Hiding in Plain Sight?

I am usually really happy when I can touch a raw nerve of sorts with many of you. The Disappearing CrossDresser was one. 

One of the most intriguing (since I had never heard of it was) this from Calie:" I co-host a monthly lunch called the DRAB-Gab. Obviously, everyone dressed in male attire. This is an event sponsored by our local TG organization, which may just be the largest in the world...about 700 strong I believe, here in the center of the T-universe. 

Many of our monthly attendees are first-timers, having never met another one of "our kind". One common thread we have found over the years is that there's a 50/50 chance that a "newbie" who RSVP's won't show up. Why? Because they're absolutely scared to death of being outed, or afraid that we're a bunch of pervs, or whatever. 

I think your friend(?) had cold feet and is now absolutely embarrassed. She probably drove around the block several times...maybe even walked up to the coffee shop. At that point, she freaked out, turned around, and never looked back. That seems to be a common story that those who have RSVP'd for a second time, and did show up, have told us."

May I say, that's a significant membership and yes cross dressers as well as the rest of the LGBT family are invisible everywhere.  And, did I miss exactly where the center of the T-universe is? Seriously, not being a smart arse!

The point I missed in my oft weak written communication is, I really don't put a value judgement where another person may-or may not be in their transition. I have always said though, my indecision tore me apart from within-to the point of a suicide attempt.

I also understand as well as any of you the sheer terror of heading out of the closet at all. In fact, I just met a trans woman from a little town about fifty miles south of Cincinnati who was just outed on FB. She was petrified. It's a confusing deal, because 'the Nati' is gaining on Columbus in pursuit of LGBT rights and Covington, Kentucky right across the river just added one female and one male police peeps specifically trained to deal with us.

 

So, I can understand why a closet is a safe place. The only thing I have ever advocated for is...hedge your bets because life can change and all of the sudden your closet door could open. And, if it does, you can protect yourself as much as possible by places such as the voting box. It's a fact in O.H.I.O you have to look under many rocks to find a Republican representative who is pro LGBT rights. It just is true. (After all, the 'Q' in LGBTQ is for 'questioning.'

There were a couple other comments on the post I want to get back to later today. It's time for another trip to the V.A  to have my fluids checked!

  

Rockin the Airwaves!

I can't say Thursday brought back many fond memories of my radio disk jockey days which ended in the early 1980's , but it's worthwhile to note the feedback from a couple of you who heard the broadcast.
 First, The "Fabulous Connie Dee":  I listened to the broadcast stream - not sure if it was up or downstream-complete with commercial interruptions. I even tried to call in (after making a search for their number), but they apparently have but one line, and they would wait forever to hang up on each caller. I thought that it could be fun if we were on at the same time. You did just fine by yourself, though. I remember a Cyrsti from not that long ago who would not have been so restrained. I would have shamelessly plugged your book, had I been given the chance/ {:-)
Connie, don't worry, I have not developed a new "laid back" personality, unless by some chance HRT is working some sort of changes on me. And, I haven't developed the "Dr. Phil" mentality yet by trying to plug my "Stilettos on Thin Ice" book , although I should before I get invited to Ophra's house!


As far as the radio station itself- WAIF, it's a local "subscriber" supported radio station and I really don't know if it is not another of the many "faith based" radio stations around here or simply a non commercial one.  Except for the commercials you pick up on line on their "stream". Yes Connie, being on with you would have been a dream come true- or nightmare when we got kicked off!


And, Janet Warner sent in this comment:  Cyrsti,
I caught part of the show today and heard you when you called back in the second time. I thought the show was very positive, it is so wonderful that finally what it means to be TG is being discussed openly on a radio station with a broad audience. It is a rotten shame however that it takes the death of such a young innocent person to shock folks enough to have the discussion in the first place. Hopefully some good will come of all of this, but as one of the callers said, until it is no longer legal to discriminate against a person on the basis of gender identity, it is hard to see how real progress can happen.


