Bag Lady?

All of a sudden, I seem to have an over abundance of purses. I could say I don't know where they came from but that's not true. Liz bought me one and I bought the other two. One has a nice fringe, one has my initials and one is supposedly a "one of a kind" recycled canvas purse I bought at a show. It is my favorite. The fringe bag I should be wearing more mow since it is a summery cream color and I save my initialed bag for special occasions...mostly. Maybe it's because I have never been much of a purse fanatic, so it seems like a lot!

Moving on, yesterday was a travel day with a trip up north to see my therapist and a visit here in town to one of my cross dresser - transgender support group meetings. My therapist and I discussed my voice lesson and the fact she was moving her office. I feel a certain draw to the place because it is where I have been going to see her for years and, so much good has happened there. Mainly where I received all my necessary documentation to begin changing my gender markers.

On a lesser, perhaps not so important level, the building the whole unit is moving to does not have a certain outlet of a well known coffee shop I go to. Sacrifices!

The CD-trans meeting last night was fairly calm. A couple new people showed up, which is always interesting and one was even a transgender veteran. Most everyone else was predictably boring...including me. One of the other attendee's noticed finally I had gotten my hair done. She probably did because she has a great head of hair too. She is so fortunate!

Plus while we are on the subject of hair, if you remember the picture I posted the other day of Janis Joplin, Connie suggested I could rock a hairstyle similar to Janis. At one point of time I could and might in the future if I let it grow out again!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch! The weather today is typical Ohio-nice today-Artic cold wave Monday. Either way, it's time to grab a cup o joe (coffee) and let's get going!
Page One-The Week that Was or Wasn't: In a 'deja vu ' moment yesterday, a week after the infamous non coffee date with a local crossdresser/trans woman. As I have said and not meaning to offend, (I don't know how she labels herself. )
At any rate yesterday, as Liz and I were doing some grocery shopping in the morning, a rather tallish slim middle aged woman passed us-or did she? Immediately my cross dresser senses went off because she was wearing heels and hose...extremely uncommon in that store where women are most likely to be wearing their jeans, yoga or workout pants on the way home.
But Liz didn't say anything so I didn't either, until the person came towards us again in another aisle and spoke a shy hello (which of course we returned) at that point Liz said she was a "no doubter" family member. (CD/T.) I briefly did wonder if that was the person I was supposed to meet the week before, but I don't think so. As of yet I have not figured out a way to introduce myself without really doing it to a person I suspect is of our faith.
Page Two-Yesterdays' Coffee-Opinion:  You may remember this story from mid December (sent in from Bobby): "Jackie Ryan was in high school when she first got involved in politics.

During a school board discussion in her small town of Sturbridge, Massachusetts, Jackie heard one of her representatives call transgender students—like her—a threat to their peers.

“I immediately sent him an email," she says, "and told him that what he was saying was completely untrue.”

When the representative ignored Jackie’s email, she decided to run for a seat on the school board."

Well, Jackie won! And, Connie commented (on Cyrsti's Condo) : "Meanwhile, so many consider the running of their pantyhose of the utmost importance." (can't figure that one out yet Connie.)

I say, good for her, but I do notice that she must have been running as "Jacob" instead of "Jackie". Anyway, she put herself in a position to show that a transgender person is not a threat to her (or his) peers as much as someone else may cause more damage to young people with an attitude that the ap'peer'ance of a trans person is threatening to their own sensibilities. Jackie was wrong on one account, though, as her campaign goes much further than the Tantasquah school district."

Well, we recently heard from Jackie: "Thank you so much for posting this! The comment above was right, I did have to run under my legal name however I ran openly trans* and talked about the issues and my community believed in me. Thanks :)

No, THANK YOU Jackie!!!! As Connie said, in so many ways you represent the future most of us never had.

Page Three- Carla Lewis: I am partial to Carla Lewis  First, she is a transgender veteran (as I am) and one of substance. In other words, (Connie) she does't consider the running of her pantyhose her utmost importance. Rather here are here recent thoughts off of Facebook:

Carla Lewis

I feel sorry for myself a lot...and I shouldn't. I'm employed. I do okay. I have awesome kids and cool little grandchildren. I have an amazing wife.

