Inter Culture Slurs

Here we go again, today in one of the transgender Google+ groups, someone called me a "gurl". Really? Well, you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know how I feel about that...not warm and fuzzy.  Right or wrong I equate the term with a stereotype I have been trying to lose for years. This time though, my rather snarky reply to the person turned out to be a real eye opener for me.  Plus the person gave me my first look into yet another segment of our community I don't think about much-a gay man who transitioned.

Wow, as I thought about the idea and added my somewhat limited knowledge of gay men, I realized how difficult that must be.  Finally just getting to the point of not being discriminated against in gay venues for me was tough enough and that didn't include the time it took me to educate them to the fact I wasn't a fetish CD on the "down low" looking for sex or a queen.

Here's the reply (unedited)

Um ... hm. Good question loaded with a valid point. Perhaps this is a topic for a new thread? Regardless, I will answer your question with complete honesty (as I am so impassioned as of late!). I am still rather new to being openly trans*. I suppose like many others my experience is varied and complex. In short I lived as a gay man for many years. Early in my "coming out" stage I performed drag as a way to express how I truly felt about myself. But, in my experienced, drag queens are acceptable in the gay/lesbian community while trans* is still very much misunderstood. I know many of my past friends (gay men especially) just don't seem to get it. It is still hard for them ... my ex of 6 years couldn't understand why "drag" turned into a lifestyle at home. I never understood why I wasn't attracted to gay men; it seemed I was only attracted to straight men. (An impossible life ... ) I suppose I even went through a few years where a clinician would have called what I was doing as a fetish or that it was more about sex. I have old friends (again, mostly gay men) who think getting dressed up is my way of seducing the straight men I have always been attracted to but could never have while living as a man. So, in the process I have referred to myself as "gurl," "tranny," and "cross-dresser." In many ways those "titles" accurately reflected my knowledge, exposure, and self-awareness.

It has only been by involving myself in trans* communities such as this that I have learned the difference. Whether you are offended or not ... I am a woman who lived as a gay man performing drag, I was a big ole "gurl" for the longest time, and was less offended in times past by the behavior of a "tranny chaser." I use the term "gurl" as a way of differentiating between CIS women and trans* women. Or, maybe I should say, I used to? But, in this age of political correctness at every turn I also think we can get our panties in a bunch rather easily over some of the most innocent of behavior, speech, and action. I mean no offense. It's only an indication of how much room remains to grow and how much more I must learn. Thankfully I remain open-minded and willing. I hope that clarifies the use of "gurl." 

As I said, I was truly impressed by the reply and the thought behind it and couldn't wait to get permission to pass it along to you all here in "theCondo"!

Ch-Ch-Changes

It's been a minute since I've seen the "transvestite" term used.  To my knowledge transvestite is not considered a gender slur such as tranny, gurl, shemale etc....it seems to be a term that just kind of "lost it's buzz".

In remembrance, I'm passing along a video on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen from July of this year called "Transvestite Musings" to see what Helen has to say:

Gender Slurs and the Trans Woman

When someone who doesn't know any better on line calls me a "gurl", I just have to set them straight.  I have always thought a "gurl" was a gender slur not unlike the "T" word or tranny.  Or, at the least it ties me in with someone like a fetish cross dresser or even "she male". For the most part though, most are very understanding when I tell them my reasons for disliking the term.

In my regular life I'm fortunate.  My close little circle of friends just call me Cyrsti, she or dummy and life is good.  In the chance though that someone does call you or I a "Tranny", I'm passing along one person's idea of how to handle it on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Jared Leto Makes a Woman?

The God like Jared Leto

Headline from The Rolling Stone : "Jared Leto makes a beautiful woman."

Will there now be a backlash from the immoral right? Really?  Jared Leto has made a woman?  Will the Catholics make him a saint?  After all, can't only God make a person?

Looking way back in my past, I had the same power.  More than once someone would say I made a great looking woman.  Where was she? Did I make that hot redhead down the sidewalk? Where was my spot in the Bible?

Of course I just didn't think I belonged up there with the grand creator.  Not only that, I found plenty of those who couldn't spell what I was. I became a gurl or a grrl and even a tranny.

I am happy to say most of all of this is fading quickly. Needless to say, I didn't make anyone and I now I promptly reject any and all shemale gender slurs directed at me.

I do wonder however how Jared Leto feels about his new found creation powers?

"Catsup"

All right kids, it's time to catch up on a few of the loose ends here in Cyrsti's Condo and in my noggin.

The first concerns my recent barrage of "catfishers" on Facebook. If you haven't heard the term, "catfishers" use a variety of fraudulent measures such as profiles, pictures etc to establish relationships and even get money or gifts. About a month or so ago a message to myself and a group of other transgender women was posted asking if any of the rest of us had noticed an extreme upsurge in men who wanted to be added to our friend lists. At that point in time I hadn't and I believed in an "open gender door". Mainly because the rare men who did befriend me became disinterested quickly when they learned I hated the "gurl" term and I was NOT the desperate lonely  shemale stereotype they desired. The process became a non issue so I resisted changing my profile.