Thanks Janet!  Indeed it is sad a young transgender person has to take her own life for this to happen. Didn't you think the program showed the depth of the problems we face?  Mr. teen therapist Moderator Tom, relayed right off the bat how stunned he was when he found about the "Josh Alcorn" he knew and the problems "Josh" was facing.  At the least now, Moderator Tom has heard about the problems of being transgender and how close to home and well hidden it can be.


While the conversation did show the depth of ignorance we face, until we face up to talking about it-no real progress can happen.  I was happy when I got back in to the show for the third time, I was able to have been one of two transgender veterans on the show. I was able to mention the discrimination active military members face IF they chose to come out.
While I doubt if I will be invited back to participate anytime soon on the station (even though I was not a wild woman), I think perhaps I will get a mention or two at "Moderator Tom's (and Leelah's church) on Sunday. I would love to be a fly on that wall-until I got swatted for being a trans fly.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunkt!" Another Sunday edition of Cyrsti's Condo has hit your door, get a hot cup of coffee ready and lets go.

Section 1.-Fashion.

We topped 75 degrees here the last couple of days in my part of the world and I was able to experience the delicious sensation of short sleeved feminine fashion.

As we were living our house this morning, Liz looked quickly at my T-shirt and jeans outfit and said "I like the 'Tom Boy Chic' look."  Of course I was impressed and we headed out to pick up her son. Along the way we stopped to pick up pop and snacks and I wasn't paying much attention to the world until-I turned around and saw this bearded guy looking at me.  I figured at the least, he thought Wow! did that big woman (me) just get back from the gym or worse. Another blog post to be sure!

Section 2.- Fighting On.

As always, the transgender world fights on from many different points of light.  This week, among others, Texan trans woman Laura Jean Krug won her battle to be reinstated as a substitute teacher in Texas.  These battles are similar to hand to hand guerilla fighting-fought by individuals everywhere on a case to case basis.  What seems to be happening though, the country as a whole is beginning to learn who we are as a people and respond on a positive morally and legally sound basis.  On the other hand, I encountered two  "smirkers" at dinner with Liz.  We were enjoying an "Oyster Fest" evening and two 50 something women in the restaurant had to make me part of their nightly entertainment by staring at me and smirking.  The good thing is, you notice I said "50 something", nearly all of my smirkers are human dinosaurs and are on their way out and are living in the past.

Section 3.- We Got Mail.

The comment we received this week which received the most feed back here and on my email (cyrstih@yahoo.com) came from Connie Malone in the Pacific Northwest:

On transgender hiring: Why wouldn't an employer want to hire me? I have all of the expertise and experience that was afforded me by being a man, but now I'd only have to be paid 77% of a man's salary.

Connie has a wonderful sense of sarcasm and she is actually the first to urge me to write a blog, so this is her fault! (Kidding!!!!)

And Mandy Sherman commented:


THAT is PRICELESS! Particularly with the news having the 77% figure front and center lately... Companies which are hiring really should be seeking TG workers, to help keep their costs down! And that would help improve the TG unemployment rate, too. For the right opportunity - whatever that is - this girl might even consider applying. 77% is a lot better than nothing!


Back Page.- As I wrote here yesterday, I do have an article posted in this month's Frock Magazine, please be sure to check out the issue and as always thanks and have a great week!

Tasi & Company

I feel some sort of a "kinship" to Tassi Zuriak.  She another of the "blogging sisters" I have corresponded with who are dedicated to many hours of time and effort to produce quality blogs. Here in Cyrsti's Condo, I've added links where you can check out Tasi's Fashionable TG Woman blog and now, here is another of Tasi's efforts called Sister House for you all to check out.

Over the years, I have found it interesting how different paths certain blogs take.  For example,  Stana of the Femulate blog and I share age and a few similar experiences but her gold standard blog takes her visitors into more of her daily life and fashion.  I have a tendency to be more into transgender news, events and of course my own opinions.

Then, if you take Janie Black for example, she is younger and really questions the basis of gender and sexuality in the world.

