was too young to remember when the news was released but I know as I grew up, she was one of the only examples I could look up to .Plus, I had to be very careful how I did it because I had limited access to magazines and newspapers in the semi rural area I grew up in during the 1950's. 

Even with the obstacles I faced "back in the day" I was still able to explore my desire to explore being a girl. So you could say, even though it was impossible for me to come out in the dark ages I lived in, I still was trying.

Like it or not, there were dues to pay and luckily I was able to pay them. Including negotiating a very long military conflict (war) in Vietnam which was going on through my high school and college years. As Georgette said, it does no good to look back but referring back to my history degree, we are doomed to repeat our failures unless we understand the history behind it. So I would hope senior transgender women and men everywhere take the time to feel a little pride in what you have helped to develop in the LGBTQ community. Surely, the "T" is still feeling the pressure to conform and/or disappear but we have helped to create a voice to be heard.

I know I write quite a bit about my experiences over the years but I do it to perhaps help or (on occasion) even entertain as many of you as I can to the peaks and valleys of coming out as transgender. 

As I become older yet, my paranoia rests with my final years in an assisted care facility.  I need to look forward to making it the smoothest transition of my life which has already gone through a few major transitions.

From India with Love

 Gaurav Arora (below) who is now known as Gauri Arora is a known TV personality and has been a part of many Bollywood and television projects.  Before her sex change, she had participated in the reality show Splitsvilla and then took part in India's Next Top Model as Gauri Arora after having undergone  sex-realignment surgery. Back then, she had said that it takes a lot of courage to accept the reality and come out in public

. "I hope my stint on the show gives courage to a lot of people."

She Said What?

 Last night, being the glutton for punishment I am, I became involved in a rather lengthy discourse with a person on Facebook Messenger. 

Her profile stated she was a lesbian and her picture showed her to be a very butch one at that. 

Very quickly she asked if I was sitting down and told me she was considering a "sex change". About that time I wondered if she had read my profile at all. She asked if I was a lesbian and I said yes, a transgender lesbian who has been living with my lesbian partner for nine years now. 

Then we exchanged pictures and went into the fact she had a doctor's appointment in Denver in a couple days to determine if she could start testosterone patches. Having a mustache was her goal. I replied I have a very close transgender man friend who has attractive facial hair so she should too. 

Surprisingly, the whole conversation went easily until it was time to call it a night and go to sleep. I told her goodnight and turned my phone off. 

The real surprise came this morning came when I turned it back on and read her last message...good night "Buddy". Buddy? Really?

If I ever hear from her again, I will mention how many years it has been since anyone has ever called me Buddy. 

If and when she apologizes I might actually ask her what pronouns she prefers I use. 

I should also learn never to set my expectations too high. At the least though, I received input for another blog post. 

A Step Forward?

 Recently, I have been reading about and even know a couple people who describe themselves as non binary humans. It's my guess most of them would also be known as gender fluid or even androgynous back in the day. 

Then again, I don't like to become mired in labels. Plus, as Connie has brought up in a few of her comments about how years ago, there were only two recognized genders. Then as the years progressed the transgender term became a reality. I remember the first times I became aware of the idea of a transgender person, the more it made sense to me.

All of the sudden, the impossibly feminine cross dressers I encountered at the very early transvestite mixers I attended made sense. They weren't cross dressers at all but rather, they were transgender. While we are on the topic of labels, a few of them even made the jump to transsexual and went all the way to sex change surgery. As it was known as then. 

Now, I personally have gone way past the idea of operating outside of the gender binary. I am firmly in the transgender camp and have no desire to vary my existence at all back to any aspect of my previous male life. 

On the other hand, I am fascinated by those who aren't and are able to be gender fluid or non binary. Hopefully, all of it represents a step forward for humans everywhere.  

In the meantime, here is the transgender flag. (I think) Because these days, everything changes so quickly in the world of gender.

