Where Did You Get Your Wig?

In my continuing saga of answering Missy's questions about my MtF transition path, a few I get on a weekly basis, a couple, every other week and finally others which I get frustrated with because of their frequency.

It's OK though.  One of her fondest repeats is when she sees the different sides of me, it is still me.  I know it's tough to explain to someone who knew me for nearly 30 years in my guy life, that between my ears I was never him.

Yesterday, to try to clarify, I pulled out the "mirror theory".  In other words, I know who I am now and to live it easier, a feminized version of my body makes the process easier.  In other words, I'm reflecting woman back to the world. But, to confuse her even more, on occasion I'm more of a gender fluid person.  Especially when I have to pull out my guy self from behind the curtain and insert him back into the game. Not unlike a puppet. I just know some of you are waiting to use the ventriloquist and dummy cheap shot!

2010

At this point,  I think I'm making a little headway with her (until she asks the same question next week.) Plus, while I am at this magical point, I try to go further in-depth and explain the impact of not having to not wear a wig.  Probably the most the one biggest positive of my HRT.. Whichever hair "Goddess" gifted me with all of this wavy, to the middle of my back hair- I will thank forever.

During the last several years since I went "wig-less" only a couple women have asked where I got my wig and they knew me through my "wig" years. They commented how "real" it looked and of course I said it is!

The best wig story I have comes from when I was in a gay venue watching a drag show some time ago and one of the performing drag queens came up and said, "I love your wig, honey."  In one of the rare moments I have ever seen a drag queen at a loss for words was when I said, "How do you know it is a wig, girlfriend!"  To the left you will see a 2010 "wigged" me (wigged out!).  I had two dark long wigs, the other was very straight.  Both seemingly were an "all or nothing" proposition.  Either I could get them on my noggin in a fairly decent matter - or I couldn't. More than once, I spent a night feeling totally uncomfortable because of my wig.

This whole subject is just another matter we share with the genetics. On Twitter I read recently a brief exchange asking where the editor of the xoJane site telling an inquiring reader-no, that is not a "Morticia Wig" she was wearing-it was her own hair. OOOPs! I wondered briefly if that was like asking a woman "when she is due" and she is not pregnant at all. Plus, lets not forget the upkeep required for your hair.
 
To the right is the last  picture taken of me in a wig and coincidentally is the one I was wearing when the drag queen commented to me.

Look, I do know how fortunate I am to be able to have and wear the hair I do.

I also know great wig ideas for novice cross dressers and beyond are available on Femulate .  Stana's style surely goes from head to toe!




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Trans-Dar

As we approach the Halloween costume and party season, the chances for our "trans-dar" senses to emerge will be even more frequent.

The "trans-dar" concept of course is with us 24/7 anyway.  I read about it most recently on Paula's Place,  but have seen Stana on Femulate pass along her experiences, as well as Mandy. Plus, Pat's comments here on the Cyrsti's Condo blog.  (I'm sure my old addled noggin is missing out on more of you I can't remember at the moment!)

Why "Trans-dar" at all?  I think our excursions into the girl's sandbox, no matter as a cross dresser or transgender woman, make us naturals.The only more natural "trans-dar" folks are genetic women.  Of course they have "lived" what we are attempting to live from day one. If they are true women and not just female baby makers, their "trans-dar" is even better. They know the effort it takes to have pride in your appearance and style while all the time making it look natural and effortless.

Here's a question, how many of us have actually acted when our "trans-dar" went off?  If you have, please tell me!  I can never remember hearing or reading of anyone who actually spoke to a cross dresser or transgender woman in public they didn't know. The chances have been slim for me.

I can't ever remember ever seeing more than ten or so individuals I thought may be a "sister of the cloth." Here are my excuses for not making contact: I wasn't totally sure, I couldn't get close enough to them, or they looked so scared and jumpy, I was afraid they would fall in their heels and hurt themselves running away.  My plan now is simple and one I wish I would have thought of years ago.  Just make eye contact and say "hi". That way I won't have to feel guilty about doing nothing.