Could life be better? Absolutely!

However, on occasion I will catch my reflection in the mirror during a moment of profound clarity and I'll remember that all those years growing up as Justin, I never imagined I would grow into the woman I am. Oh, I hoped for it, prayed for it, and dreamed of it, but that voice inside my head always told me it was a fantasy that could never happen.
...but I did it!
I'm finally the person that I was meant to be for all those years! I carry all my flaws and past tragedies as badges of honor. I got to be the person I am supposed to be. I really did do it!"



Thank you Carla!!!!

Page Four-The Back Page: Since it's Super Sunday, good weather and several other places to be including a writers group, it's time to go! Before I do, here is my prediction; although I would like to see Manning go out a winner-I don't think he will!!!
In the meantime, thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo-it means a lot!!!

Almost Equal Time?

Connie obviously didn't think kindly about my suggestion of any similarities between her and reality TV (not CD) person Mick Dodge and she even tossed the age card at me! 

Although I have visited the rain forest on the Kitsap Peninsula a few times in the past, and I actually do live on a peninsula on the Puget Sound in Seattle, I have, thus far, been able to dodge Mick. BTW, this peninsula is partially made up of Discovery Park, which was once Fort Lawton - where Cyrsti once was stationed. Of course, they hadn't change the name at that time, because Cyrsti had not come to really "discover" herself yet. Funny that my house overlooks the park, and I am still overlooking Cyrsti today. (Back to Mick) I even grew a beard one time at the ill-conceived advice of a therapist who thought he could "cure" me. While I'll admit to being a survivalist, I never was anything like Mick, nor was the Hoh Rain Forest named after me. I do wonder, though: If a tree fell on Cyrsti's Condo, would anyone hear it?


Hmmmn Connie, if I was techno advanced enough, I suppose I could add tree sound to the blog!  As far as Ft. Lawton goes, does having a drill sergeant at Ft. Knox by the name of Custer count? (True story!)  He tried to overlook me too Connie because he was about four inches shorter.

I have added a rather heavily (OK Really Photo Shopped) Pic from Connie's Facebook page above. Below is what she really looks like from her forest as she waits for a tree to fall. Or is looking for "magic mushrooms."

Not surprisingly, the Cyrsti's Condo post "Is Cross Dressing a Gateway Drug?" has brought in comments-and good ones!
I'm going to try to condense them in this post.

1. Paula GoodwinDecember 15, 2014 at 7:59 AM

   This is along the lines of "it's just about the clothes" the only way to find out is to do it, but the big question has to be why we enjoy the clothes, is it simply because we want to experience the clothes at a more intimate level than just looking, or is it because it's the way we can experience womanhood. ~ we can only work that out for ourselves, and part of that working out process involves the cross dressing stage.
2. 
   joanna SantosDecember 15, 2014 at 8:02 AM

   I can relate to this topic very much Cyrsti and it is not an obvious distinction to make. In fact the person themselves does not know where they fit into the spectrum until much reflection has been made. Perhaps the best thing is to let much time go by before committing to anything and find your comfort level as you go. Once you reach it you know where you can stop. After all this process should be organic.
   
   Joanna
3. 
   Pat ScalesDecember 15, 2014 at 12:35 PM

   Perhaps crossdressing is a gateway drug for some but not for others. I like being a CD. I can probably come up with a long list of things I like about being CD. I am also rather pleased with being a guy for the past 6+ decades and being happily married to a wonderful woman for the past 4+ decades. I know that there are multiple aspects to who I am, what I like, who do I relate with, how do I relate with them and how can I go about making the most of my situation and go about making life and experience with others bettter.
   I count myself as fortunate in that I can deal with my dressing and gender issues as being one part of who I am. I tend to try to avoid labeling myself and others since there are few labels that are one size fits all. Yes I am CD. Yes, I am a guy. I also work full time and have a work life and position that impacts many people.. I also drive a car and golf and occasionally ski. I do lots of things and try to think in terms of what I am doing rather than defining myself as what I may be.
   Pat

Well, I couldn't write it better than these three ladies did! Thanks to all!  As always though, I am going to take this all another step in a future post.

Short Term Planning?

