Trip Number One

 

Hair after salon image 
Jessie Hart
Archives...

Way back when, one of the first priorities I had was coming out to my only child, a daughter. Of course I was properly scared to death the morning I told her at breakfast. 

It turned out all the paranoia I felt was unfounded when she wholeheartedly supported me. Which she does to this day. Outside of my wife Liz, she is one of my biggest transgender allies. Especially since her oldest child came out to her as trans, so she had some experience with the entire situation. 

When I came out to my daughter, I had a chance to let my hair grow out to the point where it could be styled professionally at a beauty salon. Which at the time seemed to be the impossible dream. It also was close to my birthday so as it turned out my birthday gift was a trip to her (daughter's) very upscale salon for a color and trim. 

Even though the entire idea of going to a women's beauty salon  really scared me, how could I refuse such a wonderful gift. Before I knew it, the time to meet her and go through with the visit was upon me. For my first visit my daughter came with me to essentially hold my hand, because I was almost ready to panic and run out the front door. But I didn't. As I nervously sat and waited with a cup of coffee, I wondered what was going to lie ahead and what color was I going to choose for my new hair. Since I had retired, I didn't have to worry about any negative responses from employers or fellow employees. Freed up from all that worry, I was able to worry about my choices.

Finally, it was my turn to be called back to my new stylist. Predictably, the salon itself was long and narrow with a single line of women in chairs being styled. Walking in front of all of them and feeling their eyes on me did not do me any favors when it came to my nervousness. After greetings were exchanged, the first priority was picking a color to change what was left of my dark hair which was my natural color. By mutual agreement between the stylist, my daughter and myself, we decided to go with a streaked light red and blond look. Plus, since my hair is naturally wavy, the stylist straightened it out. Which later on I found I didn't like.  

By the time all of this was happening, I thought I was getting a contact buzz from all the estrogen in the room. Through it all, I quickly discovered what I was missing by never being able to go to a woman's only space such as an upscale beauty salon. Before I moved, I ended up going back several times before I moved away to Cincinnati. Plus, the more I went, the more I relaxed and enjoyed the experience. 

It took awhile but I found and set up many appointments with a new stylist here in Cincinnati who happened to have a transgender son. Again she was very good at her craft and I enjoyed going to her for hair advice and stylings before she retired due to problems with her hands. With her though, the experience was singular because there were no gauntlet of women to walk past everytime I went. She had her own little cubical. 

I will forever be in debt to my daughter for her birthday gift so many years ago which brought me into the  world of beauty salons. From that point forward, I began to understand why women spend so much time and money on their hair.

"Hair" and Gone

My final visit to my "magician" has come and gone. As I previously wrote about here in Cyrsti's Condo, I am going to have to find another hair dresser to go to. Sadly my regular stylist retired. I found out during my final appointment she is suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome. Which causes pain in the hands.

As we said our goodbyes, I almost teared up (damn hormones). As you may recall, she, my stylist, is the one with a transgender son. As always, she worked her magic with my hair and I went upon my way.

My hair grows relatively fast, so I will be on the outlook for another stylist.

Now, onto another topic. fellow Blogger Mandy Sherman  wrote in with a comment about my trip to the auto repair shop:

"Good for you about going to the shop en femme. My mechanics know me, so doing that wouldn't work well...although I go in capris, a blouse, and flats when the weather is warm. Such fun!" 

Thanks Mandy! I thought it was a good time to explain a couple things about me for any of you new comers to the blog. First and foremost, I am a full time transgender woman. Using hormone replacement therapy very much blocked any return to being a male I ever had. These days, I would have to find a way to bind my breasts and tie my hair back to minimally even look male at all. The best I can hope for is to be androgynous...if I ever tried. 

I am fortunate though, because I never run into anyone I knew before my Mtf gender transition. They have to accept me for what I am. 

I like to say, I am a little slow...but not stupid. I knew totally when I entered into the feminine world, all of it wouldn't be a great time. That is why I heard so many times from my cis women friends when I transitioned, welcome to our world. 

As I sum this up, I need to say, I would never give up anything I have earned crossing the gender divide. 

To quote another familiar phrase, "What a long, strange trip it has been." And let me add, a wonderful one too!

Say it "Ain't" So

It doesn't seem possible but Christmas is right around the corner and parties are already being scheduled.  In fact, I have one coming up on December 19th.

As soon as I found out, I did what most other cis women would do. I scheduled (or tried to) an appointment with my hair stylist.

I found out the soonest I could get in was November 22nd. Not my ideal choice but I found out it was the best I could do. Because I learned she was moving out of town and closing down her business.

She is the one who has a transgender son and is so understanding to the trans cause.  Plus, more importantly, she does such a great job.

Now I have to find another stylist or just let my hair grow out again.

