Merry Christmas

 

Christmas Party Image
My wife Liz on right.

Or should I say Happy Holidays to those of you who may prefer it. I am not particularly religious but deeply spiritual.   

No matter how you worship, or don't, hopefully, you were able to spend your day with family, adopted or not and find satisfaction. 

Now, it's time to say how deeply grateful I am to all of you who take the time to stop your day and browse my writings on whatever internet platform you choose.

Perhaps today also you can take the opportunity to pause all the drama which normally comes with the season and discover the blessings you may have. 

As I sit here watching the "Yule Log" on TV and getting my fill of Christmas music and I have my copy of "It's a Wonderful World" cued up (along with a Christmas Story) I'm ready to enjoy a mellow Christmas Day, thinking of you all.

 

 

Making a List

Image from the 
Jessie Hart Archives

Making a list and checking it twice of course is a very Christmassy thing to do. The closer we would become to Christmas itself was the time I checked my funds and decided what last minute shopping I could do. 

Normally, by this time, I had visited all the usual antique malls (dressed as my feminine self) looking for that last minute special gift for my wife. Frustration built  if I couldn't find anything in my price range or find it when I was shopping as a woman. As time ran out, sometimes I was literally the last one in the mall looking for a gift. As luck would have it, many Christmases, I was rewarded and found a wonderful gift for my wife. The only problem was I had to shop as my old unwanted male self. 

She (my wife) was very difficult to buy for because I always knew she we attempt to outdo me in the gift department. We had three major gift exchanges to plan for, so I needed to do the best I could. The first exchange we went to was at my brother's house, the second in the afternoon between the traditional two of us and one at night when she gifted my feminine self with a couple of gifts. Normally, I received very nice sweater and skirt sets which I couldn't wait to put on.  As I remember, one year my wife gave in and let me cross dress and even took a picture (long gone) of me wearing the gifts she gave me. Obviously, most years, I couldn't wait for the special gift exchange to happen.

Through it all, I never made lists. I mentally kept in mind what I wanted to do and even did a fairly good job of keeping it all straight. This carried with me as I began to seriously transition into a transgender woman. Instead of notes, I knew what I had been successful at doing and then knew either I could try it again or attempt something new and often exciting. Examples included when I began to branch out from just going to women's retail stores in malls and trying out new venues such as bookstores and restaurants. Anything to see if I could successfully exist in my new gender world. What turned out happening was I could exist and needed to do more. Once I did. I still never thought I would need to build a whole new life so quickly and still not make any lists to do it. 

No matter where I was, if I tried to make a repeat visit, I found I would be easily remembered so I started to wear the same wig and always dress to blend. When I did, I discovered the world wanted to know more about me for whatever reason. Basically,  women were curious and men stayed away as I left one gender club and sought admission to another. What I would have never thought to put on a list was how I would need to learn to communicate with other women who were so used to saying one thing and doing another. It was difficult for me to determine which boundaries I could cross (or not) with each of them before the claws came out. 

I suppose if I had been a person who worked from written lists, I would have had quite the history of my transgender transition built up. Or how I went through several separate gender transitions to arrive where I am today. Such as moving from serious cross dresser, to finally coming out to myself as transgender, to making the decision, to begin gender affirming hormones. 

I'm fortunate in my so called legacy continues on with my daughter and grandchildren with no written record needed.    

Transgender Vacation Blues

 

Image 
from UnSplash 

Back when my second wife was still alive, in the early fall or late summer we used to vacation close to the same area every year. 

We used to just take off and travel from our home in Southern Ohio and make the trip up through Toledo and Detroit up into northern Michigan. Often trying to escape the late summer heat, we went as far North as the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. It was a great time to go because many upscale venues in places such as Traverse City discounted their prices for off season tourists and we didn't have crowds to deal with. 

During that portion of my life, things should have been going good. My restoration efforts on our 1860's brick home, were coming together and both my wife and I enjoyed jobs which provided us with a little spendable income. What could possibly go wrong? In reality, just one major one. My battle with gender dysphoria. I was just beginning to experience more success as a novice public cross dresser and or transvestite and I wanted to do more. I was also riding the waves of gender euphoria when I went out and gender repression when I couldn't. Part time exploration of my transgender needs just wasn't working. 