Another reason I didn't change was I don't interact with all that many guys socially but with my previous experience, I find the process highly entertaining at times. Plus I do my best not to be an hypocrite unlike a few of the people I have known on line and in person over the years.  Several loved the NO MEN profile phrase which should have read  "NO MEN- unless you are cross dressed and want to meet in a dark gay venue." I always felt the NO MEN disclaimer was mainly there for the wife in case she stumbled on the profile.

But I digress and all of the sudden I started to get slammed with male "friendship" requests. I heard along the way that at least one of the dirt bags was even using a couple different names and profiles. None of which bothered me because I didn't respond to them anyhow.

My second "not ready for prime time" rant is once again,  I have seen posts on male versus female clothing discrimination popping up. You know the old story, if women can wear guys clothes with no problems in society, why can't a guy wear women's clothing?  We all know the well worn old reasons and they don't rate repeating here, except for the main one. Are you cross dressing for gender expression or as a fashion statement? Big difference!

I have to tell you though "back in the day" I didn't hesitate to use the old worn out "if you wear pants then I should be able to wear a skirt" argument to rationalize my cross dressing.

As much as the next girl I think, if a guy wants to go to the trouble of keeping his legs shaved and working in heels, hose and a skirt.  I would respect his dedication to detail. Go for it dude!

Really?

Perhaps you have heard of the protests in our community in Portland, Oregon over a production called Tranny Thursdays.  These excerpts come from PQ:

"Criticism of a new Portland play (read: sex) party called “Tranny Thursdays” is exposing tensions in the trans community over language, identity, and public image. Promotional materials for the monthly event promising “private, intimate, discrete time with Trannys” have sparked confusion regarding the intended audience, objections to the use of a word considered a slur by many, and concern with the “Ladies Night Out” take on gender dynamics.

“No more grubby bookstores or seedy adult theaters!” writes promoter and host Sasha Scarlett (aka Joshua Ryan, who identifies as a drag queen/gender illusionist). Scarlett, who also produces the Portland Erotic Ball and runs a media company, says she launched the play party after some of the “‘straight’ men” she’s dated asked her to do more “trans/gender-flexible events.” “I have been exploring my sexuality and have met other trans-identifying gurls and their admirers,” Scarlett tells PQ. The party is “intended to allow people interested in talking, mingling, becoming acquainted"

Huh? Talking, mingling, becoming acquainted? Do the "gurls" bring a covered dish or just plenty of protection? How many of you have frequented adult book stores or seedy theatre's recently to find "friends"?

When is the gay male Rude Paul attached community going to wake up and quit the gender slurs? You have to give credit to Ryan on hitting all the slurs:  "Trans identifying gurls"? Gurl or Grrl or whatever is a fetish centered cross dresser to me and absolutely sends me into orbit when someone calls me any of those. I have worked hard to educate all those around me that I am not any of them or a drag queen. To each their own but it's bad enough when I see the distasteful fetish guys in drag photos on line.  I can only wonder "what were they thinking?" Is it any surprise when "admirers" come knocking who are looking at me as some motel room babe his wife won't find out about?

Ryan should have aptly included  "she male" term which would have been more appropriate than the other terminology.

Here's the deal, it's just a blatant money grab at our expense. One big clue is where it is being held. The Velvet Rope (formerly Angel’s Social Club), is described as a Southeast Portland club equipped with hot tubs, a “gang bang area,” a dungeon, and private rooms, as well as a social space with pool tables and food. Admission is free for “gurls” but $35.00 dollars for "admirers". A step up from grubby book stores or adult theaters?

Excuse me, I have to go. This is so greasy and disgusting I have to go take three showers to get the dirt off.

Gender Slurs and the Transgender Person

Tranny, Gurl, or girrl? What's your preference as a trans woman?
For those of you who have been around Cyrsti's Condo, you know my preference...none of the above.
I know you are thinking "just what the hell does she want to be called?"
My feelings are "tranny" is what drag queens call all of us and the other two are terms which toss me into the promiscuous stereotype that many male "admirers" put us into. I would rather be called "Hey You" or how about "Cyrsti"?
I'm doing my best to educate people now and not become seriously upset. I simply say "what's a gurl?"
The reason I brought out my soap box and went on this mini rant is I was called a "gurl" today.
After the good news I received from the doctor today, a gender slur was not what I wanted to hear!

It's NOT Dressing Up!

I'm not a "gurl" or a "girrl" and I'm NOT dressing up...DAMMIT!

I feel better now, thanks for letting me vent.
Actually this is a "warm and fuzzy" post.
My life is truthfully is in a nice little holding pattern.
I can describe it as climbing a mountain . You work and work to make it to a certain level. Hope you maintain it and move upward.
Or maybe life now is similar to being in the eye of a hurricane.
For the briefest moment I am satisfied to watch the world swirl around me-not unlike a merry go round.
As I watch, I see all the components of the world which have some sort of bearing on me.
The so called straight world and the gay one. The transsexuals and the cross dressers  all ride by on their carnival horses and let's not forget the demands of everyday life. It all becomes a blur. Right now though, I don't care.
I know this little respite won't last long but it's a welcome mental vacation.
Maybe it's like a little mental "stealth". If I can get away from the world for just a second, I would never tell and be a better person for it!