I probably will do a little of both.

Victory!

Hard fought victories are so hard to come by these days but yet, they keep on coming.

First, a little background on our featured transgender actress Nicole Maines from Cyrsti's Condo reader Leann:

Nicole Maines

"IF one does not know her story, it is an interesting one. She and her twin brother lived in Maine when her school refused to let her use the ladies room. She (her parents) sued and eventually won the right to do so. Her family had to move during the litigation due to harassment. Her case was the first successful case of its type in the USA. One interesting story I heard her father tell was that one night he was having dinner with a group of Generals and Admirals. They started asking about families and Wayne said: "I have a set of IDENTICAL twins, one boy and one girl." Apparently, the big wigs took a moment to think about that one. Rumor has it that there may have been smoke coming off of their heads :).

Please...see:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicole_Mainesor https://bangordailynews.com/2014/12/01/news/bangor/nicole-maines-transgender-student-maine-lawsuit-ends-with-order-telling-school-to-allow-bathroom-access-based-on-gender-identification/"

And , from Indiana: A Dad's campaign forces school to drop policy humiliating transgender son. "Brian Thomas" launched a petition on May 7th when his son's school in Ft. Wayne was refusing to use his new name at graduation.  The petition tallied more than 14,000 signatures and forced the school administration to reverse it policy and not "dead name" Wyatt at graduation. Great!

Wyatt

When I see successes of young transgender women and men such as these, the future becomes brighter!

  

The End to a Gender Transition?

At my hairdresser yesterday, she asked me a question her transgender son brought up...does a transgender transition ever end. Her son felt as if it would never stop primarily because he would have to take hormones for the rest of his life. I agreed with that plus added in for me I wondered if my Trans-PTSD would ever go away.

An example happened today. Being Saturday, I went with Liz to two of her martial arts classes and went to the grocery store. Going into today and still loving my latest hair do, I thought I was doing my best to look good.

It must have worked, because everywhere I went, I didn't have any problems. Well, actually, I did have a problem, myself. No matter how hard I tried, once again I couldn't relax and live in the moment. All of a sudden, I was no better off than when I was a beginning cross dresser so many years ago.

I still don't know how long it will take for it to ever go away. Perhaps it never will. Maybe living all those years as a guy will always imprint me.

Dysphoria?

Liz's martial arts banquet was Friday and my eldest grandson's birthday party was Saturday. Both turned out to be fun events.

As I wrote about previously, I wore my newest fave outfit. I was warm, comfortable and relaxed. It turned out I received very little attention from anyone in particular. Even the food was good. No rubber chicken this year. The presenters kept the evening moving too, so we were able to leave an hour or so earlier than expected.

Saturday, the birthday party was very enjoyable. The small family gathering was genuinely happy to see us. Since it was the first time they had seen me with my new hair, I was complimented several times. Again, the food and company was good.

It wasn't lost on me how comfortable I felt all weekend. For the first time in my life, dysphoria didn't have a chance to creep in and destroy what I was doing.

Of interest, I was talking about my hair stylist's transgender son being outed in his new school. It turns out he did a modeling layout in a local magazine and somehow they found out about his feminine past. Now he is experiencing problems with his new friends at school. I told my daughter definitely being transgender was the gift which keeps on giving.

Right now mine is gifting me.   

No Comment

I have steeled myself to the idea of a compulsive liar/drinker joining the Supreme Court.  I just felt uplifted watching Dr. Ford and slimy after watching Kavanaugh testify yesterday. Enough said.

On the bright side, I made it through the BMV....Board of Motor Vehicles this week with no problems, not that I expected any. I managed to have a pleasant attitude and it was returned by the woman behind the intimidating counter.

Plus my hairdressing appointment also was pleasurable as always. We exchanged idle chit chat about her transgender son starting testosterone soon and the negatives of his separated father not accepting him. Which is especially tough around the holidays.

My new natural hair color is coming along nicely, and it almost looks like I have highlighted hair, plus it is soooo soft!

With a little bit of luck (and a promise from Liz) I will have a picture for you today.

Girl Talk

A couple nights ago at the cross dresser - transgender support group meeting, it seemed I was destined to answer routine questions about my Mtf gender transitions again. For the most part, I am fine with questions because, after all it is a support group.

Most of the questions came from the hairdresser (cis woman) with a transgender son. She wanted to know how long I had been out in the feminine world and how did I do it. Among other things. I told her I seriously transitioned about six years ago and have been on hormone replacement therapy for over four years. I did go on to tell her, no, I wasn't looking to have any bottom surgery as I am quite content to live the way I am. After all, I added, gender is between the ears anyway.

However, if I was much younger, my thoughts on surgery may be quite different.

