Transgender Gossip

Late Wednesday afternoon I received a surprise e mail from a marketing person from the VH-1 show "The Gossip Game".  It turns out she linked to Cyrsti's Condo and my email from Matt Kailey's well respected Tranifesto blog.

Coming up Monday the Gossip Game show will include a reasonably intense segment concerning one of the shows mother's transgender son. OK, really intense in spots.

I have to tell you I have scanned the show in the past a couple times and while it is true I just may happen to participate in some gossip from time to time- BUT - I do try to steer clear of extra drama in my life. Which is what this show obviously is built on!  The women on this estrogen charged show come in with their nails pre sharpened for the cat fight.

OK, I know what you are thinking...come on Cyrsti, get with the program out there in middle America. Ratings are everything and why not throw in a transgender son? I get all that but here is why I liked the way this was handled:

First of all the problem was set up basically with a gay slur hurled at one woman about her gay daughter. The first thing her son Kayden said emphatically I'm not gay I'm a transitioning straight male. I'm transgender.

Kayden and Vivian (right) Photo VH-1

From there Mom and son went down a few very predictable paths on his lifestyle. What wasn't so predictable about this show was I didn't see the nice "trans fluff"I have seen recently. You know the show. Family accepts trans kid. Trans kid does well at school and Dr. Marcy Bowers awaits in the future with the magic SRS surgery to seal the gender deal. An over simplification to be sure and I'm not saying the transgender culture does not desperately need all the good public relations we can get. Gossip Game though,  took the time to look at the behind the scenes anguish and tears most of us have experienced in this world.

Finally, for this post-the flat out acceptance of her child by Mom should be a model for all mothers. Certainly Mom didn't understand or even agree with her son's decisions but hell would be paid by anyone else who slammed her son.

VH-1 is sending me some images to pass along to you and as soon as they do I will post them.

BCGT 101

You transgender vets know the abbreviation "BCT" stands for basic training or used to. I just tossed in "G" for girl because we are so fond of labels and abbreviations in the transgender culture.

Earlier this morning I was out buying shipping supplies to send out a couple of my sold collectibles and found myself in familiar/unfamiliar territory.
As I was walking through the store, I unconsciously was moving from my hips and thus taking smaller steps. Finally my muscle memory and not conscious thought was moving me into the increasingly more familiar feminine movement territory. As with most anything else related to transitioning gender, there is a ton of information on how to adapt to feminine movements. And as with everything else in my life, I have a very difficult time reading directions plus god forbid following them. I did find a simpler down to earth link though I thought I would pass on called "Differences in Walking in Men and Women.".

Here's an excerpt:

"Men, for the most part are larger than women; their bodies are built for physical work. Walking for men, from a physiological stand point, is utilitarian. The purpose of walking is to achieve a specific function, get from place to place. As such, the walking movements of men tend to be straight and linear. Women tend to move more gracefully, swinging their hips and taking shorter "feminine" steps. The legs rarely go very far apart in long strides, even when walking swiftly. Women still walk to get from point a to point b, but their movements and walking style are influenced by years of evolution. From an evolutionary standpoint, walking style for women has served to attract men and get a mate. Shoes The kinds of shoes that men and women wear also influence the way they walk. For example, men who wear work boots will have added bulky weight on their feet. This results in a sloppier walk with less precision and control. Women who wear high heels would find it difficult to walk in heels if they did not control the exact movements of each step."

Follow the link above for more very simple but then again a very basic look at gender differences.

While we are on the subject of basics allow me to climb up on my soapbox and mention three of my transition basics:

!.- Diet
2.-Skin Care
3.-Research

Diet is self explanatory although I'm not saying go out and start a "super model" starvation diet. If you can't control that man's beer belly of yours with pair of industrial strength "Spanx" then you have a problem.
Skin care is so basic! The more you take care of your skin the better canvas you provide for your makeup. The less is more makeup principal takes it from there.
Research we always talk about here in Cyrsti's Condo. There is such an enormous amount of information in certain medias these days, there is no excuse not to get ideas.  The problem is sorting out the fantasy from the real woman info.

Finally I have a version of what is essentially a fantasy look at women coming up in my next post.