 

From Both Sides Now

 Before the get started, let me send along my thanks to all of you on several different blogging platforms who sent along birthday wishes. All were very much appreciated!

Now, perhaps you all remember the recent Cyrsti's Condo post concerning Jayde and her very understanding spouse. During my long life, I have had the opportunity to be on both sides of the spousal fence. 

Some of you may remember I met my first wife (and the mother of my only child) in the Army. She found out about my cross dressing desires after a Halloween party. Over an approximate five year relationship it became increasingly evident she didn't really care about my gender leanings. I often thought if I told her I was leaving for a couple weeks to change my sex, she would have said oh well. 

All of this led me to the relationship I started with the cis woman who was to be my wife for twenty five years. Looking back at it, the beginnings of our life together represented the last gasp at my attempts to put my feminine self behind me. Even though I told her I was a cross dresser to start with, I had to aggressively pursue her to embark on a relationship. Essentially I was to win the battle, only to lose the war within myself and with her. 

As the years went by, she never really fought my cross dressing urges but was totally against any suggestion I was transgender. Unfortunately, the longer I fought my transgender urges, the worse our battles became. I am not proud of the times I snuck out when she was at work, only to have her come home and discover my transgression. Essentially to me, I was violating our marriage vows. Plus, she always seemed to hold the upper hand when she told me things like "Be man enough to be a woman."

Ironically, after years of fighting, making up and trying my best to live male, she suddenly passed away from a severe heart attack at the age of fifty. I loved her dearly and it was quite the shock but eventually freed me up to see if I could live full time as a transgender woman. Still I needed help to push through my doubts.

At that point, approximately nine years ago, Liz entered my life. In a complete turnaround, she told me I was a woman and I should go ahead with hormone replacement therapy to feel better. We are still together and I am living happily full time in a feminine world. Finally, the huge weight of being bi-gendered has been lifted from my shoulders. 

I have seen the relationship world from both sides.

Girl Talk

A couple nights ago at the cross dresser - transgender support group meeting, it seemed I was destined to answer routine questions about my Mtf gender transitions again. For the most part, I am fine with questions because, after all it is a support group.

Most of the questions came from the hairdresser (cis woman) with a transgender son. She wanted to know how long I had been out in the feminine world and how did I do it. Among other things. I told her I seriously transitioned about six years ago and have been on hormone replacement therapy for over four years. I did go on to tell her, no, I wasn't looking to have any bottom surgery as I am quite content to live the way I am. After all, I added, gender is between the ears anyway.

However, if I was much younger, my thoughts on surgery may be quite different.

The other "questions" came in the form of subtle conversations with others I just met. I was fortunate in everyone was quite respectful and not crass. Most came from very nervous early cross dressers, just finding their way.

So all in all, it was an interesting evening. Next week, I have my other support group meeting for transgender veterans up in Dayton and normally isn't so fun. although, since the weather is better (finally) perhaps some of the earlier "co combatants" in the group will return to stir the group up a bit. I'm really interested to hear from the "phantom" sex change person again. If you recall her, she is the one who would contradict herself on occasion about the process.

The Cincinnati veterans center is starting it's own support group, but I haven't decided as of yet to go or not. I am of the opinion not to. Enough is enough!

Psst! There are Cross Dressers Among Us

This Cyrsti's Condo post comes from 2012 but is still very relevant today:

Over the months and years here in the condo, we have labored over many different labels. Out of pure simplicity I have just decided to stay with a couple main ones such as transgender and transsexual. To take the whole step further the terms "culture and community" have come into discussion too.

Having said all of that, I wonder where all the semantic babble we indulge in leaves the cross dressers who often exist like the "elephant in the corner". First of all, here are some of my ideas of a cross dresser:

In the most basic sense, we are all crossdressers. If you came out of the womb as a male and dress as a female (or vice versa) you are a cross dresser. All the tons of information, ideas and theories why don't matter in this discussion. Where I'm going here is where being a crossdresser may take us-or not.

