Who Deserves "What?"

I have been following Terri Lee Ryan's series of posts on the cross dressing culture. She is one of the few I have found who does not mix in transgender women into the mix. For the most part, I have agreed with, or at the least read with interest the posts. But the latest sort of "rubbed" me the wrong way.

It was entitled "Cross Dressers Deserve a Happy Marriage." I immediately thought-and who doesn't? Actually, she was reiterating what all of us already know. Whatever tripped whatever "switches" in our psyches to forever attract us to women's (or men's) clothes as CD's or to feel sure our gender issues go much deeper-just aren't going away...ever.

So yes Teri, cross dressers do deserve a happy marriage. But as you yourself wrote, walking that tightrope with a spouse who has one hand on the family checkbook and the other with a speed dial number to her divorce lawyer, is tough.

Sorry, Terri, looks like you were just reaching for a topic to speak to a choir with on this one. Plus you didn't mention the number of women who outwardly don't mind cross dressers-until it is her husband in her new dress.

Don't forget women have egos too!

Cyrsti's Condo "Halloween Ideas"

Seriously (as you will tell kids) I'm not real good at finding or suggesting Halloween costume ideas. But I do have a couple possibilities to pass along which could be inexpensive, fun and even keep the "hey are you a cross dresser?" naysayers off your back if desired.

The first is a "Zombie Prom Queen"

 Just "haunt" your local thrift stores for an old inexpensive formal dress-check out all the other closeted CD ers looking for a costume and add the cheap accessories.

It's a "killer costume!"



Just as scary is this idea:

Come as a version of "Flo", the Progressive Insurance spokes person.  Start with a cheap dark wig, old tennis shoes and "fill in with white. Just be abrasive the rest of the night and asks if anyone wants an insurance quote - and you got it!

Trans-Dar

As we approach the Halloween costume and party season, the chances for our "trans-dar" senses to emerge will be even more frequent.

The "trans-dar" concept of course is with us 24/7 anyway.  I read about it most recently on Paula's Place,  but have seen Stana on Femulate pass along her experiences, as well as Mandy. Plus, Pat's comments here on the Cyrsti's Condo blog.  (I'm sure my old addled noggin is missing out on more of you I can't remember at the moment!)

Why "Trans-dar" at all?  I think our excursions into the girl's sandbox, no matter as a cross dresser or transgender woman, make us naturals.The only more natural "trans-dar" folks are genetic women.  Of course they have "lived" what we are attempting to live from day one. If they are true women and not just female baby makers, their "trans-dar" is even better. They know the effort it takes to have pride in your appearance and style while all the time making it look natural and effortless.

Here's a question, how many of us have actually acted when our "trans-dar" went off?  If you have, please tell me!  I can never remember hearing or reading of anyone who actually spoke to a cross dresser or transgender woman in public they didn't know. The chances have been slim for me.

I can't ever remember ever seeing more than ten or so individuals I thought may be a "sister of the cloth." Here are my excuses for not making contact: I wasn't totally sure, I couldn't get close enough to them, or they looked so scared and jumpy, I was afraid they would fall in their heels and hurt themselves running away.  My plan now is simple and one I wish I would have thought of years ago.  Just make eye contact and say "hi". That way I won't have to feel guilty about doing nothing.

Revisiting Halloween, it's the time of year for closeted CD's to get out and "strut their stuff!"  Similar to when I look at womanless pageant contestants- I am on the outlook for the level of "expertise".  I look for shaved legs, the probable expense of the "costume"  and how comfortable the person wearing it is.  Think of it as Cyrsti's version of "he might be a cross dresser-if."

Ironically, (as we will visit a number of times as Halloween approaches) much of the actual "fun" has gone out of the season for me as I have transitioned.  This year though, my partner Liz is working hard to put the fun back in Halloween and more!  She is also keeping her idea extremely secret.  I will tell all of you- when we all make it past the "need to know" basics.  I can only say I think I won't be setting off anyone's "trans-dar" in my female based costume-but a ton of "scare-dar."

Cyrsti's Condo "Makeup Moment"

If you saw me most of the time, you would probably think "she must have taken only a moment to put that makeup on and maybe she could have spared two moments?"

Regardless of all of that,I always read with interest a review or two on price/quality deals from makeup pros which fit my budget.