Toss in Shelle, Paula Gee and Pat (who should have her own blog) and all the various diverse layers of our culture come to life.

It's all so fun and difficult to stay up with because the younger gen transgender women and men are busy writing their own future too! The future is bright! Now, where the hell are my bifocals?

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Greetings all! to another "Sunday Edition" here in "the Condo".  Get a cup of coffee and let's get started!

Weather Section.- Finally the dreaded "Arctic Vortex" has headed back to where it belongs and life is getting back to a semblance of normalcy around here in Southern Ohio as we thaw out.  As I whined incessantly, it figures the coldest weather in a couple decades settles in when HRT has settled in on me! Not a good combination.

Comments Section.- I'm still catching up!  Of interest was Paula's response to genetic men and transgender women:
 As an observation on the sex (rather than gender) front, I have found that all the women I encounter accept Paula, whatever their sexuality, all the gay men I have met so far have accepted me too, the only ones who have any problems are the straight guys, I wonder why, I think this is the only group to who I can represent a perceived threat, Gay men don't care because I'm a woman, gay women don't care because I'm a man straight women don't care because I'm a woman, but some straight men are confused, is it because I undermine their masculinity, or are the confused because they don't know how to interact with me, or are they frightened by their own reaction? One day I will ask.

Thanks Paula, I think your last two points are the best!  Genetic men don't know how to interact with us and are frightened by their own reactions.  In a round about way, I think we see it all the time with all the cross dressing fetish profiles on line with (dare I say) ridiculous pictures.  Of the two genders, men are wired to be the sexual beings who see all women first in a sexual sense. Breasts, booty, legs, face etc are triggers.Chances are, a cross dresser or a transgender woman does present one or more of those "triggers" and the confusion is on about where to take it.  Then again, there is the old story of those who "protest too much." and have long harbored cross dressing fantasies of their own but have never acted on them. When and if they do I think they form a basis of the CD fetish group we see.  Bottom line is Paula, when you start asking, save the answers and start a survey. I think everyone would be interested!

Leanne sent in a comment on the "Drag Queen" New Years Eve video:

Cyrsti, Every TG person needs to watch this video; not to emulate the drag queen but to watch the lack of reaction almost everyone you see in the background has towards these two girls. Most people these days have seen it all and just don't care anymore. Thanks for posting.

Thanks for responding Leanne!  Great point!  Certainly the world is changing around where I live and peeps kind of treat me as a curiosity if they notice me at all.  I know novice girls just heading out of their closets are positively paranoid of the world but as one of my genetic friends once told me "Relax ego girl, it doesn't all have to be about you!"  Those people weren't even talking about you.

Media Watch.- Last week the ever "cutesy" Katie Couric hosted two transgender icons on her show, possibly for the last time.  The main reason is the show is being cancelled because Couric is moving to Yahoo is some sort of major move.  The other is the push back from the line of questioning. I have of yet not seen the show with transgender women  Carmen Carerra and Laverne Cox.  Critics are saying essentially Couric was more interested in how many operations both women had went through rather exploring their lives in depth and the pressing issues facing the transgender community as a whole. I am reserving my final thoughts on the issue until I see the show because I know our community is a tough group to please-and should be. There is too much wrong and we desperately need transgender icons such as Laverne and Carmen to speak out! How great is it though to finally have more "icons" to speak out!

Well, it's time to take the dog for a walk. Even she feels the deep freeze is over for at least a week or two and it's time to work off some of our lingering extra pounds from the holidays.

Take care of yourselves and thanks for taking the time to stop by Cyrsti's Condo!

More Sisterhood

I like this comment from Pat:

 In large measure men tend to be calculators. "What is in it for them". When they encounter someone the often think of what that person may be looking for. Women, on the other hand, tend to view things at multiple levels at the same time. You as a TG women present an enigma to men. They do not get it, there is nothing that they want from you, they hope that there is nothing that you want from them and you can be a bit of a threat. 

