He Might be a Cross Dresser If?

This post was actually written in 2014:

I was talking to Missy the other day (my deceased wife's sister) about one of her boy friends "just happening" to have a couple dresses and women's underwear stashed in the back of his closet. She was waiting for me to "anoint" him as a cross dresser, or something.

The whole conversation brings up and interesting point which we haven't steered clear of here on occasion in Cyrsti's Condo.  How good is our "trans-dar" and once we come out to a genetic woman, how much better does her's become?

I know Pat has commented about her wife many times as I have about my deceased wife and current partner Liz.  It's a pretty simple deal. Genetic women are simply going to have a heightened sense of who may have entered their girls sandbox.  They were born into it as females.  No contest!

Now, as more and more of us come out of the closet as Paula Goodwin commented:  "as we stop hiding one side of ourselves they (the sides) stop being separate to the rest of our lives. I see that Stana is now going to stamp shows as well as Radio Conventions, as we all do more and more the "Gender" bit just becomes part of who we are (just like everybody else)." It's much easier for a genetic woman to have that "aha" moment when their trans dar goes off.  Even if it is wrong.

When we do come out to a woman around us that we know,  they begin to see "shadows" on occasion. All of a sudden, that guy they dated way back when or the cousin who came to visit just may have been a cross dresser?  To be sure, those guys may have been.  We all know there are far more cross dressers buried deep in closets than anyone knows about.

Plus, as I told Missy, there are so many different levels to our community, it's hard for us to keep track.  One man's cross dressing may be as simple as wearing panties and bra under his suit to work, all the way to transforming himself into that attractive well dressed "woman" you pass at the mall.

These days, I am careful to mention two things. One, does it matter if the man has a simple attraction to feminine clothes or two, if he has more than an attraction be sure to keep an eye on him.  Most of us are
facing a highly emotional, difficult, up hill battle if we transition.  She will need all the help she can get!

I "Know" You?

I'm going to mention"Trans Dar" only one more time here in Cyrsti's Condo (I promise-maybe!)

Over the past decade I had only really three opportunities tt meet and perhaps interact in a positive way with sisters I knew were cross dressers.

• The "matron"  in the mall.  I saw this person walking below me as I was standing on the "mezzanine" (2nd floor) of this mall I was in,. At first glance,  she was a tall matronly dressed older woman-until she passed me by and I saw the back of her head. The whole back of her very male neck was exposed by an extreme ill fitting wig.  I tried to get down an escalator to make eye contact and even say something.  I never saw her again as obviously she was moving at a very "un-matronly" speed.  I just wanted to re-arrange her wig!

The "grunge girl" in the mall.  I don't even know if "grunge" is the proper style description. I have added a non cross dresser picture to show you what I'm talking about. (left) At any rate, this younger CD was tantalizingly close to pulling off the look.  But- She was having a real difficult time with walking in the boots  and I thought was making novice cross dressing mistakes such as wearing every bit of her outfit too tight. I made no attempt to say anything and just followed along at a safe distance and watched how everyone else viewed her.  Truthfully , she took the "pressure" off of me.

•  "The lady in white" in Friday's. If you don't know, "Friday's" is a restaurant/bar chain in the United States.  Years ago, I was a regular in a couple nearby units and they always treated me with respect. One night I was at the bar and noticed a tall well dressed woman come into the bar area, order a glass of wine and go sit down behind me somewhere. I was 99% sure she was a cross dresser because she wasn't fluid like a woman, dressed too perfect and scared to death. I sat there for a bit giving myself a chance to gather up the courage to say hello.  I waited too long though and when I did look for her a short time later, she had downed her wine and bolted out of there. For months I looked for her, but never saw her again.

Well kids, there have been other times and other places where my "Trans-dar" was going crazy, but not for a long time.  I don't know I have a reason why. Perhaps the "luck of the draw" or I'm off in my own little world. I have an amusement park there!