Of course most of you in Cyrsti's Condo know I just turned 65 this weekend.  I was happy to know I am now some sort of "Icon of Age" for many of you 60 somethings to look up to.(Michelle)

Sunday night one of my girlfriends and I were out watching our NFL Bengals do their usual prime time TV crash and burn, we did have a chance to chat when we weren't bitching.

My friends know I'm not shy about saying we are going to have a great time at Pride or a Rainbow Dance-if I live that long.  It's not that I don't think I won't-but know from experience how paper thin life is.  Also "me thinks" I have less time on this world at 65 than when I was 25.

But I do wonder what the gender driven world will be like say 10 or 20 years from now? Pat recently commented :  I tend to adopt the practice of simply not caring what people call me. For the sake of simplicity, however, I can be referred to as a "T" or as a CD.  Certainly Pat and I agree. Plus, over the years I have developed a relatively thick skin to what peeps have called me as either gender. But your comment led me to wonder what labels indeed could be gone in a decade or so?

Hand Beaded Hair- Trans Pride Gift

In my not so distant past, I have seen transgender arise, transvestite become obsolete and tra--y become a slur. Just by looking at the gender terminology the younger generation is using these days, I almost think cross dresser is almost obsolete now.  Like you Pat, they just don't care!  

Whatever happens, I hope I'm around (and coherent) to experience it.  I was amazed the other day to read of a right wing pundit referring to the powerful trans lobby bringing us closer to a certain meeting with Satan.  Wow! I thought! Finally we have a powerful lobby?  Cool!

Pat, I guess "stealth" can be defined too by admitting you don't care who is sticking what label on you. If I take last night as an example, I got nary the glance from anyone. But, just in case they did, I was wearing my pewter trans necklace and a rainbow ring.

I was seasoning  my "stealth" with a back up dose of pride!

Cyrsti's Condo "OOOOPS!"

Un- identified cross dresser-Pinterest

Well, un-fortunately, my wife and I weren't on the same page when she mentioned a "girl's night out" - without me!!!!

I "Know" You?

I'm going to mention"Trans Dar" only one more time here in Cyrsti's Condo (I promise-maybe!)

Over the past decade I had only really three opportunities tt meet and perhaps interact in a positive way with sisters I knew were cross dressers.

• The "matron"  in the mall.  I saw this person walking below me as I was standing on the "mezzanine" (2nd floor) of this mall I was in,. At first glance,  she was a tall matronly dressed older woman-until she passed me by and I saw the back of her head. The whole back of her very male neck was exposed by an extreme ill fitting wig.  I tried to get down an escalator to make eye contact and even say something.  I never saw her again as obviously she was moving at a very "un-matronly" speed.  I just wanted to re-arrange her wig!

The "grunge girl" in the mall.  I don't even know if "grunge" is the proper style description. I have added a non cross dresser picture to show you what I'm talking about. (left) At any rate, this younger CD was tantalizingly close to pulling off the look.  But- She was having a real difficult time with walking in the boots  and I thought was making novice cross dressing mistakes such as wearing every bit of her outfit too tight. I made no attempt to say anything and just followed along at a safe distance and watched how everyone else viewed her.  Truthfully , she took the "pressure" off of me.

•  "The lady in white" in Friday's. If you don't know, "Friday's" is a restaurant/bar chain in the United States.  Years ago, I was a regular in a couple nearby units and they always treated me with respect. One night I was at the bar and noticed a tall well dressed woman come into the bar area, order a glass of wine and go sit down behind me somewhere. I was 99% sure she was a cross dresser because she wasn't fluid like a woman, dressed too perfect and scared to death. I sat there for a bit giving myself a chance to gather up the courage to say hello.  I waited too long though and when I did look for her a short time later, she had downed her wine and bolted out of there. For months I looked for her, but never saw her again.

Well kids, there have been other times and other places where my "Trans-dar" was going crazy, but not for a long time.  I don't know I have a reason why. Perhaps the "luck of the draw" or I'm off in my own little world. I have an amusement park there!

Purging

Over the years and way before Cyrsti's Condo was a glitter in anybody's eye,  (or a speck of dust) I was always amazed by the amount of "joiners' and "purgers" in the cross dressing community.  Of course I shouldn't have been because I "almost" purged a couple of times and made a public spectacle (to my wife) by tossing "key items" out and stashing others.

