A Trans Girl's First Christmas

 

Clifton Mills, Clifton, Ohio. 

The newly fallen snow around here in southern Ohio has brought back my Christmas spirit and memories of my earliest days of coming out of my gender shell and exploring the world.

Years ago, my second wife and I used to make a regular trip to a wonderful Christmas light display at a place called Clifton Mills, which was/is a restored grist mill approximately twenty miles from where we lived. Even though I did enjoy going with my wife, in the back of my head, I always wondered what it would be like to experience the evening as a woman. Finally, when my wife began to work retail in the book business and had to work many nights, I got the chance to live my dream.

Before I did, I needed to figure out what I was going to wear for my special evening. I knew the weather would be rather crisp and cool, and I even had the chance of snow flurries if I was able to pick the right night when I was off work and she was working. I started my wardrobe with a warm fuzzy oversized sweater I loved and paired it with a pair of fleece leggings which would be warm enough to keep me warm as I wandered around enjoying all the lights and displays. Back in those days I had access to my own finances and was able to come up with enough money to buy me a pair of low-heeled snow boots which would help me navigate the long distances I would have to walk safely and comfortably as I walked through the village to get to the mill itself.

Once I figured out what I was going to wear, I had to make time to apply just the right amount of makeup to blend in with the other women in the crowd. I applied my makeup, got dressed and finished off my outfit with my shoulder length wavy blond wig. As I left the garage and slipped past my neighbors, it was dark, which helped me and my anticipation of what was coming up heightened. Would my expectations of spending my first evening out as a transgender woman at Christmas fulfil my dreams?

The twenty-mile drive seemed to take forever but I finally arrived, found a parking spot in the village, adjusted my makeup and hair and left the relative safety of the car. As I walked, I passed several people who did not give me a second look, so I started to calm down and enjoy myself and breathe in the night air as a free person. I even became so comfortable I stopped in one place for a hot chocolate and another for a hot spiced cider in the mill itself. The reaction to me at the hot chocolate stand was as warm and friendly as the drink itself which helped me to build confidence but the reaction from the younger girl where I bought the cider was as cold as the evening, so I did not wait around to buy anything else.

I found the only real problem I had was the lack of time I had to enjoy myself because I needed to be home and return into a boring man before my wife made it back. The end result was I completely enjoyed the experience of being a trans girl at Christmas and wanted more. The evening proved to me I could present well enough to enjoy myself and the only disappointment came when it was all over. My solution was, I needed to come up with other Christmas related transgender woman activities to test my abilities to present well in the midst of ciswomen doing the same thing. As Christmas approaches, I will share other experiences I had with you which turned out to be fun and eventful

The bottom line was, I found my confidence in my womanhood I never knew I had and at the same time bought gifts for others that meant something. A win-win situation for me and the evening I enjoyed the Christmas lights at the mill somehow were brighter and more festive than ever before as I was able to see them through my feminine eyes. Maybe a precursor to when I started HRT or gender affirming hormones which really opened my world to a whole new set of sensory perceptions.

If I had realized what my body was telling me earlier and reacted, maybe I could have saved myself and others around me a lot of turmoil and problems.

 

 

Christmas Lights and the Trans Girl

 

Clifton Mill's Holiday Lights.

When I was first exploring the world as a novice transgender woman, I set up a small bucket list of activities I wanted to explore. 

As Christmas approached every year, my second wife and I made it a tradition to explore a wonderful Christmas light display at a restored grist mill near our hometown. The more I was successful in my presentation as a trans woman, the more I wanted to experience the lights as my feminine self. Since I knew my wife would be completely against any idea of us going as women to the display, I knew I would have to do it on my own. If, at all. It got to the point if I could not go as me, I did not care to go at all. So, I changed it all one night. 

To accomplish my dream, first I needed to find the proper time to do it. At the time, my wife worked in retail and was working many nights so all I needed to do was find the night she was working, and I was not. Once I established when I could go, then I needed to make all the important decisions on what I was going to wear. Since I live in a winter climate and would have to spend quite a bit of time outside, many of my fashion choices were easy. 

For the evening, I chose one of my favorites, a warm, and soft sweater, paired up with my fleece lined leggings and low-heeled boots. Suitable for long walks in the cold weather. To really stay warm, I wore my full-length wool coat, and I was ready for what I hoped would be a fun evening. Of course, before I left, I did my makeup and put on my favorite blond wig and headed for the car. I was lucky and weather was on my side. The evening was crystal clear and just cold enough to be winter. 

The Clifton Mill's holiday display is very popular, and I knew parking spaces would not be easy to find so I took my time to find the best one I could. It gave me time to calm down as my expectations of having a fun time were at an all-time high. What differences would there possibly be between experiencing the lights as a guy versus as a transgender woman? Very quickly I was going to find out. 

Since the actual mill is in a very small village, I found several of the other shops were open and selling hot chocolate. I felt buying a warm beverage would help me to see how well I would be accepted the entire evening. As I stood in line to order, no one noticed the tall blond ordering a hot drink and in fact the server was even nice to me. So, I left encouraged and thankfully, a little warmer as I continued my walk to the mill itself. Since the real crowd was ahead of me, my challenge still had not been met. 

Once I paid to enter and went into the mill itself, I began to relax and enjoy myself. No longer was I on high alert for a bigot making fun of me. I was able to enjoy all the lights and attractions better than I ever had before. Most likely because I was finally having the chance to enjoy my time as my authentic self without the constant worry about how it would be to do so. My confidence in myself to present well as a woman came through and all too soon, my time was growing short, and I needed to return to my old boring male life.

However, checking off the Clifton Mill's Christmas display from my transgender woman bucket list was well worth the time and effort I put into it. The next step would be to enjoy it with another person which sadly never happened. Due to my mobility issues and me moving away from the area where the mill is located, my current wife Liz and I have never been back, and my wife back then passed away.

Changing the subject just a bit (or a lot) my Alzheimer's diversity council lunch turned out to be a girl's day out and was fun. It is always nice to be around other gender affirming women as I was the other day. I hope to do it again soon.