This one comes from Yahoo and covers 47 dollars worth of products including this one from New York Color:

INDIVIDUALEYES CUSTOM COMPACT

Discover NYC New York Color IndividualEyes Custom Compact, the all-in-one compact with everything you need for a complete eye look: primer, illuminator, applicator and complementing shadows. With four colors, specially coordinated to intensify and enhance your eye color, you can create a look as individual as you are. Make your eyes pop! $4.99

Here was the review:
This modestly priced product is a potential powerhouse. “It has great matte colors, a highlighter cream, and also an eye shadow base. That base could take away some dark circles on the inner corner of the eye and the highlighter could be used on the tops of the cheekbones,” Dubroff (makeup artist) says. “This was a happy discovery!” 

As I said there are more ideas here.

Certainly, getting the most bang for your buck is important when any woman (transgender or not) is shopping for makeup but getting a great deal is a bigger plus for the beginning cross dresser.  Unless you are one of the rare CD's who has access to a make up "mentor" to get you started, experimentation is very important. These ideas give you an idea of how to purchase a few "essentials" without spending big money to do it!

Keeping A Breast of the Situation

Today, I'm following up on a post we did yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo which discussed breast size obsessions in cross dressers and transgender women. To be fair, genetic women are right there too, with the amount of "boob jobs" being done these days.  My brother's daughter in law got one a year or so ago.

Yesterday, as I was updating my insurance on the car I just bought, the 40 something woman behind the counter was a picture perfect ideal of how a woman her age could look.  She was wearing a low cut top of some sort which showed enough cleavage to make her whole outfit seem "interesting" but far from sleazy. Perhaps she was showing off her new breasts?

From Google + yesterday I received this comment from Michelle Hart (no relation-I don't think) :

"It's amazing just how fixated some CD's get with having breasts that are way too big for their body structure. I know that some do it to try and make others believe that they are ultra feminine while others do it for the shock value. Most trans women will be told by their doctors to have breasts that will actuate their bodies but it is up to the individual as to what size they will want to be."

Thanks Michelle!  Here is my simple formula I came up with when I was sleeping through geometry:  "Guys like big Boobs.  If I become my "own girl" I want to have big boobs too.  Then more guys will look at me too." (You see now why I flunked geometry!)

I have used the beautiful Gigi Gorgeous above who is publicizing her new breasts along with the pronounce- ment she wanted them bigger, but the doctor couldn't do it.

Finally, where I think many cross dressers, transgender or genetic women miss the breast boat is...there is a breast size which fits your body size properly.   For example, on a torso such as mine, to naturally "fill out" fashions I would need to grow from my current "C" to a "D" cup.  As HRT was working it's magic, I still had to add to my cup size as I went along.  Now I'm to the point of having a "little help".  Plus, let's not forget the plethora of push up bra's on the market.  "Back in the day" I too resorted to the painful taping you see on many cross dressing pictures.  My problem was (on top of the discomfort) was the more time I spent out in the world, the more the tape began to "slip" and I was back to zero again.



What the world sees as "feminine" certainly is defined by breasts to a large extent.  The woman yesterday was defining hers to an extent but her hair was done, she was dressed office casual too.  Most cross dressers I see make an effort of missing the overall point of where they are trying to get to.  Unless of course, their goal is a big boob shot on line.

The Object of My Obsessions

I was having a chat with Lynne this morning about a very accomplished cross dresser we knew back in the 1980's/1990's.  Lynne brought up the point this "accomplished" CD always told her "her breasts should be the most important point of her presentation" - not the overall feminine shape proper padding could give her in the hip/butt area. What did I think?

I told her I had always read, concerning the ideal feminine shape, a woman's hips roughly equaled the span of her shoulders. I went on to say, perhaps our CD friend was more concerned how she viewed herself as a man versus how the world viewed her as a woman.

That's OK, whatever is important to each person is their business and some women do dress just to please men.  I have always believed though the greatest majority dress for society as a whole.

Cross Dresser Heidi -an example

Then again, "cleavage creating" video's are becoming almost as plentiful on YouTube as any leg shots.  Depending upon how much money you wish to spend, you too can have your own set of removal one piece silicone breasts.  All you have to do is strategically position the right necklace or blend the right makeup and you can have picture perfect breasts.