For a fact I know more than just a few of you who are content to be just a cross dresser  You may love the feeling of the clothes-physically and or sexually. You may not have any desires to experience the world as a female in any sense and t

hat's all good. Then, comes a much bigger cross dresser segment.

I use the term "transition crossdressers". You are the ones who are not certain what all this means. Is a sex change in your future? What about your life as you know it now? The bottom line is you know this is so much more than just putting on women's clothes in the privacy of your home. Exploration begins in so many areas  ranging from attending meetings to going public as a member of your chosen gender. (No matter how successful)

I was a transition crossdresser. What ever sexual thrill I initially experienced from women's clothes went away quickly and I was left wondering what was missing here? Like so many of you, I dug a hole, jumped into it and tried to bury that part of me. I was the crossdressed elephant in the corner of the room.  Silent and largely ignored by the rest of the transgender community and invisible to the transsexuals.

For the most part nothing has changed in our culture for the transition crossdresser except for the enormous amount information available today.

The only positives I can offer here are I know you are sitting in the corner and I remember the enormous struggles I have gone through to arrive at this point in my life. Referencing you becomes the problem because in some senses I believe you are the "silent majority" in the transgender culture because of necessity. Some seem to think if you have not made the blind leap of faith into absolute gender transition it makes you less of a person. I of course do not believe that and in many ways write this blog to provide any insight and help and can provide.

Yes Virginia, there are cross dressers among us!

How's That URL Working for Them?

Thanks Bobbie!

Walk a Mile in My Shoes?

German digital channel ZDFNeo has ordered a six-episode version of Israeli-originated sex-change series Re-Gender.

The format was originally created by Israel’s (now defunct) Buzz Television and started out on Channel 10 in Israel. It is billed as a provocative social experiment and the format sees five men and women swap gender roles to fully appreciate the challenges faced by the opposite sex.

Number one, this is not a sex change series. These people may have a small window to see behind the gender curtain.  I'm biased as I have seen shows like this before.  Along the way, the guys complain about wearing heels or feeling uncomfortable when they always managed to get hit on by another guy.  The women somehow always run into a potentially embarrassing trip to the men's room.  Year's ago, I did see at least one show where the husband turned out to have tons of "passing privilege" His experience was interesting when he ended up working in a temp office job and had a bigger look into a more extensive feminine existence.  

But, as we all know-or should- living as your non birth gender involves more than shopping in the mall appearing undetected as a woman. 

Finally, for the average person on the street, a "fluff" show such as this will be likely to be entertaining to at least the women in the room and/or their closeted cross dressing spouses. For those of us in the real world-not so much.  

The "Don't I Know You" Halloween

This evening happened a couple years after the "Spook Out" trip to Columbus I posted recently here in Cyrsti's Condo.  I was still in total denial to anyone who asked about my cross dressing tendencies and still semi cautious about where I went locally-except this night.

One of the few big clubs in town in the early 80's was having it's big Halloween Dance/Party.  The whole idea of going was driving me crazier than I already was and finally I figured I would go for it and see if I could go incognito as a woman.  At the time I was still married to my first wife who would have said "whatever you think is right dear" if I had said I was going off for a sex change and would be gone for a few months.  It was never good to give me that much line to run with ever.  At the time too, her youngest sister (17) was living with us for awhile.

I can't remember now exactly where I acquired it, but I came up with a fairly form fitting sweater dress which (for once) wasn't "slut-short".  I belted it off, wore black panty hose, heels, blond wig (of course) and just happened to find a black beret to finish off my look.  With what I call a true red lipstick, I liked the outfit and felt good I thought.

To this day, I still remember the look of shock on my sister in law's face when I came out of the bathroom. Shaved legs and all.

