I Escaped!

Summer Maxi.
Credit Cyrsti's Condo

 For some reason the heat and humidity all went down here in Southwestern Ohio yesterday, just in time for a shopping day out Liz and I had scheduled with a friend of ours who happens to be gay. Similar to Liz, he is heavily into the Wiccan and Pagan culture. 

When meeting someone new in person, my gender dysphoria always kicks in until I can look someone in the eye for a reaction. In yesterdays case, I saw the briefest realization (I thought) of my transgender status but no negative reactions. 

Ultimately there were two stores we were heading to. The first was staffed by two clerks who paid me no mind as I wandered aimlessly about. Finally I took a spare seat to save my back as I waited for the other two to shop. I was in the market for a pair of ear rings but the prices were too steep for me. The only point of interest for me was a mirror in front of the jewelry. I couldn't resist and took a quick look at what I could see of my image. I was so excited to see a distinctly feminine figure looking back at me. Plus, I was wearing my form fitting ribbed tank top along with my flared distressed jeans. All of which gives me the image of having more pronounced hips than I have. 

Then again too, the diet is working. Over the past three plus weeks I have lost (or released as they said) nearly 14 pounds. The ego trip passed quickly and soon we were off to the second shop which turned out to be close to an hour away in crummy traffic.

In direct difference to the first shop, the second one was much more reasonably priced than the first and was operated by two gay men. One was very sociable and even welcomed us at the door. I purchased a couple of inexpensive rings as well as a crystal necklace. There were no mirrors to distract me and, as I said was welcomed warmly. 

All too often, the afternoon was over and even though I was hoping for a lunch stop. We decided to head on home and eat.   

Inter Culture Slurs

Here we go again, today in one of the transgender Google+ groups, someone called me a "gurl". Really? Well, you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know how I feel about that...not warm and fuzzy.  Right or wrong I equate the term with a stereotype I have been trying to lose for years. This time though, my rather snarky reply to the person turned out to be a real eye opener for me.  Plus the person gave me my first look into yet another segment of our community I don't think about much-a gay man who transitioned.

Wow, as I thought about the idea and added my somewhat limited knowledge of gay men, I realized how difficult that must be.  Finally just getting to the point of not being discriminated against in gay venues for me was tough enough and that didn't include the time it took me to educate them to the fact I wasn't a fetish CD on the "down low" looking for sex or a queen.

Here's the reply (unedited)

Um ... hm. Good question loaded with a valid point. Perhaps this is a topic for a new thread? Regardless, I will answer your question with complete honesty (as I am so impassioned as of late!). I am still rather new to being openly trans*. I suppose like many others my experience is varied and complex. In short I lived as a gay man for many years. Early in my "coming out" stage I performed drag as a way to express how I truly felt about myself. But, in my experienced, drag queens are acceptable in the gay/lesbian community while trans* is still very much misunderstood. I know many of my past friends (gay men especially) just don't seem to get it. It is still hard for them ... my ex of 6 years couldn't understand why "drag" turned into a lifestyle at home. I never understood why I wasn't attracted to gay men; it seemed I was only attracted to straight men. (An impossible life ... ) I suppose I even went through a few years where a clinician would have called what I was doing as a fetish or that it was more about sex. I have old friends (again, mostly gay men) who think getting dressed up is my way of seducing the straight men I have always been attracted to but could never have while living as a man. So, in the process I have referred to myself as "gurl," "tranny," and "cross-dresser." In many ways those "titles" accurately reflected my knowledge, exposure, and self-awareness.

It has only been by involving myself in trans* communities such as this that I have learned the difference. Whether you are offended or not ... I am a woman who lived as a gay man performing drag, I was a big ole "gurl" for the longest time, and was less offended in times past by the behavior of a "tranny chaser." I use the term "gurl" as a way of differentiating between CIS women and trans* women. Or, maybe I should say, I used to? But, in this age of political correctness at every turn I also think we can get our panties in a bunch rather easily over some of the most innocent of behavior, speech, and action. I mean no offense. It's only an indication of how much room remains to grow and how much more I must learn. Thankfully I remain open-minded and willing. I hope that clarifies the use of "gurl." 

As I said, I was truly impressed by the reply and the thought behind it and couldn't wait to get permission to pass it along to you all here in "theCondo"!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Greetings all! to another "Sunday Edition" here in "the Condo".  Get a cup of coffee and let's get started!