Cyrsti's Condo - "The Sunday Edition"

Good morning kids, ker plunk! another "fabtabulous" Sunday Edition is hitting your front porch.  I like to refer to this type of Sunday morning here in Ohio, USA as a soft Sunday.  It's mild, slightly overcast and quiet, except for the hot pot "o joe" brewing away in the coffee maker.

Page1.- The week that was-or wasn't.  For no particular reason (like so many other things in my noggin), last week we discussed interactions between transgender women and transgender men and even journeyed into the lesbian culture too.  I went into my theories on a very complex subject and received several thoughtful replies from your end.  Including this one from Diane Michelle Ryan:

Susan Herr

Hi Cyrsti
Love your Blog. I have never had an problem with older lesbians but younger ones can look at us with tuff looks. I live in the Bay Area & see a lot of FTM's out here.

hugs 
Diane

Thanks Diane!!!!  You are right and I think the younger butch's or "soft studs" are in a situation where they "out" and "feeling their oats" so to speak.  Perhaps the "tuff looks" we see are a reflection of that and the older lesbians have mellowed.  Several I know have worked through the "how you identify" stage into the "person you are" stage.

In no order of importance, came this comment which spoke to the possibility of trans guys and trans women interacting and growing with each other.  From Shelli Anne Mulka:

I'm a transwoman myself and know three transmen fairly well. One of them and I go out for a dinner and a movie every month or so and really enjoy being a "couple'. It gives us each a chance to "fine-tune" our image to the real world, and we often end up laughing about each of us "running in opposite directions and side-swiping each other". It gives us a feeling of mutuality which might even lead to romance some day, a concept that really doesn't bother me all that much ! We just may have as much in common as most couples, who can say? Peace & Love, Shelli Anne

Peace and love to you Shelli Anne!  I find it very interesting when you look into the dynamics of a trans woman/man relationship.  I have two friends who went on a very bumpy ride.  I think through no fault of their own, both were experiencing natural changes during their transition and will come out of the process as difference people than at the beginning.  Difficult to negotiate at the best!

Page 2.- Trans dar!  "Oh no she dident"- Go there again!  We indeed did go there again here in the Condo.  I asked the question, what would you do if you had the chance to speak to another cross dresser or transgender woman you had never met before:

Again, we received several quality responses including Jen Smith:   If my trans-dar goes off I do often glance casually her/his way, and if we make eye contact I just give a slight friendly smile as I would to anyone. 
I really just make the glance to see what I can learn (good or bad) from how she is presenting.

And Pat:

My T-dar is almost always on and I think that the same is true for my wife but I sense her acute sensitivity towards potential T-folk may be due in part to her over all sensitivity to everything in her environment as well as having lived with me for all these years. I tend to think that most people tend to be oblivious to the fact that we live among them.

Of course Pat, my warped sense of humor loved the "we live among them" comment as a Halloween reference to Vampires - where she was going anyhow:

Alexander Bekker

Last year we were simple spectators at the Asbury Park Zombie walk. While there I gave a pint of blood at the bloodmobile outside the legendary Stone Pony. I just got a mailer from the blood bank about this year's Zombie walk. I think that perhaps my wife and I may do the dual ghoul walk and perhaps she would consent to me doing it in fem. I will be planning to give another pint of blood so it would be interesting to be a guy dressed as a dead woman getting my blood drained in broad daylight.

Thanks Pat!

The Back Page.-  As they say in the "old country" (where I live) we are out of space, time and maybe luck! Thanks for stopping by the Condo and especially participating!  I get sooo tired of asking my dog!

It's All in the Eyes?

Continuing on my last post about those pesky lesbians jamming my "trans-dar"- I brought up the question, "How does one know the difference when a lesbian does cross the border into transgender territory. Well, of course, one normally doesn't but of course I have formed a few opinions the hard way.

First of all, I am not the definitive resource on lesbians but have found out a number of factoids over the last few years. First of all, they are very possessive within their culture.  I have be invited to several lesbian "mixers" with friends over the years.  One of the first lessons I learned was, if my friend's perceived a woman they were interested in had a partner there-that was it. Look but don't touch.