As far as I go, I wish I was more the object of my obsessions. The more the world is my domain, I suppose I am no different than any genetic woman heading for the grocery store. Let's just say I wasn't too glamorous today as I mowed my grass! On the other hand, similar to any other genetic woman, I do have fun getting dressed up for the right occasion.  It just so happens I have been able to make it out of the closet - or wanted to at all.

Getting back to Lynne and I's discussion, the cross dresser we were referring to opted for SRS years later and I wondered what size breasts did she choose and did they define her femininity? I know my HRT home grown "C"'s help the process for me, but I'm not so sure I would need "DD"s to define me to me-but I'm sure they would be attention getters with others!  Maybe our friend was right?

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

G'day to you all and ker plunk! It's time for another Sunday edition here in the Condo. Actually around here in Ohio we have found ourselves in the midst of a very fall like weather run with night time lows in the 40's. As they say in the old country-good sleeping weather!

Page1.- "The Week That Was-or Wasn't."  The story and video of NFL running back dominated the national news so much that at least one night last week, it got the opening spot on the CBS evening national news I watch over even the ISIS/ISOL problem in the Middle East.  It should.  For once, the wrong man hit the wrong woman and all hell broke loose.  The story followed the classic path of male on female domestic violence. He apologizes, she said it was her fault too and life goes on.  This time it didn't though and the greatest marketing/money machine in the history of the United States was brought to it's knees.  Incidentally, to really follow the NFL forget the games and  follow the money.  The league's  greatest growth market recently has been it's women fans.

Certainly, to any of us who have crossed the gender boundary at all as a part time cross dresser to a full time transgender woman, male on female violence is no surprise. Plus, it is worse with us. If you are a Cyrsti's Condo regular, you know we try to regularly  revue basic security measures we all should take when we venture out of the closet. Never think male on female violence can't happen to you. 

What the NFL situation ultimately does for any of us remains to be seen but certainly a bunch of men (for the most part enabled their entire lives from athletics) playing a violent sport and pumped up on who knows what steroids/hormones (roid rage)- this is far from over.  Best case scenario is as CD's and Trans women we can stand up, be counted and for once included.

Page2.-  "Hide and Seek" A couple well thought out comments from MIchellewhois enabled us to discuss the majority of us who have or are hiding in plain sight with our gender issues. Here is one:

Very Old "Blonde Picture"  of Me on a future post I will explain what I did to it!

"Thank you for quoting me. I always wondered if anyone really saw when I wrote a thought or two. Many of us camouflage ourselves out of necessity. The necessity of maintaining the mental and physical health of not only our loved ones but ourselves.

You are right about that Trans-Dar going off when we see someone that may be hiding in plain sight. I remember one site on transitioning, suggest that you slowly change your appearance over time so that others will get used to seeing you change your appearance such as the "pretty men" you mentioned.

As for looking down on CD's, I could never find myself doing that because I was one of them way back when. If every Transwoman thinks about it, we were all one of those CD's hiding in plain sight."

You are welcome Michelle!  I have never liked the "comments" part of this particular blog platform I operate under.  I'm sure there is a better way, but I'm not "techno-girl" and are afraid to fool with the system.  I can say I do notice comments and thanks!  Plus, slowly changing one's appearance is a great idea!

Finally, I too have taken great pains to never give the impression of being higher up an imaginary cross dresser-transgender-transsexual pecking order.  Over my life, I have been subjected to too many "high and mighty" trans terfs who have taken me to task for almost anything from being a pretender - to starting HRT later in life - to my sexuality.  They used to aggravate me, now I just think their attitude is just their male ego bleeding through.

The Back Page.- Well kids, that is going to be it for this week's Sunday Edition!  Thanks for taking your time to stop in for a hot "Cup O Joe" (coffee) and spending a bit of your precious time here in the Condo!

Hiding in Plain Sight?

A comment from Michellewhois:

For many of us in the community we have to keep those fears our whole lives like that masks that we are forced to wear. I too am forced to wear the mask so much so that it has become second nature. I always hold out hope that one day it won't matter and everyone will see us for who we really are and not someone that has to hide almost in plain sight.

