Monday Monday?

It's days like today I struggle to find something to write about. Life goes on, transgender or not. Which still seems to be of some interest to many and often tedious to me. I "yam what I yam" Popeye said it best!

Last night was different though. An example was the young transgender guy (Schuyler Bailar) who switched from the Harvard women's to men's swim team in (I can't help it) mid stream. Of course, much of the key to his successful transition was an accepting family and coaches at Harvard.

Then there was the story of Martine Rothblatt on a later show. The ultra successful CEO just happens to be one of America's highest paid C.E.O's and a transgender woman-sort of:


Martine prefers not to limit herself to available words: She’s suggested using “Pn.,” for “person,” in place of “Mr.” and “Ms.,” and “spice” to mean husband or wife. But “trans” is a prefix she likes a lot, for it contains her self-image as an explorer who crosses barriers into strange new lands. (When she feels a connection to a new acquaintance, she says that she “transcends.”) And these days Martine sees herself less as transgender and more as what is known as transhumanist, a particular kind of futurist who believes that technology can liberate humans from the limits of their biology—including infertility, disease, and decay, but also, incredibly, death. 

Martine and her partner were on an episode of Nat Geo's God , the story of the Ftm swimmer is called "Switching Teams" on 60 Minutes

After watching both of these shows, I understood again why the rightest red necks can't understand us. You only have to try.

Schuyler Bailar

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Cyrsti's Condo - "The Sunday Edition"

Good morning kids, ker plunk! another "fabtabulous" Sunday Edition is hitting your front porch.  I like to refer to this type of Sunday morning here in Ohio, USA as a soft Sunday.  It's mild, slightly overcast and quiet, except for the hot pot "o joe" brewing away in the coffee maker.

Page1.- The week that was-or wasn't.  For no particular reason (like so many other things in my noggin), last week we discussed interactions between transgender women and transgender men and even journeyed into the lesbian culture too.  I went into my theories on a very complex subject and received several thoughtful replies from your end.  Including this one from Diane Michelle Ryan:

Susan Herr

Hi Cyrsti
Love your Blog. I have never had an problem with older lesbians but younger ones can look at us with tuff looks. I live in the Bay Area & see a lot of FTM's out here.

hugs 
Diane

Thanks Diane!!!!  You are right and I think the younger butch's or "soft studs" are in a situation where they "out" and "feeling their oats" so to speak.  Perhaps the "tuff looks" we see are a reflection of that and the older lesbians have mellowed.  Several I know have worked through the "how you identify" stage into the "person you are" stage.

In no order of importance, came this comment which spoke to the possibility of trans guys and trans women interacting and growing with each other.  From Shelli Anne Mulka:

I'm a transwoman myself and know three transmen fairly well. One of them and I go out for a dinner and a movie every month or so and really enjoy being a "couple'. It gives us each a chance to "fine-tune" our image to the real world, and we often end up laughing about each of us "running in opposite directions and side-swiping each other". It gives us a feeling of mutuality which might even lead to romance some day, a concept that really doesn't bother me all that much ! We just may have as much in common as most couples, who can say? Peace & Love, Shelli Anne

Peace and love to you Shelli Anne!  I find it very interesting when you look into the dynamics of a trans woman/man relationship.  I have two friends who went on a very bumpy ride.  I think through no fault of their own, both were experiencing natural changes during their transition and will come out of the process as difference people than at the beginning.  Difficult to negotiate at the best!

Page 2.- Trans dar!  "Oh no she dident"- Go there again!  We indeed did go there again here in the Condo.  I asked the question, what would you do if you had the chance to speak to another cross dresser or transgender woman you had never met before:

Again, we received several quality responses including Jen Smith:   If my trans-dar goes off I do often glance casually her/his way, and if we make eye contact I just give a slight friendly smile as I would to anyone. 
I really just make the glance to see what I can learn (good or bad) from how she is presenting.

And Pat:

My T-dar is almost always on and I think that the same is true for my wife but I sense her acute sensitivity towards potential T-folk may be due in part to her over all sensitivity to everything in her environment as well as having lived with me for all these years. I tend to think that most people tend to be oblivious to the fact that we live among them.

Of course Pat, my warped sense of humor loved the "we live among them" comment as a Halloween reference to Vampires - where she was going anyhow:

Alexander Bekker

Last year we were simple spectators at the Asbury Park Zombie walk. While there I gave a pint of blood at the bloodmobile outside the legendary Stone Pony. I just got a mailer from the blood bank about this year's Zombie walk. I think that perhaps my wife and I may do the dual ghoul walk and perhaps she would consent to me doing it in fem. I will be planning to give another pint of blood so it would be interesting to be a guy dressed as a dead woman getting my blood drained in broad daylight.

Thanks Pat!

The Back Page.-  As they say in the "old country" (where I live) we are out of space, time and maybe luck! Thanks for stopping by the Condo and especially participating!  I get sooo tired of asking my dog!

It's All in the Eyes?

Continuing on my last post about those pesky lesbians jamming my "trans-dar"- I brought up the question, "How does one know the difference when a lesbian does cross the border into transgender territory. Well, of course, one normally doesn't but of course I have formed a few opinions the hard way.

First of all, I am not the definitive resource on lesbians but have found out a number of factoids over the last few years. First of all, they are very possessive within their culture.  I have be invited to several lesbian "mixers" with friends over the years.  One of the first lessons I learned was, if my friend's perceived a woman they were interested in had a partner there-that was it. Look but don't touch.

Of course, after I calmed down about being there at all, I became interested about how I was perceived. I took for granted, that for the most part, all of the "mixers" knew I was transgender.  Truly, I never had to worry.  No one was mean, most ignored me but then again a few did approached me.  Once I was even asked if "I belonged to my friend I as with."  So I never did really encounter the "Terf" hate from radical lesbians which is so prominently written about-there. 

Possibly, I did though on two other occasions from two butch's who jammed my "trans-dar."  One came from the eyes of the woman I told you about in the last post with her husband and the other, from a very, very, very, butch in a gay venue I go to. As I was talking to her partner one night.   If looks could kill, I would have been a goner-twice!So, I assume even though both looked as if they could be transitioning, they weren't.

Now, if you switch gears to the transgender men I know, and the few I have met-their eyes are softer.  So for some reason, I don't threaten them.  The ironic part is, if I hadn't been told ahead of time, I wouldn't have known at all they were trans men.

What's happening here? Has the introduction of mean old testosterone into the Ftm men's lives helped to mold a kinder, multi layered man?  After all, we are so quick to toot our own horns about being some sort of "hybrid" gender, perhaps the Ftm's are more so? Even the trans men at the symposium I went to said not being raised in similar strict rigid gender boxes the boys were subjected to, helped them later to transition.

At the least, interesting "theories", at the best, I'm just happy I'm still alive to write about it!!!!

Curves Ahead!

No real secret the HRT feminization process adds curves and the Ftm transition adds angles.

I have been mentioning my trans man friend who just went through long awaited top surgery (well I understand!!!!) and how dramatically angular he is becoming.

The other day, I happened to find some ancient pictures of me which were actually proofs taken at one of those "specialty" photo places in a mall.    The paper and proofs quite naturally were in less than stellar condition, but the one thing which did stand out to me was how angular my face was then.

Just another example of how you have to look behind you to see how far you have come!

The Generational Transgender Gap?

As "Momma Karma" loves to do, on occasion, she gives me transgender comparisons on the same day and sits back and sees if I can grasp them. Yesterday was one of the rare occasions I did.

Here in Cyrsti's Condo, we posted the story of Robina Asti, who, in her 90's won a battle with Social Security over survivor benefits from her genetic male spouse she married after she legally became a woman-. Robina was a U.S. Navy combat pilot in WWII, transitioned at 55 and is now 93. (She still flys!)

At the other end of the age spectrum, at approximately the same time I was writing the post, I was doing a bit of rare multi tasking. To make ends meet on my Social Security, I sell a few vintage collectibles on a site called Etsy and on Ebay - plus I make a pittance on the ad's you see here in the Condo.  To keep my hyper active-easily bored noggin interested, I was taking a look at my "TruNorth Pickers" Etsy Shop and happened upon another shop which was looking for "transgender" items.  Of course, I immediately messaged the woman who was listed as the owner and asked her what trans items she was looking for, since I am a transgender woman.

Her rapid answer was, she wasn't 18 yet and her and her Mom had started a Etsy Shop (free) - and she was born female but she has a Mtf friend who is transitioning.  The awwwwh! moment came when she said Mom keeps real close track of her (good) but Mom supports her and her friend (better!) and they were looking for something pretty for her(the friend). The bad news came when she said she cross dresses as a boy and runs into quite a few haters. I just said haters just hated themselves inside and were jealous she was living her life to her standards and time was on her side!

We exchanged several messages, as even I had to get focused again on my day.  I felt really bad though when she said if I needed to talk I knew where she was.  I thought "Hey! shouldn't that be my line?"  But, I knew it couldn't because I always think "imparting excess info" on the young just conjures up "old fogy" - plus I didn't want her and her Mom to think I could be yet another internet slime ball.

So, in the space of an hour yesterday, I went from a pre-18 year old Ftm cross dresser to a 93 year old transgender woman battling for what was hers anyhow.

Isn't the internet grand?

The Passing of Matt Kailey

The news is beginning to make it's way around the cyber world that Matt Kailey died over the weekend, on Saturday, in his sleep, of a heart attack or heart failure.

If you didn't know, Matt was the highly respected force behind the Tranifesto Blog, the "Ask Matt" series and the Author of  Just Add Hormones.  

And, by the way, Matt was a transgender man.  Unfortunately I never had the occasion to meet him and felt lucky enough when some of my off the wall comments made their way on to his blog when I sent them in.

What always struck me about Tranifesto was how Matt addressed both transgender men and trans women.  I found that to be remarkable and a rarity in our community where so many are out to protect their "little mound of sand" at all costs.

Finally, I know a little about how much of a commitment and effort it takes to put the amount of work out that Matt did at such a high level.

Indeed a man's work is his legacy and Matt Kailey's is a huge one!

So Simple, So Powerful, So Sad

We Got Mail!

Our fancy high tech Cyrsti's Condo mailbox has been jammed full of responses lately.

 From Shelle  :"It is always risky to play in any part of the girls sandbox for girls like us, we are likely on most occasions to dig up something similar to what a cat may have buried there." True!! I'm afraid I have had some of the "buried treasure" dug up and tossed at me too but over the years I think I'm learning a little about how the cat fights too! What's that television slogan I'm seeing now? "Men fight wars, women wage battles."

Then to a couple comments on our FtM post. The first from Paula: " It is a great shame that so often the F to M seem too be ignored by the "T Community" I sometimes wonder just what sort of community it might be."  I used to think that too Paula. Sometimes now I believe the trans men are the force now in our community. What has helped me are the discussions I have had with my trans guy friend Draco. I wonder too what the future holds for the women and men of the transgender community.  For whatever reason I think stealth still hurts our side of the group more than the guys but I have absolutely no solid evidence to base my idea.  Let's call it trans woman intuition!


Finally, on the same FtM subject, Pat commented:
Many years ago I had a matter which called for some research into the medical issues involved in TS surgery. I recall finding one article in the medical literature written by a surgeon who did both MtF and FtM surgery and I will never forget this quote, "It is easier to dig a hole than plant a pole"

All you can say is all those years of medical school paid off for that surgeon!

Thanks to all of you girls! and guy!

Transgender Spouses in the Military

Seemingly, when it rains it pours with posts concerning transgender veterans and their interaction when serving on active duty and after they are discharged.

You regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know I am a transgender Viet Nam era veteran of the U.S Army, so of course I have a very active interest in all the happenings.

Another very active source for news is Out Serve Magazine and in particular Brynn Tannehill who writes:

"In the past few months, same sex military partners have been part of the collective American conversation. When the Fort Bragg Spouse’s Club resorted to naked discrimination and active condescension to keep Ashley Broadway out, it was splashed all over the news. When Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta extended as many benefits as possible to married same sex partners under the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), the LGB community celebrated. When the Supreme Court heard oral arguments on the constitutionality of Article III of DOMA, the plight of same sex military couples was front and center in the reasons for striking the law down. However, as all this was going on, I realized that another situation has gone unmentioned. What happens when the spouse of a military person is transgender? Some might argue that this is a very rare situation, and doesn’t need attention. However, my recent interactions with a number of transgender people associated with the military say that this situation is far more common than people realize.

A few weeks ago a trans woman in the Dayton area sent me a message asking me if I remembered a female colonel I worked for while I was still on active duty. I did, and replied that I liked her because she generally had a good read on who everyone in the command was and what they were doing. What she wrote next blew my mind. “She came out as a lesbian after she retired in 2008. We’re married now.” A little further digging revealed that they had met and gotten married after the trans woman had transitioned. However, because of military regulations and DOMA, the trans woman did not have base access, Tricare, or any of the other benefits the spouse of a retired colonel would normally have. In short, the military regards them as a same sex couple. But my marriage is regarded as a heterosexual one because I transitioned after we were married, even though in both cases we are trans women married to another woman.

At about the same time, I also spoke with a trans man in the military. He talked about the difficulties he and his boyfriend, a civilian trans man who lives in Washington DC, expect if they get married. Another situation that came up in discussion recently was a trans woman (MTF) I know who is closeted, but on active duty. She is married to a trans man (FTM) who is just starting transition. When the trans man civilian spouse went to medical to start hormone therapy, they refused to treat him unless his spouse came in and verified that she knew what was happening and approved.

Given all of these situations, figuring out which marriages the government will regard as gay or straight is a mind boggling exercise in one of the grayest areas of law. In the case of the retired colonel, the marriage is gay, but only because the trans woman transitioned before the marriage and wasn’t born in Idaho, Ohio, Tennessee, or Texas (where birth certificate gender changes are not legally allowed). However, the two trans men may or may not be a gay marriage, depending if the one in DC changed his SSN gender marker before or after they got married. The trans woman in the military married to a trans man is a heterosexual couple, but the trans man can’t change his gender in DEERS because of DOMA."

In addition, I live close to the Dayton, Ohio area mentioned above.

At the least- as Brynn wrote- this whole situation deals in the deepest shade of gender gray there is and this just scratches the surface. To read more go here.

For all the Women I knew BEFORE

I just believe it's time here in Cyrsti's Condo to expand the horizons around here! A start is this ftm transition video: