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| Clifton Mills, Clifton, Ohio. |
The newly fallen snow around here in southern Ohio has brought back my Christmas spirit and memories of my earliest days of coming out of my gender shell and exploring the world.
Years ago, my second wife and I used to make a regular trip
to a wonderful Christmas light display at a place called Clifton Mills, which was/is
a restored grist mill approximately twenty miles from where we lived. Even
though I did enjoy going with my wife, in the back of my head, I always
wondered what it would be like to experience the evening as a woman. Finally,
when my wife began to work retail in the book business and had to work many
nights, I got the chance to live my dream.
Before I did, I needed to figure out what I was going to
wear for my special evening. I knew the weather would be rather crisp and cool, and I even had the chance of snow
flurries if I was able to pick the right night when I was off work and she was
working. I started my wardrobe with a warm fuzzy oversized sweater I loved and
paired it with a pair of fleece leggings which would be warm enough to keep me
warm as I wandered around enjoying all the lights and displays. Back in those
days I had access to my own finances and was able to come up with enough money
to buy me a pair of low-heeled snow boots which would help me navigate the long
distances I would have to walk safely and comfortably as I walked through the
village to get to the mill itself.
Once I figured out what I was going to wear, I had to make
time to apply just the right amount of makeup to blend in with the other women
in the crowd. I applied my makeup, got dressed and finished off my outfit with
my shoulder length wavy blond wig. As I left the garage and slipped past my
neighbors, it was dark, which helped me and my anticipation of what was coming
up heightened. Would my expectations of spending my first evening out as a
transgender woman at Christmas fulfil my dreams?
The twenty-mile drive seemed to take forever but I finally
arrived, found a parking spot in the village, adjusted my makeup and hair and
left the relative safety of the car. As I walked, I passed several people who
did not give me a second look, so I started to calm down and enjoy myself and
breathe in the night air as a free person. I even became so comfortable I
stopped in one place for a hot chocolate and another for a hot spiced cider in
the mill itself. The reaction to me at the hot chocolate stand was as warm and
friendly as the drink itself which helped me to build confidence but the
reaction from the younger girl where I bought the cider was as cold as the
evening, so I did not wait around to buy anything else.
I found the only real problem I had was the lack of time I
had to enjoy myself because I needed to be home and return into a boring man
before my wife made it back. The end result was I completely enjoyed the
experience of being a trans girl at Christmas and wanted more. The evening
proved to me I could present well enough to enjoy myself and the only disappointment
came when it was all over. My solution was, I needed to come up with other Christmas
related transgender woman activities to test my abilities to present well in the
midst of ciswomen doing the same thing. As Christmas approaches, I will share
other experiences I had with you which turned out to be fun and eventful
The bottom line was, I found my confidence in my womanhood I
never knew I had and at the same time bought gifts for others that meant
something. A win-win situation for me and the evening I enjoyed the Christmas
lights at the mill somehow were brighter and more festive than ever before as I
was able to see them through my feminine eyes. Maybe a precursor to when I started
HRT or gender affirming hormones which really opened my world to a whole new
set of sensory perceptions.
If I had realized what my body was telling me earlier and
reacted, maybe I could have saved myself and others around me a lot of turmoil
and problems.
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