Life in the Box

Continuing a post I wrote yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo which I compared my MtF gender transition to climbing into the "girl's sandbox" .  I break it down further in my book  "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" but for simplicity (like my mind), here are a couple of thoughts.

For the record, I have nursed my biggest scratches over the years, from two groups-"A-list" genetic and TS women.  I leaned quickly from both, who sought me out for my comeuppance (as they say in my part of the world.) My first lesson came years ago at one of the transvestite "mixers" I used to attend.  I was always fascinated by the diversity of the group and loved to go out with a certain few after the "meeting" and party. The problem was, this group made up most attractive cross dressers in the room.(Not the most feminine though.)  They knew it and were very similar to the socialite/cheerleader types I encountered in high school.  To "tag along" was OK by them, as long as we all knew I didn't really belong. Lesson learned.  Maybe I didn't fit it with those girls in the sandbox, but there were others I was finding who indeed I did!

As most cat scratches do, I heeled and found more acceptance in the box than I ever thought possible.As we have discussed here in the "Condo" most genetic women are curious why you would even want to play in the sandbox at all and move on. My problems occurred when I wanted to use the "litter box" and I got scratched big time.  Through it all, I learned to watch my back because there could be a woman coming after me with a patented "passive aggressive" feminine attack.

Finally, I learned the worst attacks in the box came from those I couldn't even see, transsexual and transgender women who sit safe behind their computers and blast away.  I used to get mad (still do) and hurt (still do) but for the most part understand I put myself out here and with it comes abuse.

So now, I happy with my little spot of sand in the girl's sandbox and I have playmates too.  Plus on the positive side, I have interacted with sooooo many good hearted peeps like all of you.

Thanks for playing in our sandbox!!!

Transition by Definition

Several years ago, we ran a post here in Cyrsti's Condo called Beyond Transition. At that time I mentioned I had a few more thoughts to share on the matter.  I was curious to see how many (if any) of my ideas had changed over the years:

"Beyond Transition" is a huge idea to be sure. I look at transition as a passage from point "a" to point "b".  When I look at the transgender community as a whole, does anyone ever really get to point "b"? My only point of reference is when I'm out with friends and I lose any sense of gender. I simply just am who I am. Have I transitioned, am I done? Am I the same as a transsexual woman who has gone through SRS and lives her life with no fanfare down your street? Could be...or not.

Although I have not had the surgeries the trans woman down the street has had, would her transition qualify as being more complete?  Probably not. In essence if either of us is facing taking estrogen till the day we die, we are still transitioning.  Perhaps the only defining separation is one of us is determined to talk about our life to hopefully lend some guidance to others - the other not and that's fine too.

On the other hand transitioning does imply a certain series of events.  The external move from gender "a" to "b" is very clear. You decide you need to change to live, you begin to socialize yourself in your non birth gender, you decide you want to ingest chemicals into your body to further the process and you go "under the knife" to complete any physical changes you may deem necessary. This black and white process looks very good on paper and especially works well with a male mind but often runs into problems with the mental processes.

In my case, some would assume I already have the problems with my mental processes, so it's been damn difficult on occasion to sort out what is coming from where.  An example is years ago on my first visit to a "gender therapist", she asked if I had any problems with my cross dressing. I said no but I did have problems on the effect it was having on my marriage.  To make a long expensive story short, the only good result of the visits was that she diagnosed me with a very clear bi-polar disorder.

So I guess transitioning is in the mind of the beholder.  The TS woman down the street may be "snug as a bug in the rug" in her stealth life.  On the other hand, I don't think I have ever been snug at anything. If the river is calm, bring me a boat to rock to see if I can tip it in my heels. Plus I hope I never lose the wonder of where this life has taken me.

Years ago when Uncle Sam let me go after three glorious years, I was discharged at Ft. Dix in New Jersey where my car was waiting from Germany.  I threw my duffel bag in the back seat of my 1973 VW Beetle and headed home to Ohio.  The next morning was clear, blue and beautiful when I got onto the Pennsylvania turnpike.  Just for a split second at a toll booth on a hill and had a chance to look at the road in the valley ahead. What a rush of freedom it was!  I thought I would never have a chance to reclaim that moment again but guess what - I'm close. Never say never.

So I guess my transition will only end when I depart this life and I look back and think how crazy it was that being transgender was so earth shattering. I will get back to you on that!

We Got Mail!

Our fancy high tech Cyrsti's Condo mailbox has been jammed full of responses lately.

 From Shelle  :"It is always risky to play in any part of the girls sandbox for girls like us, we are likely on most occasions to dig up something similar to what a cat may have buried there." True!! I'm afraid I have had some of the "buried treasure" dug up and tossed at me too but over the years I think I'm learning a little about how the cat fights too! What's that television slogan I'm seeing now? "Men fight wars, women wage battles."

Then to a couple comments on our FtM post. The first from Paula: " It is a great shame that so often the F to M seem too be ignored by the "T Community" I sometimes wonder just what sort of community it might be."  I used to think that too Paula. Sometimes now I believe the trans men are the force now in our community. What has helped me are the discussions I have had with my trans guy friend Draco. I wonder too what the future holds for the women and men of the transgender community.  For whatever reason I think stealth still hurts our side of the group more than the guys but I have absolutely no solid evidence to base my idea.  Let's call it trans woman intuition!


Finally, on the same FtM subject, Pat commented:
Many years ago I had a matter which called for some research into the medical issues involved in TS surgery. I recall finding one article in the medical literature written by a surgeon who did both MtF and FtM surgery and I will never forget this quote, "It is easier to dig a hole than plant a pole"

All you can say is all those years of medical school paid off for that surgeon!

Thanks to all of you girls! and guy!

Trans Labels

A friend passed this look along to me. It's a breakdown of labels in our community from transsexual to cross dresser to transvestite.
For the sake of reference, I will pass along this is a long time friend who used to participate in the cross dresser arena and now observes.
Take a look.

Opinions, like ass holes, are everywhere.  Here's another one:

Who/What are you?  I don't believe the community is as tight knit as one would think.  Seems to me that the only thing they have in common is a need to be respected.

--TS' seem to think they are sitting on top of the mountain, absolved of all previous "sins".  They could care less what others think  

--TG's sometimes want to be TS and sometimes think that would be going too far.  They worry about how they present and really don't care to be outed as a guy.

--CD's love to transform but can break down into drab without too much of an emotional issue.  There could be a sexual component but it tends to be "bi" rather than "self".  

--TV's may look good or not so good.  They're in it to stimulate Mr. Winkie and not much more.

--DQ's are theatrical.  And it could be serious theater, comedy or song and dance.  There's no issue when they return to drab and I don't believe dressing has a great deal to do with sex.

Of course I don't want to forget "DQ" Drag Queens! How could I?

For the rare sake of simplicity, I'm keeping my words shut...no editorial comments! Aren't you lucky?