Security and The Trans Girl

Never have I posted any experiences or reflections which generated so much positive response as my recent "Looking Over my Shoulder" post here in Cyrsti's Condo.
I am going to provide you all with a few of the comments and try to tie them all together:

Sarah wrote: "Never discount your sixth sense especially when it comes to your safety. Before I started transitioning I used to always have these odd feelings when alone at night. It was something I didn't quite understand since I really wasn't "supposed" to feel this way. I wondered where this male privilege was everyone talks about? Since I have been full time and have happily traded in male privilege for passing privilege, those feelings I had in the past are still with me but now make sense. It's not so much a feeling of being vulnerable as it is being cautious and aware of things. I agree that how we present ourselves has everything to do with how we're received. As time has elapsed, the "less is more" philosophy has borne wonderful fruit. The only makeup I put on regularly is eye makeup, usually mascara. Sometimes it's nice to be noticed, but only if it's in a good way. Otherwise it's much nicer to be ignored."

 On the other end of the spectrum was Billie's comment:

" I can identify with being cornered by a man and I don't always like it! I willingly present as a female tramp and I've been told plenty of times I'm asking for it. This from both GGs and T-girls alike. I've also been told I have low (questionable) morals and they often tell me I have little self-respect. Maybe they're right! I've since bought a TASER and carry it in my purse!"


 And Lucy wrapped it all up with some good old common sense:

" This could happen to any woman, trans or not, regardless of how she is dressed, if she gets fixated on by a man who feels he can do what he likes. The only half-certain remedy is not to go to places where such men might be. But is that completely reasonable? It's a risk to be managed and lived with. A risk surely halved if one is in company, and not walking alone. They say, and it's backed up with statistics, that a teen or twenty-something male is the most likely to be attacked in the street, but there can't be many ordinary women who haven't at some time been frightened by being watched or followed or crowded into a corner, indoors or out."

So I guess for once I am just happy to have you ladies take the floor because you did such an incredible job!
Including you Calie at T-Central! Thanks!!!!

Transitioning with Strangers

It's hard for me to believe, but I have been going to three of the same places for over four years now. Yes they are straight venues and yes I am talking about going in there as me. At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, all of these places are pubs or taverns of sorts.

All three are very civilized of course and I'm not talking about a bunch of redneck bars in Ohio. Along the way, I became a regular and began to know some of the other regulars.  I'm sure at the beginning most of them didn't really know much except that's a guy dressed as a girl but I was harmless.   On occasion I did run into a rest room problem and the typical snickers (and not the candy bar).  But life went on and actually all the employees have been exceptionally nice to me over the whole time.

Early in my experience though,  the most jaded of some of the male regulars were never really mean or negative but they always had to slide in the man word into our conversations.  A couple of them even went  out of their way to shorten my name to "Chris" (which isn't my male name anyway).

If nothing, I was persistent and ignored it all. Slowly but surely times started to change.  The effect of HRT and wearing my own hair was huge of course but perhaps the bigger change had to do with meeting my friends there..they validated me as a real person,. I wasn't just a guy dressed as a girl, I had a life. All of the sudden, I moved from "man or Chris" to a person.

For sure, I do get discouraged at the timing of all of this. I'm an impatient person and four years is an eternity! On the other hand, essentially I am transitioning in front of their eyes.

 Who knows, a few of them may even look up the transgender word. In the meantime,  I really enjoy the friendly acceptance I get. Even though I'm their token trans girl.

Catfishin...

MTV recently came up with a show based on the motion picture Catfish which is based on people who pull elaborate identity scams on social sites such as Facebook.
Of course already they have had an episode which featured a woman who developed a on line relationship with a person who turned out to be a transitioning trans man.
Coming up this Monday it seems a transgender woman is involved. We transgender folk don't need any more bad public relations and I hate to see us being the "scammers" at all. But with ratings and all I figured it was just a matter of time. On the positive side the trans man episode ended with a happy ending when the couple stayed together. We will see what Monday brings.
It could be worse though, at least the Heisman runner up from Notre Dame (Manti Te'o) who has blown up the airwaves with his Catfish scandal hasn't been placed with a transgender woman...yet.
Here's the MTV promo:

Get More: Catfish: The TV Show, Full Episodes

Mark Your Calendars

All of you who are kind enough to read my babble here in Cyrsti's Condo and are in the Ohio area will have a chance to hear my babble at this year's TransOhio Trans and Ally Symposium. I have been accepted to provide a workshop called "Better late than never, Transitioning late in life."

