Witches Come Together

 

Witches Ball Photo from the
Jessie Hart Archives...

Not so long ago, I was part of a group of Wiccans who put together sizeable parties every Halloween called "Witches Balls."

At it's peak, over five hundred people attended in a very appropriate huge vintage venue across the Ohio River from Cincinnati. Liz and I had plenty of experiences with the event because we went on several dates there before we were involved with organizing it. One of my fondest memories came when the Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow impersonator flirted with me one year when the party was featuring pirates and also belly dancers. I also enjoyed watching the sexy gyrations of the dancers as I was given a chance to sit down with Liz and kick off my heels and watch. As much as I was enjoying wearing the heels, I was still paying the price for wearing them too long. 

Of course, since it was Halloween, costumes were an intricate part of the event and I was always on the outlook for the occasional cross dresser whose look was just a little too good. As close as I ever came was when I ran into a Facebook acquaintance who is also transgender who was selling her jewelry at the party. Overall, I was surprised I never was able to see anyone else who dressed as a woman for the evening. One thing for sure, I didn't need anyone else's approval  and I had a great time. 

Sadly, the larger witches ball's have become a thing of the past around Cincinnati and now are only held in smaller venues such as bars or taverns. So Halloween has increasingly become another rather boring day. However, I will be forever in debt of Halloweens past as they opened doors for me to express my true self long before I ever thought it was possible. We don't even have enough young trick or treaters stop by to see if any of the young boys are still dressing as cheerleaders. 

I do miss also the huge volunteer organizational effort it took to enable the events to happen at all. The feel good portion of the whole affair happened when we were able to donate a fairly large sum to one of the local homeless shelters. Karma is real and it is always nice to pay forward when you can. 

Since I live fulltime as a transgender woman for so long now, I don't need the feminine experience of a Halloween costume to shore me up. But on occasion I still miss what Halloween did for me in my life. Along the way, it became my most important, influential holiday. It opened my eyes to what could be possible and I could actually live out my gender dreams.   

Transgender Cover Girl

 

The latest picture from one of my favorite transgender acquaintances on Facebook, Melonee Malone. 

Pink sure does look good on her! 

Transgender Elder Care

 As promised, I wrote  I would send along further details of my Webinar on transgender elder care. Brighter minds than mine have set the event to be seen on Zoom as well as Facebook.

Here is the link to find it on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/events/270094498066096/

I will cover the lack of in-depth knowledgeable  health care available to elders in the transgender community.

If you have time, stop by!

FRIDAY AT 6 PM EDT – 7 PM EDT

Transgender Elder Care

Free  · Online Event
And, here is the Zoom link : us02web.zoom.us

Thanks Tonya

 Perhaps you recall the Cyrsti's Condo post I wrote not long ago about the former server/acquaintance I employed years ago before I transitioned.

When I responded to her Facebook friend request, I was almost certain from there she would try to get ahold of me. Early last night, she did. 

Very early in the Facebook Messenger conversation, she was very complimentary as far as my appearance is concerned.  For whatever reason of course, any compliment I receive does wonders for my gender dysphoria. 

Not long into the conversation I asked her if the tavern we used to go to in our hometown was still open. She said she was going to ask me the same question. It turns out she moved from our medium sized city at approximately the same time which was seven years for her and close to that for me. She said the town had become toxic to her.

Even though I had not thought about it, the amount of toxic feedback I received (real or imagined) made it easier for me to move too. Along the way, due to me finally giving up the ruse of leaving my house as my true self , the word finally escaped of my desire to transition to a woman. I faced passive and forced aggression from people I knew. An example was the 4th of July party I went to with my deceased wife when the DJ who used to work for me just "happened" to play "Dude looks Like a Lady" when we arrived. Worse yet was when a long time acquaintance told me my reputation would ruin my business. 

So, Tonya was right, the toxicity got to me too.

My partner Liz even noticed it from our earliest days together when she said I had "sad eyes".

Hell, my very own brother wouldn't even back me up. I was fortunate though when my daughter,  her in-laws, and of course Liz and her family accepted me as a transgender woman. 

In conclusion, here is a picture of me you probably have seen from the toxic days.  Circa 2014.

Do I Know You?

 On occasion, my interaction with Facebook continues to dismay and amaze. 