It figured then, if I wasn't able to try to experience my gender euphoria just before we went on vacation, most certainly I would mentally crash and burn during our vacation. Of course when I did I would grow grumpy to the point where my wife would ask me what was wrong. She would ask what else I needed in life to be happy. At that point I just couldn't tell her the truth. The only thing which would have made me happier at that moment was if I was making the vacation trip as a transgender woman. From then on I did the usual male response and internalized my feelings and acted as if I was feeling better.

Sadly my gender dysphoria managed to ruin several vacations for me as time after time I fell into bouts of gender depression. I was even affected when we made our annual stop in the village of Frankenmuth, Michigan to look for rare Christmas tree ornaments my wife didn't already have since she was a Christmas fanatic. I over compensated by encouraging her to over buy every year. As we walked through the stores, no matter what I was outwardly feeling, inwardly I wanted to be doing it with her as two girlfriends. Naturally, the entire process ruined the vacation time I should have been enjoying.  I had the vacation blues which at times frustrated me even more because I should have been enjoying my hard earned time away from my pressure packed job.

Since I never had the courage to face my transgender truths until much later in life, my vacation blues never changed until I retired and met Liz, my current wife. The vacations we have taken changed the vacation narrative for me. The blues have disappeared and for once I have been able to enjoy myself. . 

Happy Holidays

 As I sit here warm and safe in what is left of our Artic climate watching "A Christmas Story" my favorite

Happy Holidays from Liz and I

holiday movie, I need to pause a moment and wish all of you a Merry Christmas. Or whatever holiday you celebrate this time of year.

"A Christmas Story" always resonated with me because of several reasons. I suppose the next to biggest one is the fact the movie took place in about the same period of time which I went through growing up. Complete with the festive downtown department store Christmas windows with electric trains and other kids gifts such as dolls and BB Guns. The biggest draw from the movie was even in the earliest days of my existence, something deep down inside told me I would rather have the doll rather than the BB Gun. Ralphie, the young star of the movie was just the opposite and wanted the air gun badly. Unlike Ralphie I was disappointed when I was gifted with the gun. On the other hand I couldn't imagine ever admitting to my parents I wanted anything such as a doll for Christmas. 

The only thing I remember happening with the BB Gun was a couple of sparrows were terrorized and my brother shot me in the arm once. Who knows what would have become of a doll since the only siblings in the family were my brother and I.

I would be remiss if I wrote a Christmas post without mentioning all of you transgender or LGBTQ individuals who may have lost your families for any number of reasons. I have my own point of reference since my brother and his side of the family refused to accept my new feminine authentic self. I quickly moved on and it was their loss. Blood family or not, I hope you have someone to spend the holidays with, or at the least think about you.

Another Holiday photo I would like to share here on the blog is from long time reader and fellow blogger Paula Godwin from the UK. She writes the transgender "Paula's Place" blog.

Happy Holidays!

Trans Christmas Shopping

Image Courtesy Waldemar Brandt
on Unsplash 

In reality,  all of this experience happened when I was primarily still a cross dresser still exploring advancing myself into the novice transgender category. Of course this is all important if you are into any sort of LGBT labels. I use them to further explain where I was on my long gender path.

Back in those days I was nearly at the maximum income  I would ever make. I had the spendable income which enabled me to spend money on nice gifts for my second wife who was really into Christmas. Traditionally I was a late shopper and would wait until the last minute to buy her the gifts I wanted. Along the way also I discovered I really enjoyed shopping for her when I was dressed as a woman. I would go to very upscale malls dressed to blend with the rest of the shoppers which allowed me to often wear my favorite black pants suit, along with my black flats and blond shoulder length wig. My outfit gave me the all important courage to move out of my closet and into the feminine world. 

One mall in particular was in Columbus, Ohio and featured an upscale garden store I was interested in. Among her other interests, my wife was very much a gardener. so it was a wonderful place to find her a special gift. I was always treated with respect there most likely because my money was green. Other places I went included green houses, antique malls and even a few oak furniture stores for gifts. Fortunately, since my wife worked in the retail book business, she was working many hours which allowed me to enter my feminine world and shop for her. I could knock out two major desires at one time. The desire to find her the perfect gifts as well as satisfy my new and wonderful desire to interact in public as a woman. 