Women will not see you as a threat. You are interesting. You can interact with women on a woman to woman basis and you can bring along some of your 'guy' experiences. I think that your analogy of changing teams is going in the right direction but perhaps it is more like changing sports. Sort of like going from playing for the Cincy Bengals and not finding yourself on the roster of the Cleveland Indians.

A good question becomes, "When do women see a transgender woman as a threat?"  Over the years, on several discussion sites, I have seen this topic discussed.  The most shallow response is always "a genetic woman may be threatened by a beautiful transgender woman's looks." While I agree a woman may feel a bit insecure when a former team player from the other side enters her world and competes "externally", very quickly the "multiple levels" Pat brought up kick in. No matter how "good" a cross dresser or transgender woman may look, another genetic woman will quickly discover how much of a woman they really are.  From that point, a woman decides which "category" her new trans acquaintance fits in.

Of course the major threat of all to both genders is sex.  Men are wrecked by us.  I will add to Pat's observation "what if there is something a man wants from us?"  At that point, the "gay" word is brought into the situation and confusion reigns.  OMG could I be gay? - is what a man thinks when in fact "gay" is not a term which enters a true transgender woman's mind.  I have had very limited sexual contact with men but when I did, I was doing it as a trans woman.   I came away from the experiences wondering what the men thought of me as a woman.

At the least, the whole gender mix is a potent and interesting discussion topic.  The sad part is seemingly the only non participants are the hardcore femme lesbians these days.  It's no surprise though, a certain amount of the population can't grasp the idea of multiple genders and sexuality outside the binaries.  It's complex!

In the meantime, as my genetic girlfriend told me last night, she really has very little idea of what makes men tick.  She made the comment also "I should be the gender expert."  I could only say, I'm amazed how little each gender knows about the other, when they are so transparent.  It could be, Pat, calling transgender women and men "interesting" could be an understatement.  "Mysterious" may be a better word!

"Pat's Resolution"

As you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know, Pat is a regular contributor in our "comments" sections and should have a 2014 resolution to start her own blog.  She addresses a particular niche in our community of a person who navigates somewhere in between a cross dresser and the bottom transgender threshold.  If indeed she took off to her own blog, I indeed would miss her comments for two reasons:

The first is she makes sense, the second is I need her material on days I can't think of anything to write about.  Yes, that does happen!

Here are examples.  Sometime ago Pat pointed out : One of the benefits of being a CD or even a TG is the ability to change sizes, shapes, etc. I am essentially a CD so I find I can pick from several different bras of varying construction and dimension and then pick what to use to fill them with. I have a large set of silicon breasts as well as a smaller rounder set. I have a few sets of foam inserts, some chicken cutlets and a few home made forms. I also like the ability to pick a wig and change my look in that fashion.

So true!  On occasion before I became a transgender "citizen" I remember the good old days when I could pick from several wigs and looks!  I lived in my mirror (which lied to me continually)  before I went out the door. Being told what I wanted to hear was wonderful,  until I got laughed at in the first store I went to. Dammit! I wasn't the sexy woman the mirror told me I was?

As Cyrsti took on a life of her own, people I knew picked up on the image of who I was on a day to day basis.  Also the more full time I became, like any genetic woman, the time and effort to put my best foot forward to the world just had to be streamlined. You have seen my last picture, the no photo shopped, the no glamour boutique photo. It was just me, not giving Jennifer Aniston a run for her money! I catch myself muttering the same thing a few of the women I have been close to during my life said "well, it doesn't get any better than this, let's go."

Which brings us back to the idea of "Drag and the Transgender Woman". Many times I have written how much fun it was to do drag again at a gay venue in the past and I have an idea to take that a step further in 2014!

Shop till You?