Last night it seemed all the "crazies" were out on FB...including me. Sometimes when I am bored I will sarcastically interact with someone just to see (or experience) the reaction I get. I was rewarded when I got someone's panties in a bunch simply by writing my disapproval of heavily filtered pictures. I was rewarded with a tirade which referred to me as being transphobic as well as other things. Not looking for a fight, I just let the whole matter slip away. 

This morning though, I was greeted with a totally different friend request.  It's very rare, I encounter any requests from my hometown. Not only did I receive one but the woman I received it from actually used to work for me in one of my restaurants I managed.

At my peak, I managed (or tried to) a staff of over seventy five front of the house servers, hostesses and bartenders in my busiest unit. As I looked at the picture and name, my rusty noggin slowly came to the realization the person sending me a friend request indeed was one of my former servers.  I knew this because of one of our mutual friends and the fact she was wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey in one of her pictures.

Overall, the memories of this time of my life were very sad. It was during the period when I lost several dear friends and my wife to various diseases. Plus my gender dysphoria was running at an all time high as I explored if I wanted to, or could, live in a feminine world as a transgender woman. 

As I returned to reality, I was so happy to have lived through the "dark ages" of my life to get to the existence I have now.

To make a long story short, I accepted her friend request. It will be interesting now if or when I will hear back from her.  

She Said What?

 Last night, being the glutton for punishment I am, I became involved in a rather lengthy discourse with a person on Facebook Messenger. 

Her profile stated she was a lesbian and her picture showed her to be a very butch one at that. 

Very quickly she asked if I was sitting down and told me she was considering a "sex change". About that time I wondered if she had read my profile at all. She asked if I was a lesbian and I said yes, a transgender lesbian who has been living with my lesbian partner for nine years now. 

Then we exchanged pictures and went into the fact she had a doctor's appointment in Denver in a couple days to determine if she could start testosterone patches. Having a mustache was her goal. I replied I have a very close transgender man friend who has attractive facial hair so she should too. 

Surprisingly, the whole conversation went easily until it was time to call it a night and go to sleep. I told her goodnight and turned my phone off. 

The real surprise came this morning came when I turned it back on and read her last message...good night "Buddy". Buddy? Really?

If I ever hear from her again, I will mention how many years it has been since anyone has ever called me Buddy. 

If and when she apologizes I might actually ask her what pronouns she prefers I use. 

I should also learn never to set my expectations too high. At the least though, I received input for another blog post. 

Hey! Are You Transgender?

 I don't ever try to hide the fact I am transgender. Very rarely is it a potential issue. 

On the other hand, I don't often out myself either. I am far from the dating scene of my past so it also isn't a major deal. My heart goes out to younger transgender women and men who have to negotiate the dating world. Ironically, it seems the better you present, the more difficulty you may have. Even to the point of placing yourself in danger if you are "discovered" by an unsuspected suitor. 

Last night though, I found myself in a situation I don't think I have ever found myself in. Back in the day, I was always surrounded by my cis women friends so I had never found myself in a situation with a man where I was outed. As an aside, I didn't ever feel as if I presented well enough to confuse the public totally on what gender I really was. I always assumed everyone knew I was trans and I was satisfied with all of that as long as I was treated with respect. 

For some reason last night, I went against my basic rule and accepted a friend request from a man. The reasons were  he was in a group I was in with similar political leanings and he was local. If worst came to worst I could always mention my very territorial partner of nine years or just block him. 

I didn't have to do either last night. Interestingly, his first comment was he was surprised to learn I was a woman. Obviously, he had not read my profile...yet. Because after I answered with I was fine with his surprise. He came right back with how cool it was when he found out I was transgender. Followed with how good my picture looked.

Fortunately, a simple thank you from me and he was gone. 

The whole deal brought back so many memories plus a realization I was fortunate to be in a relationship with a partner who accepts me for who I am.

One of my Favorite Transitions

 Melonee Malone (no relation to Connie) has been one of my Facebook faves for sometime now. I simply marvel at her transition!

Boredom

Indirectly I have found an outlet to relieve some of my boredom. I decided for a change to respond (and accept) more friend requests from my Facebook Messenger app. 