One night in particular, both worlds came together spectacularly...almost. Over the years, I had tried to purchase my wife various oak furniture pieces for her living room including a large roll top desk with matching file cabinets. On the night in question, I just happened to stop by a store in Columbus to see if they had any matching oak pieces I could buy for my wife. By accident I found the perfect glass book case which matched her other oak pieces perfectly. The problem was here I was in my wig and pant's suit wondering how I was going to move my gift to our truck. Mentally I was still in male mode thinking I had to do everything physically myself. I was proven wrong when I made my purchase and found I didn't have to lift a finger. The store owner summoned two young guys to move the book case to my truck and even finished off with a big thank you Miss. I thought wow! I could get used to this. 

Once I arrived back home, it was a fairly simple task to slide it out of the back of the truck into the garage once I begrudgingly returned to my old unwanted male self. On Christmas Eve, the bookcase was a huge hit. Overall the entire experience made Christmas shopping so much more enjoyable for me. I could completely look for the special gift while expressing my desire to live a feminine life . I loved it! As we will get into in another post.  

Merry Christmas!

 Of course, 2020 is throwing it's last best shot at us as we celebrate Christmas itself. 

Putting a big red bow on our Cyrsti's Condo Christmas past series, here is a look at a few of my past memories. 

Along the way, I was always the great procrastinator. I thrived on the pressure of finding a great gift at the last minute. So, all of the sudden, here I was out shopping in my fancy black pant's suit, blond wig and wool coat wondering just how much courage I could muster to pickup the perfect gift. 

As it turned out, the perfect gift that year turned out to be an oak book case which matched the oak roll top desk we had purchased for my wife earlier in the year. I ended up bravely going into an oak furniture store and finding what I was looking for. 

So far, I had done the easy part. Then I had to buy it and get it to the SUV and get it home. All before she returned home from work and I had to transition back to my guy self. 

Before all of that, I had to hitch up my big girl panties and approach a rather gruff guy to tell him what I wanted. Surprisingly enough, he smiled and offered to help me complete my purchase. Plus for the first time in my life, I didn't have to be the one who had to worry about carrying a heavy/bulky object to the SUV. My only task was opening the back of the vehicle. 

I made the fifty mile trip home in good shape, was able to find an ideal gift, and the saddest part of all, return to my boring male self before she returned home.

I hope this series of posts hasn't bored you too much. Plus I hope you have a festive and safe holiday season. 

Cyrsti's Christmas Post Three

 During the week approaching the actual day of Christmas, I have been sharing a few of my most memorable moments from the past.

One of the most notable was how I did the right thing for the wrong reason. My point is I was desperately searching for excuses to get out of the house and explore as a transgender woman. I needed to make up reasons for my wife so she wouldn't suspect what I was doing when she was at work. I found the excuse by doing my gift shopping for her as a woman. 

Very quickly I found out how much fun it was and how natural it felt to be out in the world as my authentic self.

My late wife was totally a gardening and Christmas fan. She also loved vintage gifts. All of her likes made it very easy for me to haunt garden stores and antique malls to find her those special gifts. Ironically, all the spots I visited I had been there before with her as a guy. So I knew where I was going and how to get there.

For the most part, I was able to find that special gift and make it back home before she did or before I needed to be at work. The only drawback was I needed to be extra careful in removing any traces of makeup.

I found out too, shopping in the venues I frequented was no different than when I first went out shopping for clothes earlier in my cross dressing experiences. My money was welcomed far more than any ideas about my gender. 

Finally I learned how much more clerks seemed to be to assist me. Even to the point of having male helpers take my purchases to the car. I made the exciting journey from macho man to a woman who needed help with my heavier gifts.

As it turned out, Christmas was turning out to be a very rewarding experience.

Cyrsti's Christmas Journey...Post One

As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo in the past, slowly over the years I have been coming to the realization for me Christmas has nearly surpassed Halloween as the most important holiday for me as a transgender woman.

Years ago, as I started to live a life in the public's eye as a feminine person, one night in particular stands out as terrifying and exciting.

Very close to where we lived in Ohio, there was a very small village with a working vintage mill which featured a huge Christmas display. As a guy with my wife, I had been there several times but something was always missing. By now, you can probably guess, I desperately wanted to be one of the women strolling around enjoying the crisp winter air and the festive scenery. As luck would have it, I finally made it to the place I always wanted to be.

First of all, I had to come up with a night off when my wife was working so I could sneak out of the house. Then I had to come up with something to wear. Following not much effort, I came up with a big warm, snuggly sweater, leggings and a pair of boots. I was set!

The village was only a short ten mile drive from our house but as I was getting ready, the anticipation of the upcoming evening was killing me. I spent what seemed hours getting dressed, applying makeup and wig. Finally, my idea of perfection was reached and out the door I went.