Of course, after I calmed down about being there at all, I became interested about how I was perceived. I took for granted, that for the most part, all of the "mixers" knew I was transgender.  Truly, I never had to worry.  No one was mean, most ignored me but then again a few did approached me.  Once I was even asked if "I belonged to my friend I as with."  So I never did really encounter the "Terf" hate from radical lesbians which is so prominently written about-there. 

Possibly, I did though on two other occasions from two butch's who jammed my "trans-dar."  One came from the eyes of the woman I told you about in the last post with her husband and the other, from a very, very, very, butch in a gay venue I go to. As I was talking to her partner one night.   If looks could kill, I would have been a goner-twice!So, I assume even though both looked as if they could be transitioning, they weren't.

Now, if you switch gears to the transgender men I know, and the few I have met-their eyes are softer.  So for some reason, I don't threaten them.  The ironic part is, if I hadn't been told ahead of time, I wouldn't have known at all they were trans men.

What's happening here? Has the introduction of mean old testosterone into the Ftm men's lives helped to mold a kinder, multi layered man?  After all, we are so quick to toot our own horns about being some sort of "hybrid" gender, perhaps the Ftm's are more so? Even the trans men at the symposium I went to said not being raised in similar strict rigid gender boxes the boys were subjected to, helped them later to transition.

At the least, interesting "theories", at the best, I'm just happy I'm still alive to write about it!!!!

Trans Guys

I wanted to take a moment here in Cyrsti's Condo to pass along a moment recently which jammed my "trans-dar" completely.

It occurred in the huge sports bar I have been going to (and welcomed in, for years.)  On more than a couple occasions I have noticed this couple who has ended up setting close to me by pure accident.  They both wore wedding rings and he looked as if he was a 50 something laid back bearded guy. His companion though, I just couldn't tell. I am going to call her "she" because I found out she was.

Rarely have I seen a person this androgynous.  From haircut, to clothes to everything- I couldn't tell.  The venue is located very close to an big Air Force research center so it's not uncommon to see couples not married chatting (right or wrong.) Truthfully, the only gender giveaway was when I wasn't paying any attention, I would hear a semi loud feminine voice-where there shouldn't have been one, I turned around and it was her.

Stav Strashko

Ironically, I had a chance to take my curiosity to a higher level, one of the bartenders I have known in there for literally years now. Later in the evening, a sharp dressed young guy worked his way into an open spot at the bar and ordered a couple beers.  I thought "damn" I'm getting older than I thought when a fuzzy faced kid who looked liked he was 16 ordered a beer. (I saw her I.D. him.)

So, when my friend had a spare moment, I asked her first about the first couple and she said indeed they were married and as far as she knew the wife was genetic, and loved motorcycles. At the same time, I was beginning to wonder if the "fuzzy faced" guy who ordered a beer- was a guy at all either.  I asked her and with the same smirk she uses with me when I'm "ditzin"- said "No Cyrsti, another girl."

Immediately I felt the world was changing quickly.  Perhaps even more so with the transgender men.  Draco, my trans man friend who I mention here, have talked about the thin line between "super butch" lesbians and transgender men and how difficult often it is to tell. (So I feel better-or he is trying to humor me.)

Marie Claire Itália Setembro 2014

Since you all know I'm always trying to over think everything, I may have come across how possibly I can have a better idea of figuring out so so called "other side of the transgender coin".  Get your pens and notebooks out kids, we will get to the grand theory in a future post!

Trans-Dar

As we approach the Halloween costume and party season, the chances for our "trans-dar" senses to emerge will be even more frequent.

The "trans-dar" concept of course is with us 24/7 anyway.  I read about it most recently on Paula's Place,  but have seen Stana on Femulate pass along her experiences, as well as Mandy. Plus, Pat's comments here on the Cyrsti's Condo blog.  (I'm sure my old addled noggin is missing out on more of you I can't remember at the moment!)