In the past, I only basically accepted women (trans or cis) or someone who lived close geographically to me. Recently though, I have opened up my friends list a little. Even still, I have only 840 "friends" compared to the thousand plus others I know have. 

Results have been predictable. Several of my new "acquaintances" have massaged my vanity by telling me how good I looked and how much they liked transgender women. One in particular wondered how often I made it to New York City. I told her I worked for a couple years in the NYC metro area but hadn't been back for decades, Plus, right now with all the virus happening around there, I don't think it would be my fave place to visit anyhow. I found out too my attachment to younger lesbians continues. Or their fascination with me. I had one supposed 24 year old in Quebec wanting to send me sun bathing pictures. And another in Florida who wanted to see sexual pictures of my partner and I. I just immediately blocked her and laughingly mentioned it to my partner Liz. 

Then I have the ones who busily want to chat, start then rudely disappear without saying anything. I suppose they realized quickly how boring I really am. And, there was a guy named Joe who is my age who would try to chat later in the evening and then (I think) fall asleep in his chair. 

Probably the most interesting chats I have had came from a couple different sources.  One of which was a trans woman who supposedly lives only about 20 miles away. She started an active chat then abruptly ended it, never to be heard from again when I asked her if she had ever heard of the cross dresser-transgender support group I am part of. Maybe she was and that is why she ended the chat :). Then there was the 27 year old medical student in relatively close Lexington, Kentucky. She was attracted mainly to older lesbians. 

Finally, there was the middle aged bitter transgender woman from Ontario, Canada. She has suffered through many genitalia related problems through her life and I suppose if I had gone through it all, I would be bitter too. 

All in all, Messenger has shown me the world is indeed an interesting place, especially if you are like me and take nearly nothing I read with a grain of salt. Excuse me now, I have to go. My messenger just dinged on my phone. :)  

Thanks for the Input

I am on several other blogging and social media platforms with my Cyrsti's Condo Blog. In fact, I have several great friends who follow posts on Facebook. A couple of these friends I was fortunate to meet in person, years ago. Recently one of them, Jen sent me this comment concerning our journey as transgender women and men:

"Im sure it's a journey that isn't a bed of roses. I'm sure most people don't understand so much especially about this subject. I think its important to have light on this and along with many other struggles people face. I have no doubt that the victories are won when its realized how strong one has become through the struggles, pain and finally becoming the living story that says you can do anything you set your mind to and love yourself and be who you are even when no one else doesn't accept you. 

Many like to turn their noses or point the finger while all along, they have their own skeletons and struggles they hide and hate on others. I applaud you, I applaud the one suffering silently, the one that suffers publicly and the one who takes that first step and the many others that you yourself and the others that you have shared about.the struggles and victories are a testimony and inspire me. Thank you."...  Thank you Jen! You inspire me!❤

On another subject, Connie wrote in on the "Rude Paul" post commenting on my speculation that Paul was yet another old, cis gender male rump supporter:

"Well, I'm sure that Trump is a Paul supporter. Not that he supports his lifestyle, necessarily, but he seems to hold admiration for anyone who can turn a buck by using their "personality" to garner favor from the public. Even if it is more like the appeal of a train wreck, playing to the fools who would be attracted to whatever they are selling is Trump's MO. Of course, it's not so much the product, but the self-branding that is important to their successes. B.T. Barnum depended on the "sucker born every minute," and knew that he could still sell circus tickets to the very people he publicly deemed to be suckers. Trump and Paul are no different, except that they have the ability to use modern technology to draw many more people into their circuses."

Imagine rump watching drag race at the White House and trying to figure out how he can rip off more votes by watching it?

Changing Closets

Yesterday's Cyrsti Condo's post concerning You Tube make up star Nikki de Jager as well as a couple of well read posts on my Facebook feed led me to think again how difficult the changing of one's gender can be. 

First of all, it needs to be pointed out Nikki de Jager was essentially forced out of her closet by a threatened blackmailer or blackmailers. How sad is it has to happen in this way. Here is a closer look at Nikki's background from Wikipedia:

"Nikkie de Jager, better known by her YouTube channel name NikkieTutorials, is a Dutch makeup artist and beauty vlogger. She gained online popularity in 2015 after her YouTube video, "The Power of Makeup", went viral and inspired many other videos of people showing their faces with and without makeup."