Most cross dressers I knew for a short time were just "passing through" and some weren't but for the most part I never have met or known anyone who simply purged and never had any contact with cross dressing again.  My best example was a friend who I met first as a CD in the 1980's who purged and pledged to never revisit dressing as a woman again.  To my knowledge he didn't-but did have a lengthy on line relationship with a man who was totally convinced he was a genetic woman.  Somehow, I don't think that was "purging."

The person I always wondered about though,  was a cross dresser who attended the CD mixers in Cleveland in the 80's.  She was attractive, accomplished and an "A" lister- capable of letting you know you really didn't belong in her circles.  She had nailed the "high school social bitch" -completely.  Suddenly, one night she amazed all of us by announcing she had found the love of her life and would forever forsaking her "womanhood."  Notice, I put womanhood in parenthesis, As my wife so profoundly put it, (she despised him) and no matter how this cross dresser looked, he had no idea of what it was to be a woman.

All these years later, I wonder if she did toss that high priced wardrobe and heels in the trash and never walked again on the feminine side..  Odds are, no he didn't and since the new miracle worker girlfriend wasn't with him that night, did she ever know.

Those are just two examples of individuals who went everywhere from back in the closet to the bright lights of society and then into stealth I knew in the past.

At this time of my life, my fear of purging is completely tied into my meds. What would happen if health considerations forced me to stop my HRT therapy?  More on that in a later post.

All Cross Dressed and Broken Down!

Unfortunately, I learned quickly in my cross dressing experience-my car wasn't the safe extension of my bedroom mirror at home.  First I had to get to it, potentially drive it past people I knew and hoped it didn't break down.

Again, I wasn't alone and not even on the same continent as we will read from Paula: (Paula's Place)

 A good while back (while Dinosaurs still roamed the Earth) I learned that a car is not a private safe place, I was dressed extremely inappropriately, high heel boots, leopard print tights and leather miniskirt (I know but have got better) not only was I deep in the closet at the time, I was so deep that I also sported a beard! I thought hat I was in a safe private place where I could indulge my little "hobby", and all was fine until I was stopped by the Police and asked to get out of the car so that I could see my tail light was out. The Constable who talked to me was good as gold, but his "mate" in the car behind was wetting himself laughing. Lesson learned!

Damn Paula! with all the love I can muster, rarely do I read of a person who has outdone me in the cross dressing crazy department! I am sure I have been the "butt" of many post "pull overs" police department stories.  Never did catch them laughing to my face!

However, you do bring up a great point.  Before you go into the world trying out all your "girl toys" you need to plan ahead ..at least with a story.  When I was doing drag at gay venues, it was pretty easy for me to tell any questioning cops what I was-doing -drag! If I stopped at a so called straight venue on the way home and got picked out of the crowd as a CD...same story. Most just figured I was a gay guy anyhow in a dress and makeup and left it at that. Those were the days I did though, get approached by quite a few curious genetic women.

I don't think it ever gets easier but now I mostly confuse a lot of people as I transition (next post) and my drivers license picture even looks very androgynous (says male) but is clearly me.  So first and foremost the police know I'm not doing anything terribly bad.  Usually just being stupid.

The End of Cross Dressing?

Many of the "sister's" I have known in the past, who proudly and loudly proclaimed themselves "hetero sexual cross dressers" struggled to keep more than just their dresses hidden deep in their closets.  Sexuality was taking up space too.

Should the men who pursue a cross dresser or a transgender woman share all the blame when they scream, "Hey! I'm straight?"  No, I know one person who used to feel any attention from a man validated her as a woman-me.  I was one too, who tossed myself in the "high and mighty" hetero CD category too, when all along this little voice was saying, "well what if?"