Since I had the protection of night, I didn't have to worry so much about the neighbors for a change plus darkness always helped me to pass the public once I arrived. 

Once I did arrive, I found a parking space, gathered myself, took a deep breath and got out of the car. Into the world I went to experience what I was missing all those years. After my initial nerves calmed down I really enjoyed myself. I even gathered my courage to stop into a shop for a cup of hot chocolate. The best part was, no one seemed to pay me any attention at all. 

As I finished my beverage, it was time to make my way back to the car and head home. I had to be there in plenty of time to take off all my clothes and make up before my wife finished her work. 

As disappointed as I was that the evening was over, the fact I had actually been able to live an authentic life in a feminine world as a transgender woman was exciting.

Christmas turned out to be a bit more festive that year, 

Coming Up

 As we are firmly into the holiday season now for many of us, once again it is time to reflect back on the affects of the season on our gender preferences. 

For the longest time, I considered Halloween to be the major holiday of choice for cross dressers and novice transgender women. To be certain, it still is as far as coming out of the closet around select family and friends. 

Now though, I have been using the holidays to remember back over my past and the effects it had on my life. 

To make a couple long stories much shorter, coming up between now and Christmas, I plan on passing along several experiences I had along the way when I actually did pass as a feminine person and did my shopping. Also, how I now view the holidays as a bigger time for me than Halloween. Halloween provided me the spring board to thinking I "probably" could make it in public as a woman appearance wise. On the other hand, my holiday shopping adventures proved to me I could live life as a woman.

In essence both holidays provided an important process towards my development as a transgender woman. 

More will be coming later.

A Wealth of Riches

It seems recently I have been overwhelmed by the possible amount of material I have received for my Cyrsti's Condo blog. Believe me though, I am not complaining. Often I go weeks on end trying to come up with something to write about. Over the years I have somehow come up with over six thousand posts. Thanks to all of you such as Connie, Paula and Mandy who help out with content too. Then there is everyday life.

For example, Thursday night Liz and I went to the Christmas party for transgender-cross dressers and their families. I had a very good time as most of the people around our table I had known for quite a while, Several were cross dressers from small towns in Indiana who were complaining how hard it was to remain in the closet where they live. On the other hand, we were able to sit close to the very accomplished 80 year old role model I have mentioned in the blog before. She has done an amazing job of being accepted in society as her true self.

Liz did manage to take one selfie to share. I know it's not the best quality but it is all I have.

Also on the plus side, Liz managed to win the "split the pot" lottery which everyone could pay to take a chance at. So we were able to recoup the forty dollar per ticket amount.

This is just a small amount of items I want to share with you all and we will get to a couple new transgender women who are making a difference.

Plus, we have another couple of events coming up this weekend, one never knows what will happen to write about!

Struggling

I am sure you regulars have noticed the new Cyrsti's Condo blog format. It is because I am struggling with Google over a couple of issues of running ads, or not.

The basic problem is I don't have the expertise to know exactly what is wrong and Google's tutorials don't do me any good if I don't understand them. There is quite a bit I don't like about this new format, so if and when it changes again, don't be surprised.

Other than that, winter has firmly settled in around here in Cincinnati. We had snow mixed with some rain last night and we are expecting more tonight. Since I am retired, the only real problem I have is finding a pair of boots in my closet which somehow have been lost.

Hopefully the snow/slush will be mostly gone by Thursday and the weekend. Thursday is the semi formal Christmas Party the cross dresser - transgender group I am a part of is hosting. The tickets were semi expensive so I hope the food and company meets my expectations. As it stands now, I am putting together an outfit of my black patterned print three quarter sleeve top with a pair of wide legs black slinky pants. The biggest decision comes with how I will decide to wear my hair. I can either brush it out after washing for more of a straight look, or mousse it heavily for a more curly look. As it stands now, it will be a game time decision.

As it turns out, Thursday may be the start of a three day stretch of going out for Liz and I.

Friday is a Yule celebration we are thinking of going to and Friday is the final performance at a local winery for a friend of ours who plays music.

Hopefully, the end of the week won't prove to be a struggle at all!

Say it "Ain't" So

It doesn't seem possible but Christmas is right around the corner and parties are already being scheduled.  In fact, I have one coming up on December 19th.

