Hairdressing

Tomorrow is my second visit to my new hairdresser. In addition to taking a look at the progress/regress of my hair color. We have plenty to chat about.

If you may, or may not remember, it was the expert's idea to let my hair return to it's original color. I don't think the original idea will work but we will see. Plus, from there, we can go to another shade or color which might work better. Either way, it will be a fun visit with a person who has a transgender son (FtM) of her own. Her son has been going to one of those East coast trans kids camps this summer, so I will be interested to see how it went. The goal is to get him hired as a counselor in the future.

I am sure too, she will bring up my voice training, although it is too early (I think) for many real results. The point most miss about vocal training is the safety factor. Potentially, if you find yourself in a sketchy situation, your voice could be the tipping positive factor. One never knows. Not all of us are fortunate enough to live in a liberal, pro LGBTQ area. Or have plenty of "passing" privilege.

Regardless, outside of a screwed typical Cincinnati detour to get there, I'm looking forward to a fun morning.

We Got Mail!

Thanks to three of you girls who responded to my post on the Uni-Sex bathroom at the Cincinnati Pride:

1. Mandy ShermanJune 25, 2018 at 1:08 PM

   "Sounds like a good time was had despite the issue! And that everyone was tolerant... "
   
   Mandy

   They had no choice :) but I don't think some were happy about it! All in all, it was the great equalizer.
2. 
   Michelle HartJune 25, 2018 at 3:33 PM

   "I have to agree about "T" being very evident at both the Polk Pride event and at the St Pete Pride. There were still a smathering of Queens in their getups but I saw an almost 50-50 mix of MtF as well as FtM."
3.             Great!
4. 
   
5. 
   FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJune 25, 2018 at 3:33 PM

   "It took a lot of pressure off..." So to speak. huh? :-)
   
   Here in Seattle, the big parade was yesterday. I chose, instead, to attend a "Celebration of Life" for an old friend of mine who passed away a couple of weeks ago. It seems that I could document my own transition along with the critical illnesses and deaths of family and friends over the last ten years. Each one has its own significance, and each one has led to my introduction to others who had never met me as I am (though, many of them had heard about my transition through the grapevine). Yesterday was no exception, and I guess I kind of had my own pride parade as I walked around the room with the purpose of introducing myself. Ya know, you have to have some pride in order to be able to do that!
   
   Getting the "You're so brave" comment from others seems to always come up. I try to explain that it's not so much bravery as it is the confidence I have in who I am, and, with thought of pride, I am also proud to be who I am. Some of the people I talked with would never even have considered attending a pride event, but they got a dose of it from me yesterday, anyway!
   
   The results of my efforts were mixed, but the worst I received was indifference. There was one man, a "born-again Christian," who was quite pleasant, albeit not totally accepting (I don't believe) of what I am "doing." That's fine with me, and I did receive a few hugs from others to make up for it.
   
   The last time I saw my departed friend was just a few days before he died of the terrible cancer that had ravaged his body. He was so frail, yet he made the effort to stand up and give me a big hug as I was leaving his house. This surprised me, as we had only seen each other once before since I began transitioning. Prior to that, he had had no desire to even see me. We were friends for forty years, but when he heard that I was transitioning, he apparently envisioned something disgusting and repulsive. When we did finally meet a couple years ago (at another funeral, by the way), I heard later that he'd told his wife, "Well, that was sure anticlimactic." Very shortly after that, he was diagnosed with the cancer that eventually took his life, but we still didn't meet again until just before his death. That hug we shared, though, made up for all the lost time.
   
   If there's a moral to this recounting, I think it's that we need to remember that pride is so much more than a yearly event. Being proud oneself shows through to others every day of the year, and the icing on that cake is when you learn that someone else is also proud to know you....just the way you are. "
6.             Sorry for the loss of your friends!
   

Cyrsti's Condo Weekend "Archive Post"

Thursday, September 25, 2014

It's All in the Eyes?

Continuing on my last post about those pesky lesbians jamming my "trans-dar"- I brought up the question, "How does one know the difference when a lesbian does cross the border into transgender territory. Well, of course, one normally doesn't but of course I have formed a few opinions the hard way.

First of all, I am not the definitive resource on lesbians but have found out a number of factoids over the last few years. First of all, they are very possessive within their culture.  I have be invited to several lesbian "mixers" with friends over the years.  One of the first lessons I learned was, if my friend's perceived a woman they were interested in had a partner there-that was it. Look but don't touch.