I figured I had zero chance of anyone in my home town recognizing me at the club.  First of all, most of my friends didn't go there anyhow and I hadn't been back around for very long. Wrong! I wasn't there through one drink when this guy in a mask came up and said "I know you!"  I said no you don't and he simply said "you look just like your Mother." Really? I almost dropped my drink as he pulled up his mask. He did know my Mother and I.


So much for my wonderful plan of going "incognito".  The evening did however still turn out to be lots of fun in my "French Girl" outfit! As far as the guy went, I had grown up with him in a very small circle of friends. He was always pretty wild and he taught me how to drive when I was 14 and things like that. His aunt owned a little variety corner store in a less than fancy side of town.  When we could, we would go there and read the trashy mags and newspaper of the day. He may have noticed me giving a little too much attention to the female impersonator articles! Similar to the one on the left!  He knew! I might as well just old him my "dirty little secret." Oh well!

"Mo Dot's

Aww right, I was cleaning Cyrsti's Condo and found a few more of those damn dots I was looking for.

In the "of all places" department:

Not that I'm behind the times but I had never seen this from the "Huffington Post"   Beau Bridges' upcoming guest spot on 'The Closer,' airing Mon., Dec. 14, 9PM on TNT, will fascinate fans of the longtime actor. He plays Det. George Andrews, former partner of G.W. Bailey's crusty and hard-edged Lt. Provenza. About a decade has gone by since they last saw each other and much has changed -- including Det. Andrews' sex change. 

Oh, by the way, it's from 2009?

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised at how the episode right away jumped into Bridges transgender sexuality (like my last Doctor visit) and the difference was explained.

I'm not going to ruin the show for you either, except to say it had a happy ending.

Next: First of all,  this is all of ours dirty little secret- I watch Dr. Phil and then blame it on my dog!  At any rate, the "Philster"  was doing some sort of show about keeping relationships together. Truthfully, I wasn't watching closely, but it seemed this one couple's major malfunction was he was still living in his past - style wise.  It bugged her. 

What really got my attention was when the woman said "Well, I put all this time and effort into looking nice. Nails, hair, clothes etc and then look at him?"  I'm thinking at that point "Well DUH! lady!" Then she paused and said "The way I look is not all about him, it's the way I live my life." 

I have been literally waiting for years to hear such a profound statement.  All of the sudden the ancient arguments about women dressing for men or women dressing for women were out the door. It's the way we choose to live our lives from genetics to cross dressers to trans gender women.  

We probably learned more from our Momma's than anyone knew!

I'm seeing dots!

From the Cyrsti's Condo Archives: Jessica Lam

This is a positively ancient Larry King video from 2007:

Back in my Mama's Underwear Drawer

Hows that for a title?

The reason I pulled it out of the archives here in "Cyrsti's Condo", is I sent away to the Ohio BMV for the ":Declaration of Gender Change Form."  Just having it "in the mail" was a huge move as I began to consider the ramifications of it all.

The path to transgender self discovery and self fulfillment indeed is a marathon -and a rocky one.  Once you are fairly comfortable "existing" in your chosen gender, then it's time to legally begin a sex change.  I'm fortunate in that (although he doesn't know it yet), I will be knocking on the door of my trans man friend for guidance.  By the way, he is less than a week away from his long awaited "top surgery" and I wish him the best.  In many ways, we started down out gender transition paths about the same time but he has changed all his gender markers already.

As it turns out, the latest family person I have come out to is actually my former sister in law.  Meaning, she is the sister of my deceased wife.  Occupying that lofty position (she believes) gives her more input into my MTF transition.  Like my daughter, they sort of recoil at my name.  In my true form though, I tell them, I really don't care what they think, plus I'm changing it again for my gender markers anyway. Freedom, right? Let me point out, both have been exceedingly supportive of me.

How does Mom's underwear drawer fit into all of this you may ask?

I believe if you live long enough, life becomes a series of interlocking circles which hook up to your basic birth to death circle.  If you are going to be born-at some point you are going to die.  We could compare it too, to a charm bracelet which the circle is simply around your wrist. I guess you could say my first "charm" was Mom's undie drawer.

Then, I thought back to the days when I "found" the drawer of Mom's undies and what was really going on in my noggin. Before you jump off the bridge and want to toss me into the fetish cross dresser niche, this phase for me was all too short and unfulfilling. Surely, I felt some of the "fetish" pull but deep down inside, but a predetermined switch was surely thrown. Unfortunately, I spent 50+ years of my life trying to turn it back off- to no avail.

For any number of reasons, my Mom chose to turn a blind eye to my excursions and of course never talked to me about it.  She probably hoped it was all a phase and would disappear-which it did, for her.  I began to save my paper route money, combined it with my allowance and found ways to build my own "stash" of clothes, make up, etc.

After I finished my phone call to the BMV, for the briefest second, I was that little boy fascinated with my Mom's undies. I realized this part of my circle had closed.  The mystery is gone and reality is here.  At that point I realized how far that I have come and how far I still have to go.

Cyrsti's Condo "Woman of the Day"

Considered as the "Legend" of Eastern Media Group, Regine Wu, or Li Jing in Chinese, was born on October 25, 1962 in Taiwan. Born as a boy named Wu Zhongming, she underwent surgery and became a girl when she was 22 years old. Differing with other transsexual entertainers, Wu has always denied she had a sex change operation, claiming that she was born as a hermaphrodite with organs of both sexes and the ability to give birth.

Transgender Interests

Read a post of sorts on one of the sites I'm on when a person asked about "sneaking" some of his wife's excess estrogen pills she had been prescribed and never taken.

The person was wondering on possible results from unsupervised HRT such as the obvious bodily changes. Of course, I'm not a proponent of black market HRT meds,  plus changes are difficult to predict but of course several peeps threw their opinions in. No one mentioned results can vary wildly from conditions such as age, dosage etc..or the danger. . But then a certain one went on to say Estrogen changes your interests, which of course I took exception to.  I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo of how I made very definite decisions on what I could pack up from my male life and bring along to my feminine one.

Andy before

Kristy today.

Let's see, I had to pack up a huge suitcase for the trip and packed sports, music, antiquing from my male past just to name a few. To be certain, the hormonal effects have changed how I react to my interests but have not removed them from my psyche.

So HRT has not changed my interests and I am always mildly surprised when others think it should. My interests don't make me any less of a transgender woman, they make me...me.

Of course I wasn't surprised when I read this morning a story on the subject  (with a twist of course)  from where else? The UK's Daily Mail headline

"Football mad father who once attempted a DIY sex change now living happily as a woman. The difference is she is now mad over a certain player more than the game."

Now, I understand the "Mail"s quest for a great headline and story and agree because I too have acquired a few sports figures who I would gladly birth their kids. Imagine how that would have gone over in the old cigar smoking, holding your beer cup in your teeth while you pee days?

At any rate it's getting routine to rely on the good old not so trust worthy "Mail" to stir up activity here in Cyrsti's Condo and then throw in the guaranteed  to shock  "Do it Yourself" castration. It worked for me! I cringed and remembered my pain and suffering when I got my ears pierced!

Those responsible said "don't worry, it won't hurt!" They were right. It didn't hurt them!

If you are like I am and sneak a peek at the National Enquirer while I'm standing in line at the grocery store, you can follow the link above for more.

Lauren Harries

Lauren Harries, 34, is reportedly entering the Celebrity Big Brother house. According to The Sun, Lauren - who had a sex change in 2001 - is on a list that includes Louie Spence and Mr Motivator. The former child star first found fame as an antiques expert when she was a boy called James - as anyone who saw the 12-year-old's appearance on Wogan back in 1990 will recall. Since then, Lauren has been a regular on numerous TV shows, including guest spots for Big Brother's Bit On The Side and she also speaks on transgender issues.

Having all the Big Brother fun across the pond?