Unnamed cross dresser

I often wondered about the guy down the street or in the office - who are the beautiful cross dressers I see here, there and everywhere on line.  I'm sure they run the spectrum from the heavy "closet dwellers" to those who live a part of their lives as CD's with understanding families.

We talk about "trans-dar" often in Cyrsti's Condo, and for years I often wondered about the "pretty men" I observed who were thin and had no eye brows to speak of.  Maybe they were the ones with seemingly a zillion "selfie's" on certain photo sites. 

As I got better,  I began to look at where the photos were taken (always in the same room) or out in the world. Then, were the pictures taken by a professional photographer and finally, were they actually a genetic woman or not.  (Pinterest has gobs and bunches of those!) But look, they are pictures-a moment in time, no more, no less.

Finally, I came to a point which in essence is what Michelle was commenting about: how many of us hide in plain site.  Those of us who are the Kristin Beck's of the cross dressing or transgender world and cover ourselves with a deep layer of macho camouflage.  

Surely I will never know.  If you take the Condo for example, I can't remember ever having a response from here in Ohio.  The closest I have came is from Shelle over in Indiana who I haven't heard from and hope is OK.  Facebook is worse.  Someday I'm going to have to go through my reasonably local "friends" and delete all of those who have gone.

Finally, I know too, if there is a cross dresser hiding in plain site across the street from me-she has a reason to be there. Plus, chances are she may labor under that well worn (and true) idea that we transgender women "look down" on cross dressers.  It just so happens I don't.

Michelle, thanks for the comment!

"Trans-Dar" versus "Trans-Nazi?"

Sounds like one of the old "Godzilla" flicks brought back in 3-D right?

My Cyrsti's Condo post "Why Straight Men Love Transgender Women" did bring response through my Google+ account, e-mail and here of course. I didn't get the response I didn't feel like I deserved though from my comment on "Suzi's" picture.  Pat commented:

The points you raise and those from Ms Suzi have merit. As a rule any person who spends time on their hygeine, attire, presentation etc will come across as more appealling than someone who does not. With respect to many CDs they devote a lot of time and effort into being as feminine as possible in their style, demeanor, deportment and presentation. It should surprise not one that men will respond favorably to overtly feminine presentations.

My point is (looking back), I probably sounded like some sort "I'm more trans than you" trans nazi with my comment-which would make me one of the most hypocritical peeps I know.  On the other hand, I write what I feel and if a person's picture looks like it was taken in a gay venue, enjoying a drag show with the queens-that's fine. Plus yes, you can find the occasional male "admirer" in a few gay venues. For the longest time though I was too dense to realize cis gay men really don't want much to do with most of us. I did see the queens getting attention and tried it myself with my big wigs, high heels, heavy makeup and short skirts. Used to call it "running with the queens" although I couldn't go very fast in my heels!  On more than a couple evenings I had a great time and have even considered doing drag again.

So, I apologize for even intimating I was any better than anyone else in our culture...cross dresser or what ever.  I'm not.  

More response coming up!

Dancin' Lessons with Pat!

Some days I think Pat should just write part of Cyrsti's Condo!!!  She is busy though-I see her popping up with comments on many blogs I follow.  Another who I think should write a post every now and then is my partner Liz. Being one of "them there" genetic women, she could add some spice into our lives from the "other half" who were "born with it."

This comment from Pat after a post about a very closeted cross dresser who was simply paranoid about being arrested for just wearing women's clothes.  The CD was about the same age as me and yes-that was a very real problem when we were growing up. Pat took it a step further when she was stopped by a cop and how the whole situation can become very crazy-quickly and she had to put on her "dancin shoes" at home:

I can understand and empathize with your closeted friend. It is scary enough for us part time closeted CDs to go out at all but the idea of an encounter with the police is really something to be avoided. A few years ago I was in a pretty coral lace dress driving home from an LGBT friendly bar where I had consumed several adult beverages when I was pulled over. Sitting in the car this dress rode up my pantyhose clad leg. I did not think that I had been speeding but the cop (young enough to be my son) wrote me a ticket for doing 41 in a 30. Had I been dressed as a guy I likely would have given him a piece of my mind. It is almost more embarassing to be ticketed for doing 41 MPH than for being out in a dress. While he asked me if I had been drinking I told him I only and one or two. I suppose I should be thankful that all I got was a speeding ticket and did not have to blow into the machine.