Why "Trans-dar" at all?  I think our excursions into the girl's sandbox, no matter as a cross dresser or transgender woman, make us naturals.The only more natural "trans-dar" folks are genetic women.  Of course they have "lived" what we are attempting to live from day one. If they are true women and not just female baby makers, their "trans-dar" is even better. They know the effort it takes to have pride in your appearance and style while all the time making it look natural and effortless.

Here's a question, how many of us have actually acted when our "trans-dar" went off?  If you have, please tell me!  I can never remember hearing or reading of anyone who actually spoke to a cross dresser or transgender woman in public they didn't know. The chances have been slim for me.

I can't ever remember ever seeing more than ten or so individuals I thought may be a "sister of the cloth." Here are my excuses for not making contact: I wasn't totally sure, I couldn't get close enough to them, or they looked so scared and jumpy, I was afraid they would fall in their heels and hurt themselves running away.  My plan now is simple and one I wish I would have thought of years ago.  Just make eye contact and say "hi". That way I won't have to feel guilty about doing nothing.

Revisiting Halloween, it's the time of year for closeted CD's to get out and "strut their stuff!"  Similar to when I look at womanless pageant contestants- I am on the outlook for the level of "expertise".  I look for shaved legs, the probable expense of the "costume"  and how comfortable the person wearing it is.  Think of it as Cyrsti's version of "he might be a cross dresser-if."

Ironically, (as we will visit a number of times as Halloween approaches) much of the actual "fun" has gone out of the season for me as I have transitioned.  This year though, my partner Liz is working hard to put the fun back in Halloween and more!  She is also keeping her idea extremely secret.  I will tell all of you- when we all make it past the "need to know" basics.  I can only say I think I won't be setting off anyone's "trans-dar" in my female based costume-but a ton of "scare-dar."

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

G'day to you all and ker plunk! It's time for another Sunday edition here in the Condo. Actually around here in Ohio we have found ourselves in the midst of a very fall like weather run with night time lows in the 40's. As they say in the old country-good sleeping weather!

Page1.- "The Week That Was-or Wasn't."  The story and video of NFL running back dominated the national news so much that at least one night last week, it got the opening spot on the CBS evening national news I watch over even the ISIS/ISOL problem in the Middle East.  It should.  For once, the wrong man hit the wrong woman and all hell broke loose.  The story followed the classic path of male on female domestic violence. He apologizes, she said it was her fault too and life goes on.  This time it didn't though and the greatest marketing/money machine in the history of the United States was brought to it's knees.  Incidentally, to really follow the NFL forget the games and  follow the money.  The league's  greatest growth market recently has been it's women fans.

Certainly, to any of us who have crossed the gender boundary at all as a part time cross dresser to a full time transgender woman, male on female violence is no surprise. Plus, it is worse with us. If you are a Cyrsti's Condo regular, you know we try to regularly  revue basic security measures we all should take when we venture out of the closet. Never think male on female violence can't happen to you. 

What the NFL situation ultimately does for any of us remains to be seen but certainly a bunch of men (for the most part enabled their entire lives from athletics) playing a violent sport and pumped up on who knows what steroids/hormones (roid rage)- this is far from over.  Best case scenario is as CD's and Trans women we can stand up, be counted and for once included.

Page2.-  "Hide and Seek" A couple well thought out comments from MIchellewhois enabled us to discuss the majority of us who have or are hiding in plain sight with our gender issues. Here is one:

Very Old "Blonde Picture"  of Me on a future post I will explain what I did to it!

"Thank you for quoting me. I always wondered if anyone really saw when I wrote a thought or two. Many of us camouflage ourselves out of necessity. The necessity of maintaining the mental and physical health of not only our loved ones but ourselves.

You are right about that Trans-Dar going off when we see someone that may be hiding in plain sight. I remember one site on transitioning, suggest that you slowly change your appearance over time so that others will get used to seeing you change your appearance such as the "pretty men" you mentioned.

As for looking down on CD's, I could never find myself doing that because I was one of them way back when. If every Transwoman thinks about it, we were all one of those CD's hiding in plain sight."