Her story led me to think about some acquaintances I have encountered on Facebook. It seems the more festive smiling party pictures they post, the sadder they become. In fact, one of them just said the exact same thing. Changing closets had become too brutal for her and she felt she had to go one way or the other.

I remember vividly how terrible it was for me when I was splitting my life down the middle between genders. Finally, when my wife passed away and I could actually look at beginning HRT, I could see which way I could go and live my life full time as a transgender woman. 

It was quite the slippery slope and until Liz came along and we found each other, I couldn't see another solid relationship in my future. I viewed myself as slipping down on long hard road towards a cliff. At the bottom of the cliff I changed my male closet for a feminine closet. 

It all worked for me although I needed to lose almost everything in my life when I did it. Fortunately, I was able to sneak back into my male closet and bring former interests with me (like sports) and family members such as my daughter came with me.

Leaving all the male clutter behind though never really bothered me. After all, how many humans really get the chance to start over?

Lost

Well, last night I lost an election to the board of the transgender - cross dresser support group I am part of.

I am not really too torn up about it, as during the meeting I remembered how mind numbing boring a board meeting could be.

I think too, I lost votes because of my Facebook tirade Saturday against an old cross dresser I have known for about thirty years. After the cross dresser made a big deal out of the clear blue sky to praise resident rump and all his policies I told another friend of ours what I felt about the cross dresser. I wasn't kind and said something to the effect the cross dresser didn't care about the long (and short) terms of what the current administration is doing to the transgender community because he didn't have a dog in the fight anyway. Unfortunately, I didn't say it that nicely and now I have several cross dressers in the group who hold a grudge against me now.

But...if I spent a whole lot of time worrying about what people think of me, I would be in a whole different spot now anyhow.

They will get over it. 

Graduation

Graduation evening this week went very well.

The family started out with a BBQ tailgate in her honor in the parking lot outside Wright State's arena. Wright State is a medium sized state university in the suburban Dayton, Ohio area which has a pretty good sized arena. Much too big I thought for one high school's graduation. I was wrong though, because surprisingly, it was almost filled to capacity.

As I sat down to my BBQ, I felt overdressed in my long skirt and sleeveless "Ombre" top  The top on the model to your right approximates the style, not the color.

I didn't have time to think much about it though because about the time we sat down to eat, a light rain began to fall. We were forced to head on into the arena to get our seats. The good news was we got good seats, the bad news was we had to sit in them for three hours.

To my surprise, my Grand-daughter immediately appeared on the "Jumbo Tron" big screen in the arena and presented a topic with another girl on how the graduates were like all the flavors of ice cream in the world. Of course i wondered to my self how many of the grads were LGBTQ!

All too soon though, the graduation was over and we made our way back out to see the new graduate and head home. There are some pictures floating around and if any of them find their way to Facebook, I will share them with you.

Throughout the evening I didn't notice any stares or glances, so that was good and my Grand-daughter seemed to really appreciate me being there. What really surprised me though was the lack of tears on my part.

For another completely different graduation experience, let's check in with Connie:

"When my grandson graduated a couple years ago, I would have cried, except he was such as goofball about it, going for the big laugh on stage. I do get a bit sentimental when I look at the picture of the two of us afterward, though. It was the first time, after a few years of him getting used to the "new me," that we hugged and he put his arm around me for the pic. It's a reminder that our own transitions are so dependent on the transitions of those close to us."

Well put!

VOTE!

Unless you live off the grid somewhere, or are a clueless millennial like Liz's 21 year old son, you already know tomorrow (Tuesday) is election day.

This actually will be my third election voting with my feminine drivers license. In Ohio where I live, you have to show a photo I.D. to vote. I still feel as if it is a big deal!

I don't have to lecture you on the importance of voting in this election! However, I did add this tag to my Facebook profile.

Enough said!

A Good Question

I love it when I read another idea about the transgender identity which I have never considered. Probably because in my egotistical mind, I have considered any and all possibilities. As I think about it, seeing other ideas is one of the reasons I am still addicted to Facebook.

An example is one of the peeps I follow is a transgender woman who refuses to acknowledge the trans label, except to say she is transsexual. Plus, in her latest rant, she says the entire transgender community is just in it for the sex. Which is far from the truth in my recent history. Maybe I am just being naive.