As soon as I found out, I did what most other cis women would do. I scheduled (or tried to) an appointment with my hair stylist.

I found out the soonest I could get in was November 22nd. Not my ideal choice but I found out it was the best I could do. Because I learned she was moving out of town and closing down her business.

She is the one who has a transgender son and is so understanding to the trans cause.  Plus, more importantly, she does such a great job.

Now I have to find another stylist or just let my hair grow out again.

I probably will do a little of both.

Post Christmas Blues? Or Blacks?

First of all, I would like to send out my condolences to Jeni and/or any of the rest of you who had to spend Christmas by yourselves. As I wrote in yesterday's Cyrsti's Condo post, it is so sad when you are separated from your family for just being yourself.

As far as my Christmas went, it turned out to be in basic black. A couple weeks ago, I happened to mention to Liz I wanted just a basic black sweater. In fact, I even bought myself one not too long ago. Well, yesterday I got two more black sweaters (of different types) as gifts. Plus, a new pair of black boots. Amazingly enough, Liz ordered them on line and they fit.  So now, I have a new sweater and boots set to wear with my paisley patterned leggings.

One way or another, I was blessed with a great Christmas and clothes to wear through the Spring.

More Holiday Parties

The closer we get to Christmas, it seems, the more holiday invitations we receive. In fact, yesterday, we got two more.

The first, is a small get together at the restaurant we go to regularly this Saturday night. The second is a bring your own dish affair after Liz's martial arts class Wednesday night. Which means we will have places to go three nights in a row next week. Two not fancy and one really fancy.

Looking ahead (for once) we have decided to get our nails done in advance this weekend, while we have the opportunity.

I don't get the feminine kick which others do going to the salon. I guess it partially comes from not understanding the language which is being spoken. If someone has something to say about me, I want to know it. Then again, I might be making the whole thing up...which is worse. 

At any rate, the prices are reasonable and Liz has been going there for years, so all is good.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Socialite Section":
Last night I went to my girlfriend's company Christmas Party.  Before you begin thinking of all the fancy seasonal dresses on the women in the room, the get together was very informal with bunches of kids, so I wore a patterned 3/4 length top, leggings and boots.

What was very special to me was I was introduced as "her girlfriend" to all her co-workers and bosses.  She takes it for granted but I know how utterly rare acceptance such as that is.  It was also very cool none of the other attendees I was introduced to seemed to care less if I was transgender, genetic, Martian or whatever.

I know several of you regular "partiers" here in the "Condo" want to know my choice of beverage. The party was actually in a suburb of Cincinnati and "the Nati" is developing quite a nice selection of locally brewed "craft beers". One of which is Rivertown Brewery, the bar where the party was featured a Rivertown Christmas Ale which had just a touch of a cinnamon flavor and went down very easily.  No cheap shots...I do have standards and I'm not a beer snob like some I know (Racquel and my daughter).  At any rate, several asked what we were drinking and I recommended it.  Turns out, the beer was gender specific to a degree.  The women liked it and one guy sort of said "well it is a girl's beer".  Interesting.

I had a fabulous time and a designated driver, so life was good!  My problem was even I began to take the experience for granted.  Every time, I do that, I have found I open myself up for problems!

Fashion Section:  For the first time ever I went shopping for a bra with a genetic woman, my girlfriend.  I wish I could tell you HRT is magically increasing my breast size and of course it is, but I'm still in an "in between" area of being too thick for my cup size.  Which means I need a bra in the 42 B cup range.  I took three into the dressing room and found one after I tried them on. So, regardless of my frustration, we found a moderately priced bra which will work with my natural "girls" and small inserts.  In the future, the plan is to move up into more comfortable, expensive models and hopefully fill them out better!  The best part of the short shopping trip was not having to look over my shoulder wondering why a guy was in the bra section or the cashier eyeing me when I checked out.

That's it for this week's Cyrsti's Condo Sunday edition!  Thanks for picking up a copy.

Christmas Shopping till you Drop

Let's place this post in the "doing the right thing for the wrong reason" category.  As you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know, I seized every opportunity to break a deal I had with my wife and get out of the house cross dressed as a woman.

As Christmas rolled around every year, I found the ideal way to get out for a day and do her shopping, as a woman.  She didn't suspect anything and I had the money and time to buy her gifts. Once I figured out the need for comfort in my footware and didn't do anything crazy in heels, the shopping world was mine for the taking. Shopping was always the easiest way for me to get out of the closet and navigate the world as a woman.  Stores liked me because I was green ( as in money) and if anything, when and if I was read as transgender, I was merely a break from a staff's boring day with the public.