What if I had decided to stay behind all the "A-list" cross dressing bitches I was hanging out with in Cleveland all those years ago with the guy who asked me to?  After all, he was good looking, well spoken and sort of shy? All of that occurred back in the pre social media/internet days, when I think we were all more naive. Or, more recently when I began to transition in earnest, I had the same interest in me from men than I did from women?  Don't know and more importantly, I don't make many value judgments about it.  Isn't there some sort of line about not beating dead horses?  Then again, it's never that simple-  as  Pat commented: (these days)

I suspect that because there are so many different varieties of T folks that non T people have a hard time figuring us out. For most people there is little to no separation between sexuality and gender. If you are a woman attracted to me or a man attracted to women the question of sexuality and gender not being the same thing may never arise. For us in the T community we face the dichotomy between gender and sexuality on a regular basis. At times, especially for the younger T folks it can get confusing..

My only disagreement is I think more and more young transgender women and men are not confused so much and that thought extends into younger cross dressers too who describe themselves as "gender non conforming."  I can only dream of how it would have been to have that sort of freedom of gender expression when I grew up!!!

Dancin' Lessons with Pat!

Some days I think Pat should just write part of Cyrsti's Condo!!!  She is busy though-I see her popping up with comments on many blogs I follow.  Another who I think should write a post every now and then is my partner Liz. Being one of "them there" genetic women, she could add some spice into our lives from the "other half" who were "born with it."

This comment from Pat after a post about a very closeted cross dresser who was simply paranoid about being arrested for just wearing women's clothes.  The CD was about the same age as me and yes-that was a very real problem when we were growing up. Pat took it a step further when she was stopped by a cop and how the whole situation can become very crazy-quickly and she had to put on her "dancin shoes" at home:

I can understand and empathize with your closeted friend. It is scary enough for us part time closeted CDs to go out at all but the idea of an encounter with the police is really something to be avoided. A few years ago I was in a pretty coral lace dress driving home from an LGBT friendly bar where I had consumed several adult beverages when I was pulled over. Sitting in the car this dress rode up my pantyhose clad leg. I did not think that I had been speeding but the cop (young enough to be my son) wrote me a ticket for doing 41 in a 30. Had I been dressed as a guy I likely would have given him a piece of my mind. It is almost more embarassing to be ticketed for doing 41 MPH than for being out in a dress. While he asked me if I had been drinking I told him I only and one or two. I suppose I should be thankful that all I got was a speeding ticket and did not have to blow into the machine.

Of course, I did not mention this event to my wife. As soon as I could I paid the ticket along with what I thought were two surcharges. A few days after I got the ticket I got two letters from local law firms who found my name in the police blotter offering to represent me. Since I already sent in the money I did not need a lawyer but my wife was wondering why I was getting letters from law firms. Two weeks later I got a letter from the local town court sending me a check for $5.00 for overpaying the ticket. My wife wondered why I was getting money back from the town court. That entire incident had me dancing up a storm for about a month.

Of course, I too have been stopped by the police and even assisted a couple times when I needed help with my car-all of which without fail- scared me to death.  But obviously I'm still here and writing this.

 I will have to relate a couple of my experiences in another post!!!

Would You-If you Could?

The past couple of days, I've been as sick as a kitty who ate a rotten mouse, so I've refrained from doing anything much on line as I have a tendency to become rather "snarky" with the world.

Today though, I did get bored enough that I climbed out of my death bed and to my computer...priorities-right? Who says blogging doesn't become a lifestyle?

Makeover Example

This morning by accident I ran across one of the many quality MtF cross dresser makeover services.  This one just happened to be across the pond in the UK and is called The Makeover Room .  Over the years, I've known several individuals who have taken advantage of similar services. Depending on your reason's for going, the results can be fabulous

My example from several years ago, had nothing to do with me but involved a couple other cross dressers I know.  One of them went to a makeover specialist and ended up with a positively knock out set of pictures. So good as a matter of fact, the other CD ended up putting up one of the pictures on his gym locker where he played tennis and golf.  No one ever knew and in fact wondered if the "woman" in the picture was his mistress.  I certainly can't document it, but I just have to believe that somewhere/sometime there has been a guy who has put a picture of his "sister" up in his office somewhere- who of course was him.

As with so many of the other layers of the cross dressing community, from simply wearing panties at work, to shopping at the mall-the culture of makeover pictures fascinate me.  On one hand I wonder if becoming the "feminine person in the picture" becomes a priority until one just decides to be her. Or, is the person in the picture good enough?  Not unlike the first time participant in a womanless beauty pageant who happens to look great.  Does he want to go back to the well for another drink?