Of course, I did not mention this event to my wife. As soon as I could I paid the ticket along with what I thought were two surcharges. A few days after I got the ticket I got two letters from local law firms who found my name in the police blotter offering to represent me. Since I already sent in the money I did not need a lawyer but my wife was wondering why I was getting letters from law firms. Two weeks later I got a letter from the local town court sending me a check for $5.00 for overpaying the ticket. My wife wondered why I was getting money back from the town court. That entire incident had me dancing up a storm for about a month.

Of course, I too have been stopped by the police and even assisted a couple times when I needed help with my car-all of which without fail- scared me to death.  But obviously I'm still here and writing this.

 I will have to relate a couple of my experiences in another post!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" it's time for another issue of the Sunday Edition in the Condo.

Page 1.- Courage.  Just to be different this morning, I'm going to go a bit out of order with how I structure the edition and go with a comment I received from Jen Smith.  It concerned the experience last week I had last week with a guy who called me "Sir".  To catch you up, I simply lost it and asked the guy "WTF" did you call me?   Jen wrote:

This is an amazing story to me. You must be one special person, so brave, to handle a situation like this. You were in the military with him? I would have probably gone into shock at how to react in a situation like this. It seems like you have tons of confidence! Take care! jen

Thanks so much Jen!  As far as "brave" goes, I think I had my split second angry reaction covered in my brain before he did it.  It wasn't like I was in a situation where I would face physical harm with some redneck guy and his friends-this guy knowingly or not - gender trashed me for years.  I just had had it.  For some reason I turned on him before I knew it.  No, we weren't in the military together.  He was in the Marines and I was in the Army and the only common ground we have is we were both in Vietnam.  He served an entire tour there while I was just passing through (thank goodness!)

Looking back, perhaps I should have an added a "don't try this at home" tag to this post.  I also should point out, I essentially transitioned in front of the regular head bartender in this sports bar. It's down the way from where my wife worked before she passed and both of us stopped in when I was a guy way back then.  She got a kick out of when I verbally "swatted" John because he so deserved it.  I suppose my shock set in Jen, when I got to meet his wife and daughter who were so nice.

Page 2.- Trans Ohio Finally finished all the registration work and overnight lodging reservations for the Trans Ohio Symposium in a couple of weeks.  The problem was (if you are a golfer) the Memorial PGA Golf Tournament is going to held in roughly the same area of Columbus that same weekend.  The Symposium this year is going to be held at The Ohio State University (also roughly in the same area) so I didn't know how that would effect getting a room.  Last year, the event was held in one spot but his year we are encouraged to stay at a nearby hotel with a shuttle.  I lucked it out and took the last room though and booked a 4 star room for less money right off campus-come on Expedia!  The whole weekend should be more interesting if the primarily cross dresser group still has their mixer that Saturday night at a place called Club Diversity .  In the past the CD group (which has it's share of cross dressed sharks) has manged to act up and get kicked out of there. Regardless of the little spice they add,  I have always loved the place and it is diverse in it's clientele.  Plus I believe it's co-owned by a trans person.

Page 3.- "Book 'em Danno!"  Of course my deadline to hit the button with Vook and publish my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" is this Friday.  So this week I will be kicking my virtual butt because I didn't get more done before now.  In my past there were those who thought I worked better under pressure, so I will find out again as I dig out literally from years of procrastination! (Book 'em Danno! is a vintage saying from the Hawaii Five-O television show.)

Back Page.- Last week brought all kinds of enticing news to the transgender community.  Reports surfaced the Pentagon and Defense Secretary Hagel were going to reopen the un American ban on transgender military service-finally!  On a lesser scale Tyra Banks felt the need to produce an upcoming show of some sorts on a group of transgender women in Chicago.  Called me jaded, but the whole project sounds a little too "fierce", glossy and profit driven to mean much to me here in small town Ohio. There is hope though if Carmen Carrera (left)  is heading up the project.

Well kids, that's it for this week's edition. Hope all is well for you in your part of the universe and we can get together again next week to do it again!

The Cult of Cross Dressing

Several years ago when I still couldn't claim being young, I still could claim to be naive in the ways of certain on line transgender women's groups called "trans nazi's" ( a label I borrowed ). Most were of the SRS variety.