Most of my experiences were rather mundane, but a couple do stick out in my mind so many years later.  I will call this one "the case of the bulky blond".

"Back in the day", my wife worked as a full charge book keeper and we were building a home office for her.  We began with a oak roll top desk, added a file cabinet and as Christmas rolled around that year, I decided to add a book case for her.  I knew exactly what I wanted and where it was but dare I got buy it as a woman?  You all know the answer, of course I did.

I had a black pants suit I dearly loved which I teamed up with a pair of black flats and my long blond straight wig. I finished off my upscale professional woman look with a light overcoat I bought.  Needless to say, professional look or not, I was scared to death when I went into the furniture store.  After what seemed like an eternity, a salesman came up and asked if he could help me.  In what I hope passed as my best soft feminine voice (instead of a frog)  I told him what I wanted and bought it. So far, so good-no whispers, giggles or anything.  Only the final huge question, "what did I want it loaded in."  The question itself of course wasn't having the vehicle, it was who was going to load it? 

For the first time in my life, I stood back and let two men treat me like a girl and loaded my purchase.  Quite the experience to be sure!  They politely thanked me and sent me on my way with my purchase.  I made sure I returned the thanks, wished them a Happy Holiday and headed on my way, but not before I managed to sweep my long blond hair off my shoulders as I slid into the car. From that point on I knew life couldn't never be the same again.

My First Black Friday

Before "Black Friday" exploded into it's present day shopping mania, it was the day the women I knew bonded together and attacked the malls and stores of the world searching for their favorite gift or gifts.

Of course I placed the chance of finally being able to shop the Black Friday madness as a woman very high on my "feminine bucket list".  Years ago the sun, the moon and the cross dressing stars aligned and I had my chance.  My wife worked retail and she was working and I wasn't, so I used the excuse of buying a gift for her and went "Black Friday" shopping.

I bundled up in one of my favorite over sized soft sweaters which were so in fashion, added low ankle boots, jeans and gloves and off I went into the world.

By that time, this experience was far from being my first "shopping rodeo" so I was experiencing little or no anxiety about navigating the crowd as a woman. Of course I was just doing my best to blend, shop and soak in the estrogen charged atmosphere.

I was "out and about"  for about four hours and it was time for me to head home.  As with most other experiences you fantasize about for years, Black Friday wasn't as good as I imagined but then again, all I thought it could be. The majority of the other shoppers were women and were hell bent on gift buying and could care less about any potential cross dressers or trans women in the crowd - unless I got in their way. I was able to do a little shopping, buy a few gifts and enjoy the experience.  However, similar to my thoughts about the "sanctity" of the womens rest room, I didn't see what the fuss was all about.  The same way I'm sure many women feel about male bonding and sports.

Ironically, I have never felt the need since to venture out into the shopping madness which is "Black Friday" again. I did however begin to do almost all of my Christmas shopping as a woman from that point on.

Those experiences are coming up in future posts here in Cyrsti's Condo.

A Classic Says It All!

 Thanks Valin!!!!!!!!!
Merry Christmas to you and yours from Cyrsti's Condo!

Cyrsti

Tis the season! Here is another Cyrsti's Condo Halloween post from the past:

" In my own part of the world, Halloween is the second biggest holiday behind Christmas. It is absolutely HUGE! I was searching through some of my older posts for Halloween stories. Of course the season is a prime time to sneak out of the closet or even out yourself in the process. If you recall one of my earlier posts, I mildly outed myself after one memorable Halloween party in the Army of all places. In those days "transgender" wasn't even a word and I admitted to a fondness for women's clothes to several close friends. For you girls who I will refer to as "accomplished closet dwellers"; when you do head out, someone will notice how accomplished you are! By the way, I meant nothing at all negative about the comment. I understand the closet well!!!! What I meant was you have achieved an attractive female persona that no one else has seen. If you decide to attend a party with friends and or acquaintances, they will notice you girl! The solution of course, is to go to a party or a club where no one knows you. Of course, I've done it both ways. I timed a couple "business" trips to be out of town and out at a couple big Halloween parties at straight clubs. Quite a rush! On the other hand I took the compliments and the questions in stride when I attended parties with people I knew. A typical question was "don't your legs itch since you shaved them... but you really have great legs!"