It is difficult to believe but a story of a transgender woman being discriminated against by a JC Penny's store is over a year old now.
I interact on a couple other sites and last night I received this incredible, informational answer to my post. I wasn't very clear I wasn't writing about myself and here was the response from
Chrissy-Xena:

"Unfortunately in any large store, especially where many employees are more clerks rather than professionals some will bring their personal beliefs in to work and try to over-ride the usual store/company policies when they feel personally justified to do so (such as religious views, right-wing ones, bigotry etc). Too bad you didn't get wait to see what the manager would have said to you, and then if not accepting of you and using the woman's fitting room then to get both their names and make an official complaint. Chances are the company would have backed you, given you came in the store dressed as a woman, and conducted yourself as such. And having your GF as a witness would have been a big plus in case they disputed the facts of the event. The company may have warned both the employee and manager not to discriminate again, and it they didn't agree to letting you, a customer, use the woman fitting room and/or female bathrooms then they should have been fired. If not then you could have filed a federal complaint (in some localities as well) or suit based on gender discrimination against the employee and company. Unfortunately this all sounds all so familiar to a similar incident a few years ago down at a Macy's store in Texas, and it was properly reported to management and dealt with sternly with the employee who refused to follow the inclusive policy of Macy's. The employee (also Black and conservative religious) used her religion as an excuse not to allow the transgender customer to also use the woman's fitting room, and wouldn't agree to change, so she was fired for just cause. Just know that if such a thing ever occurs again, to consider getting their names and making a proper complaint so that it can advance the cause of the greater transgender community. And without doing so that same two employees will keep discriminating against any "perceived" trans-persons that come in their area. BTW, if you ask for the store manager (if they have left for the day, the acting store manager will attend to your complaint). But following up with a written complaint ASAP to corporate so it won't be covered up (store managers won't send such complaints upstairs to corporate as they make him/her look bad ...they didn't train their employees well on store/company policies or deal well with it when it did occur, etc.) and will help enforce our basic civil rights. You may not wish to sue, but if you do then likely some trans-legal aid will back you and provide free legal services. But always ...always file complaints, they are cheap and most of the time they work to make changes without filing a lawsuit. At the very least the employee is likely to be fired if they don't change their behavior, even if they don't change their negative viewpoints about trans-persons. PS I have had "reverse discrimination" myself as when years ago I worked as an employee, at a Macy's nonetheless, a revengeful TG ex-friend filed false complaint against me with the BBB (she pretended they were a woman customer and was "shocked to see a man dressed as as a woman's employee" etc) and tried to get me removed from selling in the woman's clothing area, just out of spite. Once I found out who had caused me to be transferred to the men's department I told corporate HR (which was quite embarrassing as I hadn't revealed my trans-status so this "outed" me at a job where I "passed" 100%) they put me BACK in the same woman's area where I was an outstanding saleswoman). I then sued the TG for filing the false complaint, went to court and argued the case myself and WON! Remember, you are the highly valued customer shopping in a store where they are sinking fast with lowering sales, and they NEED every single customer regardless of their personal characteristics. Chances they WILL do something about any such complaint you file, and eliminate the problem one way or the other. My philosophy is "stand your ground!" Then "fight back." It feels so much better at the end of the day."

My response to her was I agreed with JC Penny's recent earnings, they would certainly value any shopping dollar. Plus I have rarely faced any dressing room problems as I shop. Perhaps the saddest part is the story of transgender women again fighting among themselves.

More Cassandra!

I recently mentioned Cassandra Cass and Brianna Austin here in Cyrsti's Condo. Perhaps I should have reversed the lady's names and called it the ABC posts?
Sorry, you know how so I like a little play on words in my little mind!
At any rate (as luck would have it) Brianna just posted a a set of pix and a link to Transtasia on her TG Reporter. 
Co incidentally, check out my lasted post while you are there!
Thanks!

Cassandra Cass

Now that I got your attention with a picture of transgender actress Cassandra Cass, It's time to point out you should visit Brianna Austin's TG Reporter for a wonderful diverse look at our transgender - transsexual world...(TG Reporter even includes a touch of written content from me! Yes! I am biased kids!)
Seriously, head over there on this link.



Just to be extra nice, here's more of Cassandra!