Revisiting Halloween, it's the time of year for closeted CD's to get out and "strut their stuff!"  Similar to when I look at womanless pageant contestants- I am on the outlook for the level of "expertise".  I look for shaved legs, the probable expense of the "costume"  and how comfortable the person wearing it is.  Think of it as Cyrsti's version of "he might be a cross dresser-if."

Ironically, (as we will visit a number of times as Halloween approaches) much of the actual "fun" has gone out of the season for me as I have transitioned.  This year though, my partner Liz is working hard to put the fun back in Halloween and more!  She is also keeping her idea extremely secret.  I will tell all of you- when we all make it past the "need to know" basics.  I can only say I think I won't be setting off anyone's "trans-dar" in my female based costume-but a ton of "scare-dar."

Own it Girl!

Mandy recently sent it this comment which triggered quite a bit of thoughts from you know who:

I hope to be in LA early next year (date still uncertain), and plan to rent a car to do some local sightseeing as Mandy. My ability to pass is far from perfection...but I think I'll give it a try, rather than duplicating the guy Jen saw. If folks are that tolerant, Jen's comment makes me hopeful that it will work out OK for me!  (Jen's comment):

I recently saw a guy waiting to cross a street in LA that was wearing a blue knee length dress. He had feminine cut brown medium length curly hair, and wasn't making any attempt to pass his face off as feminine.

I was really impressed!

I've many times thought that if I can't get to the point of passing well enough, that maybe I should just go with dressing feminine and accept what mother nature gave me as far as my facial features.

Of course we all know "passing" involves a percentage of "location-location-location" but is changing  thanks in a large part to the "younger" peeps, just presenting as the gender you want to be is becoming increasingly less taboo.  

Mandy, we all are chasing perfection in our appearances. It's fleeting though (as I'm sure any genetic woman can attest to.) Once your perfect hair is ready, the wind blows it all around.  Once your makeup is perfect-the hot weather melts it off but - as the great philosopher Gary Gilmore  said before he was executed by firing squad in Utah (and I say to the mirror) "Let's do It!"  Bottom line is,  you will never find out how much you can accomplish in the the world as a woman till you do it.

Actually, the perfect foundation to wear as you begin to meet the public is about six inches thick. When we begin to take on the world our insecurities are at an all time high.  Even one mean comment can send you scurrying back to the closet for cover. Plus, playing on line can give you a double dose of idiots. One of my favorite examples comes from Stana of Femulate.  She once answered an on line troll who slammed her for not "passing." She replied (paraphrasing)  "I pass quite well.  I make sure nothing is coming and use my turn signals."  My own personal on line favorite was when I was called "just another old guy on hormones."  

You've all seen a couple of my (non photo shopped) in the real world pictures. They are the proof of the fact on my best days, I am a gender "tweener".  Now though, the only person I try to pass as is me. One of our readers Pat, has written to that idea too. Certainly we aren't alone and I'm sure there are many of you Cyrsti's Condo readers who subscribe to the simple fact of when you own who you are, the rest of the world may own you too.  

Good luck Mandy!

Leather Bikini's and Christmas Heels

Be warned kids, this Cyrsti's Condo post is coming from several different directions in my noggin.

First of all, most of you know I'm a regular visitor to Stana's Femulate blog. Thanks to January for sending in this comment:

Stana of "Femulate" fame reports that her desk has a photo of herself en femme. If anybody asked, it is simply a photo from a past Halloween, in the office. Very clever, that Stana.  I agree January, I think Stana is using the picture to get others at work around her "used" to the new person who could be there every day!

Most recently Stana asked the question :

When you’re out en femme, has another woman reacted negatively (or positively) because you looked better than her.   The question didn't resonate much with me for several different reasons except to make me consider why. (Primarily because it hasn't happened to me much or at all for years.) Plus, at this stage of my tranisition, I don't consider myself out en femme but bless all that do!