As a point of reference, the cross dresser I knew with the "hot" pictures never had the where withal or desire to live as a woman at all. He would have a tough time presenting as a woman in public. Instead, for the longest time, he had a very active Flickr account (and always looked sexy) until recently he disappeared.  I just think all the different aspects of how gender plays in our minds is just fascinating.  Including one person I know who corresponded back and forth for years as a genetic woman with a cis guy who never knew.  I always told him, how did he know the guy he was chatting with wasn't a woman?

At times like that, the old lines of communication don't seem so bad. Until,  I remembered adding just a touch of my perfume to letters I was writing to a man "back in the day" ( He did know I was a cross dresser.)  I also remember wondering what would have happened if my wife would have caught me doing it or his wife getting the letter before he did?

One benefit of age is, you can gloss over the spots of your life you weren't really proud of or think, just what the hell was I thinking?  Most of the time, I would have-if I could-and did.

Inter Culture Slurs

Here we go again, today in one of the transgender Google+ groups, someone called me a "gurl". Really? Well, you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know how I feel about that...not warm and fuzzy.  Right or wrong I equate the term with a stereotype I have been trying to lose for years. This time though, my rather snarky reply to the person turned out to be a real eye opener for me.  Plus the person gave me my first look into yet another segment of our community I don't think about much-a gay man who transitioned.

Wow, as I thought about the idea and added my somewhat limited knowledge of gay men, I realized how difficult that must be.  Finally just getting to the point of not being discriminated against in gay venues for me was tough enough and that didn't include the time it took me to educate them to the fact I wasn't a fetish CD on the "down low" looking for sex or a queen.

Here's the reply (unedited)

Um ... hm. Good question loaded with a valid point. Perhaps this is a topic for a new thread? Regardless, I will answer your question with complete honesty (as I am so impassioned as of late!). I am still rather new to being openly trans*. I suppose like many others my experience is varied and complex. In short I lived as a gay man for many years. Early in my "coming out" stage I performed drag as a way to express how I truly felt about myself. But, in my experienced, drag queens are acceptable in the gay/lesbian community while trans* is still very much misunderstood. I know many of my past friends (gay men especially) just don't seem to get it. It is still hard for them ... my ex of 6 years couldn't understand why "drag" turned into a lifestyle at home. I never understood why I wasn't attracted to gay men; it seemed I was only attracted to straight men. (An impossible life ... ) I suppose I even went through a few years where a clinician would have called what I was doing as a fetish or that it was more about sex. I have old friends (again, mostly gay men) who think getting dressed up is my way of seducing the straight men I have always been attracted to but could never have while living as a man. So, in the process I have referred to myself as "gurl," "tranny," and "cross-dresser." In many ways those "titles" accurately reflected my knowledge, exposure, and self-awareness.

It has only been by involving myself in trans* communities such as this that I have learned the difference. Whether you are offended or not ... I am a woman who lived as a gay man performing drag, I was a big ole "gurl" for the longest time, and was less offended in times past by the behavior of a "tranny chaser." I use the term "gurl" as a way of differentiating between CIS women and trans* women. Or, maybe I should say, I used to? But, in this age of political correctness at every turn I also think we can get our panties in a bunch rather easily over some of the most innocent of behavior, speech, and action. I mean no offense. It's only an indication of how much room remains to grow and how much more I must learn. Thankfully I remain open-minded and willing. I hope that clarifies the use of "gurl." 

As I said, I was truly impressed by the reply and the thought behind it and couldn't wait to get permission to pass it along to you all here in "theCondo"!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Greetings all! to another "Sunday Edition" here in "the Condo".  Get a cup of coffee and let's get started!

Weather Section.- Finally the dreaded "Arctic Vortex" has headed back to where it belongs and life is getting back to a semblance of normalcy around here in Southern Ohio as we thaw out.  As I whined incessantly, it figures the coldest weather in a couple decades settles in when HRT has settled in on me! Not a good combination.