Weather Section.- Finally the dreaded "Arctic Vortex" has headed back to where it belongs and life is getting back to a semblance of normalcy around here in Southern Ohio as we thaw out.  As I whined incessantly, it figures the coldest weather in a couple decades settles in when HRT has settled in on me! Not a good combination.

Comments Section.- I'm still catching up!  Of interest was Paula's response to genetic men and transgender women:
 As an observation on the sex (rather than gender) front, I have found that all the women I encounter accept Paula, whatever their sexuality, all the gay men I have met so far have accepted me too, the only ones who have any problems are the straight guys, I wonder why, I think this is the only group to who I can represent a perceived threat, Gay men don't care because I'm a woman, gay women don't care because I'm a man straight women don't care because I'm a woman, but some straight men are confused, is it because I undermine their masculinity, or are the confused because they don't know how to interact with me, or are they frightened by their own reaction? One day I will ask.

Thanks Paula, I think your last two points are the best!  Genetic men don't know how to interact with us and are frightened by their own reactions.  In a round about way, I think we see it all the time with all the cross dressing fetish profiles on line with (dare I say) ridiculous pictures.  Of the two genders, men are wired to be the sexual beings who see all women first in a sexual sense. Breasts, booty, legs, face etc are triggers.Chances are, a cross dresser or a transgender woman does present one or more of those "triggers" and the confusion is on about where to take it.  Then again, there is the old story of those who "protest too much." and have long harbored cross dressing fantasies of their own but have never acted on them. When and if they do I think they form a basis of the CD fetish group we see.  Bottom line is Paula, when you start asking, save the answers and start a survey. I think everyone would be interested!

Leanne sent in a comment on the "Drag Queen" New Years Eve video:

Cyrsti, Every TG person needs to watch this video; not to emulate the drag queen but to watch the lack of reaction almost everyone you see in the background has towards these two girls. Most people these days have seen it all and just don't care anymore. Thanks for posting.

Thanks for responding Leanne!  Great point!  Certainly the world is changing around where I live and peeps kind of treat me as a curiosity if they notice me at all.  I know novice girls just heading out of their closets are positively paranoid of the world but as one of my genetic friends once told me "Relax ego girl, it doesn't all have to be about you!"  Those people weren't even talking about you.

Media Watch.- Last week the ever "cutesy" Katie Couric hosted two transgender icons on her show, possibly for the last time.  The main reason is the show is being cancelled because Couric is moving to Yahoo is some sort of major move.  The other is the push back from the line of questioning. I have of yet not seen the show with transgender women  Carmen Carerra and Laverne Cox.  Critics are saying essentially Couric was more interested in how many operations both women had went through rather exploring their lives in depth and the pressing issues facing the transgender community as a whole. I am reserving my final thoughts on the issue until I see the show because I know our community is a tough group to please-and should be. There is too much wrong and we desperately need transgender icons such as Laverne and Carmen to speak out! How great is it though to finally have more "icons" to speak out!

Well, it's time to take the dog for a walk. Even she feels the deep freeze is over for at least a week or two and it's time to work off some of our lingering extra pounds from the holidays.

Take care of yourselves and thanks for taking the time to stop by Cyrsti's Condo!

A Long Way in a Short Time

Any card carrying American (draft card) back in the day, learned to dislike Cuba and Fidel Castro if for nothing else sending us to the brink of nuclear destruction or making it impossible to import a quality cigar.

Times have changed in Cuba. Read more from the NewYork Times:


 JOSÉ AGUSTÍN HERNÁNDEZ may not be precisely the kind of New Man whom Che Guevara pictured shaping Cuban socialism.
 Ms. Hernández, (above left)  48, who identifies as a woman and goes by Adela, would sooner cut a lazy bureaucrat to size with her sharp tongue than chop sugar cane with a machete. And you would more likely catch her hauling water to her house in platform heels than trudging the streets in fatigues and work boots. So Ms. Hernández was more than a little tickled when she became the first transgender person to be elected to public office in Cuba, a country whose government once viewed homosexuality as a dangerous aberration and, in the 1960s, packed gay men off to labor camps. “It’s a huge achievement,” said Ms. Hernández, referring to her election in November to the municipal council in this coastal town where she represents the 2,000 or so residents of her destitute neighborhood. She raised her painted eyebrows, saying, “For a country that has been so homophobic to change so dramatically — it’s unheard of.”