The event is April 26-28th in Columbus.

Seriously, I'm honored to be accepted and hope I can provide a little guidance to others. Meeting any of you there would be extra fun! I will have more info for you later!

"Gender Blender"

"The bravest thing to do is to be yourself

Let us explore an extraordinary journey of self. A self that has been suppressed for many, and by many, for ages. Together, we can experience the rare beauty of being Third Gender.
GENDER BLENDER  is a documentary featuring a human who never fit any mold. The film intimately explores the world of Lauren, a transgender female transitioning to become her ultimate expression: gender neutral."
Check out the trailer: In many ways over the years I have felt a certain attraction to the "third gender" idea. Like tonight when I had an invasion by two young raccoons in my house. I shifted to male mode quickly! Here's the movie's web site link.

More "OutServe" Transgender Advice

Recently I ran a post featuring "OutServe" Magazine. I am certainly interested in the publication since I am a transgender vet. If you are a vet or not "Brynn Tannehill" writes about transition planning and begins with this:

"Like everyone in the military, at some point I had to leave. Transitioning from military life to civilian is hard enough. Transitioning genders at the same time adds a degree of difficulty that even Greg Louganis would cringe at. I left active duty in 2008 after 10 years in the service. I left the reserves in 2010 as Lt. Cmdr. Bryan Tannehill. Less than two years later I was Brynn Tannehill, civilian defense contractor.  Somehow, despite all the horror stories within the trans community, I managed to stay continuously employed, stay married, and maintain most of the relationships that mattered most to me."

Read it all here!

OutServe Magazine

Of course I'm biased towards any info concerning transgender vets in this country and anywhere. Outserve Magazine 
recently added Brynn Tannehill as a contributor.


 

Brynn Tannehill is a 1997 U.S. Naval Academy graduate, former Lieutenant Commander helicopter pilot, and a fully transitioned transgender woman. She has a wife and two loving children.

She just posted a very enlightened look into her visit to this summer's Columbus, Ohio's Pride visit. (In my part of the world). Here's an excerpt in which she very adeptly covers many segments of the transgender community and the "Holy Grail" of presenting as a female (in this instance).

" I didn’t come to pride events until I finished
transitioning and felt I had some ability to blend. Even at a pride
event, I didn’t want the trans label by not passing. After two years
of hormones, three years of electrolysis, and $35,000 worth of surgery
I thought I could avoid most stereotypes and blend in. Only then did I
feel comfortable going to my first pride event this year in Columbus,
Ohio.

I didn’t know what to expect. Most of the people seemed very ordinary.
The drunken frat boys overindulging at the beer trucks weren’t very
novel. The small but memorable assorted mix of people making a point
by being over the top either by the clothes they wore, or what they
chose not to, stood out. Some of them were very visibly under the
transgender umbrella as drag queens, female impersonators, or cross
dressers. Others were making a point of being overtly gay or lesbian.
Again, not unexpected. I wasn’t sure how I would explain to my kids
about the folks who looked like extras from “Avatar”: well toned,
wearing almost nothing, and brilliant blue from head to toe, though.

What did come as a surprise was what a surprise I was. When I
introduced myself to an online friend with the HRC in person for the
first time she exclaimed “Oh, wow, somehow I thought you were taller!”
At the OutServe booth I had to mention that I was trans before anyone
caught on why I would be writing for the magazine without being in the
military anymore. Same deal with the National Organization of Gay and
Lesbian Scientists and Technical Professionals. When I asked if
transgender people were part of their charter, the woman at the booth
replied “Why, do you have transgender friends?”

Everywhere I turned, I passed.  The fact that I didn’t look like all
the other visibly trans people at Columbus pride really did challenge
their notions of what trans is. Both of these gave me a bit of a warm
and fuzzy. What made it even better was the extremely positive
response I got from some of the younger people I met who found out I
was trans. As one 20-ish woman put it, “You’re trans? Really!? I’d
never guess. That so totally rocks.”

While these experiences were self affirming, they were also
instructional. It is only the outlandish examples that people
perceive. You notice the people trying to stand out, not the ones
trying to blend. I hear it so often that “I’ve never met a trans
person”, or “I don’t know anyone who really looked like <their target
gender>.”

Follow the link for more!