An even better example was sent in by Connie:

"A theoretical question I've considered over the years is: Would I pursue my transition if I should lose my eyesight? My answer has changed as I've navigated through the different phases, but that original vanity never really goes away. I know that I do a credible job of presenting, on the outside, my womanly self. It takes a mirror, and the ability to see myself in it, to be able to accomplish this (although, I've made myself up so many times now that I could probably do a half-decent job without a mirror). Yes, my vanity would take a hit if I couldn't see my outward appearance, but I've become comfortable enough with how I see myself as a woman in heart and spirit that even blindness could not change who I am now. I'd still miss seeing myself in a mirror occasionally, however."

A great question!  Somehow I think I would have to continue my transition and hope the effects of HRT would help me to continue to present well enough in public.

I am so vane now, in most situations I try not to wear my glasses...even though they are women's. So, I don't know how I would approach it!

Who Be You?

I picked this up off of Stana's Femulate blog and decided to pass it along. 

"A glance at any list in Facebook will easily reveal many obviously made-up names. So why are only some people losing their accounts? Because Facebook uses their reporting system to identify accounts that users think are fake. Why would a user report a fake name account? One is that they are a troll. They hate people with opposing views and want a chance to find and harass them in real life.

Another is that they are a transphobes. 

By using pictures, posts and memberships in trans-related groups, transphobes have identified and had suspended hundreds, maybe thousands of accounts of people who self-identify as trans. This is embarrassing, humiliating and potentially dangerous for those closeted, part-timers and others requiring a level of privacy from those who wish to do them harm."

Follow the link for more!

Enough is Enough-or Is It?

I really liked the fact Facebook opened up it's gender options so I could identify as a transgender woman....but....when they opened it up, they weren't playing!

Check this list:


Agender Androgyne Androgynous Bigender Cis Cisgender Cis Female Cis Male Cis Man Cis Woman Cisgender Female Cisgender Male Cisgender Man Cisgender Woman Female to Male FTM Gender Fluid Gender Nonconforming Gender Questioning Gender Variant Genderqueer Intersex Male to Female MTF Neither Neutrois Non-binary Other Pangender Trans Trans* Trans Female Trans* Female Trans Male Trans* Male Trans Man Trans* Man Trans Person Trans* Person Trans Woman Trans* Woman Transfeminine Transgender Transgender Female Transgender Male Transgender Man Transgender Person Transgender Woman Transmasculine Transsexual Transsexual Female Transsexual Male Transsexual Man Transsexual Person Transsexual Woman Two-Spirit

Wow!

We've come along way baby! I can remember when transgender wasn't even a recognized word!

The Switch

Over the years you have probably seen this title used in many different productions. Now is there is a new one in the works which features a transgender transsexual woman (Su)  you may have seen before. I'm passing along a link to their Facebook page here. My understanding is this the pilot for the proposed show. Every once in a while when I post a promo such as this in Cyrsti's Condo, I will hear back from the production group with more info. If I do, I will pass it along!

Check this Out

Perhaps you have read about or have seen this story which went viral:
" Thanks to being posted on Reddit, a Facebook post from a dad who sided with his son when the toddler asked for a copy of Disney's animated series about a princess, Sofia the First.


"The father, whose name has been redacted, recounts how he was standing in line at Walmart with his son when a display advertising Sofia the First caught the child's eye. After initially telling his son the family already had plenty of movies at home, a man in another line imposed some harsh gender-policing, telling the child, "You don't want to grow up like a mommy, you want to grow up to be like daddy." That's when the boy's dad stepped in, replying, "Actually, I just want him to grow up to be whatever he is supposed to be … and if that's a boy that likes princess movies, then great." The bystander, who the father simply labels "Moron," then gets outright explicit in warning the father that his son might turn out "funny" — you know, he might like boys. The dad's quippy response? "And I'd love him just as much … and he'd probably smell better as a teenager." Then an elderly woman in line behind the family offers the icing on the cake."

Go here for the icing!

I think the flavor should be called "Mind your own business Moron, the future doesn't need you."

Mommy! There's A Drag Queen on the Plane!

Check out this "cutesy" Facebook Ad on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen: