The Passing of Matt Kailey

The news is beginning to make it's way around the cyber world that Matt Kailey died over the weekend, on Saturday, in his sleep, of a heart attack or heart failure.

If you didn't know, Matt was the highly respected force behind the Tranifesto Blog, the "Ask Matt" series and the Author of  Just Add Hormones.  

And, by the way, Matt was a transgender man.  Unfortunately I never had the occasion to meet him and felt lucky enough when some of my off the wall comments made their way on to his blog when I sent them in.

What always struck me about Tranifesto was how Matt addressed both transgender men and trans women.  I found that to be remarkable and a rarity in our community where so many are out to protect their "little mound of sand" at all costs.

Finally, I know a little about how much of a commitment and effort it takes to put the amount of work out that Matt did at such a high level.

Indeed a man's work is his legacy and Matt Kailey's is a huge one!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Difficult to believe this is our last Sunday get together for 2013.  My Mom was right, "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The quicker you get to the end, the faster it goes." A true philosopher was Mom!

Here we go:

"Social Media".-  Enough is never enough!  Cyrsti's Condo is now on Pinterest joining my Twitter link, Facebook, Google+ and Linkedin.  It seems "networking" has become part of my life as a blogger.  I know some of you already follow a couple of my other spots but in reality almost all my original offerings are here in "the Condo". Here's why I link to them (which means very little):  Twitter is a great place to retweet very timely and important news quickly to a whole different group and it is soooo easy!  Facebook, I have never really understood the full benefit of being there or how to use it effectively-so I don't.  Plus FB seems to be "time needy". Google+ is simple and is part of this whole platform, so why not?  Linkedin is interesting in that I've been able to say hello to more than a couple very influential transgender people I respect such as "Frock Magazine's" Katie Glover  , transgender veteran activist Autumn Sandeen, top of the line transgender blogger and writer Matt Kailey , Femulate's Stana Stana and many more including the "es-steamed" Bobbie.

"Public Media"- "DuckBoy Phil " of Duck Dynasty managed to "mysteriously" have homophobic and racist comments published in GQ just before a holiday "marathon" presentation of the Louisiana Yuppies television show.  Of course the "Duckster" has now apologized and will be brought back in the Spring. Blah, blah, blah.

"Da Holiday's"  In modern society, it seems the most difficult part of the holidays is to slow down enough to enjoy them, although to all too many of the transgender community, this time of year is excruciatingly painful. Hopefully, you were able to celebrate the true meaning of the season.

"Sports! "  I know better to even mention the Cincinnati Bengals and the NFL playoffs in the same sentence but I did and I was met by a flood of negative feelings.  Almost as the negativity I feel towards The Ohio State University football defense.  As Mom also reminded us, "If you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all."  She reminded us but never came close to following the idea. But I'm going to follow the concept and shut up about sports! Could be worse, I could be a NYC sports fan! (Pat)

Coming up in the final days of 2013:  My much promised New Year's resolution and a final "Horror Scope".
Thanks for finishing the year with us here in Cyrsti's Condo!

Cis Privilege?

On occasion I recommend and quote from a really good blog I follow called Ask Matt.  Matt Kailey is a trans man but never really limits his scope to men and includes trans women too.

The more we all start to venture out into the public we naturally seek acceptance or some sort of understanding from other human types. This is often very difficult to find even from "friends" in our own LGBT "community" as seen in this comment from a FAAB (female-assigned at birth) genderqueer individual who is also gay  This person got a kick in the gut from very good friends (four lesbians, one gay guy) when they completely slammed the whole trans umbrella:

 “They essentially said that they do not believe that trans women belong in spaces such as the women’s group at the LGBT center, and same for trans men with the men’s group. I asked where I fit, and they were like, ‘You have a vagina, don’t you? With the women, duh.’ I felt like my entire identity was invalidated in that moment by the last people who should be doing that. “But then they made what some would consider a valid point: trans women grew up with male privilege, and that is something cis women have never had. Trans women wouldn’t know anything about menstruation and other issues that happen in that department that cis women want to discuss."

I am passing along a very short excerpt from the post and an equally short portion of Matt's answer. After which, I will give you the link for more.

"The reality is that most gay men and lesbians understand about as much about trans issues (and probably about as much about genderqueer issues) as non-trans, straight people (and those with a binary gender identity) do. Your friends probably don’t even realize that they hurt you, misgendered you, and pretty much discounted and/or trivialized your entire sense of yourself. What this demonstrates is not necessarily that your friends don’t care about you. What it demonstrates is that they can’t wrap their heads around who you are. They don’t understand your identity, they can’t relate to it, and they might not be all that interested in trying – or they might be."

The entire post is here.

Living Trans Between the Ears

I follow the "Ask Matt" blog quite a bit. Matt is a FtM transsexual. He gives me a wonderful prospective into how the "other half" lives plus provides information to you trans men here in Cyrsti's Condo.
Many times our experiences are the same except of course- the approach.
I am so fortunate to have two trans men who I call close friends. Both share experiences with me.
One is going through the coming out to work and family and the other passed along a mens' restroom excursion...just in the past two or three days or so. It's a rare look into the reality of a transgender man's world without the high tech, polished web look.
Here's the work experience:

" Today was a big day.  I had a meeting with my dept manager and my team leader.  They both have known me for over 7 years.  I felt it was going to be an interesting meeting.  I had told them that I had something personal that I needed to discuss with the.  Now my manager is probably 15 years or so younger than I am (probably more) and my team leader is probably 10 years or so order than I am.

Their reactions were much like everyone else's that I have told.  They were happy and enthusiastic.  My team leader even said "cool".  They both like the new name.  Tonight my manager even sent me a text message with quote that made her think of me and the journey that I am on.  The quote was, "It's impossible to consistently live inconsistently to what you really believe."  She then proceeded to tell me how happy she was for me and that she was proud of me.  It felt kind of funny since she is so much younger than I am but the support is great."

I feel so good for him! He has been through some hard times and it's about time karma shines a little light his way.
On we go to Matt and a reader question from a person's whose partner is a transgender man. He dressers in a masculine fashion and binds. He is considering top surgery but is not really considering "T". "He feels isolated by a community of people who call him fake or a 'cis' woman trying to feel special because he doesn't want to transition".

Matt's answer and more here.

Overall, the reoccurring ideas and thoughts I take from these posts are: Is it easier to for a trans man to use the men's room or a trans woman to use the women's room?

Finally, is the 20 to 30 something generation more accepting of the transgender/transsexual culture than older folks?

"Passing" This Along

From Matt Kailey (ftm trans man) comes a moving look at his 30 year high school reunion:
I'll simply say it's worth the effort to go here to check it out!