Comments Section.- I'm still catching up!  Of interest was Paula's response to genetic men and transgender women:
 As an observation on the sex (rather than gender) front, I have found that all the women I encounter accept Paula, whatever their sexuality, all the gay men I have met so far have accepted me too, the only ones who have any problems are the straight guys, I wonder why, I think this is the only group to who I can represent a perceived threat, Gay men don't care because I'm a woman, gay women don't care because I'm a man straight women don't care because I'm a woman, but some straight men are confused, is it because I undermine their masculinity, or are the confused because they don't know how to interact with me, or are they frightened by their own reaction? One day I will ask.

Thanks Paula, I think your last two points are the best!  Genetic men don't know how to interact with us and are frightened by their own reactions.  In a round about way, I think we see it all the time with all the cross dressing fetish profiles on line with (dare I say) ridiculous pictures.  Of the two genders, men are wired to be the sexual beings who see all women first in a sexual sense. Breasts, booty, legs, face etc are triggers.Chances are, a cross dresser or a transgender woman does present one or more of those "triggers" and the confusion is on about where to take it.  Then again, there is the old story of those who "protest too much." and have long harbored cross dressing fantasies of their own but have never acted on them. When and if they do I think they form a basis of the CD fetish group we see.  Bottom line is Paula, when you start asking, save the answers and start a survey. I think everyone would be interested!

Leanne sent in a comment on the "Drag Queen" New Years Eve video:

Cyrsti, Every TG person needs to watch this video; not to emulate the drag queen but to watch the lack of reaction almost everyone you see in the background has towards these two girls. Most people these days have seen it all and just don't care anymore. Thanks for posting.

Thanks for responding Leanne!  Great point!  Certainly the world is changing around where I live and peeps kind of treat me as a curiosity if they notice me at all.  I know novice girls just heading out of their closets are positively paranoid of the world but as one of my genetic friends once told me "Relax ego girl, it doesn't all have to be about you!"  Those people weren't even talking about you.

Media Watch.- Last week the ever "cutesy" Katie Couric hosted two transgender icons on her show, possibly for the last time.  The main reason is the show is being cancelled because Couric is moving to Yahoo is some sort of major move.  The other is the push back from the line of questioning. I have of yet not seen the show with transgender women  Carmen Carerra and Laverne Cox.  Critics are saying essentially Couric was more interested in how many operations both women had went through rather exploring their lives in depth and the pressing issues facing the transgender community as a whole. I am reserving my final thoughts on the issue until I see the show because I know our community is a tough group to please-and should be. There is too much wrong and we desperately need transgender icons such as Laverne and Carmen to speak out! How great is it though to finally have more "icons" to speak out!

Well, it's time to take the dog for a walk. Even she feels the deep freeze is over for at least a week or two and it's time to work off some of our lingering extra pounds from the holidays.

Take care of yourselves and thanks for taking the time to stop by Cyrsti's Condo!

"Pat's Resolution"

As you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know, Pat is a regular contributor in our "comments" sections and should have a 2014 resolution to start her own blog.  She addresses a particular niche in our community of a person who navigates somewhere in between a cross dresser and the bottom transgender threshold.  If indeed she took off to her own blog, I indeed would miss her comments for two reasons:

The first is she makes sense, the second is I need her material on days I can't think of anything to write about.  Yes, that does happen!

Here are examples.  Sometime ago Pat pointed out : One of the benefits of being a CD or even a TG is the ability to change sizes, shapes, etc. I am essentially a CD so I find I can pick from several different bras of varying construction and dimension and then pick what to use to fill them with. I have a large set of silicon breasts as well as a smaller rounder set. I have a few sets of foam inserts, some chicken cutlets and a few home made forms. I also like the ability to pick a wig and change my look in that fashion.

So true!  On occasion before I became a transgender "citizen" I remember the good old days when I could pick from several wigs and looks!  I lived in my mirror (which lied to me continually)  before I went out the door. Being told what I wanted to hear was wonderful,  until I got laughed at in the first store I went to. Dammit! I wasn't the sexy woman the mirror told me I was?

As Cyrsti took on a life of her own, people I knew picked up on the image of who I was on a day to day basis.  Also the more full time I became, like any genetic woman, the time and effort to put my best foot forward to the world just had to be streamlined. You have seen my last picture, the no photo shopped, the no glamour boutique photo. It was just me, not giving Jennifer Aniston a run for her money! I catch myself muttering the same thing a few of the women I have been close to during my life said "well, it doesn't get any better than this, let's go."