As you probably have guessed by now, I'm not above "stirring the pot" on occasion. One evening I succeeded well with the comment "aren't we all cross dressers?". Very quickly all the trans nazi pedestal sitters jumped down to berate such heresy in their realm.

These days I'm much older and mellower and let the trans trolls alone, but....yes I still believe we are all cross dressers of different stages and ilk. No matter how many operations and how many chemicals you ingest, the greatest majority of us came out of the womb as one of the binary genders...externally. From whatever age we start, we cross dress to match the world with our inner gender clocks ticking away in our noggins. Which brings me to another point.

The good old self destructive hierarchy in our community. You know, TS's TG's and then CD's. I fired the group up one night when I told them their "system"  is a patriarchal  bleed through of the worst kind from their male genders.  Not unlike, hey look what I bought! No it's not a Corvette, it's a vagina! Until you get your own, well don't talk to me in your beat up old Chevy.

Not a popular position with the girls and again I learned very early my rather comfortable position as a middle of the road transgender girl wasn't good enough for a seat at the transsexual table and was too good somehow to sit with the cross dressers. How dare I attempt to live my life as a woman without all the sacrifices of surgery?

As you have also guessed by now, I don't spend a lot of time worrying about what others think of me and I do know that so many of us have had to fight tooth and nail for any public feminine existence we can achieve.  Unless you are a "natural" you need to use your time as a cross dresser to discover what is really going on inside of you.

Plus,none of us should care about the silly labels anyhow!

**Most of the definitions are from the "Urban Dictionary".

Cosplay Comes to SyFy

"Syfy" is actually the old "Science Fiction Channel" on your satellite or cable network.

I reacted with some interest to a new show they are premiering August 13th called Hero's of Cosplay.  Of course I was interested in the possibility of seeing any cross dressing cosplay . Then I woke up to the fact we are talking about American television. By the way the show on Syfy is really like is "Joe Rogan Questions Everything". His attitude is priceless. But I digress.

In other parts of the world though attitudes are a bit different towards CD's and Cosplay although I did read a post about them being banned at a convention in Japan.

In the spirit of being a world traveler on my computer here in Cyrsti's Condo I am going to pass along two pix of a Chinese "Cosplay Nerd" (not my description) here you go. I just had to think, do his parents really know what the kid is doing in his room?

 

Where Have All the Sisters Gone?

A friend who I have mentioned more than once here in Cyrsti's Condo found ourselves in the middle of a pretty interesting chat/question recently concerning the seeming "non availability" of other trans sisters in any segment of the culture.

My friend and I go way back to the early 80's and actually met indirectly through one of the old Tri Ess chapters in Cleveland, Ohio. Through those "get together's" in discreet motels, we came to the conclusion we got to meet and know more people than in the present social media dominated society.

Why? I believe the in culture social stratification between the so called "haves and have not's" is a huge culprit.  Cross Dressers, Transgender folks and Transsexuals all have managed to exclude each other on one level or another.

Identifying transgender as I do, I feel the pressure from both sides. The cross dressers prejudge me as someone who looks down on them and I'm guilty of feeling that way about transsexual women judging me. "Back in the day", the prettier cross dressers did form their own cliques but we were still too naive to know the process would go so far past the immature high school antics. Way past!

Taking the process a step further, it's interesting to me how seemingly rare we are to ourselves. If you take me for an example (again) in the past five plus years of being really out - I have developed friendships with only two other transgender folk, one male, one female. Only 2. I won't bore you with how many different ways I was out looking- just for a friend or two. The positive twist on the story is I found them and they weren't trans.

I've always have been fascinated by the very few CD/TG/TS women I have seen over the years. I'm going to leave trans men out of this for a second. I can go back as far as 20 years in my mind and think maybe 5? Say what you will about maybe I missed more than a couple top notch presenters which is true but how about the girls like me just trying to "learn the ropes" 5?

I left the trans guys out of this for a reason. The reason is where I live these days I am seeing more and more individuals who I could possibly categorize in the trans man status.  But that is an entire other subject for another time. Just don't give me the BS it is easier for a trans guy to negotiate society. The demeanor of the person in with a Mo Hawk haircut in a big loose sweatshirt just didn't seem to indicate that was true.