The other "questions" came in the form of subtle conversations with others I just met. I was fortunate in everyone was quite respectful and not crass. Most came from very nervous early cross dressers, just finding their way.

So all in all, it was an interesting evening. Next week, I have my other support group meeting for transgender veterans up in Dayton and normally isn't so fun. although, since the weather is better (finally) perhaps some of the earlier "co combatants" in the group will return to stir the group up a bit. I'm really interested to hear from the "phantom" sex change person again. If you recall her, she is the one who would contradict herself on occasion about the process.

The Cincinnati veterans center is starting it's own support group, but I haven't decided as of yet to go or not. I am of the opinion not to. Enough is enough!

Transgender Gossip

Late Wednesday afternoon I received a surprise e mail from a marketing person from the VH-1 show "The Gossip Game".  It turns out she linked to Cyrsti's Condo and my email from Matt Kailey's well respected Tranifesto blog.

Coming up Monday the Gossip Game show will include a reasonably intense segment concerning one of the shows mother's transgender son. OK, really intense in spots.

I have to tell you I have scanned the show in the past a couple times and while it is true I just may happen to participate in some gossip from time to time- BUT - I do try to steer clear of extra drama in my life. Which is what this show obviously is built on!  The women on this estrogen charged show come in with their nails pre sharpened for the cat fight.

OK, I know what you are thinking...come on Cyrsti, get with the program out there in middle America. Ratings are everything and why not throw in a transgender son? I get all that but here is why I liked the way this was handled:

First of all the problem was set up basically with a gay slur hurled at one woman about her gay daughter. The first thing her son Kayden said emphatically I'm not gay I'm a transitioning straight male. I'm transgender.

Kayden and Vivian (right) Photo VH-1

From there Mom and son went down a few very predictable paths on his lifestyle. What wasn't so predictable about this show was I didn't see the nice "trans fluff"I have seen recently. You know the show. Family accepts trans kid. Trans kid does well at school and Dr. Marcy Bowers awaits in the future with the magic SRS surgery to seal the gender deal. An over simplification to be sure and I'm not saying the transgender culture does not desperately need all the good public relations we can get. Gossip Game though,  took the time to look at the behind the scenes anguish and tears most of us have experienced in this world.

Finally, for this post-the flat out acceptance of her child by Mom should be a model for all mothers. Certainly Mom didn't understand or even agree with her son's decisions but hell would be paid by anyone else who slammed her son.

VH-1 is sending me some images to pass along to you and as soon as they do I will post them.

Hey! There's More!

I watched a totally wonderful talk show this morning which hit all the right transsexual "buttons". The first couple had stayed together through SRS and wife even has a job now counseling other transgender couples and kids. The second group was a family of four who raised a transgender son the correct way...with respect and support. The third person was the famous SRS surgeon Dr. Marci Bowers (right) who is a trans woman herself. Don't get me wrong, the show left me with all the proper "warm and fuzzies". The more mainstream shows who present the transgender story in a positive light...the better off we are.

But wait! I read this post from the Bilerico Project and realized show I watched this morning had nearly become routine to me and so much was missing. Here's an excerpt from the article by Drew Cordes:


"Don't get me wrong: Part of me is thrilled that trans* people are becoming more visible and gaining social acceptance. But the picture cis people and cis media paint of us is simplistic to say the least, and my concern is that it should not be only those trans people that our empathy, and thus, our resources, are going toward. We don't want to hear about the messy cases. We're not as familiar with the stories of inner-city trans* women of color who grow up disadvantaged, below the poverty line, poorly educated, disowned by family, and turn to sex work or living on the streets to survive. We don't hear those stories over and over, but they happen over and over. And usually those stories do not conclude on a hopeful note. Anyone who's ever attended a Trans* Day of Remembrance ceremony and heard the stories of all those murdered in the past year will solemnly corroborate this fact. We don't hear about the huge chunk of the trans* population that rebels against going from one sex all the way to the other, against our notions of what male and female are in the first place. We don't hear about those for whom gender is expressed in myriad incarnations besides just the familiar two. Where are the mainstream narratives for the femme faggy trans* men, masculine stone butch trans* dykes, intersex people who don't identify as male or female, genderqueer folks who favor a slinky cocktail dress Friday night and a three-piece suit on Saturday? Many of my friends are somewhere in that short list. I'm in that list. We're out there in sizable numbers, but culturally, we are not yet allowed to exist. It would be too confusing or off-putting to readers, viewers, listeners, students, employees, audiences, etc."

None of this is ever easy for sure. I just had one of many strange ideas buzz through my noggin...are these mainstream transgender shows  the new stealth in our community?
Yeah, we know your story already and have a great life but what about all the other of us?

Read all of Drew's post here.
Also here is a link to the Jeff Probst Show I saw.