Which brings us back to the idea of "Drag and the Transgender Woman". Many times I have written how much fun it was to do drag again at a gay venue in the past and I have an idea to take that a step further in 2014!

Wedding Bells in Cyrsti's Condo

Excuse me while I run out and get a box of tissues! Weddings make me cry, especially my own

Photography 101

As you know, I have a real problem with my pictures.  Don't like them, don't like taking them and only suffer through to show you all to an extent I'm not just sitting behind a computer in my Mom's basement just making all this up.  Most of this you couldn't make up anyhow and trust me, my Mom has been gone for awhile.

Today though,  the art form of photography magic has reached new heights and is available to peeps even like me.  If you know what you are doing or can afford to go to someone to help you, it's possible to compile fascinating, sexy and/or attractive pictures of yourself. I'm sure it's happened that more than one cross dresser has had a picture of that "sister" of his sitting on his desk in his office. I have a friend who didn't go exactly there but did have a picture of one of his very attractive cross dressing friends in his locker where he worked out. No one had a clue his friend was over six ft six in the picture...or a cross dresser.

I'm in the middle of the technology of images school of thought. Many photos I see are great! Two wonderful examples of skilled ladies who present fantastically in pictures are Stana at Femulate and Janie Black. Both are very skilled at presenting their natural femininity.   On the other hand there are tons of tasteless guys who seem to think tossing on a wig and lingerie and taking pictures is fine and worse yet  those who encourage them. Most of them remind me of the CD stereotype of a 40 something 250 pound squeezed into a mini skirt, tottering on four inch heels in your local mall.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going out of your way to look better than you should in pictures. After all genetic women do it all the time. So to aid those of us who suffer from "photophobia", here is a instructional video on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen from Stepping Out.com.:

Sunday Morning Reset

Nearly all of my working life I have worked Sundays so now having a Sunday morning with essentially nothing to do is still special and I assume it always will be.  From my paper route to a radio DJ gig to many years in the restaurant business working Sunday was never an option.

These days, since I'm semi retired people think I'm kicking back and doing my nails. Ironically, I have had to set a day off up from posting vintage items I sell to my three shops, organizing my book and contributing to Cyrsti's Condo. 

What that means is I get a chance to reset on Sunday morning and step back and look at my life, my gender transition and plan into the future.

This morning in my part of the world, March ( per norm) is refusing to give any ground to Spring and the snow is flying. Plus I live in one of the old Midwest Ohio "rust belt" towns which is finally making a transition of it's own. I'm always interested in driving around and seeing the non preservable old and ugly giving way to inner urban land to be developed. I'm a history freak and I am not always sure new is good. In this sense it is.

If you are considering the transgender path, the same could be good for you.  I'm often asked about an inner transition from cross dresser to transgender or even transsexual. Of course there are the "easy out" crowd who think you are placed in the trans trilogy at birth and any deviation from CD to TG to TS is blasphemy. In my mind those individuals are as narrow minded and stuck in the past as the traditional gender binary  male and female believers are.  If you are similar to me, you have spent years trying to figure out just what you are. Moving dirt and building new ideas in your noggin.

So this Sunday reset for me is time to look at my gender reconstruction so far and glancing at the blue prints of the future. My problem is I have never been good at reading blueprints. I have been good at charging ahead to test the waters. Another test is coming towards the end of April when I do a workshop on "Transitioning Later in Life" at Trans Ohio in Columbus. I'm honored and humbled to have been chosen and the last thing I want to do is mess it up and I won't. As we all know though, there is a huge difference in the written and spoken word. So I'm a "jabberer" and have to be careful I'm making sense.  Plus, the last thing I want to do is be a role model instead of an example. I am an example of my personal transgender history and as you know I am not shy about communicating it. Learning anything from my experience is a huge positive. Following the same path to get there may not be.

In the meantime,I will have to rely on my "resets". I know my heavy moving is over and perhaps the reconstruction will go as long as I'm allowed to be on this Earth. I just hope I can chose the right paint colors.