But, at the very same time I was thinking about all of this, I happened to see a show on outlaw biker gangs. The show interviewed one woman who said she was attracted (like so many others) to power and danger and there was no better place to experience it than on the back of a Harley motorcycle.(Not to mention the sexual charge my genetic women friends say they experience on a bike.) By then,  I'm thinking why is this intriguing me so? Finally, I connected the dots to long ago Tri-Ess cross dresser Christmas parties, which I had no desire to go to. Instead, I was admiring the long haired boots and bikini women riding on the back of bikes heading into the giant party at Sturgis. To hell with a party dress! I needed a new wig.

Here's the kick. As a guy, I owned  muscle cars and sports cars but never a motorcycle of any kind. Plus, personality wise, I was pretty much too nice to attract any of the bad girls. I always resented the women who felt that way- so where the hell did all this come from? Who knows?

To be sure, the chances are very dim I will be riding into Sturgis with my D breasts (Beginning with acquiring them!) in a leather bikini top any time soon on the back of a Harley. But that's OK, I will live. In the meantime, embracing and exploring all my contradictions can be fun because fighting them can be hell.

Potty in Peace

As I was catching up Cyrsti's Condo, I read one of Stana's posts in Femulate about a site called Refuge Restrooms.  

Like her, I am going to pass along the link to all of you. Depending of course of where you are in your transition and how your presentation is coming along, the simple act of going to the potty can be problematic. I have told you my restroom stories of being called a perve, cops called twice and possibly being tarred and feathered by two women in a state in the deep south when I was on a bus tour with my partner. It's only been recently that restroom problems seem to be in my past and every once in a while, I run my "do's and don'ts" of using the "women's room".

In the meantime, you can visit the "Refuge" site here and maybe add your own to the list.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Difficult to believe this is our last Sunday get together for 2013.  My Mom was right, "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The quicker you get to the end, the faster it goes." A true philosopher was Mom!

Here we go:

"Social Media".-  Enough is never enough!  Cyrsti's Condo is now on Pinterest joining my Twitter link, Facebook, Google+ and Linkedin.  It seems "networking" has become part of my life as a blogger.  I know some of you already follow a couple of my other spots but in reality almost all my original offerings are here in "the Condo". Here's why I link to them (which means very little):  Twitter is a great place to retweet very timely and important news quickly to a whole different group and it is soooo easy!  Facebook, I have never really understood the full benefit of being there or how to use it effectively-so I don't.  Plus FB seems to be "time needy". Google+ is simple and is part of this whole platform, so why not?  Linkedin is interesting in that I've been able to say hello to more than a couple very influential transgender people I respect such as "Frock Magazine's" Katie Glover  , transgender veteran activist Autumn Sandeen, top of the line transgender blogger and writer Matt Kailey , Femulate's Stana Stana and many more including the "es-steamed" Bobbie.

"Public Media"- "DuckBoy Phil " of Duck Dynasty managed to "mysteriously" have homophobic and racist comments published in GQ just before a holiday "marathon" presentation of the Louisiana Yuppies television show.  Of course the "Duckster" has now apologized and will be brought back in the Spring. Blah, blah, blah.

"Da Holiday's"  In modern society, it seems the most difficult part of the holidays is to slow down enough to enjoy them, although to all too many of the transgender community, this time of year is excruciatingly painful. Hopefully, you were able to celebrate the true meaning of the season.

"Sports! "  I know better to even mention the Cincinnati Bengals and the NFL playoffs in the same sentence but I did and I was met by a flood of negative feelings.  Almost as the negativity I feel towards The Ohio State University football defense.  As Mom also reminded us, "If you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all."  She reminded us but never came close to following the idea. But I'm going to follow the concept and shut up about sports! Could be worse, I could be a NYC sports fan! (Pat)

Coming up in the final days of 2013:  My much promised New Year's resolution and a final "Horror Scope".
Thanks for finishing the year with us here in Cyrsti's Condo!