Drag Queen and the Transgender Girl

Angel responded to the "What Not to Wear" post here in Cyrsti's Condo:

"We watched that episode. At one point Casey admitted that she stayed away from makeup and clothes that she perceived as being "too feminine" because she feared being regarded as a drag queen. I thought that was really sad."

Of course I thanked Angel for the wonderful  comment and began to think of her thoughts. How correct she was. I have written here about my drag "liberation".  I too was afraid of being perceived as a drag queen.  My feeling was much of the public thought I was one. Many commented "oh sweetie you going out tonight?" I wanted to scream "I'm always this way!" It's not a special night. In response I just stayed away from gay venues and drag shows in general.

Then all of the sudden friends began to invite me out to shows and gay clubs and I started to go through a few fun changes. On Halloween I found I could do the same thing as many genetic women do- put together a provocative sexy costume and have some fun. The experiences carried over to other evenings when I went out in drag once again and found it was fun. All of the sudden I was similar to a gay guy who does drag for fun or attention or whatever except of course I was a transgender woman doing the same thing.

The best part is I don't have to do drag every time I go. I am not once again shoved into a box I didn't want to be in. My girlfriend has said it best a number of times, I should embrace the times my transgender status works for me. The most recent was on the recent New Orleans trip when our tour guide was not so secretively looking down my top. Both of us were relatively sure he was gay, especially when his two male friends showed up to party with him. When I mentioned the incident to her she said "that's the fun of appealing to both sides of the fence".

We all know there is precious little fun walking our chosen gender paths so we need to grab it when we can. After all, it's our trans privilege.  Our own little club.

Sunday Morning Ramblings

Been busy chasing my tail lately. The worst part is I didn't catch it and I wondered where I would have found the time to do all these things if I had not retired!
Normally when I go through these times I have bits and pieces of ideas run through my mind which I would like to pass along and just don't get around to it.

The first was an animated chat a friend and I had about transphobic gay men. Do they have a tendency to be more transphobic and why. Sometimes I think they do and here is why. First, in some ways transgender women and men are forced on them. We go to their hang outs and sometimes don't interact so well. I've seen more than one cross dresser make a fool of himself in a gay club. On a deeper level though, a gay man has no more understanding of us than a hetero normal one does. If you throw in the drag queen culture, the average gay person has as much reason to wonder as the rest of the population. Plus on a deeper gender level, do we represent a "trip to the dark side" for an effeminate man who may have been teetering on the gender divide anyhow.  I'm biased but I certainly feel coming out gay is definitely easier than coming out transgender. We all know if you protest too much, you may have a dress hanging in the back of your closet hidden from the world.

Of course, I don't dwell on anything long, so it was time to move on.

The second thought that buzzed through my noggin came from a transgender vet blog reader who asked about how should she approach her first visit to a VA therapist. The whole question led me to thinking how much of a personal decision this was and how to handle it. My easy over simplistic answer was-just be yourself.  Easier said than done. I could only give my own rendition of hiking up my big girl panties and walking through the VA center as me. It was easier for my therapist to connect the dots since she never did she me as what was left of my guy self...BUT...my personal situation made that easier for me. I'm widowed and didn't have that part of the puzzle to wade through. My therapist wanted to make sure I had some sort of support system to fall back on if I started HRT. Also if I use the VA as an example, every center or clinic is different. From what I hear, my center in Ohio probably rates a B-. I would give them an A for wanting to do the right thing and a D- for having the tools to do it. While we are on the alphabet, let's toss in a "B" for bureaucracy on their end and a "P" for persistence on mine. I would guess the bottom line is somehow, someway you need to convince your therapist you need to go on a hormone path for your own mental well being. You notice I say "mental well being" not "mental illness".
As a final  point of reference, keep asking for another appointment with another person until you get one who you can relate to and ALWAYS remember to ask for the VA patient advocate in your center. The VA is directed to help you. Don't let them out of it!

As I embark on another busy week with the coldest weather in four years, I imagine my mind will go into overdrive again and I will certainly pass on the ramblings to you.
By the way, if you want to get a hold of me, my email is cyrstih@yahoo.com and if nothing crazy happens I should get back with you quickly. It helps if you put the "blog" word in the subject title.
Also, I never get into personal things by name in Cyrsti's Condo without your permission.