You are welcome Michelle!  I have never liked the "comments" part of this particular blog platform I operate under.  I'm sure there is a better way, but I'm not "techno-girl" and are afraid to fool with the system.  I can say I do notice comments and thanks!  Plus, slowly changing one's appearance is a great idea!

Finally, I too have taken great pains to never give the impression of being higher up an imaginary cross dresser-transgender-transsexual pecking order.  Over my life, I have been subjected to too many "high and mighty" trans terfs who have taken me to task for almost anything from being a pretender - to starting HRT later in life - to my sexuality.  They used to aggravate me, now I just think their attitude is just their male ego bleeding through.

The Back Page.- Well kids, that is going to be it for this week's Sunday Edition!  Thanks for taking your time to stop in for a hot "Cup O Joe" (coffee) and spending a bit of your precious time here in the Condo!

"Trans-fixed" on CBS

This morning, I just happened to have the CBS This Morning Show on my television. More importantly though, I just happened to walk in as an interview with Laverne Cox, the transgender "it" woman, was starting!  (In this case I use 'it' as the PR term for a person who is a hot personality.)  Laverne is on "A" lists everywhere and in demand. She is everywhere these days and even made the cover of Time Magazine!

I was fascinated.  "Trans fixed" you might say,  as I watched. Of course I have seen a "zillion" pictures of Laverne Cox here and there but pictures are notoriously bad these days at showing what a person really looks like-good or re-touched bad.  For whatever reason though, I had never seen her in the show "Orange is the New Black."  or on a recent interview on "The View".

So, this morning, I was able to put the pictures I had seen of Laverne Cox in motion. I was able to see her in a blue beautiful sleeveless dress which showed her from a side angle for a while as she was interviewed.  It gave me "perspective" on how her entire body has made the Mtf gender transition.  I positively loved the way she looked with her hair and smooth "caramel" colored skin but I also loved the fact she was a big woman.  Quickly and selfishly, I could see a portion of her transition in me.

What I mean is, no matter how beautiful she is,  if I lived in a vacuum and never had heard or seen Laverne Cox before, my Trans Dar would have been going off.  Please understand I'm not being negative! She gave me hope that while I never hope to achieve her looks, I can achieve her feminization and attitude.

As I watched , I understood again a little more,  what people see in me. Sure, it will be always fairly easy for the world to take a look at me and make the determination I have a physically male boned body-but some how it took a decidedly feminine right turn along the way. Again, the Laverne Cox's of the world are making my itty bitty corner of the world nicer to live in. I put her up on a higher pedestal than say an Andreja Pejic  who I sense most of the world will think, he was always a girl anyway.

Finally, watching the co-hosts on the show was almost as fascinating as watching Laverne herself.  I watched the looks and eyes of co-hosts Gayle King and Norah O'Donnell and they were in her spell!  The third co-host, Charlie Rose was in his typical nearly asleep / very intelligent mode. He barely even got in his is there a "transgender movement" going on.  Laverne simply said (I paraphrase)  "there always has been one!"

Yes there has! (Wake up Charlie!)

***Trans trivia-Laverne Cox has an identical twin brother!

A Cup Half Empty or Half Full?

Referring back to the previous post here in Cyrsti's Condo about Pat's Trans Dar sighting, most have commented how incredibly great it was she was working there at all.  Hopefully (if she was transgender), we are at the least beginning to be employed in various different jobs in the economy.  All too often I think I'm guilty of thinking the majority of transgender women who can find work at all, find it with larger more diverse corporations.  Simply landing a job and living as we want is more like a "cup completely full."

As far as hers, chipped fingernail polish, pink tennis shoes etc, the cup is half empty. Then again,  Joni made the comment "maybe she will learn."

It has been my experience a great majority learn the basics of presenting as a woman from our own mothers. Others are "coached" from the girls sandbox.  The managers I respected the most in the restaurant business were the women.  They of course had to play both sides of the gender power struggle.  The simple answer for chipped finger nail polish was you can remove it as fast as it went on.  In all fairness to Lowes, I have seen few cashiers with long beautiful manicured nails but even fewer with ugly chipped polish. As thin as my nails have become (because of HRT), I normally have to work on them every night, just to look natural, clean and presentable. Polish is saved for special occasions.

As far as the shoes go and the 1960's men's pants on my "trans dar" woman, it's simply sad they had no one to say, hey, here is a better way.

Which leads me to "My cup is half empty" thought.  I have seen and known several transgender women in my past who after the "gender transition" buzz was over, they simply got tired of the work it takes for any female to present as a woman. No I'm not talking about magazine fashion models, I'm talking about women like my daughter with three kids.  It's no accident a recent study approximated a woman puts three times more into grooming than a man and a transgender woman has to put even more effort into appearance just to navigate the world.

But hopefully the Lowes employee is like the trans woman Liz and I see working at a convenience store close to her (and the one who openly worked where I live)-good for them! If they know it or not they are a beacon of hope to many of us!  Now, go fix that polish woman! You don't want to draw extra attention to thick hands!!!

Make it difficult on Pat's wife!!!!

Real World "Trans Dar"

On a recent comment, Pat relates a Trans Dar spotting I would like to comment on:

Yesterday we stopped at Lowe's for some hardware and paint items and there was a Lowes' clerk that I first encountered and who checked us out at the register. She had long very straight light blond hair that did not match her complexion. Her makeup was a bit loud, her teal nail polish was chipped, and her sneakers were festooned with hot pink details and laces. Otherwise she was wearing the Lowes uniform bib and the name plate "Jennifer".

While in the store my wife and I behaved like she was any other sales associate. The first thing my wife said upon leaving was, "That was a man". I fully agreed although I accept the 5% chance that we were both wrong. It was interesting in that my wife would use the male pronouns in our discussion but the overall vibe that this person presented was masculine. Her poorly manicured hands were large. Her walk was manly, as was her voice. She had several rather poor tattoos. On both forearms were tattoos that made her forearms look like Popeye's with his anchor tattoos. 

Even though I am about 5" taller than this person my wife did concede that even at my height and weight that I make a better looking and more presentable woman than our Lowes clerk...even if she fell in that 5% male/female margin of error.

What was so nice was the total normalcy of this person working as a sales associate at Lowe's. Other than giving my wife and I about 3 minutes of something to talk about on the ride home this person's working at Lowe's was neither odd nor unusual. I commented that if it were me presenting as a woman I would have rather worked at the Dress Barn a few doors down from the Lowe's. My wife matter of factly simply commented that the sales associate may have had more interest in the wares sold at Lowe's than the fashions at Dress Barn.

If you allow my cynical nature to cut in for a second, a constant fight I had with all my female servers at restaurants I managed was to not allow chipped nail polish.  My women servers never had the problem.  As far as your Lowe's person's overall look, she reminds me off an employee I used to see every now and then (not Lowe's, not a cashier) who had wonderfully highlighted hair, but then wore clothes which looked like she picked up in the reject pile at one of the Goodwill's here in town.  (Before you want to claw me, let me point out, I am a regular at Goodwill's and I too live on a very fixed income.) But! At the least, this person with the great hair, too much makeup and baggy man's pants from the 1960's had a job.  It was winter and I never got a real good look at the hands and I didn't see an Adam's Apple (which doesn't matter you can't see mine either.)

Of course you all know I just may have a few other ideas about the persons we observed (and maybe you too). I will get to them in a future post!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" Look out! Here comes another Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Page1.-  Equal Rights for All?  Well, not quite, but it looks as if "Prez Obama"is  set to sign a LGBT nondiscrimination executive order on Monday.  What it means is federal contractors will be prohibited 
against workplace discrimination as well as prohibiting discrimination against transgender federal employees.  Obama will amend Executive Order 11246, which prohibits federal contractors from discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex and national origin and was first issued by President Lyndon Johnson in 1965, to include sexual orientation and gender identity.

He will also amend Executive Order 11478, which prohibits discrimination against federal employees on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability and age and was originally issued by President Richard Nixon in 1969, to also include gender identity. That executive order was previously amended by President Bill Clinton in 1998 to include sexual orientation. Although the Obama administration has previously interpreted existing law to cover transgender federal employees, the order will ensure federal employees will now be formally and explicitly protected from discrimination on the basis of gender identity.

Obama’s executive actions will impact 24,000 companies that employ 28 million workers — a fifth of the nation’s workforce- immediately!

**Editor's note:  I wonder now if Mr. local candidate who has so publically made  homophobic remarks and  whose business thrives on government contracts, will say OK, to hell with the money?  I will continue to discriminate?

Page 2.- Caution! Trans-Dar in Use!  It was a big week here in the Condo talking about Trans Dar for some reason.  I have always liked the game, going back to when my wife was around and yes, it was almost sport.  Ironically, what was probably going on was, we were missing more transgender women or cross dressers in the world than we were supposedly "spotting."  The true shame was, there were a few here and there I would have loved to talk to.   I either wouldn't or couldn't.  Unless the two of us were at some sort of social mixer, speaking to another "sister of the cloth" was frowned upon,-unless my wife initiated the conversation.  Why you ask?  I believe now, she had some sort of paranoia about me going "too far" up the cross dressing road.  Her feminine warning bells were going off and they were totally true.  These days, though, the problem is knowing exactly what level of gender expression you may be looking at.  My wife was a rare mix of arch conservative and inner liberal and it would be interesting to see eight years later how she would have felt.  Back in those days, she actually worked with a fairly big group of gay men (which included a couple of beautiful performing drag queens.)  They always discussed their "Gay-dar" but I think Trans Dar was pretty much unknown.  Plus, these days, HRT can throw many individuals into more of an androgynous look which is a whole other story all together!

Page 3.- Coming Out Again and Marking my Gender Spot.  Per norm with me, the few times I have come out to the few peeps I felt the need to, one of two things happened.  Either they shut up about it, or have many questions.  As you have read, I am going through the "many question" phase with a friend now.  It has occurred to me, I  haven't come out to a male friend since my days in the Army in the 1970's.  I told two I was a transvestite.  I'm not making a value judgement on coming out to guys. I'm only saying I had very few "guy friends" who I truly considered friends in my life and they are all dead. So, I never had to face the situation anyway.   Just guessing it's easier for me to attempt to explain to a genetic woman why I want to play in the girl's sandbox than to tell a guy why I'm "switching teams."

Finally last week, I hitched up my big girl panties and called into the Ohio BMV to request a "Declaration of Gender" Form.  I'm sure I will be writing quite a bit about the process of changing gender markers as it unfolds in my life.

Page 4.- The Back Page.  I'm wrapping up this week with a comment from Pat:

You should feel good whenever you are complimented on your looks, thoughts, words or deeds. The bottom line is that the myriad of triggers that excite men is mind boggling. Your trans status and presentation will be a trigger for some men. I suppose it goes with the turf.

As long as I can keep most of the "weeds" out of the turf Pat, all will be good!!!  

All of you have a great week!!!

Was She or Wasn't He?

I haven't told all of you about my experience from the other night.

It follows the same path as the other "Trans Dar" posts, some of you have commented about, except this time I am not talking about a cross dresser or a transgender woman; I'm talking about a transgender man.  

So,  thanks to having been able to watch the FtM transition my friend is going through, my "trans dar" was going through the ceiling.  This guy's face was angular and "stubbly" and his voice was going through the change.  In other words, he was moving out of the "butch" category totally...I think.

Interestingly, I have never been with a genetic woman whose trans-dar zeroed in on a trans guy.  I use Pat's wife as an example around here (again)  It would have been interesting to have viewed her reaction the other night. I'm saying there would not have been one from her.She would assumed "lesbian" and moved on which is as unfair as assuming every cross dresser is gay. (Pat's wife wouldn't because she has more knowledge-I know.) Or perhaps,  if there was a reaction, she would have thought, Wow! that's a masculine woman!"

In a way, I feel sorry for Pat's wife because I use her thoughts or possible actions like I know her-which I don't.  We have never met and according to Pat, knows nothing about Cyrsti's Condo.  (Come on Pat, who knows everything about the woman they are with?)

Finally, no, he didn't speak to me and really didn't even glance my way hardly at all.  But, being the gossip queen I am , I did see one of the bartenders I know talk to him and heard him ask for her by name earlier. Chances are  I can find out the story!

Conspiracy Theory

I'm the first to admit I have been a little distant around here in Cyrsti's Condo and most of it does start with my friend who still is in an induced coma.  Even though she is decidedly older than me, she is yet another person I always assumed I would not outlive.

But there are other "follow the bouncing transgender" issues which of course come and go with regularity, along with various stages of intensity, which I won't bore you with now.

Fortunately, My active noggin does have a self defense mechanism which manufactures fun games for me to play with during these times. On this occasion it tossed at me,  two old conspiracy theories concerning famous women.

The first has to do with my trans-dar and Ann Coulter shown on the left.  Regardless of what she has always said and done to make a living, I simply have always looked hard for that operated on Adam's Apple. Her latest deal was slamming the soccer wave which is sweeping the country.  Who ever was reporting the story said she wondered if Ann played soccer when she was a little girl...my mind thought (before I knew it) was Ann ever a psychical little girl?  Please don't send me comments...it was just a rhetorical thought.

The second is a little more vague.  Perhaps many of you remember actress Mae West  She went back to the vaudeville days and was one of the more controversial movie stars of her day and encountered many problems, including censorship.  To many though, she was one of the great feminine caricatures of all time and so good-only a man could do it.  I thought no, certainly at death someone would have advanced the theory further! But then I thought, could Mae simply be our American version of the UK's Queen Elizabeth being a man theory?  Hey Paula, Vicki and all you other Brit ladies who stop by Cyrsti's Condo, we are just trying to keep up here in the colonies!

Well, that's it. Like I said, just a little fun to break things up when I get a little too serious about life!

I am Her, She is Me

Several times recently I have seen a person at a grocery store I go to all the time who I can not read the gender. As true of an androgynous person as I have seen for awhile.
No big deal of course but of course I started to think about how I view the public.
I used to constantly be on the outlook for another cross dresser. Have to tell you, without a lot of luck. Either the girls were very good in public, there weren't very many of them or I wasn't so good. Trans-dar?
How have things changed?
Well, really I don't care as much.
Let me see if I can explain it.
I have an old friend who I have mentioned a couple times who was one of the initial cross dressers I met back in the day when I was opening the closet door. He stayed in the cross dressing closet and of course I didn't.
We were discussing the "validation" part of presenting female. Then as now, having a guy on your arm as a "prop" is a very desirable goal. That's the easy part-in principle.
The "what ifs" come quickly.
What if you present as a reasonably desirable female and the man you are out with turns out to be just a little more than just a prop?  That little good night kiss becomes more than just validation.
At this point, my friend really had no idea of what that would be like and that's fine. He called the experience a morph of sorts and attempted to attach more of a sexual importance to it.
I compared the experience of morphing from a cross dresser to a transgender person with him to falling in love. If it happens-you know it.
I can almost tell you exactly where it happened and I can't remember what happened yesterday.
Finally, let me take it a step farther.
Using this process, I can work through the transsexual morph in my mind.  At whatever point in their life a true transsexual comes to a true realization of who they really are sexually. The transsexual's life becomes so much more complex than mine. TS's need to match the sexual and the mental  in their bodies- the ultimate morph.
By this time you are thinking "Cyrsti" this is all well and good but just where the hell are you going with this?
My point is of course I would notice an occasional cross dresser as would most folks.
It's just now, I feel so at home in the world...maybe I wouldn't?