Of course, after I calmed down about being there at all, I became interested about how I was perceived. I took for granted, that for the most part, all of the "mixers" knew I was transgender.  Truly, I never had to worry.  No one was mean, most ignored me but then again a few did approached me.  Once I was even asked if "I belonged to my friend I as with."  So I never did really encounter the "Terf" hate from radical lesbians which is so prominently written about-there. 

Possibly, I did though on two other occasions from two butch's who jammed my "trans-dar."  One came from the eyes of the woman I told you about in the last post with her husband and the other, from a very, very, very, butch in a gay venue I go to. As I was talking to her partner one night.   If looks could kill, I would have been a goner-twice!So, I assume even though both looked as if they could be transitioning, they weren't.

Now, if you switch gears to the transgender men I know, and the few I have met-their eyes are softer.  So for some reason, I don't threaten them.  The ironic part is, if I hadn't been told ahead of time, I wouldn't have known at all they were trans men.

What's happening here? Has the introduction of mean old testosterone into the Ftm men's lives helped to mold a kinder, multi layered man?  After all, we are so quick to toot our own horns about being some sort of "hybrid" gender, perhaps the Ftm's are more so? Even the trans men at the symposium I went to said not being raised in similar strict rigid gender boxes the boys were subjected to, helped them later to transition.

At the least, interesting "theories", at the best, I'm just happy I'm still alive to write about it!!!!

JJ's Sunday Edition

Welcome! Ker Plunk! The Sunday Edition is hitting your virtual front porch!
Weather: Ohio summer heat, humid with a chance of monsoons, let's grab a cup of cold "joe" or iced tea and get started.

The Week that Was or Wasn't: With the appearance of a real live transgender woman speaking at the Democratic National Convention, the Dems drew a definite line in the sand with the "Lets Make America White/Straight Again" Republican minions. Also the week saw the the NBA moving it's All Star game and approx 100 million dollars out of North Carolina. The bigoted governor there still refuses to cave in to pressure to protect transgender rights.

Yesterday's Coffee: Opinion: Friday night I had the pleasure of attending a monthly all inclusive safe haven event with a very young friend of mine who is exploring his gender (ftm). Of course at my age I have a difficult time even remembering even when I began to come out. On the bright side, he asked me tons of questions which began to get my mind moving again. We were both fortunate to listen to a wonderful transgender woman speaker- as the speakers can be on most any topic.

The Back Page: Thanks for taking your precious time to stop by JJ;s House! Be safe and remember I luv you all!

Transgender Beauty Queen

By now you are thinking Cyrsti, that is not so new anymore, fortunately. Plus, the nature of Cyrsti's Condo subject matter is normally MtF in nature (since of course is what I am.) So, waaaaasssup?

This story about Ashton Colby story though is different. Ashton is a FtM former beauty queen. That's right kids, he gave up his trophy to be a ...man?

From Today "Health & Wellness" The Columbus, Ohio, native spent his teen years competing on the notoriously gender-normative pageant circuit, a way of suppressing his natural inclination to behave the opposite way. "From a young age, I was a tomboy," Colby recalled. "Before puberty, it's fine to be that person. But in middle school, kids start making fun of you, and adults start having other expectations of what your life should be."

A typical story to be sure, but not one considered deeply by trans women consumed by the "what ifs"  of even having the chance to be considered a "tom boy". What we don't realize in our onward 
hell bent rushes to be women, trans guys have it just as bad.

Ashton's story provides more than a little insight. Make sure to follow the link above for more.

Youth Will Inherent the World-Thank Goodness!!

As I head all too quickly towards the double sixes" (66 years old), I watch increasingly with interest what the younger transgender generation is up to. Recently, I ran across this look from Newsweek about the relationship between a young transgender man (coming out) to his lesbian girl friend. 

Freddie Bologno, right, and his girlfriend Tile Wolfe

(Trans man)Freddie Bologno, 27, works at Do Something, a digital organization that helps young people push for social change through social media and text messaging. For Bologno, the text was a way to both come out publicly and start a conversation about being young and transgender. But before coming out to the world, Bologno had to talk to his girlfriend, Tile Wolfe. “I just started crying,” says Wolfe, remembering the moment Bologno said he wanted to start taking hormones to transition from female to male. “Not because I was sad, but because this was suddenly so real.”

Even though I know enough about social media to be semi dangerous, the idea Freddie could text this to 2.4 million people still staggers me.

Bologno continued: “I’ve texted for DoSomething as Alysha for 3yrs, but I’ve been struggling. I'm trans, I'm Freddie!” In many ways he could be speaking for so many of us, in or out of the closet - we are transgender on so many levels  and are NOT going away.

Trans Guys

I wanted to take a moment here in Cyrsti's Condo to pass along a moment recently which jammed my "trans-dar" completely.

It occurred in the huge sports bar I have been going to (and welcomed in, for years.)  On more than a couple occasions I have noticed this couple who has ended up setting close to me by pure accident.  They both wore wedding rings and he looked as if he was a 50 something laid back bearded guy. His companion though, I just couldn't tell. I am going to call her "she" because I found out she was.

Rarely have I seen a person this androgynous.  From haircut, to clothes to everything- I couldn't tell.  The venue is located very close to an big Air Force research center so it's not uncommon to see couples not married chatting (right or wrong.) Truthfully, the only gender giveaway was when I wasn't paying any attention, I would hear a semi loud feminine voice-where there shouldn't have been one, I turned around and it was her.

Stav Strashko

Ironically, I had a chance to take my curiosity to a higher level, one of the bartenders I have known in there for literally years now. Later in the evening, a sharp dressed young guy worked his way into an open spot at the bar and ordered a couple beers.  I thought "damn" I'm getting older than I thought when a fuzzy faced kid who looked liked he was 16 ordered a beer. (I saw her I.D. him.)

So, when my friend had a spare moment, I asked her first about the first couple and she said indeed they were married and as far as she knew the wife was genetic, and loved motorcycles. At the same time, I was beginning to wonder if the "fuzzy faced" guy who ordered a beer- was a guy at all either.  I asked her and with the same smirk she uses with me when I'm "ditzin"- said "No Cyrsti, another girl."

Immediately I felt the world was changing quickly.  Perhaps even more so with the transgender men.  Draco, my trans man friend who I mention here, have talked about the thin line between "super butch" lesbians and transgender men and how difficult often it is to tell. (So I feel better-or he is trying to humor me.)

Marie Claire Itália Setembro 2014

Since you all know I'm always trying to over think everything, I may have come across how possibly I can have a better idea of figuring out so so called "other side of the transgender coin".  Get your pens and notebooks out kids, we will get to the grand theory in a future post!

Buying A "Girl's" Car

As always is the case, when I think I have a little bit of extra money set aside for whatever, whatever came down quickly in the form of needing a different car.

I ended up buying a used hatchback which I know I have way too much expectations of.  The one thing I do know about it is-it looks like a girl's car.  You may ask, Cyrsti, how do you define a "girl's car?"


The extreme example is on the left and while my car is a far cry from that, it's also not a diesel full sized pick up truck either.

I have grown used to buying "girl's cars'" I guess.  Back in the 70's when I got out of the Army, I brought an VW Beetle (not pink) back from Germany where I was stationed.  But those were the hippie days and no one called it a "girl's car".

Surprisingly to me, after I drove a series of pick up trucks and SUV's, my next "girl's car"  was a Porsche Boxster I bought when I had money.  All the time, I thought it was a "mid life crisis man's car" until I was told by one of my nephews it was a "girl's car."

By the time I had to get rid of the Boxster, I was loosing everything and I was only concerned with a vehicle which started, had storage space and was "winter" worthy.  I found a small SUV, drove it to work and someone asked "who was driving the girl's car?"

I suppose I should be complimented, right?  Yes I was driving a girls car...because...just because.

Draco and the "Girls"

To clarify, the Draco in this post is my trans man friend and "the girls" are my breasts.

The reason I'm bringing Draco up again is he is having his FtM top surgery in a couple days.  For those of you who do not know what that is- he is surgically having his breasts removed.  At the same time of course that I am celebrating mine.  I wish him all the best of course and marvel at all he has taught me- if he knows it or not.  To catch all you newer Cyrsti's Condo visitors up, Draco and I go way back and essentially started to transition at the same time- although he has gone way past where I am. (Damn testosterone! :) )

From the first time I met Draco, he just didn't register female at all although I think he was struggling in the lesbian gray area sometimes called "Super Butches". Now his face is squaring off, his voice is going through puberty and if he isn't shaving yet...it's coming soon.  Good for him!

Being the gentleman that he has always been, he did offer to let me have his breasts.  But somehow, medical science hasn't caught up with that yet!  I do marvel though, at how breasts go so far in defining a gender.  He needs his gone to define him as a man and of course when I wake up in the morning with the girls, my mind thinks this is the way I was always supposed to be. And, how are the girls?  Since my two mammograms, much has happened. The first is my girls seem to be less dense and  filling out more in all directions. I'm noticing more development under my arms and in the area between the girls primarily.

So thanks anyhow Draco for your offer to share - you know I appreciate it!

I will be thinking of you the next couple days and wishing you a speedy recovery!!!! I know you have waited a long time!!!

Was She or Wasn't He?

I haven't told all of you about my experience from the other night.

It follows the same path as the other "Trans Dar" posts, some of you have commented about, except this time I am not talking about a cross dresser or a transgender woman; I'm talking about a transgender man.  

So,  thanks to having been able to watch the FtM transition my friend is going through, my "trans dar" was going through the ceiling.  This guy's face was angular and "stubbly" and his voice was going through the change.  In other words, he was moving out of the "butch" category totally...I think.

Interestingly, I have never been with a genetic woman whose trans-dar zeroed in on a trans guy.  I use Pat's wife as an example around here (again)  It would have been interesting to have viewed her reaction the other night. I'm saying there would not have been one from her.She would assumed "lesbian" and moved on which is as unfair as assuming every cross dresser is gay. (Pat's wife wouldn't because she has more knowledge-I know.) Or perhaps,  if there was a reaction, she would have thought, Wow! that's a masculine woman!"

In a way, I feel sorry for Pat's wife because I use her thoughts or possible actions like I know her-which I don't.  We have never met and according to Pat, knows nothing about Cyrsti's Condo.  (Come on Pat, who knows everything about the woman they are with?)

Finally, no, he didn't speak to me and really didn't even glance my way hardly at all.  But, being the gossip queen I am , I did see one of the bartenders I know talk to him and heard him ask for her by name earlier. Chances are  I can find out the story!

Trans "Girl Chat"

I have made mention here in Cyrsti's Condo of my two dear transgender friends, one a trans man and the other a trans woman.

The other night, I also made mention of the Equality Ohio meeting my trans girl friend invited me to attend. Afterwards, we were able to sit down and engage in some very rare T-girl chat.

No matter how you cut it, our experiences are so unique, it's difficult to even find another transgender person geographically close to you-let alone be able to sit down and talk face to face.

Even though my friend is much younger than me, in many ways we are at the same cross roads in our transition.  An example is how we both agonize over actually pushing ahead with our gender marker changes.  My problem is a combination of pure laziness and procrastination more than anything else. I'm notoriously bad about not living in the present, so if something isn't particularly bothering me (gender markers) then I can easily put them off in my mind.  As we discussed (and I have written in the past)  changing your gender marker with the DMV here in Ohio is not particularly tough and (as I understand it) neither is the social security set up.

On the other hand here,  birth certificates are impossible.  Plus, my trans guy friend has done all he could including a legal name change, so he knows the process and I can ask him for specifics.  I do know I have to go back to my therapist at the VA to get some sort of a letter too, so that is not much of a problem.  Other than that, I don't want to even get into how the VA works, except to thank trans vet Autumn Sandeen (shown above) for opening many doors I will need to go through to change my markers in the VA system which is a huge step towards NOT being called by your male name when you go in for an appointment.


Other than the marker chat, we talked about her work and how she planned to handle any transition on the job.  All three of us have gone different routes with jobs.  I of course am retired but I could tell you without a shadow of a doubt my last employer would have made any transition on the job hell on me.  My trans man has transitioned on the job already (with - as I understand it various stages of acceptance.) Finally, my trans woman friend has not transitioned past the point of being viewed (I imagine) as a very effeminate man.  One of them works for a perceived diverse company and the other company-not so much.  Bottom line is, she has a lot to consider with transitioning on the job including no real legal protection.

By now you are probably thinking, did you two have any sort of girly girl chat?  Yes we did.  She asked me why I rarely wear skirts and what was I doing about facial hair. Truthfully, I am very much a contradiction in terms (again) in that I'm sort of a "Tom-Boy" trans woman and that's the way it is. (It sends the trans purists over the edge. Like I'm supposed to conform to their ideas?)  As far as electrolysis goes, I have a couple problems called finances and aversion to pain. On the other hand, my friend is already baby smooth but seems to always be heading back for more treatments.

Finally, before we parted ways-we did talk about the future on a bigger "what if" scale, as far as possible surgical procedures.  My trans man is actually close to his "top surgery" and I wish him the best and all of a sudden, there is a glimmer of hope (with recent developments) I may be able to at least look into the two procedures I would really like to have-breast augmentation and FFS, facial feminization surgery.  I will have to get back with you on what my trans friend thought about herself except she "really" wanted something done about her nose.

So, all in all, it was a fun couple of hours with another person who has walked a mile in my shoes and vice versa. They are so difficult to find!!!

Playing with Transgender "House Money?"

One of the sweeping generalizations I made here in Cyrsti's Condo, after the Trans Ohio Symposium was how the differing groups acted. Two were pretty much "playing with house money" and one wasn't.

Very simply, the trans men and transgender women of color seemed to be enjoying themselves more-and were more social. You can guess how the white transgender women were acting - if you know many or have interacted with them on line.

Laverne Cox

I have my theories (of course).

The most obvious was put into words the other night by my transgender man friend Draco. From nature or nurturing, little girls aren't put into the rigid boxes boys are and do get to experience the world on more levels. Plus most trans guys do transition on the outside easier than trans women. As correct as Draco was,  I still didn't understand why so many of the other FtM's attending were so grumpy-except the ones of color.

Of course writing about race is a very sensitive topic in this country.  So, the only thing I'm going to say about the trans women of color attending were- they out and social. They have serious reason's to be. One of the reasons is a great majority of the violence directed towards the transgender community is directed against women of color. I can't and won't even try to speak to how the culture of color feels about the number of sex trade workers and drug abusers.  What I wish I could do is direct you where you could read a poem read by a young trans man of color before Kye Allums spoke. Their group deserved a spot in the sun at the symposium and do benefit from transgender role models such as Laverne Cox (above) and Janet Mock.

Although I can safely say I was one of the most affable white transgender women there- I'm sad to say I don't know or can name any others I would call a trans activist.  I certainly hope I'm missing the forest for the trees.

Finally,  I'm positive the only money I do have- is house money.  I just have to enjoy and spend it wisely!

Trans Ohio Symposium

By now, I'm sure you have read me mention the 6th Annual Trans Ohio Symposium which is coming up Friday May 30th, Saturday and Sunday June 1st. Again this year I am a workshop presenter and could be a little biased (hell no! )  but the organizers have really stepped their game up this year with workshops and more from last year.

Transgender athlete Kye Allums (left) is going to be the keynote speaker this year and he only scratches the surface of the weekend as you can see in this link.


Then, follow this link to find out more about the ticket prices if you live in the area.  It's in Columbus, Ohio and this year will be held at The Ohio State University.

Having Coffee with the Peeps

If you recall, my sit down with the Dayton/Cincinnati Trans Ohio community meeting was this last Tuesday and I wrote a brief post about it here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Since that time of course, I have come up with a few more observations.  First, I was disappointed in the transgender turn out.  In an organization called Trans, in a group of 14-16 peeps, there were only three in the room who identified as trans. From that point on, the meeting became one of educating everyone else about us and our concerns. Absolutely no problem.

The tough part was explaining why we transgender women belonged there anyhow. Trans Ohio is largely a trans male based organization but I have no problem with that either.  The third trans person in the room was a trans guy and the host.  Bottom line was, once again, I found myself  aligning with the other trans women and speaking for a silent group.  Fortunately, neither of us was shy.

As I said before, we introduced transgender employment, health care and over all visibility into the conversation. The first two, are such huge issues, I can't come even close to solving them -except to talk.  As far as visibility went, the turn out proved we are still an invisible "T".  A gay guy in the room went out of his way to explain why using the Tranny word was as OK.  He had it all worked out.  Since gay guys can call themselves fags then they can call themselves trannies as well as black's can use the "N" word with each other.  What he still didn't understand was as long as Tranny can be mistaken for an abbreviation for transgender or transsexual, it's not right  and is a slur.

I was satisfied though, by the end of the meeting, I walked out with the feeling I had helped to educate the gays and lesbians in the room who we really were.  An example was the young lesbian representative from a prominent GL organization in Cincinnati  who had no idea of HRT was or the succession of transition. I make the mistake of assuming they know as much about us, as we know about them.

The best I could do from there- at the end of the meeting I passed out my business cards and volunteered to attend their meetings too.  Every educated person helps!

Finally, the building the meeting was held in a GBLT Center and the sign on the restroom door was "Anyone"!