Finally, I'm not going to be naive here and ignore the sexual component of meeting others in our culture.  For good or bad, sexual questions can be asked, accepted or rejected early in the game with the impact of social media. So those of us who feel that's a none of your business intrusion find our way to the social curb quickly.

So there you go, a few theories of why it's a lonely world in our culture...still.

Here is an example months ago when I saw this question on another site I go to on occasion:  "I want to meet a transgender person" After two months or so, I was one of two replies. I simply said I guessed no one really did. Even if they are transgender themselves.

A Loss in our Community

I read this morning JoAnn Roberts passed away.

Briefly JoAnn and her TG Forum site was one of the first informational places I discovered when I got hooked up to the internet.  She identified as a cross dresser and provided a path for closeted CD's like me to see and understand I should not be ashamed for who I was.

To this day her Forum has been one of the very few cross dresser sites to withstand the advance of time.

She will be missed!

The Slippery Slope

Over the past several months or more here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have mentioned a friend I knew from my earliest days as a cross dresser. In fact I was the benefactor from his final purge way "back in the day". He walked away 30 plus years ago and in many ways has never looked back. We are quite fond in talking about the diverse individuals we knew in our little group. As it turned out we were quite diverse compared to our very small numbers. I know for sure three out of ten went on to SRS, one (me) now identifies as transgender, at least one has passed away and the rest I just lost track of.. Oh yes, there was one who ended up marrying a trans woman. 

You have perhaps noticed me use one of the women who went through the surgery - as one who probably shouldn't have.  I'm going to call her "A". "B" was her friend and incredibly at home after the surgery and has led a happy and successful life. The third transsexual had already gone through SRS when I met her and was doing well in life then too. She was pretty much stealth except to us. 

He talked about why he didn't go any farther then and referred to the cross dressing process as a "slippery slope". Here is my response:

"The slippery slope is indeed a complex concept. Here's how I think it worked with me. I spent my life looking up the slope wondering if I could climb to a feminine existence and how it would feel...or would I turn back. I certainly didn't look at the slope as a problem if I fell!"
He did and used "A" as an example. She was the person who started down the slope and couldn't get back to her male self. I said:
" Of course there is the need to look better and better and in that case you can slide down the hill as a man if you fall in love with yourself and your public perception. What's more fun, being an average looking guy or an attractive woman? ...(Cue the A tape)
Then there are the "naturals" who essentially start at the peak, look around and think "this is me" (Cue B tape)"
The conversation then went into what if we dated A or B as a man? The answer was dating "A" would be going out with a CD while dating "B" would be very much a challenge to interact with an intellectual, worldly, attractive woman.

"Then there are the seekers. Those who spend years wondering exactly why they feel the way they do. Could they be more comfortable as a girl. You can compare it to a slow mountain climb where you stop, explore and take refuge during storms in caves along the way (Cue the Cyrsti tape) Several years ago, I stopped in a cave and experienced a profound feeling of warmth and well being as a woman. I decided I would never want to go back down the mountain to who I used to be."

Maybe the "Slippery Slope" could be a topic in my Trans Ohio transgender workshop I'm presenting in April?

Trans Labels

A friend passed this look along to me. It's a breakdown of labels in our community from transsexual to cross dresser to transvestite.
For the sake of reference, I will pass along this is a long time friend who used to participate in the cross dresser arena and now observes.
Take a look.

Opinions, like ass holes, are everywhere.  Here's another one:

Who/What are you?  I don't believe the community is as tight knit as one would think.  Seems to me that the only thing they have in common is a need to be respected.

--TS' seem to think they are sitting on top of the mountain, absolved of all previous "sins".  They could care less what others think  

--TG's sometimes want to be TS and sometimes think that would be going too far.  They worry about how they present and really don't care to be outed as a guy.

--CD's love to transform but can break down into drab without too much of an emotional issue.  There could be a sexual component but it tends to be "bi" rather than "self".  

--TV's may look good or not so good.  They're in it to stimulate Mr. Winkie and not much more.

--DQ's are theatrical.  And it could be serious theater, comedy or song and dance.  There's no issue when they return to drab and I don't believe dressing has a great deal to do with sex.

Of course I don't want to forget "DQ" Drag Queens! How could I?

For the rare sake of simplicity, I'm keeping my words shut...no editorial comments! Aren't you lucky?